comfort

Today it was 86 degrees. This weather is so gorgeous it makes me sick. When I wake up and the sun is shining through my window, I want nothing more than to let my bed swallow me whole until nine pm the same day. I think that it’s so ironic how such a beautiful day could make me want to hide in my room for so long. When I sit in class and look out the window as the heat ripples across the ground, I want to cry and bang my head against the desk. I. Hate. It. I like to put in my left airpod and listen to the same playlist over and over again all day. It mainly consists of Dream, Ivory, Oscar Lang, Deftones, The Walters, and Cocteau Twins. If you were to look it up, it sounds like the feeling of taking a bath at three in the morning in the dark, because that is my comfort. I love to be alone. But not in a sad, I’m so depressed because my life is just the hardest thing in the world kind of way. I like it because it reminds me that every day is the same, and I hate that feeling but in a weird way I love to feel the things that I hate. I love routines. I love when it’s cold outside but I’m wearing two shirts and a hoodie. When you wake up and the sky is grey, you can’t see 50 feet in front of you because of the haze. I love to walk alone at school and wait for the day to end. It’s the same feeling every day that I crave. I love to hate being sad.

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pc: me

Fantasy Football is No Fantasy

Much like other young to middle-aged men at the beginning of fall, I am now the coach, general manager, and owner of my own football team. This is a serious occupation. I spend much of my time researching free-agent players to see if I can improve my team. I consistently read the injury report to keep my players healthy. I constantly communicate with my fellow coach/general manager/owners to facilitate trades. While some may call this “fantasy” football, it is no fantasy. This is a real commitment, and some people just can’t handle it.

I build a relationship with my players. Forever after the season’s end, I will never forget the players who played for me. I hope Justin Herbert, Chargers QB, will take me to glory this season. The first week didn’t go so well, but I hope to have a strong season. Derrick Henry aka King Henry is my star player, he totaled 8 points in week one, a disappointing performance. He is, however, called King for a reason, so I know he will bring me my crown this season.

pc: me

More Waves

I probably had one of my rawest encounters with the ocean on the Santa Cruz trip. On Thursday the group hiked to Smugglers cove (Liam and I ran), this large round bay faces south, unlike Scorpion Ranch which faces northeast where we spend most of the trip. What’s important is not the bay itself but that hundreds of miles south of the bay a hurricane was(still is) active off of Baja. Hurricanes and storms such as this one generate 90% of swells worldwide, and this storm is no exception. For days large lumps of water have traveled hundreds of miles along the coast bringing warm water and very good waves to Mexico and California. The swell and bay direction created a very interesting experience in the water. Large closeout walls slammed into shores in sets of 4 to 5 waves with faces that peaked (to my best guess) at 7 or 8 feet. Liam, Zimo, and I got the opportunity to swim out into these waves ducking and swimming under them and even catching the smaller ones with our bodies, or the boogie board in Liam’s case. This experience is easily one of the coolest I’ve had in the water because of the lack of wind and large swell, the waves were perfectly clean giants and they were absolutely gorgeous. Each set was a new masterpiece of nature and each wave defined the ocean’s beauty. I love waves.

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pc: Pierre Dasen

disassociation

10:23 am. Today I was driving and I started to disassociate. It’s the moment when you look at your hands on the steering wheel and you can’t remember how they got there. An action without a thought. The frustration that comes with the inability to recognize the hands that have guided you through your life thus far. These thoughts consume you and you can feel nothing and everything at the same time. Your breathing slows and moves like the colors behind your eyes when you try to fall asleep. You will never give it away, not with the solemn look on your face, or the thoughtless gloss swimming in your eye. I don’t think there is a time when you can be more in your head, but that’s just an opinion. The sounds of her voice muffle as I try to keep myself from falling down my own throat. “Isn’t that crazy” 10:57 am. 

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pc: me

Writer’s block

I am experiencing major writer’s block. This entire week I open my computer once or twice a day and try to think of something to write about. My mind feels completely and utterly blank. Then I realized that my mind has been blank for the entire week. I know this just makes me seem stupid. Hell, it makes me feel stupid. Sometimes I have the mindset that I can’t write something unless it’s “interesting” but then I go on to wonder what interesting really implies. Is it interesting to just be depressed, angry, or fill your life with gossip? It often starts to seem that way. I won’t pretend to be an angel as if I don’t get involved, I just hate when that starts to be the things I find interesting. The more I let myself get roped into all this shit the more I get sad. It’s all a cycle, you get sad because you get roped in and you get roped in because you have nothing else to think about. Then I realized what even is writer’s block? The idea of free writing is the ability to write whatever is on your mind. So I guess that’s what I’m doing. What I’m trying to say is that, more often than not, the things that happen in my life would not be viewed as interesting. But maybe that makes it easier to write about.

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pc: me

Henry Wadsworth Was Wrong

Today, the first drops of rain after months of blistering heat graced Ojai for just one minute. It was the best minute of that day. I love rain. I could just watch and listen to it forever. I love when the sky clouds up and makes everything prettier. Today, the beautiful grey sky brought out the green in the mountains surrounding OVS. It all just looked so fresh and not regular old California. Everything looks better in the rain.

I love the feeling of raindrops on my head, I love watching them out the window, I love the sound of wind and thunder, and I even love the smell of wet asphalt. At night, everything is just incredible- city lights upside-down on shiny streets, and the comforting sound of heavy downpours making you sleepy. Henry Wadsworth was totally wrong about rainy days being “dark and dreary” if he loved sunny days so much he should’ve lived in California. Anyway the rain today, despite being accompanied by 95-degree temperatures and its briefness, is welcomed by me.

PC: https://i.pinimg.com/564x/8a/3d/b4/8a3db404aa48154cd8d1f70e2af41a6f.jpg

Journalism Movie

I read and watched “All the President’s Men” this summer. The movie did away with a lot of the excess detail I felt the book was packed with, so I recommend it a little more. They’re about the infamous Watergate Scandal, and how these two reporters (Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein) induced the first Presidential Resignation in U.S. history. This all happened after they investigated and reported on this conspiracy that was heavily covered up. The scandal was essentially before Richard Nixon’s re-election, his administration broke into the opposing party’s headquarters trying to find dirt on them. This is very bad and illegal so the stakes/tensions were high.

I think investigative journalism, which is fading today, is pretty interesting. It shows how hard journalism can be: persistent phone calls, traveling, waiting hours for minute-long, sometimes fruitless, discussions. Everything the reporters chose to publish was risky too, their reputations and jobs at The Washington Post were at stake. I don’t know how the portrayal of Woodward’s and Bernstein’s journey compares to actual journalism but I still was really impressed.

PC: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074119/

Hesh Sesh

Today the OVS surf club opened the year with essentially a perfect dawn patrol. Although the waves weren’t incredible, we had 24 people in the water, and the OVS kids’ energy was immaculate. Even Liam (who was snaking and tackling kids off waves) was keeping everyone in a good mood. For me, that’s what surfing is all about; just having fun in the water. I’m stoked to have such a large surfing crew at OVS. Although I’m not the only surfer and certainly not the best, I was basically the only one pushing Byars for more surf-related activities last year. I mean most of us live less than 30 minutes from the beach and we’ve (at least since I’ve been here) never had this many kids willing and excited to wake up at 5:00 am to get into 64° water. Also with Mr. Mundingbecker being a new edition this year, it seems like we are going to have a real surf team and hopefully, it will add a piece to the OVS Outdoor Education that I think the school has been missing.

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pc: Zach Byars

Vignette

This is a vignette I wrote over the summer at a creative writing camp I attended. Enjoy.

Syracuse wound through the maze of a prison, following behind his human who led him by the reins. He kept catching Riven’s eye beside him, but neither of them dared to snuffle or neigh to each other for fear of alerting the things their humans feared to their presence. Their humans seemed anxious enough just from the quiet clacking of their hooves on the concrete.

The deformed humans in the cells stared, but were unable to vocalize in any way. The gouges and scars covering their faces were horrifying even without their monstrous, misshapen bodies, so Syracuse tried to keep his eyes anywhere but on those creepy humans. Riven’s skin twitched when something skittered behind him and brushed against his fetlocks, but he did his best to remain calm so he wouldn’t set off his human.

The ground gradually shifted from concrete, to bricks, to carpeted floor. Syracuse and Riven’s hooves were nearly silent on the carpet, and they stared up in wonder as the scenery around them changed to reveal a room bigger than their stable with gold-embellished bookshelves lining every wall from floor to ceiling. However, no matter how much they wanted to explore, their humans kept tugging at them fretfully and they ended up hurrying through the room without being able to get close enough to see a single book title.

Syracuse and Riven were led through several more halls that seemed like they were part of a residency wing of the castle. After what felt like eons to them, their humans brought them up to a massive set of oak doors.

Riven’s human stepped up and pulled one door open. Despite how immense they were, the hinges were perfectly greased and made no noise as the door swung in and flooded the dark entryway with blinding light.

Syracuse and Riven squinted into the sun as their humans took them outside. When their sensitive eyes finally adjusted, they had to stop to gaze upon the gorgeous, sprawling mountains and sheer, marble cliff sides.

Their humans pulled at the reins again, urging on the horses with clucking noises and kisses, and Syracuse and Riven reluctantly moved. They were led down a winding path, and when the road straightened out again, their humans stopped them so that they could mount.

There was no more time to admire the views once their humans were on their backs. Heels dug into their ribs as the humans nudged them into full gallops to get as far from the dreadful castle as they could.

http://www.artnet.com/artists/william-thomas-smedley/two-men-one-black-riding-horses-past-ruins-of-KFE75MMzasrvYDbMqXmYuQ2

Some of my Favorite Things Recently

I’ve started a new school, which, of course, is a challenging transition. It’s easy in times like these to get caught up in anxiety and needless worry, so I find it helpful to redirect my focus to the positive aspects of my life right now. Whether life-changing or minuscule, there is no shortage of things that I LOVE.

  1. Old books: The way the weathered pages feel between my fingers, the smell, the inky typeface.
  2. Pina colada smoothies: I seriously think I would live on these if I could – especially in 100-degree weather.
  3. Sleeping: There’s something so comforting about getting in bed with the AC on so I can snuggle up between the duvet cover and clean sheets.
  4. Shooting stars: I saw one the other day and it was magical.
  5. The sea: The floating, bobbing over waves and swimming with all the fish beneath me.
  6. Gilmore Girls: I will always aspire to be a Rory Gilmore.
  7. Sushi: What I would do for a spicy tuna, avocado roll, or a Lemon Flush special from Hakane…
pc: daily collegian