TRACK SEASON

My feeling towards track season is ambivalent. 

I’m hyped and concerned about the track season at the same time.

I’m happy that I get to contribute with the skill that I’m familiar with, however, infamous track practice in my school is my only concern.

From my prior experience of football and wrestling, I believe that I’ve been through quite intense training, so joining track wasn’t my biggest concern. However, when my friends explained how excruciating the training is, I frankly got scared.

Despite these concerns, I still decided to join the track team because I know it’s going to be really fun. 

The more effort you put in the better result you would get.

I hope this track season would help me get in better shape and push my limit mentally and physically for self-improvement.,

PC: The Denver Post

diet?

I started non artificial sugar diet again, because my skin condition was getting really bad and I just couldn’t bear it.

And sugar is the one who exacerbates problems to acne and blemish breakouts.

The non-sugar diet is a popular search term on the Internet. But it’s not a branded eating philosophy; it’s a lifestyle. Also called a sugar-free diet, this way of eating seeks to remove sources of added sugar from your daily food intake.

Non artificial sugar means no milk chocolate, no chocolate milk, no cookies, no chips, no syrup on pancakes, no ketchup on hash brown, no brown sugar in oatmeal…

These desserts have become part of my life, and now I realized they are not even good for me.

It was so hard when I just started it, I had the thought of giving up too. And it was Valentine’s day last Friday, I tried so hard to not thinking about chocolate or cupcakes.

It took about one week for me to get used to it. And now I really enjoy my diet.

PC: thespruceeats.com

puffy eyes

an observation on what makes me cry:

  • My little sister’s tears
  • Academy Award Show acceptance speeches
  • essential oils when they get in my eyes
  • As by Stevie Wonder because it reminds me of what could have been.
  • Thinking about my aunt, my grandmothers, my grandfather, my idol…
  • animals with huge eyes
  • Seeing my brother cry
  • second-hand embarrassment
  • Helpless people that deserve better 
  • Doing something I really dont want to do 
  • My allergies 
  • Movies and TV Shows with happy endings 
  • Movies and TV Shows with tragic endings
  • Seeing my parents cry 
  • Death and birth
  • when people are awarded things that they deserve
  • spicy foods
  • when I stare into the sun during sunset and the wind blows in my face.
PC: pinterest.com

– from the perspective of a seventeen year old girl

stay optimistic

Sometimes, things are really not as bad as you imagined.

Recently, I often overstress on every little thing that bothers me.

It affected me deeply.

There were lots of things in my mind, and left no space for my brain normal functioning.

I couldn’t even sleep well, I dreamed a lot, and woke up as I didn’t even get rest.

I didn’t even know what happened to me, but I am trying my best to put everything back on the right track.

I admit that I wasn’t really positive these days, wasn’t as optimistic as usual.

I kept regretting what I have done, and I’m afraid that I will screw things up again.

I’m trying to make things look better, but all I did is the opposite.

Maybe it’s the time to slow down, take a deep breath, clear my mind a little bit, and then keep moving on.

Things will get better with time goes, I hope.

pc: success.com

Therapy Meeting #1923843730

I met with my therapist yesterday. We meet every two weeks.

“So, have you been working on what we talked about last time?” she said.

“yes.”  I replied

and that’s the truth.

I stood up to the people that use me, I stopped putting myself in danger to help or get approval from others, I stopped lying to my parents, I sleep in my own bed at night… The list goes on of all the negative things I’ve stopped doing.

“That’s great,” she said “How do you feel?”

I didn’t answer that question honestly

“fine,” I said.

but in reality, even though I’ve cut out the people who hurt me or want me for the wrong reasons, I’ve never felt so alone.

People used to come to me on the daily asking for this or that or let’s do this, or take me to that.

I don’t miss being treated like a chauffeur, or an object, or just being asked to hang out when someone wants me to do something for them.

But I miss feeling like I actually have people who want to be around me.

It may have been for the wrong reasons, but at least I wasn’t alone.

Now I feel like there’s no one, and that feeling is even worse.

Photo credit: psychologytoday.com

I guess I just like words

I think English words taste like pickles: crunchy on the outside with savory, meaty middles.

Image: goldbelly.imgix.net

Spanish is like a Frank Lloyd Wright stained glass window, its colorful geometry sliding into place like the children’s game Rush Hour.

Speaking Arabic is like putting on gilded silk robes that I don’t deserve.

Hebrew diffuses through my veins, and Yiddish sends me spiralling into my ancestors.

When I sat in French class, I was able to peer into a manicured francophone antique store that enthralls me.

And when I preach my dreams of universal Esperanto, I feel the international interdependency of the future colliding with the frilly beauty of antiquity. 

I was barely twelve when I sat on a train pouring words onto a page, words that sounded right, that fit right, that like singing nails resonated in my chest.

I was a silversmith working self-righteous metal into ornate rings around fingers black with mud.

Nostalgia hits hard

Nostalgia isn’t just a feeling, it’s a crash of emotions that befalls you when it’s the most unexpected. Not just homesickness, but a mix of remembrance and sadness, as you’re only nostalgic when you are not home, stranded, helpless.

Nostalgia may be a current of water. It flows from your head to your stomach, then back to your eyes, uncontrollable, rolling out like a waterfall. Sometimes you don’t realize its existence until your mouth takes a sip of that salty drop.

You’d laugh at your woe and call it odd, but the current will not halt. So I comfort myself. Don’t cry, child, for you don’t have time for it now.

Nostalgia is more than a feeling. I hope whoever has it can return to their loved ones in a short while. 

Nevertheless, will you still miss your home, if your lover is stranded as well?

(I’m a Chinese international student in the US. Because of certain policies that were made for the coronavirus, I cannot go back home. I don’t know when I’ll get the chance to meet my family and friends. The uncertainty is a real menace, it’s eating me alive. What if something happens to someone whom I love while I’m overseas? What if at the end of the day I’m left behind as the only one living? The uncertainty is killing me. I hope everything goes well in China, I hope there’ll be an antidote for this madness. I feel really helpless and overwhelmed because there’s literally nothing I could contribute to better the situation, I could only sit and watch the number of infected and deaths go up and wish that my circle of people has nothing to do with it. It’s truly rotten when you are a spectator of your fellow countrymen’s deaths. 

I just hope things go well. I’m praying for a change.)

Photo Credit: phys.org