Tag: school

Usually i try to write

baka228Leave a comment

Usually, I try to write about something worthwhile, about my thoughts, feelings, or events that happened to me, and which would be interesting to share. But today is not that day; today, I want to talk about all sorts of nonsense that has been on my mind lately.

47 days. After precise calculations, I realized that I have exactly 47 days left to go to school. It seems like this number should be much larger, but definitely not in my case. I am the most vivid case of senioritis you can find on planet Earth. Immediately after receiving the acceptance letter from the university I wanted, unexpectedly even to myself, I just stopped worrying about what happens at school. I am absolutely calm about not doing homework, and it doesn’t bother me much. I won’t lie, I never really liked the process of studying in an American school, and the only reason why I truly strived and learned subjects was my admission to the university; now that the goal is achieved, the motivation is completely gone. In my case, trying to find opportunities to reduce my days spent in school buildings, I discovered that some camps take away as much as 5 days! I signed up for many, which significantly reduced my time spent at school this semester. I am glad that I have very little time left until the end of school. I won’t lie, I will be the happiest person on graduation day, during the ceremony I will definitely be crying, but not out of sadness but from overwhelming happiness.

The second thing I wanted to talk about is my sleep. Lately, I’ve been having terrible problems with sleep. I wake up every hour at night, and if I’m unlucky enough to start thinking about something that bothers me, then I can’t sleep for a couple of hours simply because I can’t stop thinking. It bothers me, but I can’t do anything about it.

PC: me

Overwhelmed

uwucutiepatootieLeave a comment

Lately, I have been struggling with keeping up with my homework. I have been sick for the past week and focusing on school has been really hard for me. I took the past two days of school off and now I am even more behind. I have an essay, project, and test due next week, along with all of the homework I haven’t done from this week and I don’t even know what to do. I am missing even more school next week to go on a mandatory camping trip with my school and I’m going to fall even more behind. I still feel exhausted and not fully healthy and thinking about starting the hours and hours of homework I need to catch up on is horrifying. I have only missed a day and a half of school this whole school year until this week and I feel like because I’ve been sick, I have mentally missed a week of school even though in reality I have only missed two days. I hope that I feel better before my camping trip or else my week will get so much worse.

“Free stressful business woman working“/ CC0 1.0

Do grades matter

progstenLeave a comment

This is a question that I ask myself almost daily. Personally, I have been in an environment for most of my life that deems grades to be an important and necessary part of my life. I want to be successful in my life and future career. So, I have mostly believed that no matter what, as long as I get good grades, I will be fine in whatever is thrown at me in my life. However, I have never been able to get “good grades” from the school I go to standards. So, for a while, I believed that I was going to struggle in my life once I got to college and once I got into the “real world,” but I have started to change my views over these past few years. Is the reason I have started changing my views due to the fact that my grades never got up to what I see as good? There’s a chance of that, but mainly, it is because whenever I focus on school and grades, I see a trend in my overall life going in a downward trajectory, which is not the way you want it to go. I did some light research ( a Google search) and found that only half the people who get degrees were able to secure a full-time job in the field they studied, and 16 percent were unable to secure a job. The rest are all into somewhere in between either getting a part-time or switching fields fully cause they couldn’t find a job. So, back to the original question on hand: do grades matter? Well, I am going to say It depends. I know that this is the easy way out when it comes to the answer, but it all really depends on what you want to do. If I were to ask a doctor or someone aspiring to be one from their perspective, I’m sure grades impacted a large part of their life because it allowed them to pressure their passion, but if I were to ask this same question to someone who plans to do a trade, start their own business, become a pro athlete, or a job that doesn’t a full degree, then they might answer differently. Ultimately, this is about whoever is reading this perspective, and in my case, I’m the one reading, so I personally don’t believe in grades as I think it’s more important to enjoy life, and if the pursuit of grades is taken away from that, don’t pressure them.

the days are slow.

urmom8beanLeave a comment

Slow enough for me to notice more things.

I like being quiet, but I don’t want to be boring.

I overthink too much about what to say and how they react after I say something.

It’s been a little worse lately but what I have noticed the most is how I don’t like being treated rudely.

Whether it be accusing me of stuff I didn’t do or mocking me. I don’t like it, and it’s even weirder because I don’t start it. Yet it always turns into an aggressive comment back to me. I usually don’t have the energy for it, and I hate how extra those comments are. What’s the point of being mean?

Now, I’m not saying I’m a saint either, but if it’s with my friends, I don’t think I’ve ever initiated the aggression. I think it may be a misunderstanding. I’m not always going to respond in a happy, bubbly tone, but that doesn’t mean I am angry. I just don’t have enough energy. I wish they were nicer.

I have noticed how off I have been, the slow decline

The days go by slower because I keep looking back. I’m afraid that as soon as I look forward and back again, I’ll already be at the end.

Amazon.com: Please Slow Down Sign, 12-Inch. X 18- Inch. Metal : Industrial & Scientific
PC:https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=3b8ed53ba39f614b&q=slow&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjNnLWWxrCEAxUjIEQIHbD2B9QQ0pQJegQICxAB&biw=1440&bih=813&dpr=2#imgrc=Tz-7te2LNd8t3M

math

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

Growing up I used to enjoy math, sometimes I ask myself what happened. Now I dread math and it is definitely my least favorite subject. The answer to my earlier question is that it got harder just like most subjects. I currently am trying to get a math tutor and I want to improve my grade. Every time I do homework I want to cry I don’t get it. I miss when I used to be excited to go to math and learn but now I dread it. I’m planning on meeting with my teacher during my free block and hopefully, this helps. I think I have forever lost the joy I used to feel there are too many steps now and I just get frustrated. The one good thing is that I am most definitely not going to college for anything math-related. I’m trying to find a study group and hopefully, that will help.

PC:”Math Equation” by Snufkin/ CC0 1.0

a sunset

poofypuffyLeave a comment

I’m throwing a large bowl for my mom in the ceramics room. Rory tells me to look out the window, and it’s gorgeous. After focusing on the grey room in white light for so long, looking out the window feels unreal. The hills are awash in the golden light of a sunset. It has been raining, so everything outside is at the peak of vibrancy. The scene outside looks like a filtered photo, or a postcard. And then we see a rainbow. And then another. She goes out to take pictures, and I scrape a buildup of clay off my hands before following her, oohing and ahhing at the golden hills. 

Back inside the ceramics room, I work on my bowl again. A few moments later, I look outside and the hills outside are suddenly black and blue with night. I hadn’t even noticed the change, because in the classroom the bright white lights shelter us from changes outside. 

Picture Credit: Darren Richardson

Clothes

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

Today I was shopping and I needed money so I decided to sell some of my old clothes. I sell my clothes through an app called Depop and I sold over 40 pieces this summer but I haven’t listed anything in a while. I have so many clothes my closet at my mom’s and dad’s is full but I always find something new and cute and buy it. I went through my closet today and got rid of so many things. Although a lot of them were cute I feel like I don’t wear them enough. I have so many clothes and I never get a chance to wear some. I took photos and captioned them and so far I have made $82 which doesn’t sound like much but for old clothes that were collecting dust it’s pretty good. I feel so productive after doing that and I can’t wait to spend the money on more clothes.

PC:”Fashion Clothes” by Hannah Morgan/ CC0 1.0

But,

urmom8beanLeave a comment

I love the rain but,

It’s been raining alot recently and while I love the rain it’s been a very hard thing to live with, especially with an outdoor school. I love a good rainy day alone in my room making legos and watching movies, but the procrastination went wild. I found myself wasting time on things I knew needed to be done. I can’t seem to find the motivation either. Senioritis is kicking my behind and the rain certainly doesn’t help. I did love the alone time in my room though. The peace and quiet, how I could just be me and not have to worry about anyone else or the constant comments. I did sleep in a lot though and the motivation was lacking, but I do really love the rain.

I’m ready to graduate, but

I will miss my friends. I always think about how I’ve known these people for years and yet I won’t return again next year to another orientation day with them. We won’t make fun of all the new freshmen and reminisce on how small we used to be, but I also couldn’t handle another round of freshmen. No offense but this year was definitely the last.

I’m not a runner, but

I actually ran today and I was so proud of myself. I felt amazing the rain and wind beating against my skin. The freezing of my skin as I ran through that rain, and the constant repetition of a single phrase in the back of my head. Don’t walk! and I didn’t I made it the whole run with not a single walk. There may have been a couple of very slow running in there but I made it and I couldn’t have been prouder. My friends cheered as I finished the run the smile on their faces matched the happiness and pride I had in myself. although yesterday was an easy run so let’s see if I still feel this way next week. I don’t want to give up, my stubbornness won’t let me. I want to run with my friends and spend the last sports seasons hanging laughing and running with them. I just can’t believe it took me this long to start.

I hate lying, but

I can’t tell people they are bad at something. I feel terrible about it but I don’t want to seem bitchy about it either. I’m sorry but you are not as good as you think you are. I’m not saying I’m the best, god knows I don’t think that but I don’t act like I can. plus if you tell someone else they are bad at something it becomes a whole thing and they accuse you of jealousy or thinking you’re better, but trust me I’m the farthest thing from jealous. I don’t think I will ever be able to tell the truth when it comes to that, I’m not sure how people do it. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I don’t want you to embarrass yourself.

I want to pursue music, but

what if I’m not good enough. actually rewind I know I’m not good enough, I love singing don’t get me wrong but the music business is cutthroat you either have it or not. Do I have it? I don’t know, I feel like my friends just hype me up but paired with the section above what if they’re just lying? We will see. I couldn’t dream of living without music, but do I have what it takes. Well, I do have my father’s stubbornness so I know I’m not going down without a fight. hopefully, I make it, and these blogs are not recovered by the paparazzi.

I would love to keep writing, but it’s 12: 30 am and I’m ready to go to sleep.

PC:https://www.google.com/search?q=but&source=lmns&bih=813&biw=1440&prmd=isvhnmbtz&hl=en-US&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj44uqWq5uEAxUmM0QIHXWGAXUQ0pQJKAB6BAgBEAI

Time moves faster

urmom8beanLeave a comment

Time is going by way too fast. 

How come we can’t remember memories from 5 years old and younger. Is it because it went by too fast?

Why does our memory go away? Where does it go?

I hate forgetting things, I never truly forget everything. I just forget what happened but never forget how it made me feel. It is more frustrating because people ask me what they specifically said or did to me and unless there’s a powerful emotion connected to the words I only remember the feeling.

I remember the feeling of starting school in elementary. I remember the feeling of the cold wind nipping at my skin as I ran around the playground. I remember the feeling of dancing with my dad and the frustration of forgetting a word in English or Spanish. I remember the feeling of listening and singing Bruno Mars songs at the top of my lungs.

I remember the first day of freshman year, but that seems so long ago. Sophomore and junior year went by too fast. Now I’m at the end of my senior year last sports season. I might have just had my final basketball game and ended it with a buzzer beater. This month was long and this week was even longer, but something tells me it won’t stay this way.

My final play, my final game, my last year.

Bye bye stock vector. Illustration of cartoon, people - 45256525
PC:https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=d07f85f75a168a72&q=bye+bye&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjju-Wrlo2EAxXSI0QIHXwnA9gQ0pQJegQIDBAB&biw=1440&bih=813&dpr=2#imgrc=QPJOkCUm6KLC5M

Stress

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

I am so stressed. I have so much homework. I need a week to wind down and relax. I need, at the most 3, hours to get cozy and watch a movie without the ongoing stress and headache caused by school. I want to enjoy hanging out with my friends, but in the back of my mind, homework is lurking. Tears jolt down the faces of students like me. The winter weather, mixed with the massive amount of work, creates the feeling of sickness. The headaches caused by stress just make fewer chances of doing the work that is necessary. Do I get the work done? Yes. But in the end, I got 3 hours of sleep, woke up late, had no breakfast, less social life, and less time to work on self goals and interests. While I write this, I do have a headache. And I do want to go to sleep because it is 10:10 PM. But I still have notes, essays, and readings. Everyone says it’s a part of growing up, but if that’s the case, then I would rather stay the age I get to enjoy my time with friends, playing games, and running around outside.

pc: me