Tag: personal

Silent Oranges, A City Soul’s Retreat

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The pink mountains gazed down at me from above as I walked among rows of flourishing orange trees. A silence I had never experienced enveloped me.

In the residential area of the city where I grew up, I lived next to a metallurgical plant, so even in the depths of night, I could hear the humming of motors. In the cities where I lived, the concept of silence became relative. Even in the night, I could always hear a passing car or an ambulance. But at that moment, amidst the oranges, I heard only silence, the kind you read about in books, a deafening silence.

In the last six months, my life seemed to have come to a standstill. I ran from country to country all my life, trying to escape my problems or family. I flew across oceans, hoping that my past thoughts would leave me alone, but they always sat with me on the plane. And now, my life suddenly froze in its tracks. I, a city rat accustomed to dirt and noise, found myself in a small, sunny grove where it’s clean and quiet.

But unfortunately, I cannot find peace in the calmest place in California. My brain tells me to run across the continent as far as possible. I need the dirt, the noise, the people, the movement. But now, I am frozen, stuck in time, unable to understand what I am doing here. Days merge into weeks, weeks into months, months into years, and I gradually go insane among rows of juicy and bright orange bushes.

PC:me

My Romantic Film Aesthetic

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

I could talk about romance for hours. The idea of teenage love, unexpected love, enemies to lovers, and so many more. I honestly could not pick my favorite romance movie. There are also so many different types of romance movies. There are rom coms, cheesy movies, and ones that crush your whole idea of falling in love as a whole. If I had to choose between movies like The Notebook, Dear John, 10 things I Hate About You, How to Loose a guy in 10 days, Anyone but You, Titanic, Mamma Mia, and Where the Crawdads Sing I could not pick what one was my favorite. The amount of money I would pay to rewatch any of those movies again for the first time. The feeling of watching a new romantic movie that is actually good for the first time is like the best feelings of mixed emotions. I wish there were newer movies that matched the feeling the older romance movies give. Also watching a romantic movie on a rainy day gives so much comfort.

PC:Me

My Birthday

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

Yesterday was my birthday. While I always look forward to my birthday, I was not as excited this year. I thought it was just the same feeling I get during all of the holidays. As I grow up my excitement parishes little by little. I didn’t ask for anything this year. I wanted a surprise. So I woke up not expecting much but my day was amazing. I walked down the stairs to leave for school. Balloons, flowers, and presents sit on the counter waiting for me! The love I have for getting flowers is unmatched. I had a combination of all my favorite flowers in 4 separate vases. I opened up my gifts fast, and then I left for Starbucks. Music blares as I drive to Starbucks; it’s a fairly nice day, which makes me happy, too. When I get to school, a special someone waits for me. He walks over to my car and hands me a bouquet he put together himself with a note and a handmade card. The simplest gifts I realized make me the happiest. Then one of my friends walks up to me with another flower bouquet! I walk up the hill with messages flowing into my phone. Once I get to lunch, I am shocked to find my mom and her coworker walking up to my table with balloons and a whole box of donuts. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I go home and relax before my birthday dinner with my friends. My dinner was perfect and not awkward which I was worried about. The simplest birthday I have had, in the end, was the best birthday I have had. My birthday still isn’t completely over. I still have a few family birthday dinners to go to!

pc: me

Academic comeback

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to have an Academic comeback. Last semester, I procrastinated a lot, and I had moments when I was extremely stressed because I had so much work to do. For example, pretty much nightly, we get AP world history notes, but our teacher only checks them before the end of the unit, and I would always skim through them and not do my notes till right before. Because of how many i hadn’t done I would be doing the till past midnight along with my other homework. I have been doing them the night they are assigned now, and it’s been so much less stressful. My brother is a junior, and he’s getting ready to look at colleges, and the idea of college is so stressful. What classes I’m taking next year is stressful I have no idea what I want to major in and collages look at junior year so I need to pick the right classes and do well in them. I had ok grades last semester, but I feel like I could push myself to get better grades this year.

Pc:Cyrus.37 on pintrest

Organized

godgoldngloryLeave a comment

I genuinely don’t think I would be able to survive school without my planner. Like, I give the greatest props to the people who don’t use one. Every night, I will write down all my homework for every class and check stuff off as I go. It’s the only way I could fully be organized and not forget to do anything. I don’t understand the people who have a mental checklist and go from there, I don’t think I could ever do that successfully and not forget to do half of my homework. I also really enjoy highlighting in my journal. Colors make everything easier to read for me. If you look at all of my notes without knowing what each color represents, it definitely gets a little confusing. I feel bad for people who are colorblind. Just in general, I mean. Dumping ink onto all of my notes and planners and stuff is just so fun. If you don’t use a bunch of colors, that’s understandable. But if you don’t use a planner or something to write down your assignments, props.

Amazon.com: Weekly Schedule Poster – Cartoon – Large 16 x 20 – Laminated – Eraseable – for Kids – Classroom Decor – School Planner – Activity – to-Do List – Scheduling – Dorm Wall Art – Homework Organizer : Home & Kitchen

PC: https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/81FXpt1CfJL.jpg

I’m scared.

urmom8beanLeave a comment

I’m scared for what the future holds, for the rest of this week.

I am scared of getting rejected from college.

I’m scared of losing all my friends.

I’m scared of how the play will turn out.

I’m scared of being alone.

I’m scared she’ll lie again.

I’m scared I’ll fail.

I’m scared they won’t believe me.

I’m scared that I’ll end up in jail.

okay, the last one just rhymed and is not realistic but I am 18 so who knows. I mean I don’t plan on committing any crimes, especially after law class.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m scared of a lot of stuff, and I haven’t really told anyone. I guess that’s why I get anxious and ask a lot of questions. I’m not angry or jealous, I’m just scared.

This sounds really dumb, this wasn’t what I thought I’d write about but I guess I was just overthinking. She likes to remind me of how much influence she has. She likes to put me in my place. She likes to make me feel alone. She likes to seem nice. She isn’t how she presents herself, she loves to tell a lie. God how much she loves to control me. She’s already crossed the line. She’ll do it again if you watch carefully.

This little mind of mine.

(If you thought I was talking about someone. I’m not. why did you think them?)

think.

Why do we like to be scared? | The Review
PC:https://udreview.com/why-do-we-like-to-be-scared/

My luck

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

My whole life, I’ve had generally bad luck, usually losing and breaking things. I think I have lost at least 8 pairs of AirPods in the last 3 years. My old AirPods are all over I left a pair in Bali, Texas, Big Bear and I don’t even know where else. I have also lost multiple credit cards and so many pieces of clothes. Sometimes, when I’m cleaning my room, I’ll find something I didn’t even know I lost. I also have bad luck with breaking thins I’ve broken my laptop twice and broken many iPads I’ve also broken my phone to many times to remember. Last week I accidentally dropped my phone in the hot tub and the next day dropped my AirPods in the toilet. Thank god both my phone and AirPods are waterproof so they survived. I am writing this off an iPad because my computer is broken.

PC:word press media

Writers Block

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

I have probably spent an hour a day this whole week trying to write my blog post. And it is still late… I never realized how bad I get writer’s block until I must turn it in. I am getting writer’s block right now. I deleted everything I wrote periodically throughout the week too. So I could not even turn any of those rough drafts in. Its not that I can’t find a topic. I just don’t know how much of my life I really want to share to anyone who reads what I write. Or if I write something fictional but really depressing I don’t want anyone to think I am actually talking about myself. I have noticed that on the days I don’t feel like talking to people I can write a lot more. But on the days I talk alot I can never seem to fill the blank page staring at me blankly. I also tend to drift to separate topics while I write or repeat myself again and again. At least I can be aware of it. My life has been pretty bland lately. Well anyways there is me trying to write something while having writer’s block. I hope I have enough words.

PC:ME

Coming back to school

pottymouth818Leave a comment

Coming back from Winter Break is always a struggle. Before leaving, you’re in a routine and have got everything nailed down. When you return it feels like starting everything from scratch. It’s hard to get back into school mode. This concept is what makes part of the second semester harder as a whole. Although we get more things to look forward to and more breaks, the academic part is more challenging. All of these beautiful breaks we get make the school part all the harder once the break has ended. In the first semester, despite it feeling like a never-ending marathon of school work, you find a nice rhythm in the consistency.

Additionally, what makes the back hard is having to come and live again by the school’s sleep schedule. Over the breaks, I consistently go to bed at around 3 am and don’t wake up until the afternoon the next day. Bering back at school and having to wake up at 7 am or earlier is a harsh reality check. All I want to do is sleep.

You know what’s interesting? All California high schools are required to have an 8:30 start time now. Go figures it began the year after I left. Anyways, I would much appreciate this enacted at OVS, after all, it is what Gavin Newsom wants and how can we be OK with disappointing him?

“School Background” by Words as Pictures/ CC0 1.0

Big Bear

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

This break my best friend joined me and my mom on a trip to Big Bear. The trip was a mess from the start we planned it 2 days before we left. I had gotten a new snowboard and decided to put the bindings on myself which was one of my first mistakes. Mieke spent the night at my house the night before and we got food poisoning so going on such a long drive the next day with an upset stomach was definitely an experience. I had only seen a few photos of the house and was not sure what to expect. As we got their this house looked like something out of a trailer park. My mom nicknamed the house the “shameless shack” and it did live up to the name. Mieke and I explored the house to find old burnt bread on the porch. We walked through the backyard where the hot tub was supposed to be and it was a shed blocked by cinderblocks with a padlock. We went to our room and it literally smelled like feet. To turn on the heater you had take off thee panel of the heater and light a match. Luckily my mom is a d1 complainer and was not happy so we switched places. The second place was so much better and bigger. We still had a super fun time but personally I would not recommend booking.com

Pc:”Snow Forest” by Matej/ CC0 1.0