Chaos Agent

There is one consistent detail that stands out to me about adults and that is their firm beliefs in themselves, their ambitions, and their character. I simply couldn’t look back at my memories and say something that I’ve been passionate about my whole life, or even my favorite food, I lack defining moments in my life that give me secure knowledge of what matters to me. I used to wonder why I didn’t feel I had these meaningful moments in life until I realized I was a bitch. I didn’t have any important moments in my life because I didn’t make any. I was too scared of being reprimanded by authority, or just having people misunderstand or be disappointed in me. I’ve realized that in the soup of life, sometimes you need to stir the pot to mix in the seasoning. I am ready to be mischievous, devious, or even dubious, anything to stir this pot. I’m still a child aren’t I, I feel it is my human right to cause a little havoc. I deserve to be asked “Do you know Tyler Durden?”

Leadership Tip of the Week: Managing Chaos | Lead Read Today | Lead Read  Today

Chaos’ Defeat

For many infinities Chaos had held the burden of perfection,

and Time had sat silent and watched.

The immense weight of nothingness pressed down upon Chaos

Like cold black rocks piled one by one;

each stone pressed upon his empty chest

and he lay tense, unmoving, bracing against the pain.

The cool dull pain.

Chaos’ eyes were tightly shut

to keep the darkness from getting out.

He was honorable, 

quiet, 

still, 

and focused on the weight of that expansive void.

Alone he was,

save his cruel companion,

fighting an endless battle against light and the evil it illuminates.

Time turned his grey gnarled hand over.

Chaos turned his head to look,

and within him something buckled.

And the beautiful darkness was covered in blinding light.

And now there were things in places.

Time bowed his head.

And Chaos sank back in defeat.

And the clamoring symphony began.

from wikimedia commons

Time.

Wow.

11 days until graduation.
The college process seems so long ago.
Yet freshman year feels like just yesterday…

Time really does play with us in such a chaotic and wonderful way,
such banter and play.
We are so mortal.

And what is truly timeless?

Here is one of my favorite findings from Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida.

Achilles: I do believe it; for they pass’d by me
As misers do by beggars, neither gave to me
Good word nor look: what, are my deeds forgot?

Ulysses: Time hath, my lord, a wallet at his back,
Wherein he puts alms for oblivion,
A great-sized monster of ingratitudes:
Those scraps are good deeds past; which are decoured
As fast as they are made, forgot as soon
As done: perserverance, dear my lord,
Keeps honour bright: to have done is to hang
Quite out of fashion, like a rusty nail
In monumental mockery. Take the instant way;
For honour travels in a strait so narrow…
For time is like a fashionable host
That slightly shakes its parting guest by the hand,
And with arms outstretched, as he would fly,
Grasps in the comer: welcome ever smiles,
And farewell goes out sighing.

Anyways, this passage definitely gives me something to think about.
What I want my legacy to be..
How important something really is…
is it really worth my time?

is time really worth it?

OVS, are you blackout ready?

Instant darkness. The excited yells of frantic girls could be heard across the Upper campus as Ojai Valley School experienced it’s first blackout of the year. Many of us did not know how to react. It was exciting for all-this chaotic, fortuitous occurrence meant that study hall was postponed.  A herd of girls began to stream out of the dorms, assembling into the blackhole, but they were soon told by the faculty that this was not a fire drill and that it was okay to be inside the dorms. We retreated. Back inside the black enclosures, people huddled together, walking to their rooms scouring drawers and closets for any source of light they could find: flashlights, cell phones, even laptops.

I was one of the few for whom this was a frightening experience. I have nyctophobia, meaning I am afraid of the dark. My first instinct was to grab my headlamp that had been so handy during dark nights camping out in the Eastern Sierras just two weeks back. It was just my luck when I snapped out of my frantic state and realized my headlamp was upstairs, in the storage room. It was a scary journey up but when the dorm parent on duty, Ms. Smith, opened up the room, I dashed in there to find the precious light source.

I walked back downstairs with a new sense of calm, the light from my headlamp illuminating the way back to my seat in the girls lounge. There, Mama asked passing girls where their flashlights and headlamps were. Apparently, we were supposed to keep them in our rooms, in case of emergency like this. Weird. In my four years at Ojai Valley School, this is the first blackout I have ever experienced. This was also the first time I have ever heard anybody tell me that I needed to keep an emergency headlamp just chilling in my room. The only girl I witnessed having a headlamp handy was Zooey. I guess we all didn’t get the memo.