Junos

scarlettoharaLeave a comment

There is always at least one Juno in a person’s life. Someone who is their own worst enemy, because their worst enemy is hatred. Someone who may have everything lowly everyman could want but, whether from actual grievances or lack of worldliness, still finds cause to complain. If they’re under the thumbs of higher tyrants, I might be able to sympathize. If they didn’t also lash out against the few they have power over. They might proclaim themself a defender of men, a Hera Alexandros, but we hear the things they’ve done. Honestly, we wish we couldn’t hear them screech or moan for its own sake.

I’m a living human being, but even then I’m worried about the temptation to go down to their level. Maybe that’s part of the point, that they love company. But I’m in a relatively comfortable position, and have more support than I could ever ask for. I have a lot going for me and a lot to enjoy. I can go back to saying “yes” to opportunity, joy, the better part of myself. And why should I care about the curses Juno might send my way? If anything, I hope she gives Jove a piece of her mind and escape the millenia of myths she’s trapped in. It’s not very different from what her patrons must do.

PC:Google

Sappho 31 Revived

scarlettoharaLeave a comment

(Yes, one of the reasons I want to learn Ancient Greek is to read Sappho in her original language. Yes, one of my goals in my life is to create a poetry collection building on all of her remaining fragments, with this being the first of its kind. I have priorities.

But since this is based on an original that has enchanted readers for literal millenia, check out a translation of Sappho 31 to fully see how I turn it inside out. The skeleton of my revival is mostly based on Anne Carson’s translations, but I definitely looked to others for inspiration.)

He seems to me a man who’d like to kill god
Whatever he is, sitting in front of you
Prowling to see any bent
To deconstruct who you are
But he’s sure he’ll sink into sweet legend


Your smile after is sweeter; but how is it
Even when he’s gone
My own tongue cracks. And every word’s drought. Fruitless.
Any peep from him puts the gall in my belly on wings
So when I look at you, even a moment
No speaking is left in me


If I see you next- a subtle fire will speed through my skin
He took my sight, he burst my ears
Already so your touch makes me seize and shake
Myself, or is that you?
But whatever I try to hold
I am still paler than grass, I am deaf from all of this buzzing
I am dead- or I seem to be at this rate


But what can be endured, can be recovered
As when I saw the sun-glades shimmer in human eyes
While speaking words stronger than bone, more resistant than sinew
Yet more sensitive than nerve and barer than skin
I remembered to see the poorer half that lives

PC:Google

Hibernation

scarlettoharaLeave a comment

The return of spring is when the world returns from the dead
Or – it is so for the black bear
It creeps on its claws towards the mouth
Of the tomb, which the crumbling dirt enclosing all
Caressed the bear as it rested
It would be miraculous for it to come to life
But the immaculate, sterile state of the newborn world
Would be unearthly to the black bear
When the grime was its own closed world for so long
Recollections of the outside leaked in the time since


Perhaps the outside is too clean
Too white in its naive snow
For one so long in the dirt
Or even, that the air is not so fresh
But packed with strife
And noise and human eyes


Is there anything that can force an animal of instinct
To sink, continue, down and still
Under the earth


But awaking again-
Feeling the fur-soft grass beneath paws
Hearing the birds chirping like bells away from daily bullets
Seeing all the other creatures who
In the same place, awaken again year after year
That is what makes it worthwhile
That the black bear’s instincts make it fall and rise
Neverending

PC:Google

Danville

scarlettoharaLeave a comment

(Normally when I write poems I imagine created scenarios like “What if a speaker leaves her kidnapper for the moon,” or “What if a speaker roasts a stealthing girl for completely unpersonal reasons.” This poem totally, definitely is the same.)

PC:Google

Do you remember the last time we walked
Through our high school on the hill
After hours and empty?
It always felt like a dream
Shadows creeping acutely far
Never before seen by student eyes
But think, so many lived here,
Someone every day was wandering
Stray people like stray animals
We had roads, just for ourselves


Do you remember how we might meet,
Or run into the other
Outside dorms
We exchanged words, treats, as acquaintances
And I cupped my hands to take a world’s granted abundance


I remember that pitch tar night
Or that overlight room
When I coughed
Out the most pointless goodbye in the world.
If I returned, would I find it
All the same, wax stuck
I seem to have a knack, in eternally returning


Or, like the footprints
Are they all gone?

Bloody Knuckles and Shards of Glass

purcyLeave a comment

I’ve always wanted people to be afraid of hurting me. I put up a wall around myself. I hurt people before they can hurt me because I’m so afraid to be left or called out or cheated. In reality, I am the one who leaves and insults people and cheats. I want to be a good person and I want to make other people feel good. I wish I had the self-control just to be quiet sometimes. But I don’t. I’m loud and annoying and I take up more space than I should. I’ve wanted to be a better person since I was a little kid. Since my mom told me the reason I don’t have any friends is because I am so mean. She is right. My dad told me I was like him and I would have to learn to change my personality. I would hate myself if I met me. I want to be deserving of all the love I have, but I’m not. 

PC:Google

vocal stims

shallahan#1moochLeave a comment

Lately, there has been a TikTok trend going around where people post their “vocal stims” (clips of funny videos from TikTok that we quote) so here is me and scouts…

“Einstein goes away, I go away, so he’s not leaving because I know they can’t let me leave. I will go with that cat.” –

“Apple..” “no thank you.” “its gooood” “ok.” – enchanted

“no no its nice” ” thats is fantastic” – Hyperpigmentation

“I hate Vietnam” ” No Lily we don’t hate” “I hate Vietnaaam.” – Modern family

“aaah aa ahhhh aaa ahahoouuoo” – wicked

“I’m tired of this grandpa” “that’s to damn bad” – Holes

“You what happens to a good looking guy like me in jail? It rhymes with grape…. It rhymes with grape.” – 21 Jump street

” I ate my grandma, and it took a week cause she was absolutely humongous” – Moana

“I paid my bills, my bills are paid.” “Girl, you not pregnant, you just thirsty.” – 1000 pound sisters

“I cut my finger on my mom’s ring, I hope I can still dance.”

pc – google

Childhood

shallahan#1moochLeave a comment

i am overcome with missing people 

i miss my old self 

before life happened 

i miss my old friends 

i miss my old family

i miss the boys i used to love

i miss the smile on my innocent face 

but most of all i miss the feeling that came with that smile. 

i didn’t even know what was to come 

a ran around with bare feet, gapped teeth, and skinned knees 

but i never cared 

i never even noticed 

i miss those summers by the pool 

i miss the security of those hugs 

the way i melted into their arms 

i always wanted to grow up and i never understood why people said stay young 

but i get it now 

all i wish for is to go back 

back to the sun on my cheeks and the light in my eyes. 

Pc- my mom circa 2010

Spring sports

fastasianLeave a comment

As the winter sports season ends, the spring season has started. At first, the school allowed me to do both Golf and Track and field. However, they changed their mind and thought it would be unfair for the golfers since I would just be taking their spots in the league final while they work hard to earn the spots. Therefore, I have switched back to golf and left track since there will be a bigger chance to win the league final champion in golf. Last year, we took back home 2nd place, we were 1st place after the first 9 holes, but lost in the back 9. Track was great, with the new coach that broke multiple records for his college and coached many athletes to all-American and D1 offers. I was planning on running 100 meters since I was the fastest among the sprinters. There won’t be as many track meets this year, since the coaches have to go to a camping trip during the 2 track meets, so I preferred golf since I will be playing more.

pc: https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nytimes.com%2F2023%2F02%2F09%2Fsports%2Fgolf%2Fpga-phoenix-open-liv.html&psig=AOvVaw3EeHWn-gizr4c6M74jZkMx&ust=1741794090422000&source=images&cd=vfe&opi=89978449&ved=0CBQQjRxqFwoTCKjhk-WugowDFQAAAAAdAAAAABAE

my bsf

shallahan#1moochLeave a comment

years ago I remember wondering if I would ever be the first choice 

would I ever find someone who I chose but also chose me

and I found her 

my best friend in the whole world

someone who I will choose every time 

and who I know will choose me too

she knows more about me than i know about myself 

when I look into her eyes I see myself in another life 

we fit together like pieces of a puzzle 

even though we are on different tracks of life we still found each other through the twists and turns and turns 

and we will find each other again 

not because we want to 

because we have to

my other half

my better half 

my soulmate

a mark I won’t ever be able to erase 

arms that will always be there to hold me

hands to wipe my tears when I can’t 

a mind to think what thinking before I think it 

and bright blue piercing eyes to look at me and tell me it will be okay 

pc: Me

Winter break

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

I am going to Colombia with my family this winter break to see my extended family for the week. I am so excited not only to see my family but also tan. Being tan makes me feel so much happier and healthier. Being tan is like its own makeup, a feeling no other can compare to. I love Colombia and seeing my family the food is amazing and it’s always a great trip. This year we are taking a trip to Isla Baru an island off the coast of Cartagena. I love going to all-inclusive resorts and relaxing all day. Tanning is like a sport to me it pushes my limits and feels like a lot of work. I often set timers to take “tanning breaks” where I get food, water and often find some shade. Being tan not only makes me happy but makes me look healthier and less sickly looking.

PC:”Beach Summer” by Flo Dahm/ CC0 1.0