Tag: college

5:34 A.M.

riceandsoysauce4Leave a comment

The time is currently 5:34 a.m., and the temperature is sitting at a chilling 48 degrees. Unfortunately, I had to scramble my things together at the ungodly hour of 4:00 a.m. and step out into the biting cold to meet my driver. That said, I couldn’t be more excited to be heading home. Home, a place where the temperature still settles in the 70s and the ocean beckons with its warmth.

The flight isn’t terribly long, which gives me some downtime to work on my UC application. The PIQs don’t exactly fill themselves out, despite my hopeful expectation that they would. To speak plainly, I fear them. No, seriously, I am scared. It even makes me recoil to write the word “concrete.” I mean, I hate concrete. It is gray, dull, and brittle. Who wants to read about that?

Pulling myself back from that tangent, I am very grateful to have a week off from school, a rare chance to really focus on my college applications without the pressure of other deadlines. Hopefully, this week won’t shrink down to just two days, like most enjoyable weeks seem to do. Funny enough, the weeks that are grueling love to drag on, while the pleasant weeks fly by in a blink. I guess we will see.

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Thanksgiving Break

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It is the last day before Thanksgiving break starts, and I have been looking forward to it more than anything. The weather has finally turned cold, and it has been raining all week. This really makes it feel like fall, which makes me very happy. My sister will come home from college, and I can’t wait to see her. Being apart from my sister, who is only two years older than I, is very upsetting. She is like my best friend, and so I really enjoy it when she comes home. It’s weird going from seeing each other every day to only seeing each other on breaks. I got my first college acceptance letter, and I feel a tiny bit of weight lifted off my shoulders knowing that I can at least go to college. This year has been the quickest year of my life, and I feel like I’m not soaking it in enough. Senior year is supposed to be this crazy, exciting year, but it has felt like it’s gone by in literally a day.

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My classes

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My classes have been intensely harder this year than years in past. My schedule is set up so on my day ones I have every single hard class. I have Government, Business Math, AP environmental science and Journalism. On my day twos I have an easy day, english, art and two free periods. This schedule feels like a blessing and a curse. Every other day all I do is relax and occasionally don’t even have to arrive at school until 11. But on my day ones I struggle. Every class is rough and I have too many tests. I dont understand enviromental science, it is the most confusing class ever, the way things are worded makes it harder to understand. The tests are even worse. They are online which for some reason makes it much harder. Government is also extremely confusing. I dont understand the class at all and I get yelled at for where I sit. I am so exhausted from this. My grades are not even that bad, but it feels like im actually hanging on by such a thin thread. But it’s okay I just need to get through the next few months and things will get easier because I will get college letters back and know what im doing with my future.

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Life after high school

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I’m not sure what my plan is when I graduate from high school. The only thing I’m sure I’m doing is leaving Ojai. I don’t want to leave California, but I just want to go somewhere not too far. Santa Barbara or Los Angeles would be my top choices for choosing a college and a place to live. I could still visit Ojai, but I wouldn’t have to live here. I feel like I would have a lot more freedom if I left this town, and I would get to know more people. I know college for me isn’t soon, but it’s something that’s always on my mind. I can’t wait to be independent and on my own for most of my time. The thought of moving away from my family and friends here scares me a little, but it’s something almost everyone does, and I know I’ll get used to it at some point. My biggest fear is that I won’t end up liking the college that I’ve decided on and have to stick it out for however long I go for. Leaving a place that I’m so familiar with is a scary thought because it means I will have to familiarize myself with another area all over again. I can’t comprehend the fact that a big part of my future depends on what I choose to do in high school. I have to remind myself that I’m not the only one making a decision that decides my future, because everyone else is figuring out what they want to do just like me.

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Early Action

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After many nights of overwhelming stress and anxiety-filled days, I finally submitted my early action applications. November 1st haunted my thoughts, creeping up on me silently. I never felt ready to submit—always worrying that something was wrong and reading over my PDF hundreds of times. When I finally pressed the celebrate button, I watched the colorful confetti burst across my screen and felt a weight lift off my shoulders. Still, a hint of regret lingered as I reread my application, convincing myself that something I submitted must have been a mistake. I tend to overthink everything, but I’m learning that it’s out of my control now and that whatever happens is meant to be. On my whiteboard, I wrote in big, bold letters: “Rejection is redirection.” It’s a constant reminder to stay calm. I know the future holds a place for me—somewhere I’m meant to be—but it’s still hard not to wonder what those decisions will bring.

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The future

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In the past few weeks, I’ve had an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia. I haven’t fully come to terms with the fact that I will be going to college and changing my entire life in less than a year. Everything I’ve grown up with and experienced my entire life is about to be turned around. I feel nostalgic towards the past three years here. All of my funny memories with my best friends. Having sleepovers every night, laughing until we cry. While I feel so sad about having to leave all that, there is nothing I’m more excited about than moving on with my life. I feel like I’ve gotten to a point where I am ready to figure out my future career and a new life. I can’t wait to move away and get away from stupid, immature, petty high school drama. There is nothing more draining than dealing with some stupid drama every few weeks. I hope that in college, that stops happening because it’s actually so unbearable. I am excited for the future, but I will miss everything I will leave behind. 

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Grades

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My grades right now are not an accurate representation of who I want to be as a student. My APES grade is not good at all. That test that everyone in my class took was so confusing. Other than APES, my grades aren’t terrible, a couple of A’s, some B’s, but I wish they were all A’s. College is not as far as it was last year, and I really need to start doing better if I even want a chance at getting into a good college. Not only is there stuff inside of school, but there’s stuff outside of school as well. I really need to spend more time focusing on school than worrying about other things. The annoying part is that there is no opportunity for me to even improve my grade in APES because the only things that change it are the tests. So, moving forward, I really, really, really need to study and focus because this path I’m headed down is not a good one.

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Graduating

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When the day comes for me finally to receive my diploma, I won’t know if my life is ending, or just beginning.

I use to struggle trying to imagine a life after high school; college was always just a fantasy.

I remember when my brother applied to college, when he moved in, and then finally when he graduated. It was inspiring, and made me eager, but it never felt like an experience I was going to be able to touch.

Even though, a year from now i’ll be sitting in a dorm room at some mystery school, it still feels like something so far away. It’s scary how fast it’s coming; how little time we have left with the freedom of high school responsibilities.

I would like to think that going to college is the beginning of a whole new chapter, something new, fresh, and exciting. Graduating college on the other hand, now that’s the end of my life. I mean, i’m going to be an adult in just a couple months, but you once you are out of college, thats like real adult life, something i’m not excited for. Who am I if not a teenager girl?

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LMU

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This weekend I toured a school that was never at the top of my list, but after visiting, became the center of my target. Loyola Marymount University (LMU) was exceptional, and honestly, there was nothing I didn’t favor. The school is located in Los Angeles, specifically in the Westchester neighborhood, about four miles north of LAX. A prime location. With the beach Playa Del Rey being only 2.6 miles away, I practically have the ocean at my fingertips (an absolute non-negotiable). LA has diverse and delicious food, offering so many options. Aside from the location, the campus itself stands out on its own. The beautiful architecture was alluring. And unlike previous schools I’ve toured, the size of it didn’t consume me. Classes consist of an average of twenty students, meaning your teachers know you not only by name, but by character as well. The ability to form relationships with professors can be tricky, or even impossible at larger schools, but not at LMU. I could genuinely go on and on about the utter perfection of this school, but I would begin to bore you at some point. If LMU is not on your list, I would highly advise you to reconsider adding it.

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November 1st

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It’s getting closer every day. The more time passes, the closer it looms, like someone watching over your shoulder.  Although you can’t see them,  you can constantly feel their presence. It makes it somewhat challenging to focus on the present when the future keeps moving forward.  Once November 1st arrives, people will be applying and waiting to hear back from colleges, marking the beginning of our future.

After that happens, the floodgates will open. People will be either delighted or disappointed with their response from their colleges. It makes me think of all previous seniors, were they this stressed, yet excited?  Were some of them sure of their likelihood of getting in, only to be rejected, or were they correct? 

The more I think about it,  the thought that almost constantly remains the same is that after November 1st, what will happen to my friends? Where will they go? Will we be as close as we are now after departing?  Or will we slowly begin to fade from each other’s lives? As these thoughts sometimes consume me, it is those exact friends that pull me back in and remind me to enjoy now.