Ugly Mornings

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I am so tired. I have no free time during the school week so I like to make the most of my weekends. This is where my dilemma arises. I stay up late on the weekends to get the most out of my futile untethered days. I know it will come back to bite me during the school week. I never want the day to end because the next will only creep closer to Monday.

When Monday morning finally comes, my long nights catch up to me. My eye bags are swollen and discolored. No amount of stretching soothes the aching in my back. The cold world awaits me right outside of my blanket that heats me like a freshly baked loaf of bread. One alarm goes off, then the next, and then the next. I hit snooze until the last second.

When the last second forces my eyes open, I sit up and slide my legs down the side of my bed. The hard floor meets my sore familiar feet like a deceitful friend. The blanket slides off and the cool air envelops me as goosebumps run across my skin. I stare into the darkness with drooping eyes. I cannot fathom the fact that I am about to start my day and go to school.

I open my curtains and the harsh light pours in. A new day, a new school week, and a new set of sleep deprived mornings. I hate being tired on the weekdays but I would hate it even more if I missed out on the freedom of my weekends. I’ll have to keep sacrificing my under eyes and sleep for my freedom.

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Work Days

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Three times a week I go to work. Usually, I work closing shifts with someone else, but they are changing it to closing shifts alone. This weekend I worked twice. The first time was on Friday, and I got to work with one of my best friends. For the first three hours of my shift, all I did was serve customers and restock cups, spoons, and ice cream. Once it gets to the last hour, we start closing and cleaning the windows, the lids, and the counters. Once everything was clean, I started to sweep the floors while my friend put the lids on the ice cream, and after I was done sweeping, I did the register and waited for my friend to finish mopping, and then we took out the trash and locked up. Almost every time I work, we do the same things, and usually on the weekends, we make way more money than on the weekdays. 

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Rainy Day Shenanigans

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I woke up with my mind racing of the dream that had woke me up. Half-asleep I forced myself out of bed into my normal morning routine which consists of 1, going to my parents room to say what’s up to my dog, 2 going into my room to shower and brush my teeth and finally 3, get dressed and leave.

However, this morning was different whether it was my cold shower being not so cold this morning, or the feeling of wearing a jacket to school for the first time this year. Today was different.

That was when I looked out my window to see water droplets had covered all the windows in my room. Then it hit me, last night was rainy. But I didn’t feel down because of the weather, not me, no this cat likes the rain. I ran outside with my wet hair and shoes untied and took a big nice American whiff of that rainy air.

I smiled ear to ear, with that rainy day smell in my body I knew today would be a great day.

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Forgetting My Blog

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So, it’s Sunday afternoon… and I just realized, I forgot to write my blog. You’re probably thinking, how can you forget your blog, it’s a weekly thing and it’s always mentioned. Well I somehow did, and now I feel like I’m a hundred steps behind. 

I recently started a new system of keeping track of things for school, guess it isn’t working. The new system I’m currently using is to write things I need to do on a sticky note and stick them to my desk where I can see them. It felt like it was working and I was more on top of things compared to before, but I’ve managed to mess it up.  

The blog isn’t the only thing I forgot. It turned out I forgot something for another class, but it was before I  started the system, which I don’t think really counts, but still. Now I feel like I’m falling behind in everything, and I’m gonna fail every class from here on out. The worst part is that it has only been about three weeks since school started, but somehow, the effort I’m putting in currently feels like nothing compared to everybody else.

The Gym

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Over the summer, I decided to start going to the gym. In the summer heat, my days were primarily spent indoors except for golfing in the afternoons. I began to feel sluggish and less active than I thought I needed to be.

Starting as a beginner in a public gym was intimidating at first. Walking in and passing people who could bench press double my body weight didn’t help me feel welcomed.

I found a spot near the corner, put on my music, and started to work. Each time the weight was lifted, a burning yet rewarding feeling was felt in the intended muscle. As I fatigued more, the feeling increased.

While going to the gym is often described as painful, it is an indescribable feeling that combines the struggle of the body with the relief of the mind.

It often takes motivation from getting off the bed or couch to get to the gym, but the rewards it brings outweigh the dread. I’ve found that the longer I have been doing it, the more it has become a habit rather than a deliberate action.

Seeing the gradual improvements over time, even if it’s 5 pounds, shows that the work is paying off and keeps me wanting to show up the next day.

The Benefits of Having a Workplace Gym - Link Spaces

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Overstimulating

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Today I experienced overstimulation so horrible that I couldn’t function properly. I could barely breathe out of my nose because of this September sickness. It was humid and rainy, so I felt hot and cold at the same time, which are the worst two weathers to have on a school day. The hood on my hoodie was in my way the whole day, that it was all I could focus on when doing school work. I also had a surprise quiz in my favorite class, Spanish, which I did not study for and probably failed because of my lack of focus. My Spanish class today was before lunch, so I had to walk up a large flight of stairs, which I could barely do because I can’t breathe. I also had a presentation for my AP class, and I had to read off of a slide that I did not make and did not understand a word from, which impacted my grade. Luckily, this very overstimulating week is almost over, and hopefully next week will be more tolerable.

hoco makes me loco

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This weekend I’m going to my friend’s homecoming, and I’m just really stressed out. I forgot that she had invited me two months ago, so I ordered my dress a week ago. It arrived yesterday, which is two days before, and I kind of hate it. I have so much work that I need to catch up on, and I feel like homecoming is just going to take over my weekend. I also have no idea what time the dance starts and ends, and I really don’t like not having plans. We are supposed to get ready with a group of girls before, and I have never met at least half of them, so that’s probably going to be awkward. Even though I’m nervous, I’m still excited because we are getting ready at our friend’s house, who is now in college, as her sister is having people over to get ready. My friends and I have already claimed to get prepared in our friend’s room, which is in college, because it would honestly be disrespectful if someone else who wasn’t us got ready in her room. I am manifesting that everything goes well tomorrow because I just see a lot of things that could go wrong.

Nostalgia

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Nostalgia is by far one of the worst feelings ever, at least for me. I feel like I have nostalgia even when I’m living in the moment; it haunts me. Every time I go out or do something fun, I’m flooded with it. No matter if it’s a song, moment, or memory. I basically just unlock the vibe or the feeling I had during some time in the past. I don’t really know how to explain it. I can just feel how I felt in the moment when I think back on it. Just like smelling an old perfume or candle from a special time in your past. It makes you remember and miss everything so deeply.

I miss being little; it was such a special time in life. The nostalgia from when I was younger is the thing that truly haunts me the most, out of everything. I miss Christmas, or any holiday, and the feeling I had for them when I was younger. It’s so different now, and I’m changing so fast. I didn’t even realize that all those special times I had were gone. And I will never get to experience them again.

“Girl Sad” by Milada Vigerova/ CC0 1.0

Art Block and Its Unfortunate Struggles Against Me

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Every so often, an artist goes into an art block. Doesn’t know what to draw, doesn’t know what to write, doesn’t know how to play music, doesn’t know how to create. You try writing? It’s not good enough to draft, so you delete it. You try drawing? The head shape looks like a potato. You try playing music? The tabs are too fast, and you want to smash your instrument.

I, unfortunately, felt like this from the start of August to just a few days ago. Being influenced by comics such as The Umbrella Academy (before it was a show) and Deathwish, I felt like I needed to be like the artists, taking some of their aspects of art and putting them in my own. Coming back to just a few days ago, I spent the night with my uncle Dan and my aunt Julia.

They influence me in art and music in more ways than one, showing me songs that were prominent back when they were near my age and showing me their own art, on Dan’s side of things. They showed me Queens of the Stone Age, Gorillaz, White Zombie, and so much more.

Back to whenever I went to their place for the weekend. We were planning on playing Dungeons and Dragons, but that all went into a mess of just talking about music and our lives. Nonetheless, it was fun, and they gave me two new sketchbooks I could use to draw.

Coming home, I asked myself, “What should I draw?” I sat on it for a minute, deciding to doodle a bit. First one? Looked like a mutilated animal. Second? Yeah, now we were getting somewhere. I proceed to draw one of my Original Characters, Hal Smith (First name pronounced hall…), a character in the book I’ve been attempting to write for the past year.

Hal is one of my favorite tropes in all of media, labeled as ‘Haunting the Narrative’. That’s whenever a character in a show or a novel’s presence is absent or minimal, yet their actions, choices, and existence have a profound impact on the plot. Some examples of this are Pink Diamond in Steven Universe, Doug Rattman in the Portal franchise, Mark Heathcliff in The Mandela Catalog, Sauron in The Lord of the Rings, John Kramer in the Saw franchise, Caleb Wittebane in The Owl House, and so many more.

With this new motivation, I draw him and paste him in my new sketchbook, admiring the new piece of work in the book I had previously decorated. I’m working hard to get out of art block, but that’s what comes whenever you’re an artist.

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Cross country

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The three long miles of cross country are some of the most painful moments to ever experience, but ultimately worth it in the end. The hills and the long stretches of dirt show the true pain and misery of the sport. Each day of training is painful and boring, but once you get to the moment in the race when the finish line is in sight, it is all worth it. Every runner is fighting, putting all their strength into finishing those miles as fast as they can. With all the torture of running through the heat, the hills, and the injury, that feeling when you pass the finish line is unlike anything else. Not only do you have to be in amazing shape, but you also need to have an amazing and powerful mindset. With the right mindset, the chances of succeeding are much higher, and as long as your mindset is strong and you have a very strong willpower, you can do anything. Even with the pain, cross country is a sport like no other and will always be one of the most mentally challenging but the most rewarding sports of all time. 

Life as a cross country runner; Breaking down a typical week for the Bucs - Charleston Southern University

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