Tag: heart

Butterflies, Again

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Fingertips feel numb. Palms feel cold. Stomach feels light. Head feels warm.

I welcome this unease.

Two become one from 2,000 to none in perhaps less than seven.

Which makes me worry. I don’t get hungry anymore.

I welcome this unease.

I won’t be unfaithful, but I might stray. I might stray. No, only for a minute. But it is always you. Something always brings me back to you…unwillingly, powerfully, endearingly, courageously, always.

I welcome this unease.

Let the butterflies consume my heart when I see you again. Let them take over. Let them feast. Feast until they have had their fill, and more. So it will last me until our next unspoken encounter.

Shaken

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Silence.

Only the buzz of a the car rolling on the freeway.

Above her head, black expanse broken by the single, flickering light of a plane.

That was the first time she ever truly wished she could run, escape. Get out of this stuffy car. Away from all of the stress and pressure. To find Some reprieve, Some momentary peace, Somewhere far away.

If only she could be on that plane that was slowly crossing the night sky. If only she could switch lives with the driver that drove parallel to the car she was in. If she could leave…if. If.

Oh, and how she wanted to SCREAM. It seemed sometimes that was the only way to keep her sanity. To scream. But she could not.

She couldn’t bear telling her father, who was sitting behind the wheel. No, that would break his heart. He didn’t need to know. Nobody needs to know.

So, muffled, in her thoughts, she was screaming. Her eyes silently staring ahead.

Miles to go until she got to her destination.

And miles to go until she could start living her life like she wants to.

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder…

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Everybody told me that long distance would be trouble. That it would hurt. That it wouldn’t be worth all the stress–especially during my senior year.

But I, being the stubborn love-struck puppy I was, didn’t listen. Nope. I didn’t want to believe what people said, so I didn’t. I told myself that it would be easy.

Now, here I am sitting in my room in Ojai, California. 2643.071 miles away from my boyfriend of two and a half years.

It’s funny. In the beginning, I had kind of wished Kai was a recluse that veered away from any female contact.

But again, the beginning was the hardest part. The time difference made it even worse. He was already at school when I would wake up most days and by the time study hall ended, it was around 12:30 in the morning where he was.

And boy, would we argue. Over the most minuscule things. I argued because we were so far. He argued because of the time difference. We argued because we missed each other. We argued. And. We argued.

I began to wonder if they were right. If long distance was too much for me to handle. It seemed, with all my college applications and school work, that they might be right.

But, as much as we fought and as much as I hated the distance, I did not want to give up.

And I didn’t. Things got better, and I honestly don’t think that long distance is all that horrible. Sure, it takes a while to get used to but if you love him (or her), all of those frustrations–those initial arguments, getting used to the time difference–was worth the greater moments when I would get to hear his voice on the phone or see his face on Skype.

I still miss him dearly and love him so much. And I don’t regret choosing to be in this long distance relationship with him. He makes me happy although I don’t get to be with him nearly as much as I did last year which turned out to be a good thing. I have more time for friends and more importantly, when I do get to see him, it makes it all the more special. It’s almost like we just started dating. There isn’t anybody I’d rather have than him.

So let me tell you from my experience that eventually, distance truly does make the heart grow fonder.

Just Another Poem.

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It’s strange, it’s different.

It’s not the same.

Yesterday, I was holding the key to my heart.

Today, I am letting the empty memories slip through my fingers.

One big mistake, buried under silence. One mistake. That’s all it took to pull that loose string, and unravel the monster within.

Lies, lies, and broken ties. Trust is gone, trust is gone.

But still, beneath it all, I don’t want to move on. It doesn’t feel right.

Moving along, following his steps, mixed feelings, uncertainty, rest.

Until.

shh…promise not to tell!

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Woah. Two years.

Sounds like a long time.It is a long time. But I don’t know why, it doesn’t feel like a long time. Time doesn’t exist or really matter when I am with him.

Two years ago, on the 29th of this month, a much younger, braces-clad me was asked out by my current boyfriend. We both have grown so much since that day and learned so much about each other. Tomorrow, 24 hours from today, we will be hitting our 2 year milestone.

This is a big deal; neither one of us have been in a relationship this long and with the impending graduation coming closer each day, I want to make sure that tomorrow will be a special day, a memorable day that he can look back on after he walks the cobblestone stage.

I plan on making him a scavenger hunt. A series of six clues that lead him to me. I will tell him that I can’t see him because I am busy studying for the upcoming AP’s and that I am so sorry that I can’t see him on our anniversary. Then, his friends will make sure he doesn’t eat dinner or leave the vicinity of his room. He will find his first clue which will come with a rice krispies treat that I made in the shape of a letter. After finding all the clues, the rice krispies will reveal my location and he will meet me there to find a dinner made from scratch!

It’s not much, just a few pieces of paper and time spent putting a few ingredients together. But they say that the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. If he likes it, then that’ll be the best thing!

Valentine’s Day Dessert

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Last Valentine’s Day, I attempted to be a really cute girlfriend and make him desserts from scratch (after all, the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach). My plan was to make him two desserts. Dessert #1: chocolate dipped strawberries. Dessert #2: heart-shaped sugar cookies with royal frosting.

I had made the desserts the morning of Valentine’s Day and I had all my ingredients laid out. I melted the chocolate, dipped the strawberries, and laid them out to harden. Yum, maybe I’ll taste one (or two…or three) to make sure they are alright. Next were the sugar cookies. I made the dough, flattened it out with a wooden roller into even sheets, and cut out heart shaped cookies. Aww, these are so cute! He’s gonna love these! I placed them on a buttered metal pan and waited. BUT WAIT! TODAY’S OUR SOCCER GAME! I ran up the stairs into my room to dig my uniform out of the abyss of my laundry basket…

The smell of burnt cookies filled the kitchen. I arrived to the scene of the crime and removed the hard, browned cookies from the oven. I sighed. These are ruined! I pulled out the other two pans of cookies. They were just perfect! Yes!! I quickly iced them and set them in the fridge to harden. I’ll get back to those later.

After the game, I wrapped the strawberries in little bags and placed them in a glass jar that I bought from Rain’s specifically for that purpose. Ohmigosh I’m the cutest! Then the cookies. OH NO…oh no…oh. no. The cookies had come out and baked into triangles. I had forgotten that cookies expanded in the oven. The hearts expanded into triangles. I gave them to him anyway, telling him that they were love triangles.


This year, I will send him cupcakes from Cupcake and Cookie. They are based in Thousand Oaks and they won the Food Network’s Cupcake Wars so I know they are tasty. Plus! They deliver! But, I will attempt to make him a treat that is made from scratch this year. I they will come out great. I hope.