Tag: college

Acceptance and Rejection

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With the month of March comes college acceptance/rejection decisions. I’ve always said to myself and others that the rejections won’t affect me because I’ll make the best of wherever I end up. This positive outlook has changed a bit since then. I got my first true rejection last week. Not a deferment, and not a waitlist. A true, solid rejection. UC Davis apologized for not being able to offer me admission because of their large and competitive applicant pool. Since I first toured the campus of UC Davis I’ve been preaching that it just isn’t the place for me. Cow country, surrounded by the relentlessly hot and barren central California, just isn’t my top choice for the next four years of my life. Besides, I already got into UC Santa Cruz where I’d love to attend because of the beautiful campus and its equally gorgeous surroundings. Despite all this, I still felt the heavy weight of disappointment when I read the first sentence of my rejection letter. Although I didn’t want to go, I still wanted to be accepted. I wanted the validation that my hard work throughout high school was enough to get me into Davis. Sadly, this validation wouldn’t be fulfilled by Davis, and won’t be fulfilled by many other colleges as rejections continue to roll in. I’m glad I received my first rejection from a school I didn’t have my heart set on, because then my disappointment might’ve swallowed me whole. I guess I’ve learned that I’ll need to provide my own validation now, because the world is too tough to cushion every landing.

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Changes

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Do you ever look back at old memories and actually see how much you’ve changed? While we are living in the moment, we don’t notice the changes happening. Slowly, our hair grows out, our friends come and go, and we are completely different people.

As I was making my (very beautiful) senior page, I was going through memories I had forgotten about. I saw old friends, some I wish were still in my life, others I wish I had dropped sooner. But they were all learning experiences that helped me grow into who I am now.

I found pictures of my middle school friend and me. We moved to different high schools but were still close in our freshman year. At one point, she was my whole world. But the distance grew between us, and we slowly drifted apart. I think I blocked her on social media.

Some things never change, though. My best friend, my weird hair, my love for cute water bottles, and my fondness for my friends. I can’t wait to go to college and change up my environment again. I’ll miss this boring, predictable school.

credit: Pinterest

College pt. 5 mil

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Going to college genuinely terrifies me, not like it terrifies everyone else. When I think of college, a huge drop happens in my stomach. Don’t get me wrong Im excited, I have a Pinterest for my dorm room and stuff. However, I don’t do well with change, and I think that’s something I need to work on with myself. I have a system of how things are now, where I’m surrounded by everyone I love, and they are just a few steps away. When I go to college, that will be different. I’m worried about how well I can live without my mom, and I know this sounds childish, but she has been my person through everything that I have gone through. I’m scared to be away from her, because this is a new chapter in my life where I won’t have her around as much anymore, and that brings tears to my eyes as I write this. Also, I think that I’m overthinking this way too much. But at the same time, I’m scared, and I’m sad. I think about this so often, but I also understand that I’m getting ahead of myself a bit. I spiral and think about how life is so short, and then we die, and that’s just it. (unless you believe in heaven and hell, which I don’t) So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m nervous, scared, excited, and sad to see and start this new chapter of my life.

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I Need More Money

brownbeansLeave a comment

Recently, three schools have given me financial aid packages. I need a lot of money to go to college. These colleges are so expensive, and for no reason.

The first school. They gave me a pretty good amount of money. I probably would be able to afford to go to this school, but it might be hard on my parents and me. It is in San Diego, and I love San Diego. It’s a good school, and I heard they have a good alumni network, so it might be worth it.

The second school. It is in Merced. Who even lives in Merced? They gave me the most money out of the three. But I don’t want to live in the middle of nowhere. After discussing it with people smarter than I am, I realized even if they paid me to go there, I still wouldn’t.

The third school. It’s in LA and I kind of like it. It’s in a really nice area, and I would be close to home. It used to be an all-girls college, but they recently changed to coed. The student body is still mainly girls, and I think that is cool. They gave me the least amount of money so far.

I can’t wait to see what other schools I get into and how much money they are going to give me.

Credit: Pinterest

If I Was A Nepobaby

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What Is a Nepotism Baby, Anyway? How a 'Nepo Baby' Is Born

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I wish I were a nepo baby. If I were a nepo baby, life would be a lot easier. As I’ve been going through the college application process, my hopes of going places have been diminishing. The places I once was interested in attending suddenly leave a bitter taste in my mouth and an even worse hole in my finances (aka my mom’s).

I wouldn’t have to constantly think about how much debt I’m willing to go into for a piece of paper. Instead, I would be somewhere enjoying life and not causing myself stress acne. 

If I were a nepo baby, would be traveling the world and trying to start a business that might fail. Maybe get cancelled for something trivial. I would definitely be one of the more tame nepo babies. 

I’m not saying all nepo babies are spoilt, no-purpose, no-talent individuals, just some. Trace Ellis Ross, now that’s a nepo baby I would be inspired by. To be honest, I didn’t even know she was the daughter of Diana Ross, like what? Even though her mother is Diana Ross, she’s not constantly letting everybody know about it or using it to her advantage. I look up to her; she’s also just really funny.

5:34 A.M.

riceandsoysauce4Leave a comment

The time is currently 5:34 a.m., and the temperature is sitting at a chilling 48 degrees. Unfortunately, I had to scramble my things together at the ungodly hour of 4:00 a.m. and step out into the biting cold to meet my driver. That said, I couldn’t be more excited to be heading home. Home, a place where the temperature still settles in the 70s and the ocean beckons with its warmth.

The flight isn’t terribly long, which gives me some downtime to work on my UC application. The PIQs don’t exactly fill themselves out, despite my hopeful expectation that they would. To speak plainly, I fear them. No, seriously, I am scared. It even makes me recoil to write the word “concrete.” I mean, I hate concrete. It is gray, dull, and brittle. Who wants to read about that?

Pulling myself back from that tangent, I am very grateful to have a week off from school, a rare chance to really focus on my college applications without the pressure of other deadlines. Hopefully, this week won’t shrink down to just two days, like most enjoyable weeks seem to do. Funny enough, the weeks that are grueling love to drag on, while the pleasant weeks fly by in a blink. I guess we will see.

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Thanksgiving Break

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It is the last day before Thanksgiving break starts, and I have been looking forward to it more than anything. The weather has finally turned cold, and it has been raining all week. This really makes it feel like fall, which makes me very happy. My sister will come home from college, and I can’t wait to see her. Being apart from my sister, who is only two years older than I, is very upsetting. She is like my best friend, and so I really enjoy it when she comes home. It’s weird going from seeing each other every day to only seeing each other on breaks. I got my first college acceptance letter, and I feel a tiny bit of weight lifted off my shoulders knowing that I can at least go to college. This year has been the quickest year of my life, and I feel like I’m not soaking it in enough. Senior year is supposed to be this crazy, exciting year, but it has felt like it’s gone by in literally a day.

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My classes

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My classes have been intensely harder this year than years in past. My schedule is set up so on my day ones I have every single hard class. I have Government, Business Math, AP environmental science and Journalism. On my day twos I have an easy day, english, art and two free periods. This schedule feels like a blessing and a curse. Every other day all I do is relax and occasionally don’t even have to arrive at school until 11. But on my day ones I struggle. Every class is rough and I have too many tests. I dont understand enviromental science, it is the most confusing class ever, the way things are worded makes it harder to understand. The tests are even worse. They are online which for some reason makes it much harder. Government is also extremely confusing. I dont understand the class at all and I get yelled at for where I sit. I am so exhausted from this. My grades are not even that bad, but it feels like im actually hanging on by such a thin thread. But it’s okay I just need to get through the next few months and things will get easier because I will get college letters back and know what im doing with my future.

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Life after high school

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I’m not sure what my plan is when I graduate from high school. The only thing I’m sure I’m doing is leaving Ojai. I don’t want to leave California, but I just want to go somewhere not too far. Santa Barbara or Los Angeles would be my top choices for choosing a college and a place to live. I could still visit Ojai, but I wouldn’t have to live here. I feel like I would have a lot more freedom if I left this town, and I would get to know more people. I know college for me isn’t soon, but it’s something that’s always on my mind. I can’t wait to be independent and on my own for most of my time. The thought of moving away from my family and friends here scares me a little, but it’s something almost everyone does, and I know I’ll get used to it at some point. My biggest fear is that I won’t end up liking the college that I’ve decided on and have to stick it out for however long I go for. Leaving a place that I’m so familiar with is a scary thought because it means I will have to familiarize myself with another area all over again. I can’t comprehend the fact that a big part of my future depends on what I choose to do in high school. I have to remind myself that I’m not the only one making a decision that decides my future, because everyone else is figuring out what they want to do just like me.

“stack old suitcases“/ CC0 1.0

Early Action

riceandsoysauce4Leave a comment

After many nights of overwhelming stress and anxiety-filled days, I finally submitted my early action applications. November 1st haunted my thoughts, creeping up on me silently. I never felt ready to submit—always worrying that something was wrong and reading over my PDF hundreds of times. When I finally pressed the celebrate button, I watched the colorful confetti burst across my screen and felt a weight lift off my shoulders. Still, a hint of regret lingered as I reread my application, convincing myself that something I submitted must have been a mistake. I tend to overthink everything, but I’m learning that it’s out of my control now and that whatever happens is meant to be. On my whiteboard, I wrote in big, bold letters: “Rejection is redirection.” It’s a constant reminder to stay calm. I know the future holds a place for me—somewhere I’m meant to be—but it’s still hard not to wonder what those decisions will bring.

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