The thought of college is the only thing giving me the will to live, but actually doing the work to go to college is doing the exact opposite. I feel like the amount of work that students need to do to go to college is obscene. We have basically dedicated the past eighteen years of our lives just to get into college. Life feels like a never-ending cycle of doing work to be rewarded with even more work and responsibilities. After I finish college then I have to find an even harder job. I feel like I’m just not really a person who wants to have to do that. I’m sure that some people like their job, but I swear that the majority of people feel like it’s a little torturous. The world wasn’t made for people to be stuck in a strict daily schedule, but to live spontaneously and be free. Jobs definitely make people grow, but they also make people close-minded, a little brainwashed. I’m excited to finish high school, but really scared of the rest of my life.
I’m done. This life is too stressful. I’m tired of literally everyone. I don’t want to have to explain anything to anyone. I don’t want anything to change. Why can’t I just leave it the way it is? Why does it have to become complicated? Let’s just leave it. But then you’ll start asking questions, why, how come, but why? I don’t know. You’ll have a better idea than I do, and it’s an issue that I have, so that should tell you something if you have a better understanding than I do. Part of me doesn’t even wanna do this thing anymore, but she said that change is good and I need to adjust and just go for it, but I just don’t want to. I can’t lol. This stresses me out, and I’d rather not than do. No one gets it, but whatever. That’s life, lowkey. So, yeah.
This weekend I’m going to my friend’s homecoming, and I’m just really stressed out. I forgot that she had invited me two months ago, so I ordered my dress a week ago. It arrived yesterday, which is two days before, and I kind of hate it. I have so much work that I need to catch up on, and I feel like homecoming is just going to take over my weekend. I also have no idea what time the dance starts and ends, and I really don’t like not having plans. We are supposed to get ready with a group of girls before, and I have never met at least half of them, so that’s probably going to be awkward. Even though I’m nervous, I’m still excited because we are getting ready at our friend’s house, who is now in college, as her sister is having people over to get ready. My friends and I have already claimed to get prepared in our friend’s room, which is in college, because it would honestly be disrespectful if someone else who wasn’t us got ready in her room. I am manifesting that everything goes well tomorrow because I just see a lot of things that could go wrong.
Nostalgia is by far one of the worst feelings ever, at least for me. I feel like I have nostalgia even when I’m living in the moment; it haunts me. Every time I go out or do something fun, I’m flooded with it. No matter if it’s a song, moment, or memory. I basically just unlock the vibe or the feeling I had during some time in the past. I don’t really know how to explain it. I can just feel how I felt in the moment when I think back on it. Just like smelling an old perfume or candle from a special time in your past. It makes you remember and miss everything so deeply.
I miss being little; it was such a special time in life. The nostalgia from when I was younger is the thing that truly haunts me the most, out of everything. I miss Christmas, or any holiday, and the feeling I had for them when I was younger. It’s so different now, and I’m changing so fast. I didn’t even realize that all those special times I had were gone. And I will never get to experience them again.
Every so often, an artist goes into an art block. Doesn’t know what to draw, doesn’t know what to write, doesn’t know how to play music, doesn’t know how to create. You try writing? It’s not good enough to draft, so you delete it. You try drawing? The head shape looks like a potato. You try playing music? The tabs are too fast, and you want to smash your instrument.
I, unfortunately, felt like this from the start of August to just a few days ago. Being influenced by comics such as The Umbrella Academy (before it was a show) and Deathwish, I felt like I needed to be like the artists, taking some of their aspects of art and putting them in my own. Coming back to just a few days ago, I spent the night with my uncle Dan and my aunt Julia.
They influence me in art and music in more ways than one, showing me songs that were prominent back when they were near my age and showing me their own art, on Dan’s side of things. They showed me Queens of the Stone Age, Gorillaz, White Zombie, and so much more.
Back to whenever I went to their place for the weekend. We were planning on playing Dungeons and Dragons, but that all went into a mess of just talking about music and our lives. Nonetheless, it was fun, and they gave me two new sketchbooks I could use to draw.
Coming home, I asked myself, “What should I draw?” I sat on it for a minute, deciding to doodle a bit. First one? Looked like a mutilated animal. Second? Yeah, now we were getting somewhere. I proceed to draw one of my Original Characters, Hal Smith (First name pronounced hall…), a character in the book I’ve been attempting to write for the past year.
Hal is one of my favorite tropes in all of media, labeled as ‘Haunting the Narrative’. That’s whenever a character in a show or a novel’s presence is absent or minimal, yet their actions, choices, and existence have a profound impact on the plot. Some examples of this are Pink Diamond in Steven Universe, Doug Rattman in the Portal franchise, Mark Heathcliff in The Mandela Catalog, Sauron in The Lord of the Rings, John Kramer in the Saw franchise, Caleb Wittebane in The Owl House, and so many more.
With this new motivation, I draw him and paste him in my new sketchbook, admiring the new piece of work in the book I had previously decorated. I’m working hard to get out of art block, but that’s what comes whenever you’re an artist.
Over the summer, my sister turned 15, and since we are Mexican, she had a quinceañera! Her party wasn’t very traditional; it was in someone’s backyard, and it was planned a week before. Her dress was beautiful, but it wasn’t the traditional ball gown. It was sparkly and blue with many flowers. Although it wasn’t your typical quinceañera, it was still a long night full of fun!
This party was the last Mexican party I have been to. Mexican parties are very different from American parties. Every party I go to, the music is so loud I can hear it in my bones, and my heart beat is replaced by the tempo of the music. The dance floor is never empty; you can always count on someone’s drunk uncle or aunt to bust a move. Not to mention the food is always delectable. At my sister’s quinceañera, we had birria tacos, rice, beans, and tons of snacks. Birria is a stew with meat that is slow-cooked for multiple hours on end. The longer it is cooked, the better it is.
Parties are a group venture; they help bring the community together, especially quinces. We had about 10 people offer to buy stuff for the party, from the cake, to the table decorations, to even a mechanical bull. It was so much fun! I miss going to Mexican parties.
This year has been really sad for me because my person went to a different school. I still talk to her everyday and see her on weekends and even two times this school week, but I feel like I’m missing my other half. I remember my first day of school with her freshman year, looking around at my classmates confused. The second I laid my eyes on her I knew that we would click instantly. She walked up to me and instead of saying a kind greeting like “nice to meet you” she said “you look like the only normal person here.” That really summarizes her character. As we walked together she told me that she was going to wear the exact outfit I wore that day and I felt like that was an even bigger sign that we were so similar. Ever since that day, my relationship with her grew into something more powerful than a friendship, but a sisterhood. I feel like we can be really confusing and misread by most people, but I really don’t care because we understand each other. We don’t need to waste time explaining why we feel or acted in a certain way because we just get it. Sometimes I feel like we are telepathic. I have never had to think before saying something to her because we are both very direct with each other. Not all friendships are able to have this and some people would argue that we are bad influences on each other, but no one has made me grow more than she has because of her honesty. We don’t spend time with each other just to do interesting things or talk; her presence even in silence scrolling on our phones, brings me a sense of security and happiness that nothing else can compare to. I feel weird being here without her by my side. This past week I have caught myself dosing off the entire day just thinking about how much better life would be if she was here with me. I know that no one can replace her, so I will just finish the year with only a half of me.
When I did my writings, I got the sense my English classes only laid half the groundwork for presenting myself in the best light. Yeah, I got the sense of which rhetorical devices best clicked in some analytical essay, but analysis only occasionally begets charm in real life. I had to trim sentences for applications when I was rewarded for padding them out before. I had to justify myself rather than a distant theorem. Heck, until last year, I barely knew the importance of how applications use essays, so the persuasive quality of my writing was rather touch and go for me.
I’m guessing I probably get my head around the assignment around December, which is fortunate because it took me until after application season for me to find an unintentionally stellar college supplemental in the wild:
This is only an 90 econd speech but you can easily hear the conviction Chappell has about her past, and how it connects to a broader issue and community. And if it spoke to me, someone who otherwise has little to do with the music industry, then maybe we hit the formula for effectively marketing oneself. At least anecdotally, I can definitely see that when my supplementals paralleled this speech’s strengths, my application was far more likely to get past the post compared to when I felt aprehensive about my efforts just before hitting submit.
So in short, to be like Chappell:
Be honest and vulnerable – that way you’re relateable and readers/interviewees know you’re genuine
I do not drink, but I do have TikTok and there’s a collage trend called “BORG”. It is a gallon of water that is poured out halfway and then filled up with either juice or alcohol and it has a lot of electrolytes or water flavoring in it. It’s supposed to be healthy but it doesn’t sound like it. Anyways, everyone names their “BORG” something funny and that’s my favorite part because I think it’s hilarious. Here are my favorite “BORG” names I’ve come up with.
“Wouldnt you like to know wether BORG”
“Bob’s BORGers”
“I woke up in a new BORGatti”
“Justin BeBORG”
“BORGalishis”
“starBORG”
“Codys just a BORG, Codys this Codys that, Codys me bro. Let me be me”
Sometimes I just think I’m not real. Like I’ll just look around and be like what.
I literally go to sleep at like 7:30 and I’m still so tired.
People have been asking me what colleges I’m thinking about and I’m just like I have no idea I’m only a sophomore. But honestly, I probably do need to start thinking about that.
I love having nails but it makes it so hard to live life lowkey. It is really hard to type but they give me so many oodles of happiness so it evens out.
I think my Starbucks gift card has unlimited money. I’m so confused because when I first loaded it into my app it said it had 10 dollars on it but the balance on it goes up every time I use it so I’m just confused.
Scout started driving me to school and it is so fun and amazing.
OVS Journalism Blog 
You must be logged in to post a comment.