Tag: Blogging

To be honest,

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To be honest, I don’t think I’m very exceptional, and I wish people knew that. I know I’m not the best and I admit that constantly. So why do people feel the need to bring me down? I wish they knew how much I overthink and how much I know I suck. They don’t and will continue to say stuff behind my back.

To be honest, I think about it a lot. I really do care about what people say.

I hate it.

Why do I care so much? I wish I could just block them out, but I can’t. I always kind of hope they will change and care about my feelings. Anyway back to what I was saying, I am pretty mediocre at things. I really do consider myself a jack of all trades and a master of none. I can do most things, but I’ve never been good at anything. I love playing sports but then again I’m not good at any. There are so many people who are so much better than me at the things I’m “good” at.

My friends are probably my favorite people in the world. I love Liz and Karin. No matter how much I don’t think I’m good or how terrible I believe I have done they always make me feel better. They always cheer for me, and always hype me up. I want you both to know how much I appreciate you. You are the hotel California guitar riff, 2:34 in Pink + White by Frank Ocean, and every beautiful part in every beautiful song. I love you Hahny and Lizzy Pooh. Just a little appreciation to them.

It sucks when I do bad in anything, but especially sports. People have this preconceived idea that just because people are okay at a sport they automatically have a huge ego about it. That’s not always true, just because people say I’m good doesn’t mean I believe that.

Just so you all know I think I suck.

So when I do make a mistake (which is pretty often) they think it’s warranted to make comments on it. There’s a difference between complimenting someone and complementing someone to tear the other person down. Yes, they did a good job but repeating it over and over is no longer a compliment. It’s actually not that hard to do better than me, I’m not good. Please stop tearing other people down.

I hate it because I begin to hate the things I love. So if you take anything out of this let it be one thing. I know I’m not good you don’t have to keep hinting at it. Stop trying to push me off a pedestal you put me on. I’m trying my best.

To be honest, I’m scared to post this but I need something to post so here it goes.

Building the nest: Women's basketball wins opening game
PC:https://stanforddaily.com/2022/11/08/building-the-nest-womens-basketball-wins-opening-game/

Music

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

I used to hate listening to music while doing homework because I swore I could never focus with music playing. Over the summer, I was traveling a lot, and all I did was listen to music. I almost always had an Airpod in, which made my trip so much better. My family is very loud and chaotic especially when traveling. I often get travel anxiety as I always feel like I forgot something and worry about being on time as my mom is notoriously late. Music became my escape whenever my family would get too loud or I would feel overwhelmed. I would put on my noise-canceling headphones and turn on some music. I often make a new playlist as I get bored and my music taste constantly evolves. I’ve been listening to a lot of Drake, Taylor Swift, Frank Ocean, SZA, Travis Scott, Alex G, Future, Cigarettes After Sex, and Olivia Rodrigo. My music taste isn’t very original but I enjoy it and stay tuned for a blog on my Spotify wrapped.

“Headphones Music” by JESHOOTS.com/ CC0 1.0

chem is not for me

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

I’ve always struggled with science but chemistry is extremely humbling. Last year I did really well in biology getting a 96% on my final and having a 93 in the class. I was very confident going into chemistry but I have yet to succeed in anything so far. I have failed every test or quiz and struggled badly every night on the homework. I have taken time to watch videos explaining the topics but I still need help understanding. Chemistry is a notoriously hard class and I believe I could do it but I truly can’t. I have a test on Monday and I plan on spending my weekend studying although I am certain that I am going to fail. Today I have a review session during class and we are taking a practice test I have a feeling I’m going to fail that as well. I hope this test goes well.

Starbucks

uwucutiepatootieLeave a comment

I don’t think that it is possible to understand my love for Starbucks unless you are just the same amount of psycho about it as I am. Getting Starbucks is so different compared to getting food or a drink from anywhere else. I have gotten so much of it over the years that it feels like a second home. It is so fast to order and its just so good. I understand if people over the age of forty don’t love it, but if you are around my age, you are literally insane if you don’t love Starbucks. You don’t need to be unique and say that you like a gross underground cafe just to be different. I will admit that there are some really disgusting Starbucks drinks but for the most part, they are so good. I’ve never gotten any food from there that I don’t like. If I buy food from anywhere else I feel like I’m spending money, but Starbucks feels like a tax. There is just no life for me without Starbucks in it.

“Starbucks Coffee” by Tim Gouw/ CC0 1.0

Trends

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

After a long discussion in class today, I’ve decided to write my blog on trends. Personally, I am an extremely influenceable person. I buy most “trending” things and participate in many other “trends’ ‘. Trends are sometimes long-term and other times they only last a week. I have many old trend items that sit in the back of my closet collecting dust now. When VSCO was a trend I was very VSCO and I was very alt/indie when it was trending. Many of the clothes I wore during those times now sit in the back of my closet. I have been wanting money recently so I have been selling a lot of old clothes and buying clothes second hand at thrift stores and on depop. Trends truly do fascinate me, stores will be completely sold out for months and companies will create new lines just based on trends. The power social media has over what people buy and wear shocks me. One example of this is the well known green and navy brandy striped sweater. This sweater was extremely sought after and was very “trendy”, it was rare to find at in-person brandy locations and it was sold out online too. People who owned the sweater started selling it for much more on Depop and Poshmark and people spent way too much money on a simple striped sweater. Aerie also came out with a “dupe” for this sweater and it sold extremely well. To some it up trends fascinate me and the power of something being “trendy” also shocks me.

PC: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/4362930881699601/

Girlhood

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

Girlhood is the best and the worst thing that can happen to anyone. I love girlhood so much, but I really hate girlhood at the same time. Girlhood is getting ready with your friends for something exciting, but girlhood is also not getting invited to things you really want to be at. Girlhood is screaming songs at the top of your lungs living like nothing else is relevant. Girlhood is having your late night hot tub talks with your best friends. What is girlhood? Girlhood is happiness, sadness, and everything else in between all mixed together. I feel as if I have not experienced enough in my life that events and people are stopping me. I want to experience girlhood with a group of friends who I enjoy being around. Sometimes finding the people is hard. As a teenage girl emotions are all over the place. One second you are having the best time of your life and the next you are wondering why you were not invited to something. Finding the best group of friends is the hardest part. Some girls are clicky and there is no way they will welcome anyone into anything they have going on. Others are too opened right from the start. And some you just are so unaware how to approach the situation. As someone who goes to a small private boarding school finding people is hard. There are the day students and the dorming students. Practically separate for me. The dorming students all live together so it is really hard to bond with them. I am also the only girl day student in my entire grade so that separates me off from them a bit. There is absolutely no connection. The senior class has some of the sweetest people you will ever meet but they are super hard to connect with besides a few who I actually have connected with. The connections made with some of the senior girls creates a stone in my path of navigating through girlhood. I went to a concert with 2 of the senior girls and just relating and bonding over music created a core memory in my path along girlhood. The bonds created with people while experiencing girlhood is undescribable. Recently my best friend and I have a fallout which was definitely a hardship through girlhood. After over a month of us on non speaking terms she stepped up and reached out to me. So many people are telling me so many different things. Some are saying “don’t be friends with her again,” some are saying, “you should definitely try to reconnect with her.” So of course I went to dinner with her. Right from the start it was immediately not awkward. We went to dinner and were at the dinner for 3 hours catching up on eachothers lives. Not talking to my best friend of 10 years for a whole month is crazy to think about. That is girlhood. The best friends that last a lifetime. The ones who stay even after the biggest argument and still love each other. That is what girlhood means to me. Everyone gets jealous over someone else’s life at some point in time but why waste time being upset over something that won’t matter later in life and just live in the moment. Some words I saw and will never forget are, “its everyone’s first time living to not just yours.”

PC: Me

Shopping Addict

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

If I had a bad addiction it would definitely be shopping. My shopping addiction is getting out of hand. Girl math creates a bigger issue for my shopping problem. Let me explain. Girl math is if a sweater I want is 100 dollars that is like 10 dollars per wear is I wear it 10 times. If I wear it more than it is technically free or has a discount. If I decide to go to erewhon one day and by a Hailey Beiber smoothie they that is worth like 4 starbucks trips so I won’t go to starbucks for 4 days. From experiencing this first hand, I can let you know not this live and think like this. So shopping…. my biggest love in life is my clothes. I just love clothes with everything I have in me. When I step into a shop I really like I get out of hand my brain starts moving at 100 miles an hour and I blackout. By the time I hit the dressing room I start to plan what shirt goes with what pants, what do I need to buy so I can make this shirt I am so obsessed with 10x cuter than it is, and what do I have at home that will perfect this item. My shopping addiction is definitely better than having a full blow addiction because I can control it and set boundaries for myself. That is not so say it is not still an issue. I went shopping probably about a month ago 2 weeks in a row… that is not allowed to happen again. I had to set a limit for my self that I was not allowed to go shopping for 2 months now. And right this second I am thinking I should go shopping before dance to get another pair of lulu dance pants. I have my reasons. Anyways this is just my rant about how I need to stop shopping and get a better hobbie for myself. Love you all bye!

PC: Me

My future plan.

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

To think about what the future holds is daunting. The me one year ago would have no idea what to think of my life today. As everyone gets older life gets harder. Loved ones pass, and people come and go in the lives we all have. As a person who overthinks so much, I of course already have a blueprint of the future I want for myself. I spend hours on Pinterest scrolling through the lives of others building up a plan. My future life will have to be aesthetic duh…just kidding. The future I want for myself does consist of “perfection,” but the faults in life will bleed through ruining the idea of a “perfect” life. This is how I want it. Of course, I will like for my life to be cute but I want others around me to realize not everything in life is perfect and everyone has their own faults and issues occuring. Anyway, enough with reality. I romanticize what college I will attend, leading into my lifelong career to support the family I want for myself. I am not really sure where I want to live but I have many ideas. Maybe somewhere the leaves will turn brown and at the least an hour or two away from some form of a beach. Something extremely personally important to me in my plan is for my kids to not have to go through childhood as I did. With this I want to take my skills I have now implement my skills into things for college and create the best life I can give to myself. Anyways since I have been sick I have been on Pinterest a lot so I have been obv making a Pinterest board about it so I thought I would write about it. Bye!

PC: me

Advanced Procrastination

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

Last night, I talked to my mom about how I used to be an academic weapon, and now I’m an academic victim. This is due to procrastination. I can make up the best excuses for not doing my homework. I used to just go on my phone, clean my room, or maybe make food. But recently, I have been getting advanced in my procrastination strategies. Now, instead of that, I will do an assignment from a different class instead of the one I need to do. I tell myself it’s not procrastinating because I’m getting work done. I actually need to stop doing this, especially with world notes, because it has caused me to do poorly on SAQs, and I also still haven’t done notes from like 2 weeks ago. Overall I’m pretty behind in all my classes, but at the end of the day, I usually get things in on time, but it’s extremely stressful. Last week we had a notebook check, and I was up till 3 a.m. doing notes. Anyway, it’s Thursday and this isn’t due until Friday so technically, I didn’t procrastinate this one.

“Png man running late“/ CC0 1.0

Feeling Butterflies

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

The butterfly effect is affecting my life. One small change and my whole life is different. New doors opened. New relationships are forming. And new butterflies flutter around in my life. The feeling as if butterflies are flying around inside of me. I feel like running through an open field of happiness. Sadness fled through the field at one point but now the field has drained. New things are coming into the field of happiness. There will always be flood and downpour but sunny days come of it. My mind and me urge to find the good in everything and everyone. I found the good. The good people come to those that wait. The good memories come to those who wait. Even if this is not the peak moment in life…Live as if it was. Feel the butterflies swarming inside of you when you try new things. Let the bad occurrences in life become the butterfly effect. Let the butterfly effect lead you to the happiness. From the butterfly effect comes with loss but a gain in the end. Recently the butterflies inside of me have been overwhelmed of nerves, excitement, and stress. The nerves come from new beginnings. The excitement comes from the recurring dates with the person who makes me so happy right now. And the stress comes from the problems all around. Personally the feeling of excitement or happiness is the best butterfly feeling. The butterfly effect causes the feeling of butterflies from within.

PC: Me