When the school year started, I felt like I would be able to do chemistry. With my high ego, I walked into the class for the first time thinking it would be a piece of cake. I ignored how all of my older friends said how this was the hardest class they had ever taken. They all had said that they finished the semester with below a B. What I don’t understand is why we are mixing science and math, the two hardest subjects, and my two weakest. On the most recent test, it was based solely on math. I did the first page before I broke down in tears. It was almost embarrassing, having a breakdown over a chemistry test. No matter how hard I tried to understand it and answer the questions, I just couldn’t. I was like I was staring at numbers floating all over my page, asking me which one is a kilometer. How does one even study chemistry? If I don’t understand it in the first place, how will I study it? Not being able to do the test discouraged me for the rest of the day. I started to doubt myself and my knowledge, in other classes too. Until I realized that everyone struggles in some way, regardless of what class or situation.
This past week, I have been sleeping through all of my alarms that I set in the morning for school. I don’t think I’ve woken up on time a single morning the past two weeks. I set two alarms just in case I don’t wake up from the first one. I’m not even fully sleeping through them. I wake up, turn the alarm off, and go back to bed. It could have something to do with motivation, not wanting to get up and get ready. The problem could also be that I’m going to bed later than usual to get all my homework done and study for exams, because of all my studying, I’m going to bed around 1-2 am and waking up at 6-7 am. In the mornings, I have to rush to get ready, and it impacts my day with a chaotic start. Staying up late and studying positively impacts my day because I feel confident in schoolwork and tests. Hopefully, I can get my sleep schedule back on track after these past stressful weeks and try and balance sleep and school.
I think this week has been the worst week of my senior year so far.
Monday was fine; nothing really happened, it was a basic day. I went to my classes, went to sports, and hated that the weekend was so short and that I’m back at school. The homework was acceptably light, which made it better.
On Tuesday, I got up and got ready for the day. Unsurprisingly, an epidemic of sickness is currently occurring within the dorms. Everybody is either sick or getting sick, and not long, I know I’m going to be the next victim. But anyways, I didn’t have to go to all my classes since I had a volleyball gam.
Unfortunately, the volleyball game was in LA. We had to drive about two hours to get to the location, which was kind of annoying. We ended up getting there about thirty minutes early, which was kind of boring. Anyways, the. The team did really well. Although we lost pretty badly in the first and third sets, the second set was by far. The best set we’ve ever played, falling not far behind the rival team, losing only 22-25. I’m very proud of the team.
Wednesday is where it gets wobbly, not horrendous, but also not amazing. Honestly, I can remember most of it. Wait, yes, I do, it was actually pretty good because there was a town trip, which meant no sports. I actually did some work and got to relax. I did tutoring, which was easy because nobody showed up for English and History. I was really tired and was not able to focus on the task I was doing, so I watched a quick YouTube video. It kind of helped, but not really. I still felt really tired. After tutoring I went staright to bed.
Thursday was the worst. I woke up happy, because I was going to start my day with a free block, only to get it ruined by the notification” room check today.” It genuinely dampened my mood because, why out of all the days, is there a room check when I have my free block first? Anyway, I spent my free block in the bathroom because a teacher was checking the rooms ( turned out we could stay in the room while they did a room check). From there, my day spiraled. and progressively got worse.
Finally, Friday the one of the best days of the week. It is the final stretch of the week before the weekend. All my teachers didn’t assign weekend homework, which. I’m grateful for. So now I feel I can relax and fill out some more of my college requirements. Sadly, I know that once I shut my eyes, it will be Monday all over again.
College is coming. I have realized that I waited a bit too long to start my extracurriculars. I did some things in my sophomore year, but the colleges that I want to get into need far more than what I have accomplished. Even though it’s a hard process, I think I can do it. My ability to get into the colleges I really want relies solely on my shoulders, and it’s up to me to make my dream come true. People aren’t lying when they say that you need to start doing stuff freshman year. Other people around me seem to not care as much, and I end up thinking that I might be stressing myself out. However, I know what I want to do, and I know what I need to do in order to get into good colleges, and that’s up to me. I need to stop worrying about what everyone else is doing.
The thought of college is the only thing giving me the will to live, but actually doing the work to go to college is doing the exact opposite. I feel like the amount of work that students need to do to go to college is obscene. We have basically dedicated the past eighteen years of our lives just to get into college. Life feels like a never-ending cycle of doing work to be rewarded with even more work and responsibilities. After I finish college then I have to find an even harder job. I feel like I’m just not really a person who wants to have to do that. I’m sure that some people like their job, but I swear that the majority of people feel like it’s a little torturous. The world wasn’t made for people to be stuck in a strict daily schedule, but to live spontaneously and be free. Jobs definitely make people grow, but they also make people close-minded, a little brainwashed. I’m excited to finish high school, but really scared of the rest of my life.
I’m done. This life is too stressful. I’m tired of literally everyone. I don’t want to have to explain anything to anyone. I don’t want anything to change. Why can’t I just leave it the way it is? Why does it have to become complicated? Let’s just leave it. But then you’ll start asking questions, why, how come, but why? I don’t know. You’ll have a better idea than I do, and it’s an issue that I have, so that should tell you something if you have a better understanding than I do. Part of me doesn’t even wanna do this thing anymore, but she said that change is good and I need to adjust and just go for it, but I just don’t want to. I can’t lol. This stresses me out, and I’d rather not than do. No one gets it, but whatever. That’s life, lowkey. So, yeah.
This weekend I’m going to my friend’s homecoming, and I’m just really stressed out. I forgot that she had invited me two months ago, so I ordered my dress a week ago. It arrived yesterday, which is two days before, and I kind of hate it. I have so much work that I need to catch up on, and I feel like homecoming is just going to take over my weekend. I also have no idea what time the dance starts and ends, and I really don’t like not having plans. We are supposed to get ready with a group of girls before, and I have never met at least half of them, so that’s probably going to be awkward. Even though I’m nervous, I’m still excited because we are getting ready at our friend’s house, who is now in college, as her sister is having people over to get ready. My friends and I have already claimed to get prepared in our friend’s room, which is in college, because it would honestly be disrespectful if someone else who wasn’t us got ready in her room. I am manifesting that everything goes well tomorrow because I just see a lot of things that could go wrong.
Nostalgia is by far one of the worst feelings ever, at least for me. I feel like I have nostalgia even when I’m living in the moment; it haunts me. Every time I go out or do something fun, I’m flooded with it. No matter if it’s a song, moment, or memory. I basically just unlock the vibe or the feeling I had during some time in the past. I don’t really know how to explain it. I can just feel how I felt in the moment when I think back on it. Just like smelling an old perfume or candle from a special time in your past. It makes you remember and miss everything so deeply.
I miss being little; it was such a special time in life. The nostalgia from when I was younger is the thing that truly haunts me the most, out of everything. I miss Christmas, or any holiday, and the feeling I had for them when I was younger. It’s so different now, and I’m changing so fast. I didn’t even realize that all those special times I had were gone. And I will never get to experience them again.
Every so often, an artist goes into an art block. Doesn’t know what to draw, doesn’t know what to write, doesn’t know how to play music, doesn’t know how to create. You try writing? It’s not good enough to draft, so you delete it. You try drawing? The head shape looks like a potato. You try playing music? The tabs are too fast, and you want to smash your instrument.
I, unfortunately, felt like this from the start of August to just a few days ago. Being influenced by comics such as The Umbrella Academy (before it was a show) and Deathwish, I felt like I needed to be like the artists, taking some of their aspects of art and putting them in my own. Coming back to just a few days ago, I spent the night with my uncle Dan and my aunt Julia.
They influence me in art and music in more ways than one, showing me songs that were prominent back when they were near my age and showing me their own art, on Dan’s side of things. They showed me Queens of the Stone Age, Gorillaz, White Zombie, and so much more.
Back to whenever I went to their place for the weekend. We were planning on playing Dungeons and Dragons, but that all went into a mess of just talking about music and our lives. Nonetheless, it was fun, and they gave me two new sketchbooks I could use to draw.
Coming home, I asked myself, “What should I draw?” I sat on it for a minute, deciding to doodle a bit. First one? Looked like a mutilated animal. Second? Yeah, now we were getting somewhere. I proceed to draw one of my Original Characters, Hal Smith (First name pronounced hall…), a character in the book I’ve been attempting to write for the past year.
Hal is one of my favorite tropes in all of media, labeled as ‘Haunting the Narrative’. That’s whenever a character in a show or a novel’s presence is absent or minimal, yet their actions, choices, and existence have a profound impact on the plot. Some examples of this are Pink Diamond in Steven Universe, Doug Rattman in the Portal franchise, Mark Heathcliff in The Mandela Catalog, Sauron in The Lord of the Rings, John Kramer in the Saw franchise, Caleb Wittebane in The Owl House, and so many more.
With this new motivation, I draw him and paste him in my new sketchbook, admiring the new piece of work in the book I had previously decorated. I’m working hard to get out of art block, but that’s what comes whenever you’re an artist.
Over the summer, my sister turned 15, and since we are Mexican, she had a quinceañera! Her party wasn’t very traditional; it was in someone’s backyard, and it was planned a week before. Her dress was beautiful, but it wasn’t the traditional ball gown. It was sparkly and blue with many flowers. Although it wasn’t your typical quinceañera, it was still a long night full of fun!
This party was the last Mexican party I have been to. Mexican parties are very different from American parties. Every party I go to, the music is so loud I can hear it in my bones, and my heart beat is replaced by the tempo of the music. The dance floor is never empty; you can always count on someone’s drunk uncle or aunt to bust a move. Not to mention the food is always delectable. At my sister’s quinceañera, we had birria tacos, rice, beans, and tons of snacks. Birria is a stew with meat that is slow-cooked for multiple hours on end. The longer it is cooked, the better it is.
Parties are a group venture; they help bring the community together, especially quinces. We had about 10 people offer to buy stuff for the party, from the cake, to the table decorations, to even a mechanical bull. It was so much fun! I miss going to Mexican parties.
OVS Journalism Blog 
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