My future plan.

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

To think about what the future holds is daunting. The me one year ago would have no idea what to think of my life today. As everyone gets older life gets harder. Loved ones pass, and people come and go in the lives we all have. As a person who overthinks so much, I of course already have a blueprint of the future I want for myself. I spend hours on Pinterest scrolling through the lives of others building up a plan. My future life will have to be aesthetic duh…just kidding. The future I want for myself does consist of “perfection,” but the faults in life will bleed through ruining the idea of a “perfect” life. This is how I want it. Of course, I will like for my life to be cute but I want others around me to realize not everything in life is perfect and everyone has their own faults and issues occuring. Anyway, enough with reality. I romanticize what college I will attend, leading into my lifelong career to support the family I want for myself. I am not really sure where I want to live but I have many ideas. Maybe somewhere the leaves will turn brown and at the least an hour or two away from some form of a beach. Something extremely personally important to me in my plan is for my kids to not have to go through childhood as I did. With this I want to take my skills I have now implement my skills into things for college and create the best life I can give to myself. Anyways since I have been sick I have been on Pinterest a lot so I have been obv making a Pinterest board about it so I thought I would write about it. Bye!

PC: me

how i’ll miss you

urmom8beanLeave a comment

I told Karin I’d write this and she probably thought it was a joke but well here I am.

Karin, this is for you (and for a few select others I trust you’ll know who you are)

where to even begin, at kindergarten, where I met most of you or first to fourth grade when even more of you came. In order to save time and well not completely destroy my hands, i’ll start with freshman year. I think it was my favorite year out of all of them.

Freshman year

Whether it was volleyball, lunch, or hanging out in the music room, we were never apart. My favorite group of people who I knew would be by my side till graduation. (and they still are) We were so different yet so alike and anything we did, as long as it was together, was a guaranteed good time. Walking to class while fighting the weather, shaving our heads, or talking about controversial topics in humanities, will forever be some of my fondest memories ingrained in my head.

How I’ll miss freshman year.

I could go on and on recounting every single memory reminiscing on the easy days, but I have to save somethings for graduation.

Sophomore year

The year when the academics picked up. Harder classes, more homework, pressure, it all piled up but it wasn’t a hard beast to tame. Of course, they were still by my side, and our group simply grew. We had the best adventures and the most fun memories. Performances, Camping trips, and night swims were some of the only times I’ve laughed that hard. When we first discovered Karin and Luc’s ability to change color, or how fast he could ditch us when danger approached. I have nothing I regret, only things i’ll miss.

How I’ll miss sophomore year.

Junior year

Not my favorite. 4/10, too much drama and homework. no further comments.

I will not miss junior year. I’m glad it’s over leave it in the past fr.

Senior year

Well, its only the beginning but I know it will be great. I’ve been counting the lasts. Last orientation day, last volleyball practice, last halloween dance, i’m not ready for college. If I’m being honest I don’t think I can do it without these people. I won’t be able to laugh along with Karin’s hilariously contagious laugh, or practice music with Liz and Karin. I won’t be able to joke with Mariana or catch up with Allyanna on my way to class. I won’t be able to play on the same team as Annie or any of them for that matter. I’m not ready to leave all these people behind. I don’t want it to be the end.

How I’ll miss senior year.

To be honest it hasn’t hit yet. I notice it’s the last time we are doing these things together but the sadness isn’t hitting. I just feel like we will do it all again next year, but we won’t.

This isn’t exactly how I’d thought this would be written but here it is.

How I’ll miss high school, this, you.

Finding Closure (Saying “Goodbye”)

pc: https://www.collaborativepracticeflorida.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/winnie-the-pooh-goodbye.jpg

rant

purcyLeave a comment

Sometimes I hate everything about myself. I sit in my room and I think about all of the things I’ve done wrong. All of the things I wish I hadn’t said or done and all of the things I regret. I take so much time looking in the mirror and picking out all of the things I hate about my face and my body. I think about how I’m going to change it and how I’m going to eat healthy and be cleaner and workout more. I think about how I’m going to change my brain and begin to grow and talk less and take up less space with unimportant things. But it never changes. I never really make the effort even though I want to be different so bad. I really am trying to be better and have better self-talk, but it’s so hard when I want to change everything about my personality. Everyone wants what they don’t have, I guess. Im learning to love myself even if its hard

Cloudy day……

graypenguinLeave a comment

The most popular weather may be sunny, but for me, clouds in the sky make me happy.

One of significant factor that captivates me about cloudy days is the ever-changing canvas they paint above us. Unlike clear blue skies, where the sun rules with its unyielding brilliance, clouds offer a dynamic display of character. Each day, the sky becomes a work of art, with clouds as the artists.

What I find most appealing is the unpredictability of it all.Clouds can change their shapes at whim and sometimes look like animals. It is as if they are trying to tell us something. These constant changes fascinate me, and I look up at the sky intently. Many people do not find clouds alone to be that fascinating, but the sky becomes a living, breathing entity that tells its own story.

Cloudy days remind me that change is a beautiful and essential part of life. They teach me to appreciate the transience of moments and the artistry of the natural world. I am grateful for these unpredictable cloudy skies, for they remind me that beauty can be found in the impermanence of life and in the constantly changing patterns of the world above.

pc;me

pc;me

Comfort Zone

leapingwaterLeave a comment

I have never been that good at getting myself out of my comfort zone. As a child, this was extremely tough for me. My mum would encourage me to do things, but I would shy away from actually trying. Looking back, I really do wish I had pushed myself to try different things. Once I turned 16, I decided that I wanted to try and push myself out of this comfort zone more. Even starting with the little things, such as making myself go on rollercoasters, which I have always been afraid of. I now really love rollercoasters! (Except for the ones that go upside down like whaaat.) My best friend is a huge reason as to why I push myself to do things I am afraid of. She always helps me to have more confidence, which I am forever thankful for. Today I sang for the first time in front of people. I was really nervous, but the support from my friends and family helped me feel so much better. I hope that I can continue to do things that scare me, because so far, I haven’t regretted doing that.

pc:https://images.pexels.com/photos/164829/pexels-photo-164829.jpeg?auto=compress&cs=tinysrgb&dpr=1&w=500

Food

leapingwaterLeave a comment

Food plays a major role in our lives. It gives us energy, nutrients we need to survive, it helps keep us strong, and helps us grow. Most importantly, food brings us happiness. I love food with my entire heart. Of course I have had phases, but I’ve always been (for the most part) open to trying new types of food. I was never a picky eater when I was younger, and I still really enjoy trying things that I haven’t before. I don’t like everything that I try of course, but I have found things that I love and can’t wait to have again. Another thing that I love is sharing a meal with someone. For my best friend and I, one of our favorite things to do is eat together. We love going out to try things, sharing snacks, or simply just making something in between studying. There is something so special about just sitting down with someone to eat a meal.

pc:https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/healthy-food-selection-healthy-food-selection-fruits-vegetables-seeds-superfood-cereals-gray-background-121936825.jpg?w=992

I have noticed

urmom8beanLeave a comment

Things I have noticed around me as of recent. I noticed how his eyes are blue at first glance but when you look closer they have the smallest tint of sage green hugging his pupil. I noticed how whenever she enters a room the whole atmosphere changes. I noticed how he always checks up on me even when i’m the older one. I’ve noticed how her beautiful blonde curly hair has honey gold locks blending in with the others. I’ve also noticed that she look magnificent in white and it pairs beautifully with her gorgeous smile. I’ve noticed how energetic he is and how he puts 110% into everything he does. I’ve noticed the JV teams and how unbelievably proud I am of them. I’ve noticed their energy, love, and laughter, on and off the court. I’ve noticed how much she grown and how beautiful she is inside and out. Ive noticed how quiet she’s been. I’ve noticed how much i’ve missed having him here, and how he will eventually leave. i’ve noticed how quick the year is going, and life wont be the same. I’ve noticed there is a chance I don’t ever see these people again, and how much i’ll miss them when they leave. Will they miss me? I’ve noticed the end of things volleyball, first quarter, and very soon Halloween. I’ve noticed the end of high school, and how I will never be with the same group of people ever again. I’ve noticed how much I love them, and how much happiness they bring to my life. I’ve noticed the importance of them in my world, and how it won’t ever be the same without them. I’ve noticed how unprepared I am to leave, even when i’ve been so ready. Ive noticed the memories, the first ever volleyball practice, humanities class, dances, and them. The people who have been with me for my whole life. The ones I grew up with, the ones I wish I could continue growing up. I’ve noticed the beautiful sunsets on to of that glorious hill. I’ve noticed how fast the years have gone. I’ve noticed how much i’ll leave behind. but also…

I’ve noticed a little piece of everything in me, that i’ll always have no matter where I go.

PC: https://www.ovs.org/campus-life/outdoors/upcoming-trips/

Softball

pottymouth818Leave a comment

I used to play softball. I started playing t ball on a team with my sibling when I was 4. That’s when my dad started coaching me. From there, I kept playing on youth teams every year. Softball for me was always the fun sport. My dad always found a way to make practice amusing. We’d play games such as sunflower seed spitting contests and home-run derby’s. At every game there was a never ending variety of crazy snacks in the dugout and continuous scream of obnoxious cheers that were the best. Even when I played on All-Star teams there was a positive energy. Once I started playing volleyball, I truly appreciated softball because it was an outlet without all the pressure. 

I’ve always loved travel tournaments for both volleyball and softball. The difference is that for softball we’d be out in the pool eating whatever we wanted, till whatever time, and setting off fireworks in the middle of nowhere while the parents were out drinking at a bar.  For volleyball, we had a schedule, people commenting on our diets, a curfew, and my mom making sure I was in bed by ten while we dissected the contents of how I played; everything was more intense.  In softball, it didn’t ruin my day when I didn’t play as well as I wanted to because I never had any crazy expectations and didn’t hold myself to a crazy standard. With all that being said, softball was never my sport like volleyball was, I never had the same type of love. What made it so worthwhile was the team and the players. I ended up playing through my freshman year in high-school but at that point I was burnt out and had hit a wall. I wasn’t having the same fun I used to have when I was younger and it was exhausting driving 45 minutes straight from softball to volleyball and then getting home at 10. At that point it had lost the purpose it originally served. I played softball for as long as I did because it was something my dad and I always bonded over. We’ve never been as close as when I was playing softball. Volleyball for mom, softball for dad. I’ll always love softball and it will always be a big part of my childhood. 

“Softball on field“/ CC0 1.0

blog of my life

graypenguinLeave a comment

When I write a blog every week, I feel like I spend more time wondering what to write about than I do writing. I am already wondering what I will write about next week.

But that aside, this week I would like to write a little about my past. Every time I write this blog I am reminded of my elementary school. Because I kept a one-page notebook diary every day from the first grade to the sixth grade. I cried when I was little because I was chased by farm animals, and I started washing my own hair at the age of 1.5 years old because I wanted to imitate my older sister in everything. I grew up with a lot of love from my teachers in kindergarten. I attended an all-girls school from elementary school until the summer after my freshman year of high school. My memories of elementary school were about trying different things. I did many things at school, such as being a member of the class council and student body president. My favorite class was physical education. I took first place in physical fitness two years in a row. The thing I looked forward to most on weekends was going on the trapeze with my friends. In junior high school, I gave up ballet, which I had been doing since I was two and a half years old, and started playing soccer. This was a big change for me, as every weekend and every vacation was filled with soccer. However, soccer was my youth, and I can’t count the number of things I gained from it. Also, the short-term study abroad program I mentioned in middle school was a big reason why I am here in the U.S. now, and it has changed my life. I lead a rather mundane life, but the people I have met have been wonderful and have enriched my life.

I am very much looking forward to the people and environments I will meet in the future. To be honest, I am dreading the preparation for college. lol

pc;https://www.sugiyama-u.ac.jp/primary/assets_c/2014/12/curriculum_feature_learning04-thumb-530xauto-207.jpg

My Mom

uwucutiepatootieLeave a comment

I don’t think that there is a stronger connection between a mother and her kids. Recently me and my roommate stayed up late discussing how much we love our moms. It ended with us sobbing because we genuinely don’t know what we would do without our moms once they die. I know it is a dark thought, but I know that one day I will need to find a way to live without her. Moms get so little credit for all that they sacrifice. My mom allows me to release any anger or sadness onto her, draining her, and then she still has the energy to make me feel better. My mom has to listen to so many complaints from me, and even if she doesn’t care about whatever stupid thing I’m ranting about, she pretends to. Whenever I need any type of advice she is always here to help, even if I don’t listen. There is no one I could love or appreciate more. 

“Mother Daughter” by Family Moments/ CC0 1.0