Tag: worried

Why Me?

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October 20, 2011, Thursday morning.

The familiar buzz of my alarm shook me from my sleep. A heavy hand reached over, my drowsy fingers searching for the Dismiss button, rather than the usual Snooze.

I had woken up with one thing on my mind.

I sat up, my hands grabbing the computer and placing it on my lap. I refreshed the awaiting Collegeboard page that was already open on Google Chrome. I signed in again and…

I couldn’t believe it.

Could it be true? Was I too tired? Was I seeing things?

Again. My fingers tapped the refresh button. But the same score prevailed my cyber attack.

My SAT score had increased 240 point since the last test. My cumulative 5 months of straight studying had paid off! Immediately, I ran down the hall screaming for my roommate and Sungjin. Then, happy phone calls to my proud mother and father.

October 21, 2011, Friday evening.

With a heavy feeling in my heart, I checked my phone. The email accounts in my phone did not receive any mail but college junk mail.

It should’ve come by now. It should be here. Maybe…

Thousands of thoughts rushed into my head and I brushed them off. Worrying wouldn’t change anything.

Wishfully thinking, I double checked each email account I had on the internet browser. Nothing…

…until I checked my POP/junk mail folder on my hotmail account.

“National College Match Application Status” sent at 12:01 pm. Goodness, it was already halfway past seven, I should have checked earlier.

My fingers pressed the small icon before my heart was ready for the news.

My eyes couldn’t believe it and my heart beat at 9187431938471 miles an hour.

“Dear Serry,We are pleased to inform you that you have been chosen as a finalist for the 2011 QuestBridge National College Match! “

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I’M A FINALIST AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed for joy! My track coach, probably scared out of his wits next to me in the Ojai Valley School Van, said, “No way!”

He had been helping me with these essays before I turned the applications in. Without his help, I don’t believe I would have gotten this far. (Thank you so much!)

Now, my next deadline is November 1. I need to submit all my applications by then and wait until December 1.

But until then, I can’t give up or slow my pace! I just need to try hard and pray even harder. Thank God for how far I’ve come. I can definitely see his hand working in my life, molding the paths I take. Although I know that this is just one step of the way, I am confident that God will lead me to the right direction.

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say, Don’t Say Anything At All.

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For the first time in a very long time, I was shocked and shaken to the very core. I was ashamed to know that I share the world with such narrow minded people and I was reminded of the ignorance and blind arrogance that plagues and clings to our society like a heavy, dirty rag.

A few days ago, my friend shared a YouTube video with me. It was a video of a blonde girl, Alexandra Wallace, from UCLA, singling out a group of people, stereotyping all Asians. Let me tell you, it was nothing short of disgusting. Click here to watch the video.

In her rant, she complained about the burdens of having Asians in the dorms on the weekend. Their family members come on the weekends to cook for them and she claimed that their parents were not letting them grow independent. Apparently, having parents who care for their children enough to come and cook homemade food for them is a huge nuisance for her. At this point, Alexandra left me thinking “Why does it matter to you?”

It only snowballed from that point.

Rolling her eyes, Alexandra continued to rant about Asians in the library. Apparently while poor Alex was studying her political science, Asians were always on the phone. She raised a mocking hand to her face and opened her flagrant mouth: “OHHH CHING CHONG BING BONG TING TONG.”She heartlessly disclaimed the severity of the earthquake in Japan and proudly mounted herself on a rocky pedestal of fool’s gold when she called herself “the polite, American girl.” She publicly and very ironically announced that Asians needed to learn “American manners.” Sadly, this queen bee, this high and mighty girl who studies political science has forgotten that America, a salad bowl of cultures, was founded on its immigrants. “American manners” is in part Asian manners as well as manners of Hispanics, Africans, Germans, Italians, and more.

What shocked me the most was the her complete dismissal of the disaster that has shocked Japan. In her few short words, she had repudiated the heartbreak and worry that the earthquake brought onto many. My friend, Minako Otake, could not sleep all night when she heard of the news because she was worried for her family at home. She was tense, waiting for the call to hear the comforting voice of her mom and dad telling her that they were okay and to know that they weren’t a part of the thousands that were reported to be injured or dead. My boyfriend’s family lives in Japan. As Alexandra called it, “the tsunami thing” is a very good excuse to answer a phone call in the library.

The motives for her video were racist, debasing, and facile. I am sure that Asian families aren’t the only “hoards” of people that come to visit on the weekends. I am sure that Asians aren’t the only ones in the library that are using their phones and I am sure that she has probably realized the magnitude of her words. In these 2 minutes and 52 seconds, Alexandra Wallace of UCLA proved her sheer ignorance.

I am Korean American and proud of it. I know that when I get into college, wherever that may be, my family will come visit me on the weekends too and bring me food and maybe do my laundry. It is not because I am Asian. It is because I know my family will try to make my first year of college as comfortable as it can be. I know that I will probably be one of the many people from different ethnicities that might use their phones in the library. I know that my language might sound like a harsh din of rushing vowels and clanging consonants to the foreign, prejudiced ear but it is most definitely not something to be mocked or ashamed of.

In a world where people strive to be different and find beauty in the rarity of things, it is remarkable and eye opening when I find someone so narrow minded and audacious as she. To label a group of people because of their roots is wrong. What kind of world would we live in if we were all one generic race, one generic language, and one generic look? Hopefully, Alexandra Wallace (and many others) will come to terms with the many cultures that constitute our diverse home that we call America. Until then, I hope, at the very least, the magnitude of her words and their ramifications has taught her that if she doesn’t have anything nice to say, she shouldn’t say anything at all.