I’ve always struggled with science but chemistry is extremely humbling. Last year I did really well in biology getting a 96% on my final and having a 93 in the class. I was very confident going into chemistry but I have yet to succeed in anything so far. I have failed every test or quiz and struggled badly every night on the homework. I have taken time to watch videos explaining the topics but I still need help understanding. Chemistry is a notoriously hard class and I believe I could do it but I truly can’t. I have a test on Monday and I plan on spending my weekend studying although I am certain that I am going to fail. Today I have a review session during class and we are taking a practice test I have a feeling I’m going to fail that as well. I hope this test goes well.
Math will be my downfall. I have never been good at math, but I have always found a way to get an acceptable grade in my classes, even if I have no idea what is going on. This year, I have had three different math teachers which already completely set me back. I am in Algebra 2 this year and I just don’t understand anything at all. The first month of school, I wasn’t listening in class at all because I was distracted by my best friend. On every single quiz or test that I have taken, I have gotten an F and I genuinely don’t know what to do because now that I’m focused in class, I still have no clue what i happening. On my first test of got a 27 percent. It is really upsetting to me that I was so happy when I got back my most recent quiz and saw that I got a 58 percent.
Girlhood is the best and the worst thing that can happen to anyone. I love girlhood so much, but I really hate girlhood at the same time. Girlhood is getting ready with your friends for something exciting, but girlhood is also not getting invited to things you really want to be at. Girlhood is screaming songs at the top of your lungs living like nothing else is relevant. Girlhood is having your late night hot tub talks with your best friends. What is girlhood? Girlhood is happiness, sadness, and everything else in between all mixed together. I feel as if I have not experienced enough in my life that events and people are stopping me. I want to experience girlhood with a group of friends who I enjoy being around. Sometimes finding the people is hard. As a teenage girl emotions are all over the place. One second you are having the best time of your life and the next you are wondering why you were not invited to something. Finding the best group of friends is the hardest part. Some girls are clicky and there is no way they will welcome anyone into anything they have going on. Others are too opened right from the start. And some you just are so unaware how to approach the situation. As someone who goes to a small private boarding school finding people is hard. There are the day students and the dorming students. Practically separate for me. The dorming students all live together so it is really hard to bond with them. I am also the only girl day student in my entire grade so that separates me off from them a bit. There is absolutely no connection. The senior class has some of the sweetest people you will ever meet but they are super hard to connect with besides a few who I actually have connected with. The connections made with some of the senior girls creates a stone in my path of navigating through girlhood. I went to a concert with 2 of the senior girls and just relating and bonding over music created a core memory in my path along girlhood. The bonds created with people while experiencing girlhood is undescribable. Recently my best friend and I have a fallout which was definitely a hardship through girlhood. After over a month of us on non speaking terms she stepped up and reached out to me. So many people are telling me so many different things. Some are saying “don’t be friends with her again,” some are saying, “you should definitely try to reconnect with her.” So of course I went to dinner with her. Right from the start it was immediately not awkward. We went to dinner and were at the dinner for 3 hours catching up on eachothers lives. Not talking to my best friend of 10 years for a whole month is crazy to think about. That is girlhood. The best friends that last a lifetime. The ones who stay even after the biggest argument and still love each other. That is what girlhood means to me. Everyone gets jealous over someone else’s life at some point in time but why waste time being upset over something that won’t matter later in life and just live in the moment. Some words I saw and will never forget are, “its everyone’s first time living to not just yours.”
I have never been that good at getting myself out of my comfort zone. As a child, this was extremely tough for me. My mum would encourage me to do things, but I would shy away from actually trying. Looking back, I really do wish I had pushed myself to try different things. Once I turned 16, I decided that I wanted to try and push myself out of this comfort zone more. Even starting with the little things, such as making myself go on rollercoasters, which I have always been afraid of. I now really love rollercoasters! (Except for the ones that go upside down like whaaat.) My best friend is a huge reason as to why I push myself to do things I am afraid of. She always helps me to have more confidence, which I am forever thankful for. Today I sang for the first time in front of people. I was really nervous, but the support from my friends and family helped me feel so much better. I hope that I can continue to do things that scare me, because so far, I haven’t regretted doing that.
Things I have noticed around me as of recent. I noticed how his eyes are blue at first glance but when you look closer they have the smallest tint of sage green hugging his pupil. I noticed how whenever she enters a room the whole atmosphere changes. I noticed how he always checks up on me even when i’m the older one. I’ve noticed how her beautiful blonde curly hair has honey gold locks blending in with the others. I’ve also noticed that she look magnificent in white and it pairs beautifully with her gorgeous smile. I’ve noticed how energetic he is and how he puts 110% into everything he does. I’ve noticed the JV teams and how unbelievably proud I am of them. I’ve noticed their energy, love, and laughter, on and off the court. I’ve noticed how much she grown and how beautiful she is inside and out. Ive noticed how quiet she’s been. I’ve noticed how much i’ve missed having him here, and how he will eventually leave. i’ve noticed how quick the year is going, and life wont be the same. I’ve noticed there is a chance I don’t ever see these people again, and how much i’ll miss them when they leave. Will they miss me? I’ve noticed the end of things volleyball, first quarter, and very soon Halloween. I’ve noticed the end of high school, and how I will never be with the same group of people ever again. I’ve noticed how much I love them, and how much happiness they bring to my life. I’ve noticed the importance of them in my world, and how it won’t ever be the same without them. I’ve noticed how unprepared I am to leave, even when i’ve been so ready. Ive noticed the memories, the first ever volleyball practice, humanities class, dances, and them. The people who have been with me for my whole life. The ones I grew up with, the ones I wish I could continue growing up. I’ve noticed the beautiful sunsets on to of that glorious hill. I’ve noticed how fast the years have gone. I’ve noticed how much i’ll leave behind. but also…
I’ve noticed a little piece of everything in me, that i’ll always have no matter where I go.
When I write a blog every week, I feel like I spend more time wondering what to write about than I do writing. I am already wondering what I will write about next week.
But that aside, this week I would like to write a little about my past. Every time I write this blog I am reminded of my elementary school. Because I kept a one-page notebook diary every day from the first grade to the sixth grade. I cried when I was little because I was chased by farm animals, and I started washing my own hair at the age of 1.5 years old because I wanted to imitate my older sister in everything. I grew up with a lot of love from my teachers in kindergarten. I attended an all-girls school from elementary school until the summer after my freshman year of high school. My memories of elementary school were about trying different things. I did many things at school, such as being a member of the class council and student body president. My favorite class was physical education. I took first place in physical fitness two years in a row. The thing I looked forward to most on weekends was going on the trapeze with my friends. In junior high school, I gave up ballet, which I had been doing since I was two and a half years old, and started playing soccer. This was a big change for me, as every weekend and every vacation was filled with soccer. However, soccer was my youth, and I can’t count the number of things I gained from it. Also, the short-term study abroad program I mentioned in middle school was a big reason why I am here in the U.S. now, and it has changed my life. I lead a rather mundane life, but the people I have met have been wonderful and have enriched my life.
I am very much looking forward to the people and environments I will meet in the future. To be honest, I am dreading the preparation for college. lol
I have applied to three schools so far, and I don’t plan on applying to more. One is the school my dad went to. Another one is a school I toured and loved when visiting family. One sends me an admission decision in December, but two of them are rolling decision. I got an acceptance during Spudfest, and I got the acceptance to the second school today! I was tired this morning because I woke up at five, but I was wide awake after I got the acceptance. I was over the moon about it the whole day, because I’ve been imagining myself leaving home and going off to college, and now it seems like so much more of a concrete reality. The fact that one chapter of my life is ending and another will start soon is staring me in the face. That truth is now unquestionable and undeniable. I can’t wait.
I went into this year believing I was going to be an academic weapon, but little did I know I would be an academic victim. My friends always get annoyed when after I test, I say, “Omg, I definitely just failed that.” They get annoyed because I usually don’t actually fail; I generally score between an A and a high b, but recently, I actually have been failing. This year, here are some test/quiz scores.
ALG 2 8/30 26%
ALG 2 7/20 35%
Spanish 2 12/21 60%
Spanish 2 7/20 35%
English 7/13 53%
These are just some of the humbling scores I have received this year. Grades came out for the quarter, and I know how this sounds, but I got my first-ever c, which was humbling. The moral of this blog is that this year is hugely humbling, and I would love to make the honor roll and go on the honors trip, but I am trying to be realistic, and I just don’t think that’s happening.
If you were to tell me even a few years ago that I would no longer be living with my family in my childhood house, I would simply not believe you. I never even knew I was going to be attending boarding school until the very start of my eighth-grade year. For the longest time, I had the preconceived notion that I would follow the path of most of the kids my age; make the transition from middle to high school seamlessly by attending the high school in the area. However, as the time came closer and closer for me to make a decision, I had a sudden shift in my mindset. For my entire life, I had been stagnant. I lived in the same house I grew up in my entire childhood in the same small town, attended the same school I had since I was three in Pre-K 3, and pretty much had the same life with the same friends, family, hobbies, etc. Something my eigth grade year clicked in me, and I wanted change.
Now, I am normally the type of person who strongly dislikes change, as it is often uncomfortable for me. This probably has something to do with my childhood before attending OVS. Regardless, I interestingly felt a strong urge nearing the end of my elementary and middle school career to get out. So, I research schools in Southern Califronia, as I had always loved the area from the few vacations my family took when I was younger. You probably know the rest. I applied, got in, and now I am here.
Now this being my third year living on campus, I have overcome some of the major struggles in adjusting to such a drastically different way of life. At the start, it was quite challenging for me to adapt to a lot of what it takes to live in a dorm setting. Everything from my day-to-day interactions to my morning and night routines went through drastic changes. I also don’t constantly have my mom, who is the most important person in my life, physically there to support me. Such circumstances have taught me to be drastically more independent and hold my ground as an individual person.
I’m not saying I have learnt everything, as that is simply impossible being my age. Still, I do believe I have grown as a person in ways I wouldn’t have if I was still at home attending high school in my childhood town. I have learnt how to share my space better (something I needed being an only child), work better with others, respect people’s space, and overall be more independent. I think that will hopefully give me a head start in college, as I am already accustomed to dorm life. Regardless, I am still incredibly grateful for the experience and am excited to see where it can help me in the future.
Duck syndrome, first coined by Stanford, is the concept that everyone seems to have everything together, in the way that a duck seems to peacefully glide across the water, but it turns out that we are all struggling and working pretty hard to keep it together in a competitive environment, like the way that under the water the duck is paddling furiously with its little feet.
When I learned about duck syndrome, I first thought it was pretty cool that there is a “syndrome” named after one of my favorite animals. However, it’s comforting to know that sometimes, even though everyone else seems to have everything together, they could be just as stressed and tired out as I am.
However, I really hate the way that school is set up, especially college. Everything seems so focused on what is to come instead of the present. That sounds good in a way, but I don’t like certain aspects of it. For example, the way that your entire high school career, or at least the last half of it, is focused less on exploring and growing as a person and more on boosting a resume. With less pressure to fit a certain image of a worthy college applicant, students would have the time and energy to spend on passions and explore new interests, which would lead them to be desirable applicants anyway. Additionally, why are high schoolers expected to “specialize” and have their future figured out? Most seniors are barely legal adults; why are we expected to know exactly what we want to do for the next six decades of our lives?
OVS Journalism Blog 
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