Tag: personal

I’ve been doing okay.

urmom8beanLeave a comment

Honestly, I have been, or I’d like to believe I have. I think I have. At this point, I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince.

I feel like I have a lot on my plate a lot coming up, but I know I just have to take care of them one by one. Senior pages, scholarships, final auditions, songs a lot of cultural events. Most of those things I’ve put on myself but I don’t know I guess I’m just trying to prove something. Like I want to leave my mark, and hopefully be remembered. The best way to put this is a quote from one of my favorite movies.

“I think I have this thing where I need everybody to think I’m the greatest, the quote-unquote Fantastic Mr. Fox. And if people aren’t knocked out and dazzled and slightly intimidated by me, I don’t feel good about myself.” – Fantastic Mr. Fox by Wes Anderson.

Of course, I don’t need people to be knocked out, dazzled, or intimidated but I at least want to be memorable. Anyways I’ve been doing better in track. I ran pie without walking, and although my legs are in so much pain it feels good to work hard.

I’ve been standing up for myself more, even if it scares me. Ive been building boundaries and I’ve defended myself more. I’m learning to not take everything to heart because its a waste of time. Its harder with closer friends, and while on your period.

School is coming to an end, and summer is looking to be very fun. College desicisons are almost here, but its all coming at the same time which is a little nerve racking. I just hope I make it, I just want to graduate.

All this to say, even with troubles and bad parts i’ve been doing okay.

the curious room / bongjoonsho: Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009) dir. Wes...
PC:https://blackhyena.tumblr.com/post/642571185378459648/bongjoonsho-fantastic-mr-fox-2009-dir-wes

p.s. The pic looks sad but its the scene with the quote also its very pretty 🙂

I Love The Rain

godgoldngloryLeave a comment

I think out of all of the different types of weather, rain is definitely in the top 3 if not number 1. I really do love powdery snow that looks almost like pillow stuffing as it floats down from the sky. That type of snow is also very light and easy to shovel compared to some of the super wet and heavy snow that makes you feel like you gained 15 pounds of muscle in your arms after just an hour of shoveling. All considered, I think I have decided that rain squeaks out as superior to all other types of weather. My reasonings include, for one, the coziness of the rain. Sitting inside, with a cup of hot something, watching movies and/or listening to music might just be one of the most peaceful experiences one can have. Additionally, if you do want to go outside, it is a very fun experience to frolic around in the rain and not care about how wet you get. If somebody has never had the opportunity to do so, I would highly recommend doing it at least once in your life. Another thing is raindrop racing. This is when two raindrops on a window race to be the first one to drop to the bottom of the window. I loved doing this as a kid, and betting on such events will always and forever be thrilling. My last point lies with the aftermath of the rain. Where I live, I am in a forest surrounded by pine trees, and the smell of pine trees freshly after it has rained is by far my favorite smell to ever exist ever. I can’t even describe it, it’s just so delicious. The one thing I will give rain haters is the fact that if you let your dog out in the rain, at least for my dog, it was a true hassle to dry him off after the fact, and the smell of wet dog is just something else entirely that doesn’t really need to be discussed. Overall, this is one of my opinions that I am very strong about for myself, but I am open to others having a differing opinion and possibly having a friendly discussion about it.

Rain cartoon Stock Photos, Royalty Free Rain cartoon Images | Depositphotos

PC: https://st.depositphotos.com/1007168/3738/i/450/depositphotos_37383841-stock-illustration-cloud-raining-cartoon-mascot-character.jpg

My Galentines

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

Over the weekend I hosted a Galentines Day. It was supposed to be in my backyard but the weather was soooooo cold. With the weather being so cold I decided to switch the party to inside. It was a smaller group with about 11 or 12 girls. I decorated the table in hues of pink and white. I put together big and small bouquets of pink and white flowers. I am pretty happy with the outcome of the party too. I set up and practically put the party together myself. I am super proud. There would have been more stuff I would have liked to add but overall it was a success. The dinner was the definition of girl hood. Something I do wish might have happened differently is my chocolate fountain. I accidentally used the wrong type of chocolate so it hardened when it was supposed to fountain out. I love pink so much. And I love flowers so much. #PERF

PC:Karin

Beauty Standards

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

In the time we are in now women’s beauty standards are a thing that deeply confuses me. Body image is a growing problem among teenagers with 35-57% of teen girls having an eating disorder. Many teens strive to have a perfect hourglass body in the hope of being more appealing to boys or more content with themselves. In the eyes of boys if girls are too skinny they are anorexic or they should go eat a burger. If they are slightly chubby there are pig and should eat a salad. Clothing is another very controversial thing if they show too much of their body they’re a s**t but if they dress conservatively then it’s assumed they don’t have a good body. Social media plays a huge role in this. Teens scroll on social media and often compare themselves to others who appear to have the perfect body and life. If there is one thing I have learned as a teen it is things usually aren’t as perfect as they are displayed on people’s socials. No one wants to post a picture where they believe they don’t look fit. Photoshop is a thing commonly used by teens and also contributes to eating and body issues. Girls will edit their bodies in the hope of fitting the impossible beauty standards. Then when they look in the mirror and compare it to their edited photo they want to look like the photo and often develop mental health issues such as body dysmorphia.

PC:”Palm hand drawing, vintage body“/ CC0 1.0

Clothes

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

Today I was shopping and I needed money so I decided to sell some of my old clothes. I sell my clothes through an app called Depop and I sold over 40 pieces this summer but I haven’t listed anything in a while. I have so many clothes my closet at my mom’s and dad’s is full but I always find something new and cute and buy it. I went through my closet today and got rid of so many things. Although a lot of them were cute I feel like I don’t wear them enough. I have so many clothes and I never get a chance to wear some. I took photos and captioned them and so far I have made $82 which doesn’t sound like much but for old clothes that were collecting dust it’s pretty good. I feel so productive after doing that and I can’t wait to spend the money on more clothes.

PC:”Fashion Clothes” by Hannah Morgan/ CC0 1.0

Shooting Stars and Rising Sun, A Moment Suspended in Time

baka228Leave a comment

I remember walking along the edge of the pier, the sound of the sea drowning out my thoughts, and the warm breeze creeping under my T-shirt. It was 3 a.m., and I turned to my friends with the question, “Is anyone thinking of going home?” I could clearly see in their eyes the answer was “no.” I remember how soft music played from the speaker. I remember, as I gazed at the endless and clear sky, seeing a shooting star. That time, I made a wish to be happy, and to this day, every time I see a shooting star, I always wish for happiness. Although I had no plans to sleep, I still put in my night retainers (back then, I never knew where I’d end up at night, so I always carried the retainers in my purse). My lisping voice, due to the discomfort in my mouth, triggered a wave of laughter among us.

Dawn gradually claimed its rights, filling the quiet waterfront with sunlight. At exactly 5 a.m. I found myself in the warm Mediterranean Sea, watching the sunrise that ignited a new day with my best friends. I vividly remember the smell of the sea that day, it was bright and fresh. The wind blew in my face while I laughed as my friends tried to drag me under the water. At that moment, there was absolutely no one around us. We were the violators of silence in the early morning of a sleepy seaside town. Only the sun could judge us for our recklessness, as it became the sole witness to our mischief. At that moment, it seemed that all that existed in the world was us, the sea, the sun, and the music playing in the background.

We climbed out of the water as the song “Show Me The Way. by Vintage Culture” played for the tenth time. In a frenzy of laughter, happiness, and impunity, we began to dance, wet and slippery, stepping on each other’s feet.

I remember how my wet hair clung to my shoulders and face, how the mosquito bites on my legs hurt. I remember the look of happiness on my best friend’s face. I remember the smell of the sea mixed with a sense of carefreeness. I remember the dawn, the most beautiful dawn I had ever seen.

At that moment, wet and happy, I did not realize that it was my last evening with my friends, the people I loved so deeply. In the morning, when I returned home tired, wet, and salty, I received an email informing me that I had been accepted into a then-unknown small school in California.

To this day, I miss the fresh smell of the sea, the warm wind, and the music from the speaker. I miss the dawn terribly. I miss being happy.

PC: me

Junior-itis

progstenLeave a comment

Sadly, junior year is the most important time of my high school career and the time when I need to get my best grades and have my best academic performance; however, that is extremely difficult.

I’m definitely done with school and everything that comes with it. It is kinda expected that during your hardest time, you get your best grades, but honesty, that has just not happened even with me putting more effort into school than in previous years. I have not been able to get straight As any time in my life, and now that I have the most things going on in my life, I’m expected to get them. Like, come on, that’s not gonna happen.

On top of school, I still have things outside my current life that have a higher priority. However, when I prioritize those other things, my grades start to slip. So I’m not too sure what to do.

I can put my school life ahead of my other life, but that will hinder my mental health. Plus, school just isn’t as important to me as other things, but it’s important for my future (maybe?).

But anyway, back to the topic of the post, I definitely have the junior form of senior-itis, which is slightly different from senior-itis but I just know that my college is riding on this year, so I’m still putting in some work but trying my hardest to put in the least amount of effort and get maximum outcome.

Another way it’s similar to senior itis is that I am very ready to leave OVS. No offense to the school; I just believe I have served my time here and am ready for a little change of pace.

And watching the seniors all get ready to leave to go to college or wherever they plan on going makes it way worse. I feel like I’m picking up their readiness to leave when, in fact, I’m not close to leaving yet.

Although it is all about perspective, because it is unbelievable that I’m already nearing the end of my junior year when I was a freshman not too long ago, so maybe looking at it from another way will help out.

This isn’t something new that people haven’t heard im pretty sure everyone is feeling this. I just needed to write this down somewhere.

PC: https://www.gilbertschools.net/cms/lib/AZ50000423/Centricity/Domain/4/Neely_GOLD.jpg

Silent Oranges, A City Soul’s Retreat

baka228Leave a comment


The pink mountains gazed down at me from above as I walked among rows of flourishing orange trees. A silence I had never experienced enveloped me.

In the residential area of the city where I grew up, I lived next to a metallurgical plant, so even in the depths of night, I could hear the humming of motors. In the cities where I lived, the concept of silence became relative. Even in the night, I could always hear a passing car or an ambulance. But at that moment, amidst the oranges, I heard only silence, the kind you read about in books, a deafening silence.

In the last six months, my life seemed to have come to a standstill. I ran from country to country all my life, trying to escape my problems or family. I flew across oceans, hoping that my past thoughts would leave me alone, but they always sat with me on the plane. And now, my life suddenly froze in its tracks. I, a city rat accustomed to dirt and noise, found myself in a small, sunny grove where it’s clean and quiet.

But unfortunately, I cannot find peace in the calmest place in California. My brain tells me to run across the continent as far as possible. I need the dirt, the noise, the people, the movement. But now, I am frozen, stuck in time, unable to understand what I am doing here. Days merge into weeks, weeks into months, months into years, and I gradually go insane among rows of juicy and bright orange bushes.

PC:me

My Romantic Film Aesthetic

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

I could talk about romance for hours. The idea of teenage love, unexpected love, enemies to lovers, and so many more. I honestly could not pick my favorite romance movie. There are also so many different types of romance movies. There are rom coms, cheesy movies, and ones that crush your whole idea of falling in love as a whole. If I had to choose between movies like The Notebook, Dear John, 10 things I Hate About You, How to Loose a guy in 10 days, Anyone but You, Titanic, Mamma Mia, and Where the Crawdads Sing I could not pick what one was my favorite. The amount of money I would pay to rewatch any of those movies again for the first time. The feeling of watching a new romantic movie that is actually good for the first time is like the best feelings of mixed emotions. I wish there were newer movies that matched the feeling the older romance movies give. Also watching a romantic movie on a rainy day gives so much comfort.

PC:Me

My Birthday

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

Yesterday was my birthday. While I always look forward to my birthday, I was not as excited this year. I thought it was just the same feeling I get during all of the holidays. As I grow up my excitement parishes little by little. I didn’t ask for anything this year. I wanted a surprise. So I woke up not expecting much but my day was amazing. I walked down the stairs to leave for school. Balloons, flowers, and presents sit on the counter waiting for me! The love I have for getting flowers is unmatched. I had a combination of all my favorite flowers in 4 separate vases. I opened up my gifts fast, and then I left for Starbucks. Music blares as I drive to Starbucks; it’s a fairly nice day, which makes me happy, too. When I get to school, a special someone waits for me. He walks over to my car and hands me a bouquet he put together himself with a note and a handmade card. The simplest gifts I realized make me the happiest. Then one of my friends walks up to me with another flower bouquet! I walk up the hill with messages flowing into my phone. Once I get to lunch, I am shocked to find my mom and her coworker walking up to my table with balloons and a whole box of donuts. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I go home and relax before my birthday dinner with my friends. My dinner was perfect and not awkward which I was worried about. The simplest birthday I have had, in the end, was the best birthday I have had. My birthday still isn’t completely over. I still have a few family birthday dinners to go to!

pc: me