Category: sad
sharing sadness
Can I complain about the pathetic life that I’m living in recently?
If you don’t mind, keep reading.
[1]
I saw the news today: “SAFER AT HOME” ORDER IS ISSUED FOR L.A. COUNTY
Are they actually gonna shut down the city?
I couldn’t believe it, I was totally shocked and thought it was pretty ridiculous when Wuhan city closed off.
Now I felt the same.
[2]
An extremely optimistic person, that’s what my friends say about me. I will always stay positive no matter what happens, that’s what I thought.
But… I have to say this now, I just can’t hold it back anymore. MY LIFE IS SO MISERABLE at the current situation.
I thought it would have been a minor thing and stoped in China, and that was it.
But now the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD IS SHUTTING DOWN.
[3]
Since the moment I landed in Shanghai, I was surrounded by full-body protective suits. I filled out lots of forms, they took my temperature many times, and other health checks.
It took me six hours to go through all these AFTER TWENTY HOURS FLIGHT.
After I exited from the airport, the government from my hometown Zhejiang Province provided transportation from Shanghai to Zhejiang.
Then my city government picked me up from where the province bus dropped me.
And the local government from my home district drove me to the hotel, where I received more health checks and quarantine.
14 days long quarantine. Alone, in a hotel room. Something I haven’t done before. I even can’t stand the feeling of eating alone.
I expected everything will be fine as soon as I get back home.
But I’m literally trapped here. I didn’t even get a chance to see my mom closely. All I did was wave at her through the metal bars on the windows from the fifth floor.
[4]
I was gonna do my homework today. I opened my laptop, went on safari, tried moodle, AP classroom, and Khan Academy.
Then… all showed up on my screen was “Safari Can’t Open the Page.”
For distance learning, we literally use google everything: google docs for editing words, google meet for the virtual class, google drive for sharing videos or slides, Gmail for communication……
However… GOOGLE IS BANNED IN CHINA.
I didn’t realize how serious the problem is until now.
[5]
Before all this shit happened, I was on the non-sugar diet with my friends. But now, I have to stop the diet. I really need sugar to paralyze my nerves and slow down the mental break down.
Even before last Friday, my plan was taking SAT on Saturday morning, ice-skating in the evening, brunch and shopping mall on Sunday.
Boom, everything just happened too fast. I hate when I have to say goodbye to the people I loved. I told myself that we will see each other again for sure, but I am not sure when. Maybe in a few weeks, maybe a couple of months, maybe several years, or maybe never.
[6]
I woke up at three this morning, got out of bed at six.
I took a shower, got dressed up, did makeup. When I was going to put on my shoes, I suddenly realized that I am going nowhere, I am staying here for the next eleven days. No matter how good the weather is outside, I told myself while looking through the metal bars window.
Not even able to open the door of my room on my own.
Am I really a living bioweapon?
[7]
What was also in the news I saw: one positive thing.
The air pollution is going down in China.
Sinister
On a train away we sailed,
slowly but at the speed of light,
we jumped into the cage called freedom.
oblivious but fully aware,
we jumped off of the cliff
and landed in a field of feathers.
soft and warm were the feathers
that were plucked off of the once flying birds.
and then came a hand,
and a voice
“come with me to The Good Place,” it said
so we took its hand and followed through the land on fire.
demons greeted us with open arms,
and we drank a sweet, red liquid.
“This doesn’t look like Heaven,” we said
A man with red horns smiled and replied
“oh trust me child, this is heaven for people like us.”
Nostalgia hits hard
Nostalgia isn’t just a feeling, it’s a crash of emotions that befalls you when it’s the most unexpected. Not just homesickness, but a mix of remembrance and sadness, as you’re only nostalgic when you are not home, stranded, helpless.
Nostalgia may be a current of water. It flows from your head to your stomach, then back to your eyes, uncontrollable, rolling out like a waterfall. Sometimes you don’t realize its existence until your mouth takes a sip of that salty drop.
You’d laugh at your woe and call it odd, but the current will not halt. So I comfort myself. Don’t cry, child, for you don’t have time for it now.
Nostalgia is more than a feeling. I hope whoever has it can return to their loved ones in a short while.
Nevertheless, will you still miss your home, if your lover is stranded as well?
(I’m a Chinese international student in the US. Because of certain policies that were made for the coronavirus, I cannot go back home. I don’t know when I’ll get the chance to meet my family and friends. The uncertainty is a real menace, it’s eating me alive. What if something happens to someone whom I love while I’m overseas? What if at the end of the day I’m left behind as the only one living? The uncertainty is killing me. I hope everything goes well in China, I hope there’ll be an antidote for this madness. I feel really helpless and overwhelmed because there’s literally nothing I could contribute to better the situation, I could only sit and watch the number of infected and deaths go up and wish that my circle of people has nothing to do with it. It’s truly rotten when you are a spectator of your fellow countrymen’s deaths.
I just hope things go well. I’m praying for a change.)
Viruses have NO nationality
Last week, I went to a basketball game at another school.
Before the game, my Chinese friend was sneezing five times in a row due to her allergies.
The referee saw her and made a really stupid joke.
“You got that virus too?”
No one laughed, except him.
I saw the news today.
In the subway station in NYC, an Asian lady was attacked for wearing a mask, and called a ‘Diseased B*tch’.
I was totally shocked, I just couldn’t understand it.
I thought mask means protection, for the people who are wearing it.
But in that news, mask brought her something completely different from protection.
This is a story that my friend told me.
She is a student abroad in Sydney, and when she called a taxi from the airport to school.
The first sentence driver said to her: “Are you from China?”
She said: “Yes.”
The driver said: “Don’t open your mouth in the car.”
She was so confused and astounded, feeling endlessly helpless.
Ebola is not an African virus, H1N1 is not a Mexican virus, and the coronavirus is not a Chinese virus.
Viruses have NO nationality.
Racism is the MOST dangerous virus.
Let’s go against viruses together, NOT Chinese.
End of Brady Era.
This year’s Super Bowl was indeed interesting.
I’m Cowboys fan, but I knew they were not going to make it this year.
However, I thought the Ravens or Patriots would make it to the finals but it did not happen.
Ravens had phenomenal season, and most of the spotlights went to Lamar Jackson, Quarterback for Ravens whose running skills shocked a lot of people.
Lamar Jackson ended up winning the MVP award.
Patriots are known for having even stronger team during playoffs, and it is unfortunate that Tom Brady can’t get another ring this year.
It’s probably a good time for him to retire. He is not the greatest Quarterback anymore. Brady is old compared to other Quarterbacks.
Tom Brady was one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time but not anymore.
Scars
scars never go away.
no matter how many dollars you spend on Mederma.
they fade, but their reminiscence will always remain.
cuts, bruises, scratches, and blisters hurt
but cuts will heal. bruises and scratches will vanish. blisters and sores go away,
scar takes a different type of hurt. a different type of stab. a scar is a much deeper pain.
happiness, anger, regret, remorse, and fear burn.
but anger will simmer down, regret will turn into acceptance, remorse will turn into forgiveness, and fear will be overcome.
but love is a different type of burn.
love is a different type of hurt. a different type of happiness. a different type of pain.
just like a scar, love fades.
just like a scar, love will never go away.
just like a scar, love is a weakness that can be cut open at any time.
for better or for worse…
Some thoughts about the Wuhan Virus
A deadly virus has spread throughout China. With now 76 people killed, tens of thousands being possibly infected, death festers upon negligence and ignorance. Some fools choose to travel, knowing they’re infected with this crazily contagious virus. More and more innocent people, children, are dying for that idiocy.
I’m anxious. Checking the updates on anything related to the virus has become my new habit. The ones I care the most about are in China, and tomorrow they could be dead… all because of that damned negligence.
But at the same time, I feel sad. What are the infected supposed to do? Sit down and die? How can you blame anyone when the whole plot is sad, when it is your townspeople you’re talking about, when it’s your friends and loved ones’ lives on the line.
Now I’m in dispute with myself. I don’t know what to write. Thinking that you’re lucky, that you’ve escaped the virus, that the deaths of other people are irrelevant… I don’t know what to think.
At first you’re in shock, then relaxed, thinking that they’ll have the cure developed by tomorrow… isn’t it the 21st century? Then anxiety hits. You start a journey looking for the antidote for the virus, but there’s no antidote for you.
It’s the Chinese New Year. After a year of struggling, most people finally get some rest. Families get together, friends gather… and boom…
My hometown in the same province as Wuhan City, where the virus first started to murder. Now the province is under lockdown. For that, I pray for my family.
My mother hasn’t been healthy for a few years. I worry for her well-being, now that a deadly virus walks the earth. My sister feels ill, I hope it’s just a cold…
However, there is a silver lining. And how can one go on without faith?
Today, the first step toward curing the disease with vaccination has been initiated.
Ok.
Black Mamba
While I was enjoying the beautiful weather of Ojai this morning, I got a text from my friends that made my heart drop, “Kobe Bryant was found dead with his daughter after the helicopter crash.” When I got this text, I thought it was some kind of joke or rumor that some people were spreading, and after checking all types of social media, I realized that it was true. I just couldn’t admit that my all-time favorite basketball player would leave us like this. There have been a few tragic events like this, but Kobe’s death just hit different to me. Kobe Bryant was the first player that I knew from basketball, and while me and my friends were playing basketball, I remember shouting “Kobe!” when I took the shot. He was a great mentor for a lot of people including me in and out of the court. Kobe Bryant might be gone in real life, but he will always have a special place in our hearts.
Rest in peace, Kobe Bryant.
Objectified
ob·ject
noun
/ˈäbjekt/
1.
a material thing that can be seen and touched.
…
Dear strong, capable, powerful, being,
you are not an object.
Nowadays, many people are objectified. Not just for sex, but for money, popularity, and much more.
Dear strong, capable, powerful, being,
your purpose is not just to fulfill the wants of others.
You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You are unique.
And you are here on this earth to do much more than to satisfy someone’s wants or desires and then to be put on the shelf until they want you again.
No person is single-use. No person is only good for one thing. No person is an object.
And no person deserves to be treated like one.
OVS Journalism Blog 
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