Looking Back on Quarantine

I saw someone say that we are right around the time of the four-year anniversary of the start of quarantine in the U.S., and I was just in shock. The fact that it has been four entire years since the start of it all is actually wild. For me, I was halfway through my 7th-grade year when it all started and we got the notice that we would have to spend two weeks at home. Then, the two weeks turned into two months, and two months turned into the next year, for my school at least. Looking back on who I was during these times, now being almost a senior in high school, is genuinely just wild. I do not think any person changed as much as I did from the start of quarantine to now. Since then, I graduated middle school, moved to a different state, and started high school almost 500 miles away from the house I called home for my entire life beforehand. I have found out so much of who I am through experiences, new faces, and recognition of personal growth. Some of the people I look back on quarantine with talk about how much they miss it and how it was one of the best times of their lives. For me, it could not be more opposite. It was probably one of my lowest if not my lowest point ever. I have never really struggled with depression, and I never got a certain diagnosis, but I do believe I was not in a good place during quarantine. When I was younger, I always hated being alone. It was probably one of the worst things on the planet, which is highly ironic considering my “close family” of parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and siblings consists of a whopping four people. I don’t have any siblings, and I only live with one adult, considering my dad passed away when I was younger. My mom, however, during quarantine, still had to work – as she was a nurse. Typically, her long work hours and time away from home were no big deal, considering I was always in school and able to see my friends. During quarantine, however, I was subject to being entirely alone from the moment I woke up to about 6pm for the entire work week. Remember how I said I hated being alone? Well, I think you can imagine how that went. Being the only form of connection with the outside world we were offered, I became addicted to screens and calling my friends while goofing off and playing video games. My grades started to slip for the first time in a long time, and I entirely stopped taking care of myself. All I would do throughout the day was lock myself in my room and stare at a screen. As you can imagine, my lack of fresh air and human interaction really took a toll on my mental as well as physical health. To the credit of my mom, she tried to help me out of my insane slump by offering to get outside together and spend time in the house together, too, but I was entirely uncompliant and depressed. Looking back, for the longest time, I always wished I could do it all over again and do things differently. I would have focused my extra time on myself and bettering myself in numerous different senses. However, I am glad I went through that slump because it taught me that behaving like that is not something to be desired and not something even remotely healthy to strive for. Anyway, I highkey just wrote an entire essay on my quarantine experience, but I just thought it would be nice and timely to debrief at the four-year mark.

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3 things I am grateful for #4

I noticed a lot of the things I write about being grateful for are foods. I do not think that is an issue because food is good and often taken for granted, but I am going to try to write about all non-food things today just to diversify things. Although I am eating my greek yogurt right now and it is so good that I started singing about how much I love yogurt.

  1. Graduation. I am very grateful for graduation coming soon, and I am grateful for my education, and also grateful to end one chapter of my life. My cousin has a sign in her room that says something along the lines of “Every beginning starts with an end.” I didn’t get it, and she explained to me that every time something ends, it signifies the beginning of something else. Every time something begins, it came at the cost of something else ending. I liked that a lot, because sometimes I get so excited for the next thing, not realizing it comes at the cost of the first thing ending. To me, it is a reminder to appreciate the things we have when we have them.
  2. Cups. Right now, I am drinking out of a metal cup with nature propaganda on it. I don’t understand what it is talking about but it has REI, North Face, Merrell, Patagonia, and Keen printed on it. I am grateful for it because it is a cute cup. 
  3. Mice. Mice are cute. Today, Rory showed me a poster that had the Mouse Grimace Scale. It is made by people who are trying to reduce animal testing. The poster is supposed be scientific and show different levels of various types of reactions by mice, but the poster looks like it is just a bunch of mouse faces.

Photo Credit: https://www.nc3rs.org.uk/3rs-resources/grimace-scales/grimace-scale-mouse

3 Things I am Grateful for #3

I was told that I can indeed write all my blogs now and not write anymore, so that is the plan. Also, I am enjoying these.

  1. Yogurt. I love yogurt. My mom always buys the really sweet kind, which is fine but I think I prefer Greek yogurt. My dad and I went to Vons after school yesterday and got some Greek yogurt. I couldn’t wait to eat it so I had some for dinner, and I put frozen goji berries in it because we didn’t have any fresh blueberries or strawberries or anything. It was so good and I can’t wait to eat it for breakfast this morning.
  2. Good food. I am grateful that my mom keeps a lot of good food in the house. I read (or heard?) one time about someone who received some amount of money after not having very much for a long time. They said the best part of being rich was that they could eat fruits that didn’t have mold on them. I am very grateful to have access to lots of tasty, un-moldy, and nutritious food. 
  3. Ceramics class. Having a class where you can make bowls and mugs and take them home is so cool. Not only are you taking home knowledge/a new skill, but you also get to take home custom-made bowls, mugs, or whatever you want to make. I want to try and get into the ceramics room more often so I can take advantage of this while I still can.

Picture Credit: Azure Magazine

Three things I am grateful for #2

If I write way too many blogs now, maybe I can get to the point where I just don’t have to write any more blogs for the rest of the year. 

Three things I am grateful for today

  1. Feeling awake. I went to bed too late yesterday, because I needed to wake up early this morning. I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it but I did. I thought I would be tired and miserable today, and I am not. I actually feel very happy and awake, and I am grateful for that.
  2. Pocky. I ate some chocolate-coconut pocky today and it was very good. I like sweet things. I don’t mean to eat a lot of sweets so often but they make me happy.
  3. Lists. I used to not use lists, or I would try to write some down and then I wouldn’t use them. I got some to-do list sticky notes during secret snowflake and they are so helpful. I write a to-do list during school every day and consult it when I work on my homework at night. It’s gotten to the point where I feel lost when I’m trying to study without my sticky notes. 

Picture Credit: tekforstaa.dk

Another driving blog

I know I have written a few of these now but nothing new has happened in my life so why not write another blog on driving. Since I have had my permit I have driven so much and I love it. While driving gives me a sense of freedom it also makes me crave that freedom. I wish I could just get my license already and be able to play my music loud and drive without my parents. I hate backseat drivers and my friends all have negative things to say about my driving skills but I have literally been driving for a week. I understand helpful suggestions but when someone is just constantly critiquing your every move gets extremely annoying. My dad already told me I am getting my step moms old car and every time I leave my house I just see it sitting in the driveway and I imagine myself just driving with my friends to the beach with the sunroof open and no parents. My dad said that he would buy us (me and my siblings) all one new car and my older brother just got his brand new car. While I am happy for him I don’t want a new car like I said earlier I am not a great driver and in 6 months when I can get my license and my own car I don’t want a new car. The pressure of having a. new car would drive me crazy I want where I can practice my driving and not worry about scratching it.

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Three things I am grateful for

I just wrote a blog talking about how I’m going to be in significant debt after college, so I feel like writing about things that I am grateful for.

  1. The cake I just ate. It was not very sweet, but it had a little bit of cream on it which was yummy.
  2. Tea. I am drinking a tea that I don’t really know the name of, but my mom told me it is called mei cha. It is very bitter, but once you drink the tea, you taste sweetness in your mouth. It is very interesting and I love it. My mom and I are drinking tea while she reads Dune and I type blogs for journalism. 
  3. My mom. She was very excited when she got her Dune books in the mail today. She has been reading the first book on her phone as a pdf, so she was excited to get the physical copy finally. After we watched the Dune 2 movie in theatres, she came home and bought the entirety of the Dune series, which is like at least 8 books. She likes to read the ending of a book before reading it, and she probably read the entire plot of the books on wikipedia before she even bought them.

Picture credit: amazon.com

debt blog

I am going to be in so much debt after college. I’ve gotten a good chunk of institutional aid, and I am still waiting on federal and state aid, but the way things are shaping up currently, I will likely be in six-figure debt at the end of my education. 

That’s pretty crazy. I don’t pretend to be any kind of expert in finances or anything, but I’m pretty sure 100k is a pretty unfavorable number of anything to owe.

Do I have it better than someone else? Of course. I know there are people out there paying the full sticker price of college or going to a school that charges a lot more in tuition. I’m grateful I am in the circumstances I am in. However, I’m still going to be in a lot of debt.

How did it get to this point? 

Yes, I chose to go to this school, being fairly aware of the cost. 

But I mean on a larger scale. In a news report, they said that in the past, a college education had a pretty big percent chance (I don’t remember what, but it was probably 80-90 percent) of helping the graduate make more in the future. However, today, college graduates have about a 50 percent chance of doing better, just because the cost of college is so high that the debt cancels out the benefit in the job market. Isn’t that crazy? You flip a coin. If it’s heads, your college education helped you in the long run. If it’s tails, you just shot yourself in the foot (financially).

Picture Credit: The Public Purpose

Even though I worry,

I tend to worry a lot. Do they still like me? Are we really friends? Will everything be okay?

Lately, college and school have been at the top of those worries. Along with other more personal stuff I’m not comfortable sharing here. I have to make it, survive my senior year, and graduate. After that then what, I have to get money to afford my school and then go through 4 more years of worries. Why do we do this?

I wish I had the money to travel and not worry about school and life. I wish could see the world, and experience a world without worry.

But even though I worry, I’m alive. I’ve survived this long. I’m fighting and staying afloat. Everything is stable, and everything (god, I hope and pray) everything will be okay. I have amazing friends who make me laugh so hard that I can’t breathe and start to cry. I have two legs that carry me through track practice, no matter how light-headed I get. I get so many opportunities each day and get to experience everything with my own two eyes. I get to have music, which is the only thing that I’ve given everything to, and I’ve gotten everything back.

I’m so lucky. Even in my current situation (which shall not be discussed) I still manage to go to school every day with a smile on my face. I take tests, do mock trials, and run track. I’m surviving. I’m living.

And even though I worry, I will not let that stop me.

PS The only thing that could stop me is college decisions so wish me luck!

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lifetime

This year feels like it’s going by so fast. I almost feel like it’s slipping away from me. Like each passing year feels shorter and shorter. When I asked my mom why that was, she said that it’s because when each year passes it’s a smaller percent of your life. That is so scary to me. If you’re two years old then one year is half your lifetime so it feels longer. Now that I’m sixteen, one year is only one sixteenth of my life so it will feel shorter. I wish I would’ve appreciated my longer years more. But all I can do now is appreciate it more now in the future. The thing is that when I was younger, people would tell me all the time to not grow up and to appreciate everything I had and I never listened. I guess that kinda is a cannon event.

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Vlog

This week was a very slow week. One thing I had been looking forward to recently was going to eat acai bowl on the golf course. I have to say that the acai bowl there are the best I have ever had in my life. I also had my second driving school this week. This time we went out of the Town of ojai and up to the DMV in ventura. The last time we practiced was just going around the same roads so it was a lot of fun this time. I especially enjoyed driving on the highway for the first time. Driving at 100 km/h was fun, but changing lanes at that speed was very scary. I was especially scared of getting in between cars when the distance between them was very close. I am very nervous because I am going to take the test after the next practice session.

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