It never felt hard to fake a smile, it came almost automatically to me. I never noticed when I would fake it just like how I never noticed the color of my skin. It was a color my mom would idealize as in Africa the lighter the skin the prettier you were. So with her panther-like complexion she admired me which left me happy with my identity.  As for my father he loved my mothers skin and loved me for being a combination of him and her. I never noticed my skin until I began to be treated differently for it, I would try to pinpoint what it was. I’d say things like, “maybe it was my non-European features.” Or maybe it was my curly hair. During middle school I was severely bullied, where my identity felt as if it was just my skin. When I moved away from that environment I began slowly forget the harsh comments that were made. Although the micro aggression would sometimes appear it wouldn’t affect me. Up until my trip to Switzerland where I was called the n word multiple times by multiple people, but this time it was with my friends the people I trusted the world with but yet not a single one stood up for me and so as that word was being said towards me it felt as if my entire world was crumbling. Though I forgot because we are taught to forget to move on. So a year went by I let go of one of those friendships and I moved on. Up until it was brought up again this year, I don’t know if it was something in the air or it was my body reprocessing it but it broke me. I cried, I cried and cried. And I began to feel as if I was 12 years old again, on my knees begging and praying to god asking him why he would create me like this with tears that could fill the atlantic ocean. As I woke up the first thing I noticed was not the acne on my face or the puffiness of my eyelids, it was my skin color. I felt as if it was truly the only thing people saw me for. Up until now I cannot say I have moved on. I still cry from time to time wondering why I was born this way. But I am slowly trying to forget and move on as what else am I supposed to do?

PC: Google