To be honest,

urmom8beanLeave a comment

To be honest, I don’t think I’m very exceptional, and I wish people knew that. I know I’m not the best and I admit that constantly. So why do people feel the need to bring me down? I wish they knew how much I overthink and how much I know I suck. They don’t and will continue to say stuff behind my back.

To be honest, I think about it a lot. I really do care about what people say.

I hate it.

Why do I care so much? I wish I could just block them out, but I can’t. I always kind of hope they will change and care about my feelings. Anyway back to what I was saying, I am pretty mediocre at things. I really do consider myself a jack of all trades and a master of none. I can do most things, but I’ve never been good at anything. I love playing sports but then again I’m not good at any. There are so many people who are so much better than me at the things I’m “good” at.

My friends are probably my favorite people in the world. I love Liz and Karin. No matter how much I don’t think I’m good or how terrible I believe I have done they always make me feel better. They always cheer for me, and always hype me up. I want you both to know how much I appreciate you. You are the hotel California guitar riff, 2:34 in Pink + White by Frank Ocean, and every beautiful part in every beautiful song. I love you Hahny and Lizzy Pooh. Just a little appreciation to them.

It sucks when I do bad in anything, but especially sports. People have this preconceived idea that just because people are okay at a sport they automatically have a huge ego about it. That’s not always true, just because people say I’m good doesn’t mean I believe that.

Just so you all know I think I suck.

So when I do make a mistake (which is pretty often) they think it’s warranted to make comments on it. There’s a difference between complimenting someone and complementing someone to tear the other person down. Yes, they did a good job but repeating it over and over is no longer a compliment. It’s actually not that hard to do better than me, I’m not good. Please stop tearing other people down.

I hate it because I begin to hate the things I love. So if you take anything out of this let it be one thing. I know I’m not good you don’t have to keep hinting at it. Stop trying to push me off a pedestal you put me on. I’m trying my best.

To be honest, I’m scared to post this but I need something to post so here it goes.

Building the nest: Women's basketball wins opening game
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Christmas Songs

leapingwaterLeave a comment

I have never liked listening to Christmas music until at least after Thanksgiving. I weirdly grew up thinking that it was bad luck and that it just shouldn’t be listened to until the right time. Recently, I have decided that if its at least November, I can enjoy it. I know this sounds ridiculous, because it is. Today I have been singing and listening to Christmas music with my friends and I can’t wait until December. There is something about Christmas music and the holiday season in general that just puts me in a happy mood. While listening to the Christmas music earlier this evening, one of my friends was talking about how they hate Christmas because they aren’t in a relationship, which is really funny to me. Praying they can find that special person.

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Camping trip

graypenguinLeave a comment

I went camping last Wednesday through Friday. I like camping, but not being able to get in the shower is a bit of a pain. I hate feeling like I am dirty all the time. I have a routine before I go camping. I get up two hours before the camp leaves, and first I wash my bedding. While I am waiting for the laundry, I take a shower. I always miss the shower when I know I won’t be able to shower for the next few days.
After the shower, I wash my clothes before drying my hair. Then I get dressed and go.

This is my first visit to Santa Rosa. I had only been to one channel island, so I was very excited because my friends told me that the view from the beach there was exceptional. The morning of the camp was very early, leaving at 6:15 a.m. We went to the harbor early in the morning and spent several hours on the boat to get there.
If I were to describe everything that happened at the camp, this vlog would never end, so I will write about my favorite part of the camp and the hardest part.

My favorite part of the camp was going out at night to take pictures of the stars. The sky was so clear, and the stars looked so clear and beautiful. My friend taught me how to take pictures of the stars, and I feel like we became closer friends. The hardest part of the camp was walking over 13 miles on the second day. It was hard, but I enjoyed talking with my friends and singing with them. I also saw a fox along the way; it was very cute. I also enjoyed napping on the beach with my friends. We also played card games on the boat and on the beach, regardless of where we were. I learned two new card games at this camp.
We also saw whales and dolphins on the boat, both on the way there and on the way back. Those things made us feel like they were inviting us to the island.

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My Issue with Thanksgiving

uwucutiepatootieLeave a comment

I don’t think I’ve ever met someone whose favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I understand that it is time to reunite with family and celebrate, but it just stresses me out way too much. I always have a big thanksgiving with about thirty people and I feel like I’m being tested the whole time. People always ask what college I’m going to, how I’m doing in school and what my interests are. My cousins, who are older than me, are all in college or have recently graduated. All of them have their thing. They are all basically amazing athletes and students. They all go to really good colleges like USC or NYU and they act like those are really easy schools to get into. I understand that it is important to think about college, but they have been asking me which one I’m going to since I was in fifth grade. My Thanksgiving dinner is way too formal. There is a whole seating chart that separates me and my immediate family, so I’m silent most of the dinner. My final issue with it is the food. I despise Thanksgiving food and I always end up only eating mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, and pie. My family doesn’t really eat on Thanksgiving, so their stomachs are empty by the time we have our dinner, but because I don’t eat that much at dinner, I am hungry the whole day.

“Thanksgiving Autumn” by Element5 Digital/ CC0 1.0

Music

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

I used to hate listening to music while doing homework because I swore I could never focus with music playing. Over the summer, I was traveling a lot, and all I did was listen to music. I almost always had an Airpod in, which made my trip so much better. My family is very loud and chaotic especially when traveling. I often get travel anxiety as I always feel like I forgot something and worry about being on time as my mom is notoriously late. Music became my escape whenever my family would get too loud or I would feel overwhelmed. I would put on my noise-canceling headphones and turn on some music. I often make a new playlist as I get bored and my music taste constantly evolves. I’ve been listening to a lot of Drake, Taylor Swift, Frank Ocean, SZA, Travis Scott, Alex G, Future, Cigarettes After Sex, and Olivia Rodrigo. My music taste isn’t very original but I enjoy it and stay tuned for a blog on my Spotify wrapped.

“Headphones Music” by JESHOOTS.com/ CC0 1.0

what is my passion

purcyLeave a comment

I wish I had something to look forward to. It’s so much easier to work hard when I’m working towards something. Just the satisfaction of getting an A is not enough for me to work towards getting all As. The most frustrating part is that I know I could do it but I just don’t have any motivation to be exceptional. If I was working for a college I really wanted to go to or a job I really wanted that would be perfect but I just don’t have that. I feel like everyone around me is working towards something important and I’m just floating. I don’t want to float anymore. I’m trying to just pick something to work for but it’s not the same as finding a specific passion. The thing I do with my life every day of my life is not something that I could really make money doing, it wouldn’t get me far in a career. I want to do something that I enjoy and I really hope it comes to me soon.

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New Winter

pottymouth818Leave a comment

I’m excited for Christmas this year because I’m almost guaranteed a white Christmas. My family has recently bought a new house in Mammoth. This house is a house where everyone gets their own room so that means less fighting and everyone getting their own personal space. Since it’s large enough for my parents to be convinced we’ll be able to enjoy it, we’re packing up and spending Christmas in Mammoth; hence the white Christmas. I’m hoping that we’ll all be able to enjoy Christmas and the entirety of winter in Mammoth without stepping on each others’ toes. Everyone could fit into our old place but I have a feeling that the new house will be a much more inviting place for the whole family.


Since we’re going up for both Thanksgiving and part of Christmas break, I’m also hoping that I’ll really be able to improve my snowboarding skills. Last year I randomly decided that I wanted to Snowboard so I went all in and bought all the gear and now it’s too late to go back. So far, I’ve actually liked the process of learning how to snowboard significantly more than skiing. I don’t regret my decision at all.


I’ve never been a pro at anything on the mountain, I’m the type of person who would get in your way. To me it’s never been competitive, the whole thing is a joke in the best way possible. When I want to go fast I do, but I thoroughly enjoy face-planting in the snow by trying tricks I know I will never be able to accomplish and taking my time on the way down. Long story short, I’m looking forward to a fun winter.

“Snow Winter” by FOCA Stock/ CC0 1.0

The struggle

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Kyiv, Ukraine. It is yet another Russian bombardment. My friend Nastya is awake and running down into the bomb shelter at 3 am. Again. In just a couple of hours, sleep-deprived, she will be sitting at the desk as if it’s normal day. Only 4 months ago she participated in an extremely competitive selection process which made the education financially feasible for her. During the two former years, in spite of ceaseless airstrike sirens and a constant anxiety, she had been studying – relentlessly. And her hopes paid off – she earned a scholarship to study in an Architectural college in Kyiv. Even so, there was a price to be paid – more intense airstrikes and even less security. Like this, without much sleep, and amidst this overwhelming chaos, she has completed 2 months of her studies. Nastya followed this path because she knew – this might be her only chance, a morbid one, but a chance for a better future. Her example is a constant reminder of how absurdly fortunate I am. What if a person like her had opportunities like me? In some disturbing sense, wars are necessary to cultivate people that are going to grit their teeth. Comfort kills. Struggling is just another word for being alive.

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Yin & Yang

godgoldngloryLeave a comment

I never necessarily understood the term “opposites attract.” Like, what does that even mean? If two things have completely opposing characteristics, how on earth could they ever work together? Well, I’m confident in saying that I now understand the contradictory concept.

My roommate and I are literally the most opposite people on the planet. She is a night person, whereas I am a morning person (on the weekends, I usually wake up about four hours earlier than her). Her side of the room is messy a lot of the time, whereas I physically can’t function or think if mine is anything but perfect. She prefers to look at things logically, whereas I am an extremely emotional person. While we both get good grades, she is naturally very very smart so the effort she puts into school is about five times less than what I put in. She is quite the introvert, while I tend to be more extroverted. All considered, I think you get the point, that my roommate and I could not be more of different people. However, I don’t think I would trade her for anyone else in the world.

I think the term “opposites attract” stems from the conclusion that those with conflicting principles complement each other and help each other experience new perspectives. Analyzing your differences can also lead to making common connections of random similarities that weren’t originally apparent. For example, my roommate and I both share similar hobbies like playing both volleyball and piano. We also are both only children, and share a lot of the same food tastes. We also both sleep talk, except she does in Chinese, so she has an unfair advantage over me with that one. Anyway, coming to boarding school has made me realize the importance of finding people that can provide you with new outlooks on all aspects of life, as it will never be beneficial to stick only to what you know. My roommate and I have been rooming together for about two and a half years now, in our third school year, and we don’t plan on parting ways anytime soon. Well, that is if I can keep it together and not drop my metal water bottle onto the ground producing an ear-piercing crash at seven in the morning when she is trying to sleep in.

Yin Yang Logo and symbol, meaning, history, PNG, brand

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How My Hate For Black Licorice Ruined My Entire Evening

godgoldngloryLeave a comment

One fun fact about me is that I have never liked black licorice. It’s honestly just utterly repulsive. Ever since I was really young, I always had a deep-rooted hatred for everything about it. Don’t get me wrong, red licorice is amazing – a very fine snack. Nevertheless, my opinion on black licorice is that it is absolutely offensive. No person should ever be putting that substance in their mouth. Until that fateful night.

Adele and I like to work on our precalc homework together because doing so alone is basically the same thing as committing suicide. So last night we had just started to do our homework, and this is where the night went downhill. Adele, like a literal crazy person, pulls out a bag of black licorice and starts eating it. She offers me a piece, which was the most fatal moment of my life.

Me, being the naive and stupid person I sometimes am, actually thought that my long-standing disgust for such a horrible thing might actually go away with time. So, I accepted her offer, and it was the kickstart to the worst night of my life. It was still the most disgusting thing that has ever come in contact with my taste buds. I can’t even put it into words how much I hate it. I don’t even want to talk about it.

Anyway, the rest of my night was undoubtedly ruined. My precalc homework took me and Adele an hour and 45 minutes. It was the most awful thing I’ve ever done. I hate trig. But not as much as I hate black licorice. I genuinely believe that the fact it ever came in contact with my mouth is the sole reason for such an awful week. After I took about 5 years off of my life by completing my math, I was so unmotivated that I did absolutely nothing and laid in my bed for the next couple of hours, procrastinating all of my work. My entire mood was thrown off, and it is still a little affected, even a couple days after the incident.

If anyone reading this has one takeaway, I would suggest to never let black licorice within a three-feet radius of you. Also, drop out of precalc if you have the chance.

Kookaburra Black Licorice - Furlong's Candies

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