Tag: personal

Senior quotes i didn’t use

purcyLeave a comment

“The devil couldn’t reach me so he gave me passion without talent”

“Lie still my beating heart”  – Grandma Bell

“Somewhere between iconic and psychotic”

“I’d like to thank me for believing in me” -Snoop Dogg

“Imprinted on my soul and burned into my skin”

“Look at the sky tonight all of the stars have a reason” – Lil Peep

“We were taught to fear witches, but not the people who burned them alive”

“It was all part of the story, even the scary nights” -Kanye West

“One day I will have everything I prayed for. I really believe it”

“She overcame everything that was meant to destroy her”

“I have to be successful because I like expensive things”

“It was the chaos that made her beautiful”

“Rose from the ashes and danced in the fire”

“Were all addicts struggling with the drug of our choice”

“Were just kids, were not supposed to be heroes”

“Just because I carry it well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy”

“A big part of who I am is who I am not”

“We are writers. We dont cry, we bleed on paper”

“She was an open book, he was illiterate.”

“We drink the poison our minds feed us and wonder why we feel sick”

“Even with wings of wax I would fly to you”

“I would rather die of passion than boredom” – Van Gogh

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College

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

In my head, I am still a 13-year-old girl who just discovered makeup and spent my weekends at home with my family. In reality, I’m a 16-year-old girl with my driver’s license and I spend most of my free time with my friends. People have always told me “high school flies by” but why did it actually. How am I going to be deciding where I want to live in a year from now. What do you mean I won’t live at home anymore and I won’t be surrounded by the people I’ve grown up with. What if I don’t like where I end up or I get homesick. I have always wanted to leave Ojai but now I’m facing the reality of leaving all my best friends and it has left me distraught. I’ve begun to look at colleges but the thought of being all on my own is very scary. I can barely make a meal and do my laundry. I have such a big fear of being independent. I don’t like being alone I rather be with my friends or family and the thought of college heavily terrifies me.

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sleep

shallahan#1moochLeave a comment

sleep

a cool soft hug

a purple hue

a twinkling star and a full moon

an open door that closes as soon as I shut my eyes

claws and spiders creep through my dreams

I never liked the darkness

or the quiet, but my mind has always made up for that

internal scars and past memories haunt my dreams

a nightmare, but its not, because it was never a dream

it was always just my life.

I stare up at the glow of the stars on my ceiling each night

thoughts running through my head

I can’t decide if I want to laugh or cry

but I know I want to sleep

I’m so tired but my mind never wants to rest

there’s to much to think about in this crumbling world, in my crumbling head.

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break

shallahan#1moochLeave a comment

I love break. Over this break I first went to the Mojave desert; with my mom my brother my brothers friend and me. We taught my brother’s friend Asher how to ride a dirt bike. we went on a ride every day with all our family friends. At night we sat around the fire playing games and telling stories. The Colborns were there too. Their son took me on a ride in their side-by-side and it was so cool to watch the dust fly by while we did donuts. Then we came home for one night and left in the morning for Bend Oregon. I drove part of the way with Asher and part of the way with my mom. once we got there I got to see all my Oregon friends. It was so much fun to be in the snow. I snowboarded for three days with my brother and his friends before I got hurt. then I just hung out with my friends and my cats. 

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getting hurt

shallahan#1moochLeave a comment

I’ve only broken one bone in my whole life. I had never had stitches until a few weeks ago. I’ve never had surgery or a cast. Even when I broke my heel I only had crutches for a week and a boot for a few months. When I fell and cut my leg open to the bone I stayed surprisingly calm. It had been a chill day of snowboarding through powder. I didn’t even realize it was cut at first. As soon as I noticed I told my brother’s friend to get ski patrol and called my mom. I told her I was going to the hospital and I needed stitches. Once the ski patrol got there they wrapped my leg. I almost passed out when I first saw it but I didn’t cry. I tried to stay rational because I knew I had to be an adult. The only time I cried was after I had been waiting for 2 hours to get stitches and they started to numb my leg with the needle. It didn’t hurt that bad, it was mostly just scary.

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Bits and Pieces

purcyLeave a comment

I hate that love is just a word someone made up. Nobody really knows what it feels like because it’s just a concept. Why can’t we have soulmates that we are drawn to like in movies and books? Falling in love with someone is not like a zing from Hotel Transylvania or a bond like in A Court of Mist and Fury. 

Life is lowkey insane concept if you actually think about it. Like, what do you mean thousands of years happened before I was born, and there will be so many after I die? I always feel crazy when I think about it, but for real, how do we know about the universe? How did we make things like light bulbs and phones out of rocks and dirt?

Is there a word for feeling lonely but also like you don’t want to talk to anyone? Because that’s how I feel all the time. I feel like I’m a pretty social person, but I don’t like being around people, and I also don’t like being alone. I also think that I’m a genuinely happy person, though, so maybe I just like to complain or something.

I have never felt so understood by anyone as I do by my best friend. I care about her so much and I feel like she can see all of the thoughts in my brain. I wish that I could take everything that hurt her upon myself because she doesn’t deserve anything that has happened to her. I am afraid that I will never meet anyone like her ever again so I am grateful for every second we spend together.

It would be so nice if food just didn’t taste like anything. I feel like I would be so much happier because I would eat so healthy. Nothing tastes so good that it makes me second guess that either. I am such a picky eater and I’m sick of choosing the thing I hate the least. I don’t know if that makes sense but basically, I just want to eat healthy and not have to deal with everything tasting and smelling so bad.

I wish I was really good at art. That would be such a cool skill to have.

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My room

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

Throughout my life keeping my room clean has never really been a priority until this summer. Growing up my family always mocked me about my room being messy and I shrugged it off. They never understood how overwhelming my room was to me I would just look around and see the piles of clothes on the floor growing and my messy vanity along with my nightstand full of an assortment of opened drinks and snacks. During the summer I went through a rough patch and one day decided to deep clean my room. This took an entire day but at the end of it all I felt so accomplished and slept so soundly. I realized that having my room be a sanctuary in the chaos of my brain was extremely relieving. I began maintaining my room and making it a daily priority. There’s something about coming home after a long stressful day to a nice clean room and being able to just decompress and relax that nothing compares to.

“Room Chairs” by Norbert Levajsics/ CC0 1.0

christmas and finals

shallahan#1moochLeave a comment

The holiday break is coming up in just a week, but that also means finals. I’m really happy this year. After all, I won’t have a final on Thursday because I not taking a language this year. I’m also super excited for next week because my brother is bringing his cats down, which are actually my cats. I haven’t seen them in months, and I miss them so much. Anyway, back to finals, I’m super scared for my chem final. I feel like I have just completely forgotten everything I know about it. Also, I don’t understand why we have to have a final for AP World like we’re gonna have an AP test anyway, so I don’t understand why he is torturing us with a final, too. I love Christmas. I’m so bipolar in this blog. Hopefully, you can’t tell I’m just trying to meet the word mark… ok I’m here bye.

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Death Valley camping trip

fastasianLeave a comment

I just came back from the Death Valley camping trip. It was a backpacking trip that was 4 days and 3 nights. Overall, The trip was fun, except I was sick right before I hopped on the van to start the journey. On the first day, it was mostly travel. On the van ride, we each picked 3 songs and created a playlist; after around 1 hour, everyone was already asleep. We had 1 stop at the gas station throughout the whole ride. We got some snacks and hopped back in the van to continue the journey. The dinner was pasta, but I was sick; I couldn’t taste or smell it, so I couldn’t tell if it was good or bad. It was around 5 degrees Celsius at night, which is around 36 degrees Fahrenheit. On the second day, we hiked with our day packs into this little valley. In the afternoon, we went to this crater from a volcano that had exploded billions of years ago. We played some spike ball inside, which was cool, but the hike back out of the crater was not it. Anyways, the temperature on the second night dropped to -5 degrees Celsius, which is 23 degrees Fahrenheit. On the third day, we backpacked a little without using vans or cars. I had the worst nosebleed on this day; it wouldn’t stop for around 1 hour. I used many tissues and paper towels to stop the blood. With the sickness, it was a terrible experience. However, now that I’m back from the trip. I would have enjoyed the journey more if I wasn’t sick. The views, from the sea salt flats to the rocks, valleys, mountains, and the stars, were unforgettable.

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more soccer

shallahan#1moochLeave a comment

We had another soccer game and we finally won!! We played Nordhoff JV and we won 8-0. It feels great to win and I really do think our team played well. Pretty much all the people who usually stay on the bench got some time in the game which they typically do. I played defense the whole time and the ball only went onto our side of the field probably less than 5 times. We have another game on Saturday against Cate, which we will most likely lose. If this is the only game we win all year at least it felt good. I like playing defense but midfield is my favorite. Wish the rest of my team luck against Cate this weekend because they might get demolished. I wish I could be there to help the team but I’m also excited for my horse show. I also think if I were to go I would definitely get hurt and it would just suck to go all the way to Carp on a Saturday just to lose.
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