It’s THAT Month Again….

February is here, and Valentine’s Day is just around the corner.

The gushy, romantic day for women.

The irritating, stressful day for men.

What is Valentine’s Day?

Some call it  a day to express your true love and passion.

Others, more cynically, call it Singles’ Awareness Day.

I think I fall somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.

I’m so not into the lovey dovey shout-my-personal-life-to-the-world thing.  But I’m not sulking around thinking, Oh my Ross Turner…I’m gonna be alone forever.  Although, I do enjoy the candy part.

I think the Day of Hearts is good for showing your friends and family how much you appreciate them!  I suggest dividing up your time, not just spending it all with your inamorato/inamorata.

One major theme of all V-Days is the unrequited love thing.

Oh yes, you ALL know what I’m talking about.

I bet some of you have even written cheesy love poems.

This week, I had to do that for school.  I wrote some pretty bad poems.  And I mean horrible poems.

I’m  no love poet.

But got some inspiration late Wednesday night and wrote my least awful poem yet.

I entered it in our school’s love poetry contest.

Stay tuned, all you lovers, my poem’s coming your way.

Chocolate Chip Pancakes with a Side of kirbyfullyloaded.

So my wish came true!

I was able to go to the beach with an amazing friend of mine, Emmy (kirbyfullyloaded).

It was nice being able to be away from the dorms.It felt like the first time in a long time since I had been away from school related things.

Emmy’s mom is amazing. She made us breakfast everyday. In fact, this morning she made us chocolate chip pancakes and we ate them watching the high tide with the early sun.

Chocolate. Sun. Sand. Ocean. What else could a girl ask for??

Anyways, after breakfast, we both changed from our pajamas into our bathing suits (although it probably wasn’t the best idea considering my massive food baby) and ran to tan on the deck of her house. We listened to Maroon 5 together and made plans for our next weekend date! Hopefully we will be able to surf and bake a bunch of fattening goodies.

Weekends like this really let me value my friends and realize importance of spending time with good people.
Being able to stay up late with Emmy, snacking on random cookies, seaweed, and digestive wheat crackers (trust me, they taste absolutely amazing), just to keep us awake while we talked all night until the early hours of the morning was great.
Painting our nails for hours, singing along to music, critiquing singers for foibles in their voices, and not being able to wake up from staying up so late…priceless.

It lets me step back and realize how blessed I am with my friends.

Thank you Emmy for letting me stay at your house this weekend.

You are an amazing girl. Never change.

The Vow

This Saturday, I went off campus with some friends to go shopping, have dinner, and see the new movie The Vow.
I have been SO excited for this movie ever since I saw the first trailer in theaters.
First of all, the actors in it are some of my favorite. Channing Tatum is a god, and I have loved Rachel McAdams ever since the Notebook. The story also sounded so extremely cute, and I expected it to be the cutest new love story that everyone was talking about.

But to be honest, I was not impressed. I could be because I built it up so much in my head that my expectations were much too high. I was actually a little upset, especially at the end. The ending truly ruined it. I was hoping for a total cliché and cheesy romantic ending. Even if it would have been a predictable one, I wanted a real love story, and it ends leaving you wondering, and not in one of those good ways.

The story had so much potential, and I really don’t think that the movie makers took full advantage of what they had to work with. Maybe they didn’t want just another predictable, perfect Hollywood romance.

It was not terrible by any means, but it wasn’t great. I’m a bit disappointed.

Samantha Who?

What does the movie, the Anchorman (featuring Will Ferrell and Steve Carell), and NBC’s show, Up All Night (starring Will Arnett and Maya Rudolph), have in common?

Christina Applegate!

And she is making her way up my favorites list again with the tv show, Samantha Who?

I started watching this show just recently and I fell in love with it.

The story begins in a hospital. Samantha Newly, Christina Applegate’s character, has just woken up from an 8-day coma after being hit by a car. She suffers retrograde amnesia meaning she cannot recall memories from a certain time period before the accident. In the few episodes that I have watched, Samantha is on a backwards journey trying to find out who she was and changing herself for the better.

I absolutely love it.

Here’s a starter video that will give you a good summary of what it’s about:

And here is a scene from the Anchorman-a bit random but something funny!

Dear Dad

Daddy,

Words can’t begin to describe what you mean to me.

I don’t know what it is

about your voice.

maybe because the years

turned it so frail

and shaky.

Your hearty laugh

that one, so contagious

I don’t hear it as much.

But when I do,

words can’t describe how it makes me feel.

Dear Daddy,

Today, you told me

you were proud of me

and I knew you were speaking the truth 

because you are such an honest man.

It made me feel so good

when you told me that you knew

I’d get far

because of my heart and determination (I get it from you, you know).

Daddy,

you know how you tell me 

that the happiest moments 

are with me eating?

You’ve always loved watching me eat…

I’ll never forget that 아빠.

아빠, you are an amazing man.

You are honest and kind,

selfless and hardworking.

You gave up so much for me

You fought for me 

and you rarely ever, ever told a lie

아빠, God truly blessed me

with you 

and someday dad,

I’m going to marry somebody just like you.

You are the greatest man in my life

The only one that looks into my heart & truly understand

The one to see me as I was

You believed in me always

You loved me always, through it all…

I’m so sorry I wasn’t better

but I’ll be my best from now

You taught me so much

But the greatest lesson you’ve ever taught me was

how to love.

Thank you daddy.

Words can’t describe what you mean to me.

You’re the best

and you deserve all you want.

I love you 아빠.

Stay healthy and be always happy. 

Life’s A Beach.

Usually I have an undeniable, irresistible desire for Korean food or home.

But this time, it’s the beach.

The weather has been beautiful lately here in Ojai. I mean, how lucky are we to have summer weather in the end of January?

It started with the semi-annual sale at Victoria’s Secret.

Discounts on swimsuits and free shipping on orders over $25!!

So I bought one and it arrived last Monday but since I was unhappy with it, I sent it back. Now, I have to wait until February for the new one!

NOW ALL I NEED IS SOME SAND AND A LOT OF OCEAN.

But I must have patience because being at a boarding school, I don’t have many chances to leave and head to the beach whenever I want to.

I JUST WANT SUMMER!!

Sometimes life’s a beach.

What Holds Me Together

High above, amongst the stars,

God checked his watch,

and realized it was time.

Time to make a story,

my story,

mine.

He wove together a string of trinkets,

some rusty,

some silver,

some gold,

and some of precious stones.

Of those trinkets,

there were many places.

Houses and apartments,

studios

and condominiums.

Restaurants, schools, corners and alleys.

There was a bit of Mexico.

Koreatown, too.

Some wormy grass,

and golf courses where the deer roamed at night.

And of course,

tied closely to these homes,

was my mother’s cooking,

my father’s laughter,

my sister’s pranks.

And there were my fears.

My anxieties,

all intertwined with my passions,

my soul,

and whatever else that stirs me and moves me and lifts me..

My friends and enemies,

my lovers and ex-boyfriends.

Teachers, mentors, coaches, neighbors.

Mailmen, taxi drivers, pilots, a Marine.

There was much joy.

But,

there were also tears and hardship,

loneliness and strife.

Yelling and screaming,

punching and throwing.

The threads mangled and fried.

But soon enough,

God, with his knowing hands,

his fingers so gentle,

created a piece.

And those loose threads,

they all straighten out to create

one magnificent picture.

One that is unique.

One that is me.

mine.

Starlight

“Far away
This ship is taking me far away
Far away from my memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

The starlight
I will be chasing your starlight
Until the end of my life
I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms

My life
You electrify my life
Let’s conspire to re-ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive

I’ll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away, never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes & revelations
And our hopes and expectations
Black holes & revelations…”

Starlight, by Muse

Starlight. Better than sunlight, moonlight, candlelight, or any other kind of light.

A scientist would tell you the stars are balls of hydrogen and helium gas burning millions of light years away.

An astrologer would tell you their position determines certain aspects about the world and that they have traditional meanings.

A romantic would tell you they are beauty incarnate.

A poet would call them inspiration.

What are they to me?

They are everything beautiful, ethereal, untouchable and divine.

The stars represent dreams, aspirations and hopes that are unachievable, but always there.

Ever fancied someone you shouldn’t?

It hurts doesn’t it?

But it’s kind of a good hurt.

When I look at the stars, I feel that good hurt. It’s like watching someone you shouldn’t love. They are so exquisite, so alluring and magical.

Everlasting, always just above my head, but I can never touch them.

They twinkle because of the constant shifting of the atmosphere.

Their light takes billions of years to reach Earth. Many stars may have supernova-ed and gone millions, even billions, of years ago. But their light will remain until time catches up with their destruction. And by then, maybe a new star has formed.

They make me feel lonely and surrounded at the same time.

So insignificant, but so honored to be able to see them.

I like to think their twinkling reflects humanity, always changing, moving.

We have existed less than an instant in the scope of space and time, a meaningless fraction in the endless span of the universe.

In that blink of time, we have charged ahead, shedding our light and exploring the stars. We question everything, longing to know the secrets and mysteries, the enigma and irresistible pull that surrounds creation.

They make me want to know impossible beauty.

Sometimes when I look up at them I feel something like a physical pull, something yanking me upwards towards the night sky.

Stars…

Annabel Lee II

I was a child and she was a child,

In this kingdom by the sea,

But we loved with a love that was more than love—

I and my Annabel Lee—

With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven

Coveted her and me.

I open my eyes.

The words fade slowly, dissipating like fog before a cold night wind.

Numbness has set into my bones, preventing me from feeling anything.  I can no longer sense the freezing spray on my skin, the bitter gale’s bite across my face.  The sky has darkened, turning the clouds from ash to slate and the last lines of green have bled from the water, leaving it colorless and violent.

Looking up to a higher hill, I see my destination.  Although I feel nothing, I wrap my coat more tightly around me and tilt my head forward, burying my face in the musty wool of my scarf.

I have spent the last months grieving, so naturally I have not been out for much exercise other than to visit her.  The effort it takes to climb the hill makes my legs burn and my chest tighten.  Only when the pain comes can I feel the cold air press against my throat and restrict my breathing.  Puffs of white rush forth from my lips and swirl away quickly.

Panting I stop beside the sepulchre.  I gaze sightlessly at the words, tracing the ridges of the engraving with stiff fingers.  Naturally I know it by heart.

Annabel Lee Ashford-Dalton

1809-1830

Devoted Daughter

Generous Sister

Loving Wife

I let my fingers drift over the words Annabel Lee, Dalton and loving wife but avoid from touching the others entirely.  My name belies my wealth and status.  Her family has always hated me passionately.  Their aristocratic legacy is far superior to my nondescript background.  The highborn daughter of a noble could not possibly fraternize with the impoverished son of a widow.  And yet my Annabel had loved me.  When I could not give her jewels or silks, carriages or marble fountains, she loved me.

I wager they are more than happy to be rid of me now.

I stare down at the unfeeling black marble.  It is cold, rigid and sharp; things Annabel had never been in life.  Droplets of water cling to it, making the stone appear as if it weeps. The tears remind me so much of our drip castle and I press my fingers to my eyes and sigh.

Memories rush around me.

After building our castle, it was several weeks before I saw Annabel again.  But following our second encounter, we scarcely went a day without seeing each other.  I learned that she was staying with a nanny and her eldest sister in the Ashfords’ summer home.  Her mother was ailing and the rest of her family had sent her away to protect her from sickness.  Apparently she took ill very easily and had an extremely difficult time recovering.

I took to calling her Annalie, just a simple contraction of Annabel Lee.   Her nanny, whose name was Matilda, abhorred the nickname.  Every time she heard me say it, she cringed and gave me a disdainful look.  Matilda would pronounce each syllable, saying, “Ann uh Lee…” then scowl at Annabel and say, “Really miss Ashford, that is far too crude a name for a lady of your station.  I must insist you bid him to refrain from calling you that.”

Of course she never did.  Annabel loved my little name for her.  She said it was friendly and sweeter than Annabel Lee, as every family member used that formal address when speaking to her.

Even though Matilda openly disliked me, not once did she forbid Annabel from seeing me. Her sister, Eleonora, seldom took notice of her youngest sibling and paid no mind to our interactions.

Years went by and our friendship grew, my affections for her waxing all the while.  When I was ten and four, Annabel invited me over to her family’s estate for the first time.  I remember the hot feeling of excitement and the chill of nervousness when I accepted her invitation.

As I said before, I had no love of God, but thankfully I still owned Sunday clothes.  They were a bit small and slightly wrinkled, but presentable and clean nonetheless.

I caught my mother smiling softly to herself as she polished the buttons on my coat and ironed my trousers.  She took great care in fixing up my clothes.

I washed my hair and she combed the curls through, neatly pushing them back against my forehead.  She put her hands on my shoulders and whispered in my ear, “You’re such a handsome boy… You look so like you father… You have his eyes, and his smile.”

Indeed all who knew Caspian Dalton told me I looked exactly like him.  I only inherited one trait from my mother and that was her incredibly tall and slender frame.

Rosaline Dalton was a beautiful woman.  Creamy white skin set fire to her bright red hair.  Corkscrew curls, the color of glossy cherry wood, cascaded down her back in sprightly ringlets.  The faintest spray of freckles dotted the bridge of her nose and under her eyes.

My mother had the loveliest eyes.  They were an unusual color, somewhere between warm cinnamon and melting chocolate.  There were even hints of gold in them.  Sparkling and soft, they always made me feel protective of her.

But since my father’s death, there hung a kind of quiet sadness in their depths.  It did not dampen their light, but it somehow changed it.  Before, they had glittered like orbs of polished amber.  After he died, they were shinier but less glittery; she looked hurt, lost.

My father had loved her more than anything.  Perhaps those jealous angels took him too…

Annabel hurried me though the house.  In fact, we moved so quickly I cannot even recall the color of the carpet or the size of the foyer.  She took me into the garden, only then did she slow and relax.

The garden was enclosed by glass, protecting the inhabitants from weather.  Some plants were thin and tall, others were short and thick.  I was ashamed that I did not know the name of even one specimen.

Annabel gently touched my hand and led me to the center of the garden, to the flowerbeds.  A stone fountain bubbled happily, spurting clear water from a fish’s mouth down into the shallow basin below.  I sighed, relieved.  I did in fact know the names of the beautiful blossoms.

I spied a red rose, velvety and trembling on its long, thorny stem.

Next to it, a tulip rested sleepily, its waxy pink petals looking heavy and healthy.

Six white daisies with soft yellow centers surrounded a vibrant sunflower.

But one flower stood out from the others.  A single star lily grew near the fountain.  Fragile and feminine, it smelled fresh and delicate.  The petals were mostly deep pink, but the outermost edges were white.  A pale green throat barred balls of gold pollen, mounted on slender stalks.

“That one is my favorite,” Annabel whispered.

I turned to look at her.

She was beautiful, standing there in her gossamer mauve dress.  Her hair was longer than when we first met, almost reaching her waist. Deep sea green eyes searched my face, gleaming and her skin looked softer and more radiant than ever.  But one thing held my gaze, mesmerized, enchanted; I could feel my heart hammering in my throat and blood throbbing behind my eyes.

Her lips looked so lush and satiny, untouched, flawless.  I could smell the sweetness of her skin, vanilla and rose water.  My mind wandered for a moment.  I thought it strange she smelled of roses when she loved lilies so much.

She shifted, and the motion brought my focus back.

“Annalie…” I said, not taking my eyes from her lips.

“What is it?” she asked, frozen.

“Have you ever…” I could not bring myself to finish the question.

“No,” she breathed.  Then added almost inaudibly, “But I’d like to.”

I hesitated, taking in the exquisite green of her eyes and the perfection of her face.  I had never touched her hair, though I had always wanted to.  The silky strands seemed to melt as I slid my fingers though them; her hair was even softer than I had ever imagined.

Closing my eyes, I leaned forward and inhaled her scent one last time before my mouth met hers.

I felt hot and dizzy the moment our lips made touched.  Color and shadow spiraled around in my head, taking me to the edge of consciousness and threatening to push me into the abyss.  She surrendered her weight to me and I held her, the unbearable sweetness overwhelming me, permeating my every sense.

She tasted of sugar and honeysuckle with just a hint of exotic spice.  The warmth of her skin set my own on fire.  So there I stood, ablaze, holding a fay in my arms.

STAY TUNED FOR NEXT STORY!

Fat Sundays with Tom Cruise

Huddled together.

Light cutting the darkness like blades

through the spaces between the blinds.

Our heads come closer to the screen,

our limbs intertwined.

A mess of blankets and

the overwhelming scent of Chinese food.

Golden Moon did it again.

Our stomachs are aching

but, we don’t mind.

Tom Cruise is almost dead,

Julia with a gun in her hand.

HE’S ALIVE!

We all let out a sigh of relief,

our hands let go of each others.

This is a good Sunday afternoon.

Surrounded by my friends,

just being fat and lazy.

I am so happy.

This is happiness.

“Friendship is a special kind of love.”