The world is just actually so beautiful. The colors flood through the ocean, the mountains, to the empty plains. The blossoming flowers, bloom over the mountaintops. The sun rising turns the sky a flume of pinks purples and oranges. The admirable ocean blue hues. The twinkle of the waves as they break along the shoreline. At night the stars light up the sky creating a pattern and light shining down on the quiet night. The sun shining at the perfect angle to light up the perfectly imperfect flower. The wind blowing the grass of the field where the horses run. While the rain pours it pounds down on the wet cement the clouds create a gray glare along the wet world. The pollution us humans bring are destroying the beauty of the quiet earth we love.
Recently I’ve been realizing how much I have. I have everything. Right now, I feel like whatever I want to do with my life I have the means to do it. If I want to become an engineer, I can go to school for engineering. If I want to become a doctor, I can go to school and pursue a degree in that, not that I want to because med school sounds too intense and expensive for me. Also, I get really queasy. One time, this facial reconstruction surgeon showed me a bunch of before and after pictures from procedures and they were really disgusting and I passed out. In my defense, he was showing some pretty gross stuff- people with deconstructed eyeballs, two little girls who had their faces mauled by pit bulls, a girl who had a tumor in her head that made her eye stick out of her head, a man that got his scalp pulled off by a machine, a video where he pulled a nail out of a man’s face, etc. That’s a bit of a tangent but I meant that I have the privilege of being able to choose my occupation, my education, etc. I’ll obviously be in debt after college (unless I get a full ride) but I still have the privilege of going to college when so many people don’t even have the luxury of literacy. Wherever I want to go, I feel like I have the means to do it and I kind of feel guilty about how much freedom I have, because I didn’t do anything to deserve any of it. So many suffer so much and work so much harder than I do and never get the opportunities that I get, which feels so wrong. Therefore, my goal is to pay forward everything I’ve been given.
This is just going to be a general blog post. Okay, so basically, I started sewing when I was 6 years old. I lived with my grandparents and would switch houses during the week. Sunday-Wednesday morning with my Nana and Wednesday night to Sunday morning with my Grandma and Grandpa. During my time with my Nana I she taught me how to sew. We would have our weekly sewing lesson, which I always looked forward to. If we didn’t finish our lesson that day it would continue to the next. And we did this for as long as I can remember. Till I grew up. I got busy. Recently I have been pretty into some art things. And I want to pick up sewing again. So I texted my Nana and she got me a new sewing machine. I am so excited to start back up on this once loved hobby. I would make my dolls clothes. I would make Christmas presents for the people I loved. Since I have been excited to pick this back up I have just been looking all over Pinterest and I have so many things I want to make. I am so excited I think this is going to be so fun. Not only can I do this for my own well-being but if I get good, this can be a good thing to put in my college portfolios. Anyway I am just so excited to make cute stuff.
To be honest, I don’t think I’m very exceptional, and I wish people knew that. I know I’m not the best and I admit that constantly. So why do people feel the need to bring me down? I wish they knew how much I overthink and how much I know I suck. They don’t and will continue to say stuff behind my back.
To be honest, I think about it a lot. I really do care about what people say.
I hate it.
Why do I care so much? I wish I could just block them out, but I can’t. I always kind of hope they will change and care about my feelings. Anyway back to what I was saying, I am pretty mediocre at things. I really do consider myself a jack of all trades and a master of none. I can do most things, but I’ve never been good at anything. I love playing sports but then again I’m not good at any. There are so many people who are so much better than me at the things I’m “good” at.
My friends are probably my favorite people in the world. I love Liz and Karin. No matter how much I don’t think I’m good or how terrible I believe I have done they always make me feel better. They always cheer for me, and always hype me up. I want you both to know how much I appreciate you. You are the hotel California guitar riff, 2:34 in Pink + White by Frank Ocean, and every beautiful part in every beautiful song. I love you Hahny and Lizzy Pooh. Just a little appreciation to them.
It sucks when I do bad in anything, but especially sports. People have this preconceived idea that just because people are okay at a sport they automatically have a huge ego about it. That’s not always true, just because people say I’m good doesn’t mean I believe that.
Just so you all know I think I suck.
So when I do make a mistake (which is pretty often) they think it’s warranted to make comments on it. There’s a difference between complimenting someone and complementing someone to tear the other person down. Yes, they did a good job but repeating it over and over is no longer a compliment. It’s actually not that hard to do better than me, I’m not good. Please stop tearing other people down.
I hate it because I begin to hate the things I love. So if you take anything out of this let it be one thing. I know I’m not good you don’t have to keep hinting at it. Stop trying to push me off a pedestal you put me on. I’m trying my best.
To be honest, I’m scared to post this but I need something to post so here it goes.
I used to hate listening to music while doing homework because I swore I could never focus with music playing. Over the summer, I was traveling a lot, and all I did was listen to music. I almost always had an Airpod in, which made my trip so much better. My family is very loud and chaotic especially when traveling. I often get travel anxiety as I always feel like I forgot something and worry about being on time as my mom is notoriously late. Music became my escape whenever my family would get too loud or I would feel overwhelmed. I would put on my noise-canceling headphones and turn on some music. I often make a new playlist as I get bored and my music taste constantly evolves. I’ve been listening to a lot of Drake, Taylor Swift, Frank Ocean, SZA, Travis Scott, Alex G, Future, Cigarettes After Sex, and Olivia Rodrigo. My music taste isn’t very original but I enjoy it and stay tuned for a blog on my Spotify wrapped.
I’ve always struggled with science but chemistry is extremely humbling. Last year I did really well in biology getting a 96% on my final and having a 93 in the class. I was very confident going into chemistry but I have yet to succeed in anything so far. I have failed every test or quiz and struggled badly every night on the homework. I have taken time to watch videos explaining the topics but I still need help understanding. Chemistry is a notoriously hard class and I believe I could do it but I truly can’t. I have a test on Monday and I plan on spending my weekend studying although I am certain that I am going to fail. Today I have a review session during class and we are taking a practice test I have a feeling I’m going to fail that as well. I hope this test goes well.
I don’t think that it is possible to understand my love for Starbucks unless you are just the same amount of psycho about it as I am. Getting Starbucks is so different compared to getting food or a drink from anywhere else. I have gotten so much of it over the years that it feels like a second home. It is so fast to order and its just so good. I understand if people over the age of forty don’t love it, but if you are around my age, you are literally insane if you don’t love Starbucks. You don’t need to be unique and say that you like a gross underground cafe just to be different. I will admit that there are some really disgusting Starbucks drinks but for the most part, they are so good. I’ve never gotten any food from there that I don’t like. If I buy food from anywhere else I feel like I’m spending money, but Starbucks feels like a tax. There is just no life for me without Starbucks in it.
After a long discussion in class today, I’ve decided to write my blog on trends. Personally, I am an extremely influenceable person. I buy most “trending” things and participate in many other “trends’ ‘. Trends are sometimes long-term and other times they only last a week. I have many old trend items that sit in the back of my closet collecting dust now. When VSCO was a trend I was very VSCO and I was very alt/indie when it was trending. Many of the clothes I wore during those times now sit in the back of my closet. I have been wanting money recently so I have been selling a lot of old clothes and buying clothes second hand at thrift stores and on depop. Trends truly do fascinate me, stores will be completely sold out for months and companies will create new lines just based on trends. The power social media has over what people buy and wear shocks me. One example of this is the well known green and navy brandy striped sweater. This sweater was extremely sought after and was very “trendy”, it was rare to find at in-person brandy locations and it was sold out online too. People who owned the sweater started selling it for much more on Depop and Poshmark and people spent way too much money on a simple striped sweater. Aerie also came out with a “dupe” for this sweater and it sold extremely well. To some it up trends fascinate me and the power of something being “trendy” also shocks me.
Girlhood is the best and the worst thing that can happen to anyone. I love girlhood so much, but I really hate girlhood at the same time. Girlhood is getting ready with your friends for something exciting, but girlhood is also not getting invited to things you really want to be at. Girlhood is screaming songs at the top of your lungs living like nothing else is relevant. Girlhood is having your late night hot tub talks with your best friends. What is girlhood? Girlhood is happiness, sadness, and everything else in between all mixed together. I feel as if I have not experienced enough in my life that events and people are stopping me. I want to experience girlhood with a group of friends who I enjoy being around. Sometimes finding the people is hard. As a teenage girl emotions are all over the place. One second you are having the best time of your life and the next you are wondering why you were not invited to something. Finding the best group of friends is the hardest part. Some girls are clicky and there is no way they will welcome anyone into anything they have going on. Others are too opened right from the start. And some you just are so unaware how to approach the situation. As someone who goes to a small private boarding school finding people is hard. There are the day students and the dorming students. Practically separate for me. The dorming students all live together so it is really hard to bond with them. I am also the only girl day student in my entire grade so that separates me off from them a bit. There is absolutely no connection. The senior class has some of the sweetest people you will ever meet but they are super hard to connect with besides a few who I actually have connected with. The connections made with some of the senior girls creates a stone in my path of navigating through girlhood. I went to a concert with 2 of the senior girls and just relating and bonding over music created a core memory in my path along girlhood. The bonds created with people while experiencing girlhood is undescribable. Recently my best friend and I have a fallout which was definitely a hardship through girlhood. After over a month of us on non speaking terms she stepped up and reached out to me. So many people are telling me so many different things. Some are saying “don’t be friends with her again,” some are saying, “you should definitely try to reconnect with her.” So of course I went to dinner with her. Right from the start it was immediately not awkward. We went to dinner and were at the dinner for 3 hours catching up on eachothers lives. Not talking to my best friend of 10 years for a whole month is crazy to think about. That is girlhood. The best friends that last a lifetime. The ones who stay even after the biggest argument and still love each other. That is what girlhood means to me. Everyone gets jealous over someone else’s life at some point in time but why waste time being upset over something that won’t matter later in life and just live in the moment. Some words I saw and will never forget are, “its everyone’s first time living to not just yours.”
If I had a bad addiction it would definitely be shopping. My shopping addiction is getting out of hand. Girl math creates a bigger issue for my shopping problem. Let me explain. Girl math is if a sweater I want is 100 dollars that is like 10 dollars per wear is I wear it 10 times. If I wear it more than it is technically free or has a discount. If I decide to go to erewhon one day and by a Hailey Beiber smoothie they that is worth like 4 starbucks trips so I won’t go to starbucks for 4 days. From experiencing this first hand, I can let you know not this live and think like this. So shopping…. my biggest love in life is my clothes. I just love clothes with everything I have in me. When I step into a shop I really like I get out of hand my brain starts moving at 100 miles an hour and I blackout. By the time I hit the dressing room I start to plan what shirt goes with what pants, what do I need to buy so I can make this shirt I am so obsessed with 10x cuter than it is, and what do I have at home that will perfect this item. My shopping addiction is definitely better than having a full blow addiction because I can control it and set boundaries for myself. That is not so say it is not still an issue. I went shopping probably about a month ago 2 weeks in a row… that is not allowed to happen again. I had to set a limit for my self that I was not allowed to go shopping for 2 months now. And right this second I am thinking I should go shopping before dance to get another pair of lulu dance pants. I have my reasons. Anyways this is just my rant about how I need to stop shopping and get a better hobbie for myself. Love you all bye!
OVS Journalism Blog 
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