Tag: life

Overambitious

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I consider myself a tad bit overambitious, and I don’t even know why. I feel like it’s my need to live up to my parents’ expectations of me (hell, even surpass them), and also to give my younger brother a good example to look up to, because I never had that, since I am the eldest sibling. I just wanna seem impressive for my age, y’know?

I’ve been working on several novels since the 6th grade, adding random characters, plots, and just a bunch of random stuff to them, but never actually having the time to write at all. I want to get at least one of those drafts actually published to the public, but by the time I actually have free time, I’m exhausted, and I don’t wanna do anything and sleep/doom scroll.

Though this urge to write more, draw more, or even just play music more has to come from somewhere. I don’t think I will ever know. Definitely not soon.

P.C. – Pinterest

Clavicular

uwucutiepatootieLeave a comment

Recently, on my TikTok for You page, I’ve been getting a lot of videos about the guy called Clavicular, who looks maxes. He seems really scary, but he is kind of valid. He has done tons of injections, and something called bone smashing, where he hits himself in the face with a hammer, and I thought he was just really psychotic, but somehow everything he has done has juristically changed his appearance. The second he reached his “ascension”, which is reaching his prime, he blew up. He was kicked out of college because of his looksmaxing, and even though his life felt ruined in the moment, he became successful for looksmaxing. His career is just based on rating people and trying to get his rating up, but I’m lowkey really invested. His next part of his ascension is his double-jaw surgery, and I hope it goes well and that he doesn’t botch his face.

“Hammer Tool” by Design by Matt/ CC0 1.0

Just my Luck

StrawberryMushroomLeave a comment

It would be an understatement to say that my next few weeks will be exceptionally demanding; I need to prepare for my final SAT test, finish three supplemental essays due next week, and study for the fast-approaching final exams. And while holiday break is right around the corner, I still have January-deadline applications and my Senior Capstone project that I will need to dedicate my time to.

Needless to say, I didn’t have a second to lose.

But last week, I began to feel a sharp pain in the back of my jaw.

Upon visiting the dentist, it was discovered that the stinging sensation was the result of a wisdom tooth that had pierced through my gums at an awkward angle. To make matters worse, two other wisdom teeth had mostly emerged on my bottom row in an unparallel manner. With their current trajectory, these wisdom teeth would continue to erupt and eventually collide with adjacent teeth, meaning it was imperative that I have them removed as soon as possible.

With my operation likely scheduled for Thursday, I will have to postpone my final exams and leave school early, as the recovery process may take up to two weeks. This has simultaneously served as both a wake-up call to accomplish as much as possible before my surgery and a primary cause for concern for how I will be able to complete my tasks afterwards.

While I understand that wisdom teeth removal is absolutely necessary, unavoidable, and essential, it couldn’t have been more ill-timed.

Wisdom Teeth Removal In Baltimore | The Maryland Center

PC: Google

First Semester

brownbeansLeave a comment

I thought senior year was going to go by super slow. But we are almost done with the first semester, and I realized that soon I won’t be a high schooler anymore.

College applications have taken up so much of my time, I kind of forgot to slow down and take in the moment. This morning, I caught myself thinking about the future and not focusing on styling my hair. It was probably because I got so little sleep last night, but I keep finding myself thinking about things that are beyond my control. I need to remind myself to take in my surroundings and enjoy the present moment.

I’m scared for the future after high school. I’ll be mostly on my own, living somewhere even farther from home, surrounded by many new people. I shouldn’t be too scared, it is going to be like dorm life times 100. Even the smallest school I am applying to is 10 times bigger than our school. I’ll also learn how to balance a job between all my activities and classes. I’ve had a job before, but those positions have all been temporary and taken place during breaks.

I’m as ready as I can be for college while still remembering to take in the little moments that make up life!

credit: Pinterest

Thanksgiving Break

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It is the last day before Thanksgiving break starts, and I have been looking forward to it more than anything. The weather has finally turned cold, and it has been raining all week. This really makes it feel like fall, which makes me very happy. My sister will come home from college, and I can’t wait to see her. Being apart from my sister, who is only two years older than I, is very upsetting. She is like my best friend, and so I really enjoy it when she comes home. It’s weird going from seeing each other every day to only seeing each other on breaks. I got my first college acceptance letter, and I feel a tiny bit of weight lifted off my shoulders knowing that I can at least go to college. This year has been the quickest year of my life, and I feel like I’m not soaking it in enough. Senior year is supposed to be this crazy, exciting year, but it has felt like it’s gone by in literally a day.

PC: Google

18th Birthday Thoughts

brownbeansLeave a comment

As my 18th birthday inches closer and closer, the reality of becoming an “adult” is starting to creep in. My birthday is on the 19th of November. As I am writing this blog, it is just two days away! Just like any other girl, growing older is scary. Everyone says you should enjoy your youth while you still have it, but how am I supposed to enjoy it when it seems like the whole world is praying for my downfall? As a girl, youth is prioritized; no girl wants to think about themselves as old. Being a teenage girl is the best thing ever.

The more I think about it, the more useless it is to worry about age. It is what makes us human. I would like to say I’m not scared of getting older. But that would be lying. I’m so scared. Especially with the world my generation is inheriting. I find it hard to believe that a girl like me can succeed in such a world. It seems like something is going wrong every day, and that we are regressing. It is a scary world out there, and I don’t know if I’m up to the task.

Yet, I try to have hope for the future, even if each year added to my age seems like another year closer to impending doom. I’m trying to see aging as a beautiful thing. With age comes new experiences and new wisdom. My grandma is one of the beautiful women I know, and that is partly because of her vast wisdom. I wish I could be as graceful and beautiful as she is. The world is a dark and dangerous place for a girl like me. The only thing I can do is stay determined and remain focused on my goals. While not forgetting to cultivate my friendships and cherish the people I love.

credit: Pinterest

Film Review: Everything Everywhere All At Once

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Everything Everywhere All At Once is a film that, on paper, by all means, should not work; its story is convoluted with so much happening, with elements taken from various conflicting genres such as action, comedy, drama, romance, absurdist fiction, and science fiction.

And yet, it is one of the most expertly crafted and passion-filled films I’ve ever seen.

While the movie is crammed with so many genres, themes, and unconventional ideas, it somehow manages to excel at everything it tries. Its generic action movie premise centered around the multiverse—a concept that has been overused and grown stale in modern media—is harnessed to enhance its narrative and its themes, rather than serving as a simple gimmick; the multiverse is presented as a parallel to the overwhelming abundance of possibilities and choices in modern life.

Within infinite possibilities, there is so much to be envious, confused, and disappointed in. The choices we made or didn’t make may have driven us away from a more successful or happy life. And yet, this mindset of trying to find meaning in everyday life by chasing extraordinary achievements is what often blinds us from appreciating what we already have.

Without explicit spoilers, the film ties together all its characters and plot lines in service of conveying the theme of cherishing the seemingly insignificant gifts we have, instead of trying to find meaning in a meaningless world.

Everything Everywhere All At Once - Evelyn chases Joy

Picture Credit: Google

Ten Things Curently I hate

Bl@ckBe@nsLeave a comment

Credit: Google

I feel like I don’t hate a lot of things, but I do have random things I just don’t like right now.

  1. College Applications (they make my pockets hurt)
  2. College Writing (It makes me feel like over sharing to a randome person )
  3. Homework (I just don’t like homework, and the senioritis is getting harder to resist)
  4. Math (I miss when there wasnt letters in math problems)
  5. Not having money to spend (I’m just broke)
  6. Taking out my hair after having braids (It’s disappointing to think my hair grew a bunch, only to find out it grew like a centimeter)
  7. Having to take care of my hair (Spending 4+ hours gets aannoyinng really quick)
  8. Not having superpowers (I wish I could fly, so I wouldn’t need to spend money on a ticket)
  9. Having only twenty-four hours in a day ( I wish nighttime were longer)
  10. Having to completely grow up ( Taxes, bills, and other things, also just how much money goes into being able to live, and just finding a job in the current market)

APES

Soccer11Leave a comment

APES or AP Environmental Science is my hardest class. I think it’s exciting, but I don’t do good on the quizzes or the tests. Right now we a learning about the atmosphere, and I’m also very confused about what is going on in that class. We do a lot of labs, and usually I get a good grade, but my grade overall in the class is not very good. I’m trying to improve my grade by retaking quizzes, but I’m unsure if I’ll actually be able to raise my grade by doing so. Even if I retake my quiz, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to fix it. I also think the way that I do my homework is also a problem because I read what we are assigned and I answer the questions, but I’m still confused, and I think I need to take more notes.

This may contain: the layers of earth's atmosphere with all its major planets and their names in english

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Early Action

riceandsoysauce4Leave a comment

After many nights of overwhelming stress and anxiety-filled days, I finally submitted my early action applications. November 1st haunted my thoughts, creeping up on me silently. I never felt ready to submit—always worrying that something was wrong and reading over my PDF hundreds of times. When I finally pressed the celebrate button, I watched the colorful confetti burst across my screen and felt a weight lift off my shoulders. Still, a hint of regret lingered as I reread my application, convincing myself that something I submitted must have been a mistake. I tend to overthink everything, but I’m learning that it’s out of my control now and that whatever happens is meant to be. On my whiteboard, I wrote in big, bold letters: “Rejection is redirection.” It’s a constant reminder to stay calm. I know the future holds a place for me—somewhere I’m meant to be—but it’s still hard not to wonder what those decisions will bring.

Pc: google