Falling Leaves

(I first wrote this when I was around 13 or 14. It’s a bit disorienting to think that I was of the mind to write something like this, but this oldie is still a goodie.)

These green leaves

In their impetuous youth

Would spend their year of life

On watching humans live

The lives they never could

It was a wonder seeing them

Them, showing off their longevity

To choose their ways, to choose their fates

To weave their strings of life themselves

When leaves are blown adrift in wind

It’s helpless to resist, they say

In spring they envy cherry blossoms too

Off white small petals that would die in weeks

But even if it sounds too crazy, know

That blossoms rave so bravely in death

That their plight’s much more celebrated, cared

And have the simple leaves been loved before?

For leaves, they’re doomed

For brevity

For nothing in

Their future but

Repeating their

Colossal faults

Till end 

Then they’re

Tumbling

Down to

Earth

Bobbing and weaving and dancing through the air

Trying to be flames

With their brittle, brown carcass

To shine before the end

To roots centuries old

Bony and formal and cold

That leaves had always flown above before

They were weaving for a new fate.

But now it lies dead.

All because of what they were.

Not even to see the crescendo of freeze.

“Leaves Fall” by Kelly Ishmael/ CC0 1.0

Bad/Good Days

I’ve always thought of happiness as something that comes and goes too easily and quickly. Some of the bad days feel like they will never end, and it also feels like good days will not come again. When the good days would come all I would be thinking about is how they are only temporary. I’ve learned that ups and downs are sort of what life is about. How would I know what a good day is like if I hadn’t ever had a bad day? I’ve come to learn that we cannot always control situations, and how they work out, but we can control how much we let things affect us. Taking a step back and thinking, “Hm…does this thing really have to ruin my day?” can be a simple enough thing, but implementing it into life really can help you stop overthinking and enjoy the possibility of the best day ever!

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Yapping

I actually forgot about blogs. I have been forgetting a lot recently, and I am not really sure why, either. Maybe it’s stress from AP testing or the excitement of summer coming. OMG. Speaking of summer, I just can’t wait any longer. I have so much anticipation. I don’t have any vacations planned, but I will be super busy anyway. I will probably go to some type of amusement park in LA or something. I will probably go shopping a lot too. I really wanted to go on a vacation but now that I am thinking about it I really don’t have any time. I think it will be kind of fun staying home and getting to see friends. I will have time to do things in Ojai I normally wouldn’t do. I think maybe I will emerge myself in the fun aspects of home. Unless my family and I decide to go on a last minute trip I need to make the most of it. It is weird to think I am going into my last year of school here at home. Once I graduate I will live somewhere else. Anyways this whole bridging process is so interesting.

PC:ME

Italy

 My favorite part about this summer is going to Italy. Whenever I go there, I feel a sense of peace that I don’t feel anywhere else. I stay at my Italian stepmom’s family house in Puglia and her family is so nice to be around and always makes my trip so enjoyable. One of my favorite things about going there is that I can eat an insane amount of food, and gain no weight. The food there is processed and filled with chemicals like most food in America and whenever I overeat in Italy, I never feel sick. Whenever I come back home, food makes me feel sick for a week because I become used to the food in Italy. I start my mornings in Italy by eating lots of fruit, cake, and cookies for breakfast. I eat an insane amount when I’m there. I probably eat ten meals a day. Typically during the day, we will either go to the beach, swim in the pool or go out to town. The only issue is that it gets so hot over the summer so if I’m not at the beach or pool, I need to stay inside. At night, we occasionally go out to town or go to my stepmoms friends hotel for dinner. I have been to Rome, Puglia, and Bari but this summer will be the first time I’m going to Venice and the Dolomites. My stepmom doesn’t like Venice because it’s just filled with water and there really isn’t much to do, but we are only going there for one night and I’m just happy to see it. The Dolomites will be fun but I know that my dad will make me hike all day in the heat which will be intense.

“Positano coast Italy“/ CC0 1.0

PSAT

The PSAT was so stressful as I have mentioned before I am not a good test taker and the format of the PSAT scares me. The questions start off the same and depending on if you get them correct they either get easier or harder. There are two sections math and reading, the reading is first and the math follows after that. I was doing fine during the reading section I got a little bored and sometimes just picked random answers because I didn’t want to read anymore. The math section was so hard and my questions started getting so easy I knew I was cooked. I recently got my score back and keep in mind the test is graded out of 1600 and I got a 1000 so goodnight. Each of the sections are graded out of 760 on my English I got a 540 which is ok. On math just like I predicted I got cooked and got a 460. Genuinely terrified to take the Sat and I hope I go to a test-optional school because my scores are so bad it’s not even funny.

PC:”Student School” by Tamarcus Brown/ CC0 1.0

AP test

Recently we have been preparing for the AP test in AP World History. This is so scary to me because I am not a good test taker and I do not like having a time limit. Time limits stress me out and I rush through my work resulting in my work not being the best it can be. Which in turn disappoints me. Last year during my history class final I put a sticky note over the time limit. This is the first time I have had to take a cumulative test in high school. To be so honest I barely remember what we learned back in August so the fact all that information will be in one test is so intimidating. There is a few sections to the test but the most scary for me is the multiple choice. I am always stuck between two answers and whenever I realize it’s been the same letter a few times I get very weary. I always feel like there is no way the answer is C three times in a row. The test is may 15th so wish me luck and next year I will write about my experience and my score.

PC:”Pencil and test paper“/ CC0 1.0

Making Slime

When I was younger, I was obsessed with making slime. There was slime all over the carpets of my house. There was simply no escape. I would get gallons and gallons of Elmer’s glue along with either Tide laundry detergent or borax to make an activation. I eventually got really into making slime and my friend and I started an instagram account where we actually got a good amount of followers for not showing anything besides our hands clicking slime to be “satisfying”. Our videos were in fact not satisfying but actually super funny looking back on them. My best friend and I thought we were famous enough with 200 instagram followers to create a business… we were wrong. Eventually our families felt bad and would buy small containers of slime for 4 dollars and we would share the profits. Making crafty slime was my hobbie and to be fair I was really good at it. My friends and I would do trades and make eachother slime for presents. Slime was just a super positive aspect of my life. Eventually we all phased out of slime making onto tik toks and social media which in the long run definitely doesn’t benefit us, just our parents bank accounts. Because let me tell you craft supplies to make slime is not cheap… Anyways about a week ago I was scrolling on tiktok in the late afternoon like usual, when I came across a slime making video. I hadn’t seen one of these in ages and immediately sent it to my childhood best friend pleading for a slime sleepover like we used to have on the normal bases. She responded and now I know this plan needs to happen cause making slime is so positive and so fun! I couldn’t wait though and so I made myself a batch and I have been constantly playing with it, knowing I need to make more because why was 10 year old me better at creating a sticky blob of glue and borax together. Anyways #slime4life #DIYqueen #slimemasters707

PC:SnoopSlimes

Intro to thinking about college.

I know the stress of college will expand as I get closer to college applications. It is only the beginning, and I am stuck in a back-and-forth comparison on whether or not colleges will think I am worthy enough. I am scared I will make the wrong decision. What if I am not qualified enough to be apart of the career I want? What if I hate the major I choose? I have known what I have wanted to be and do since middle school. I know I will make the right decision but it is so scary. What if I hate the location of where I decide to attend? What if my roommate is terrible? All of these a fears of the common student looking into colleges. I have so many questions, some have answers and some I won’t know until I get to that point in my life. What if I fall in love with a college and it matches my life long goal, but I am rejected? How will I feel? How will this impact my final decision. Currently I am stressed about what teachers write the best, who likes me the most, who knows me for who I am and will write something that matches me in the most authentic way. Any slip in my studying and I can mess up everything. Not enough community service and I won’t be an option next to another applicant. What colleges will I feel safe at? What is the crime rate in this area? My stress levels rise as I see the crime rates of an area I felt so safe in. I turn around and feel the shivers, will I be safe without my family around me? Will I even want my family close to me? Do I want to experience something new, something out of my comfort zone? I feel so young, but I am so close to adulthood. The steps to college are scary and stressful. I have so many doubts but I am so excited. I can’t wait to leave the town I live in and experience something purely for me. So many fears to face, but so many opportunities elsewhere. I know I am ready, but the fear inside of me is holding me back. How do I block out the voice in my head telling me I won’t make it. How do I remember to focus on the voice telling me about the amazing life I want for myself and the things I want to create with that? I know I am not the only one thinking about these topics, and I know I won’t be the last. The application process is a repetitive cycle of teenages wondering if we are capable of what we want for ourselves, but what we make of the process is what will determine the future we will have.

FruitFruitFruit

I love fruit so much. I love that after a dip in the pool on a hot summer day, I get to take a bite of the freshest ice, cold piece of fruit. Fruit is just like amazing. You can make fruit into anything basically. You could make fruit a snack, a dessert, a drink, and literally so much more. I don’t think people understand the perfection that comes from one fruit. Fruit is honestly the food of happiness, think, fruit is colorful and juicy with a great taste. The only thing I cant decide on is what kind of fruit is my favorite. I really love watermelon, but then I think about a strawberry, and like OMG mangos at the perfect ripeness is like the best gift a person could ask for. I remember this one time when I was in Mexico, on a vacation, I would eat at least 8 mangos a day. The fact of the matter is fruit is the best and everyone should love it! Also fruit is so healthy for you!

PC:Me

Update

I have been procrastinating so much this month. The week before break I could not get any work done at all. This past week I procrastinated up to the day of my camping trip. Currently, I am procrastinating because I am just so tired. My goal is to try and finish everything I need to get done. Well that’s probably everyone who is in the same situation as me. I usually don’t procrastinate. I think I need summer. At this point my blogs are the rants that re on repeat in my head. I am also just so busy. But I have been trying to get to bed at more reasonable hours. Two nights ago I went to bed at 9:30 from exhaustion, and last night I went to sleep at 10. Those times are so unusual because I normally go to sleep at like 12 or 1 am. Another thing I have started to realize more recently is my room is never clean enough for me. I will clean it but still feel like there is clutter. Maybe I need to get rid of some stuff. I guess the dead flowers sitting across from me right now are not helping the situation. Anyways there’s my quick rant. Bye.

pc: me