Author: zombiegxrl

The Solution for Shopping Addicts

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I think I have an addiction. I love buying clothes. I love buying clothes online, I love buying clothes in-store, and most of all, I love thrifting. Despite my urges, I’ve really held back from online shopping and shopping at in-store name-brand stores because the prices are way too high. The thrift store is a retail addict’s dream. Cheap clothes, searching through thousands of pieces, and avoiding fast fashion. Spending so much money each week isn’t sustainable, so I’ve found a perfect method to make my money back. Every time I go thrifting, I pick out would-be expensive name-brand clothing that I know I don’t want. I’ll spend twelve dollars at most on an originally fifty-dollar pair of jeans. I then take photos and measurements and list them on online selling sites and make huge profits. I obviously can’t sell it for its original price, but anything higher than twelve dollars is a profit, and twelve dollars isn’t much. Also, any clothes I outgrow or no longer like get posted. I’ve been selling multiple items a week and making money just by shopping and getting rid of old clothes. I will be getting a job over the summer to make more money, but reselling clothes is the best cheat method for shopping addicts.

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SCU or UCSC

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May 1st is in seventeen days. I have seventeen days to decide where I will spend the next four years of my life. Where I will sleep, where I will study, where I will meet new people, and hopefully where I will thrive. Considering factors like housing applications and looking for a roommate, I’ll probably need to make a decision much sooner. Over spring break, I toured both UC Santa Cruz and Santa Clara University. I was sure that I wouldn’t like SCU and that I was going to commit to UCSC as soon as I got home. When I began walking around SCU, I was pleasantly, but inconveniently surprised; I actually really liked it. On the drive home, my mind changed; I loved SCU, and I was sure I would be attending in the fall. Later that day, when I finally saw UCSC, my decision was again complicated. I loved both schools. Each one was gorgeous, but in vastly different ways. Seeing the people on both campuses, I feel as though I might fit in better at UCSC, but the consistent rain and shade may make me a bit depressed. SCU has D1 sports, which could be fun to watch, while UCSC only offers D3 sports. SCU’s party scene is definitely more lively as well. SCU was smaller and much easier to navigate, but will I be sick of that after four years? UCSC dorms are pretty bad, and they only offer communal-style dorms, and none of them have kitchens. Since there are no kitchens, students are forced to get a meal plan, and I’ve heard the meals are pretty terrible. Santa Cruz, the city, is absolutely perfect, though. There is so much to do, it’s right on the beach, and just absolutely stunning. Santa Clara, on the other hand, isn’t nearly as charming. SCU is more prestigious, and they offer great suite-style dorms, and even the communal-style dorms are decent, and they have better dining hall food. There are better post-graduate opportunities, and the housing crisis isn’t as severe as it is in Santa Cruz. The pros and cons point to SCU, but is it the right choice? There are so many factors to consider and it makes my head hurt. I don’t want to make the wrong choice, and I want to thrive and be happy. I wish somebody would just tell me what to do with complete confidence in positive results.

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Around the Corner

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I feel as though time is moving more quickly than it should. I feel as though my senior year of high school only started weeks ago. I feel as though I just began new and more difficult classes, but in reality, I’ve been sitting through them for months now. When we were approaching the end of the first quarter, I remember thinking to myself, “You have to do that three more times,” and feeling defeated by the seemingly endless amount of work I would still have to complete to graduate. Now, we’ve begun the fourth quarter. It feels unreal that all the work and time I was dreading is now behind me. It feels unreal that high school is almost over. It feels unreal that I will be looking up at everyone during graduation, instead of watching from high up in the amphitheater seating. Although I’m relieved that I can leave behind the long and tiring years of high school, I’m still sad that it’s over. I feel like I’m saying goodbye to my childhood. Sometimes I think back to my first day in public school, when I received my student ID. It specified that the year I would graduate was 2026, and it seemed an impossible distance away. Now it is 2026, and that impressionable and innocent child has faded and worn. I hope she will not completely fade away after graduating, because innocence is too beautiful to lose forever. I guess they really meant it when they said it’ll all be over in the blink of an eye.

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Acceptance and Rejection

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With the month of March comes college acceptance/rejection decisions. I’ve always said to myself and others that the rejections won’t affect me because I’ll make the best of wherever I end up. This positive outlook has changed a bit since then. I got my first true rejection last week. Not a deferment, and not a waitlist. A true, solid rejection. UC Davis apologized for not being able to offer me admission because of their large and competitive applicant pool. Since I first toured the campus of UC Davis I’ve been preaching that it just isn’t the place for me. Cow country, surrounded by the relentlessly hot and barren central California, just isn’t my top choice for the next four years of my life. Besides, I already got into UC Santa Cruz where I’d love to attend because of the beautiful campus and its equally gorgeous surroundings. Despite all this, I still felt the heavy weight of disappointment when I read the first sentence of my rejection letter. Although I didn’t want to go, I still wanted to be accepted. I wanted the validation that my hard work throughout high school was enough to get me into Davis. Sadly, this validation wouldn’t be fulfilled by Davis, and won’t be fulfilled by many other colleges as rejections continue to roll in. I’m glad I received my first rejection from a school I didn’t have my heart set on, because then my disappointment might’ve swallowed me whole. I guess I’ve learned that I’ll need to provide my own validation now, because the world is too tough to cushion every landing.

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Mistakes

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For my senior project, I built an acoustic guitar. I spent almost 30 hours on this project, and finally finished over the weekend. My finished slideshow presentation captures my dedication and the overall process. The only thing it doesn’t capture, though, is the mistakes I made along the way. The stories about my mistakes didn’t make the slideshow because it was already pushing the time limit without them. I still think it’s important to recognize what went wrong and what I learned from it, so I’ll do that in this blog. A huge mistake I made was placing the fretboard up much too high, leaving no space for the nut to be glued on. I had to use an iron to reheat the wood glue and peel off the misapplied fretboard, which completely damaged it. I then had to buy another fretboard and redo the gluing process. Fixing this mistake cost me many hours, and it was horribly mundane. Despite how annoying the process was, it taught me that it’s important to consider future steps, even if you don’t think your current step will affect them. It’s also important to make sure your measurements are perfectly accurate, and taking a few extra minutes to perfect your lines beats spending four hours fixing an avoidable mistake.

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Black Hair

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I’m usually not very impulsive. I always take my time thinking things out. Sometimes I take so much time it turns into overthinking, but last night couldn’t be more different. I’ve been contemplating dying my hair black for years now. I always find some worry or reason not to, though. My mom told me I should wait to get it done by professionals, but the waiting was what was shooting me down. The more time I had to think about it, the more I convinced myself it was a bad idea. Last night, as I was scrolling on my phone, the strongest urge suddenly hit me. I jumped up and called my friend to tell her it was happening. We drove to the store and bought dye, and just started painting the color in. I didn’t give myself the time to overthink it or back out; I just did it. Today I woke up with no regrets. I don’t know why I was so scared or why I didn’t commit sooner. I hope that this moment of impulsiveness will set me up to overthink less in the future. YOLO!!!

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Trial Run

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Two weeks ago, I was amongst many students who dragged themselves back onto campus to finish the gruelling second semester of the school year. During the annual three weeks of break, I usually forget about school completely, but this year was different. I realized that in a few months, this time away would soon be permanent. With graduation right around the corner, I finally took some time to consider what I’ve enjoyed about OVS. After complaining about sports practice for the better part of high school, I found myself missing it. I craved exercise, movement, and activity. Although the gym is always an option in the future, I’ll miss the team I’ve been gifted with. The first thing I missed going into break was the cafeteria’s crushed ice. Having become a staple in my daily routine, I found it disappointing to drink lukewarm water or water with big chunks of ice. Speaking of the cafeteria, I also missed the routine fresh and healthy lunches. I went from Cesar wraps, burritos, and baked potatoes, to a snack here and there. Although I’m ready to leave OVS behind and start a new chapter, I hope that these are the memories I will hold onto looking back.

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No Thanks And No Giving

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Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday. I have no trouble eating, but when it’s the fourth Thursday of November, my appetite seems to disappear. When I was younger my family had a huge and lively Thanksgiving dinner. My mom, dad, two half-sisters, my half-sisters’ dad, my grandparents, our baby-sitter, and our baby-sitters son were always in attendance year after year. So many people showed up to give thanks and enjoy a nice meal. I remember feeling overcome with happiness, warmth, and belonging during these celebrations. Things are different now. My parents got divorced, my two half-sisters moved out of state, their dad is never in town, my grandparents are too old to travel, my old baby-sitter is busy with new kids, and her son also moved away. This year I didn’t have a traditional Thanksgiving. I didn’t eat any Thanksgiving food, I didn’t see any family, and I wasn’t happy. Instead, I visited my mom and her new husband for lunch. We ate crab legs. Still a great delicacy but it just isn’t as magical as a traditional Thanksgiving meal. For dinner my dad dragged me along to a restaurant with his new girlfriend and her mother. Although I’m glad he is happy and has found someone he is thankful for, I don’t feel the same way towards her. Spending Thanksgiving without my family took away all the happiness, warmth, and belonging I once felt. I picked through disgusting pumpkin ravioli as my dads new girlfriend berated me with questions. I wanted more than anything to be at home with turkey, stuffing, and my own family. Everything that Thanksgiving is about has been stripped from me. I hope one day to start a family of my own where we prioritize each other especially on the one day designated for it.

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A Rainy Drive to a Lookout

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I really love driving in the rain. I plug in my music and crank up the volume. I pull out of my driveway and hear the rain begin the patter on the roof. I open my sunroof and let the droplets project shadows and shades across the interior of my car. Under the cover of clouds, I drive. I drive to friends’ houses, I drive to school, I drive to the store, I drive to the beach. My favorite drive to do is to any lookout. I drive up and up until I reach a spot that presides over the land below. I park and take it all in. I turn up my heater and turn down my music. The sound of the rain soothes me as I look out onto the landscape below. I am calm, I am happy, I am thinking. I find that this particular circumstance is where I think the best. I cry out all the sadness that reaps my heart. I laugh out all of the giggles trapped in my lungs. I relax, letting the sounds flow through my ears. All of my emotions seem to be soothed in a rainy car at a lookout.

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I’m Bored

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I’m sitting in journalism class right now. It’s the first period. I woke up exactly an hour ago. Currently, it’s 8:25 in the morning. I keep getting caught up in a daydream about sleeping in. I usually have a very easy time coming up with a topic for my weekly blog, but something is different today. I can’t focus on anything. I rake my brain but it keeps coming up empty. I assume that this is just senioritis infecting me.

I wish I had gotten more sleep last night. I remember telling myself that staying up an extra hour would be fine. Sadly, this ignorant decision has come back to bite me. I can’t believe it’s only 8:30 a.m. and I get out at 5:00 p.m. I cannot comprehend that I’m not going home for eight hours and thirty minutes. These school days are torturously long.

For the last two hours of the day, I’ll be playing soccer down on the field. Honestly, I enjoy sports. I enjoy how being active makes me feel. I would enjoy sports a lot more if they were earlier in the day. Although I do enjoy that sports occur in the cool of the setting sun, I would much rather have practice start and end an hour earlier. I only say that because I want to go home earlier to have more personal time. It’s exhausting to be surrounded by people all day. I barely have any time to reset after school.

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