Love

To think about love terrifies me. The scary thing about love is that you never know when it is coming or when it is about to end. To my mind the scariest fragment of love is whether I get to have the experience of loving another or another loving me. For the majority of people this is not something that is in the line of thinking on a regular basis. The ongoing want and urge to have the ideal teenage love as if we were starring in our own movie with nothing to fright because we have each other to hold on too. Immaturity gets the best of us during these situations. At this age, in this generation, the little things are considerably left unnoticed. Where has all of the innocence gone? Now we have to worry whether the person we desire has opened our snap or text message rather than opened our hand written letters sent through mail. The meaningful moments within love have simply disappeared. Do I look good enough to snap him right now? Runs through my head like a bullet. Where have the simple walks through the park retired too? Now all the meaningfulness has taken a leave. The falling asleep on accident while admiring the world’s beauty has changed, to the falling asleep watching a rated R movie with no thoughts at all. No simple conversations, just silence. The silence that comes along with the “love” of this generation is not as peaceful or calm as it once was. What happened to the innocence of painting together with the one you like while the sunsets below the mountain tops? What happened to the stargazing on a picnic blanket in a large open field? Where has the love in the world gone? And then one day you wake up and suddenly realize real love is gone and life is not like the movies. Life is not like how it was decades ago. Life has changed and love has developed into a scary step into the long road of life.

Photo Credits:Me

Imagine

Your mom.

No, I’m just kidding. On a more serious note, I really do want you to imagine something. Imagine a guy named Paul, and all Paul wants to do is follow his dreams and go to NASA Academy. NASA Academy is perfect for Paul, whose only dream is to be an astronaut. However, NASA Academy is very expensive, and Paul does not have the money. What is Paul to do? Should he give up on his dream?

Now, I’m not being too fair to Paul. Yes, there are schools that have astronomy classes, so why not just go to one of those? It’s like telling a kid you’re taking him to Dojo Boom and giving him a trampoline. Not those big ones where you can do flips, but the small ones made for 3-year-olds. You know, the ones that say on the box “3-8 years old.” Here’s a visual if you need

Fold & Go Trampoline (TM) - The Original Toy Company
PC: https://www.theoriginaltoycompany.com/59609/fold-go-trampoline-tm

Back to Paul, now it’s not necessarily the worst thing ever. Your kid gets to jump around, and Paul gets to see the stars—through a telescope… instead of flying among them. What would you tell Paul? Seriously would you look him in the eyes and tell him to jump on some small trampoline? I have to move away from the trampolines.

To make this even harder what if i told you Paul needs space to live. Not like in a literal sense but in a way that his life would be meaningless without it. You can only ever truly understand if you’ve love something so unconditionally, so purely, so passionately. I can’t expect you to understand if you’re going to college for a job. Paul is going to college to live, to give his life meaning. Who knows maybe Paul is just being difficult, dramatic, extra. I guess most dreamers are. Paul will have to choose, and thats if Nasa even accepts him. Ha! Paul hasn’t even been accepted and he’s worried about everything else. Heres another thing about Paul, he stresses too much but we all do… right?

I’ve definitely gone over the 150 word mark so I guess, Im done.

Clara Pt. 2

Clara and I met on orientation day of our junior year – she, a tanned exchange student from Brazil, and I, a nervous transfer from a school thirty minutes away. We sat next to one another in the media lab, logging into our school emails, and began to chat. “When’s your birthday?” she asked randomly, in an attempt at small talk. I told her “today.” She looked at me incredulously, decided I was joking, realized I was not, and then burst into wonderful, elated laughter. It was at this moment that I knew we were going to be friends.

Over the school year, we started to spend classes, breaks, weekends and even an entire break together. Clara saw me at my best and at my worst and loved me through it all. She was my number one cheerleader, especially when I ran for school president.

But it’s not just me and her other friends that Clara extends her love to. It’s to the unlikely people, the not reciprocating people, and the probably undeserving people that she does also. She wrote the boy that bullied her a heartfelt letter at the end of term, for example.

Clara’s love knows no bounds because she sees the beauty in everyone and everything, and it’s this that makes her so beautiful herself.

PC: Me

Clara Pt. 1

My mom has always said I have the most amazing talent for choosing friends. And I might have to agree. Because my friend Clara has got to be one of the most incredible people I have ever had the privilege of knowing.

PC: Me

Clara does everything to the extreme. When happy, embarking on a hike in the Santa Barbara wilderness, she grins and belts out songs off-key. When sad, saying goodbye to her roommate, she sobs as if they will never see each other again. When anxious, writing English paper at two AM, she twists her hair into knots over and over and over again. When excited, telling a story to friends at lunch, her voice climbs and she leaps up from her chair. When afraid, having spotted a spider inside the tent, she screams like nobody’s business. And when she loves, she loves endlessly.

Writing college applications

I have been working on my applications to college, but writing essays about my identity is difficult. It is difficult to expound at length on things I don’t understand. As for my identity, I may have passions and beliefs, failures I’ve grown from, and people I’ve learned from, but the image I present of myself always seems off, because I am presenting an image of myself. I need to cast my passions, beliefs, failures, or influences in the best possible light: Here is something that did not work out for me, but look how I learned a valuable lesson! I like doing this thing, so here is how that thing impacted me in profound and meaningful ways! It feels dishonest twisting the simple hobbies I enjoy or small personal accomplishments into “selling points” but I am also grateful for this process and (mandatory) opportunity to sit down and think deeply on questions specifically designed to glean my identity and values.

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters

An open letter to my freshman self

Ok, this is actually so dramatic, I’m not even graduating yet.

Well, here we are – my last blog. I’ve survived my last semester as a junior, my APS are over, and summer vacation is imminent. So, I’ve had about a week to do nothing but sit around and reflect on the last three years of my life, including the lessons that I’ve learned along the way. Honestly, I’m no old wise seasoned senior sage- I probably should wait until this time next year to do this.

get your priorities straight

There are always a million things to worry about at high school. You’re trying to do well in classes, maintain a fulfilling social life, live a healthy lifestyle, participate in extracurriculars, and whatever else. There are only so many hours in the day, and simultaneously thriving in these areas is pretty much impossible (in my personal experience). When you’re being pulled in so many directions, it’s crucial that you have your priorities in order, because something always has to give. These priorities can shift from year to year, even day to day.

keep exploring

They’ll tell you that your first year is all about exploration — and they’re not wrong. You should explore academic areas and social settings that push you out of your comfort zone. However, I’d challenge you to keep that same energy throughout your entire high school experience. It’s natural to branch out in your first year, but once you get settled, it’s easy to get a little too comfortable with your routine. OVS is full of amazing classes, interesting people, and unique opportunities, and I think we all wish that we spent more time exploring in the end, so do your future self a favor and spend some time expanding your horizons.

don’t be afraid of rejection

We, humans, can do anything – anything – but the fear of rejection is so powerful that it can make us step back from life in case we get hurt. That’s completely understandable. Completely. But we miss out on so much by doing that. I believe the key to having the confidence to expand your comfort zone is realizing that rejection isn’t that bad- and it really won’t matter by tomorrow. My advice is to focus on what you’re getting out of this opportunity you are scared to take advantage of. And rejection isn’t so bad, it will hurt for like a day and ultimately, it will get you closer to your goals anyway. It’s good to be vulnerable every once in a while.

pc: https://i.pinimg.com/736x/6d/21/7c/6d217c808a5a531b222cd0b38c930d1b.jpg

Spring’s Return

The return of spring signals the return of many of my favorite things: the blossoming of the Magnolia tree in my backyard, the sweet smell of flowers growing in the orchards around OVS, the time change, the end of the school year, and (perhaps most importantly) the return of Junbi’s lavender honey matcha. And taking Claritin every morning…

The first day of real warm weather during the spring is always one of my favorite days of the year. People hiding from the colder weather for months suddenly reappear around Ojai as though awakened from their winter, indoor slumber. People can be scattered across Arcade Plaza, by that fountain, and in Libbey Park soaking up the good sun. 

At the risk of sounding dramatic, especially because festivals and people touring the city never really stop, life returns to Ojai.

pc: https://i.pinimg.com/564x/2e/10/4e/2e104e1d314a1f65acb13726b4c484cc.jpg

Slow Down

I hate rushing. I love taking my time, being meticulous, and doing things to the best of my ability. Like when I cook slowly, plating the dish perfectly. I’m writing this blog post slowly, ensuring the words sound right. It’s time-consuming, but it’s undeniably satisfying.

I think we have an overcomplicated life because even as a 16-year-old my schedule is packed. I don’t have the time to be a perfectionist and that makes me sad. Maybe it’s a good thing I don’t give my 100% to everything, but at the same time, I hate the pace at which I’m forced to live.

My second-semester junior year burn-out has inspired me to write about this, because never have I felt the time crunch more. I procrastinate too, which as you can imagine, only forces me to rush more as deadlines approach.

Thank god summer is on its way. For the first two weeks, I will rest, relax, and move through my days in slow motion, soaking up every minute.

PC: https://i.pinimg.com/564x/80/19/a7/8019a7c4ce0d25a67b1900f3b5f533a8.jpg

Emily Dickinson Poetry

I think Emily Dickinson’s “This World is Not Conclusion” is one of her most underrated poems. Here’s an analysis:

PC: https://pictures.dealer.com/l/longsubarusne/0206/e4cd7c82d5d22ed969b04975e716e254x.jpg

In “This World is not Conclusion,” the opening line asserts that the world we know and inhabit is not the only one and that death is not final. The statement ends with a full stop, in contrast to the hyphenated lines which follow. This difference signifies that the narrator is firm in his/her belief, which could be ironic, as the rest of the poem is concerned with doubt. Next, Dickinson describes a “Species” which “stands beyond –,”  to be “Invisible, as Music – / But positive, as Sound –”. This paradox suggests that the world may not be as rational as we would expect if music and sound can have opposite qualities. “It beckons, and it baffles – / Philosophy, don’t know – / And through a Riddle, at the last – / Sagacity must go – ” the poem continues. That which the narrator seeks both compels him/her to investigate and leaves him/her bewildered in the search for truth – another example of juxtaposition. No conventional intellect can answer the question of what happens when one dies. The poet writes that scholars have puzzled over this “Riddle” for centuries while other men have adopted religious faith, especially Christianity. But Dickinson says that sometimes this faith slips in a world becoming increasingly skeptical. When this happens to an individual, they will laugh at themselves a little, ‘correct themselves,’ so to speak, and blush in case anyone saw. To believe in something whose existence cannot be proven by any means, – in fact, can oftentimes be disproven – is embarrassing, the poet insinuates. People “[Pluck] at a twig of Evidence – / And [ask] a Vane, the way –.” The “twig of Evidence” metaphor describes how little proof there is, but could also imply that there is much more to be found – a whole tree from which the narrator has plucked but a twig. Conversely, the tree could bear information that invalidates the narrator’s belief system, but which they choose to ignore for that very reason. Dickinson’s intentions here are ambiguous. Also, the notion that a weathervane can tell “the way” is nonsensical because this device constantly changes direction. Perhaps the word “Vane” punningly suggests that truth-seeking is all in ‘vain’ and won’t produce any results. The final stanza reads “Much Gesture, from the Pulpit – / Strong Hallelujahs roll – / Narcotics cannot still the Tooth / That nibbles at the soul –.” This excerpt alludes to a Church service, and then concludes with a metaphor to communicate that no expression of faith can inhibit the doubt which “nibbles at the soul”. The poem as a whole explores the conflict between faith and doubt, especially when it comes to belief in an afterlife. It is up for interpretation as to whether this belief is well-founded or ill-considered.

My Nonna

When I was a baby, my Nonna would take me to the community pool while my parents were at work. When I was five, she made me a Christmas advent calendar with quilted pockets she filled with chocolates. When I was ten, she passed down her most prized childhood possession to me: a troll doll complete with hand-sewed outfits.

She loves her dog, Ella, like nothing else. Each morning I spend at Cosy Cottage, she makes me a fruit bowl with (slightly unripe) apricot, nectarine, grapes, blueberries, fresh raspberries, and maybe gooseberries from the garden. We once labored hours over a puzzle of London during an especially rainy week. She built Big Ben and I pieced together the Thames.

I love my Nonna. When I have grandkids, I’ll bake them chocolate cake with her recipe and these memories will come flooding back.

^ A quilt that reminds me of my grandma. PC:https://i.pinimg.com/564x/ad/82/92/ad8292685e528dec6b0f86d199d3357e.jpg