I remember when I was little, about four or five, I would sneak into my mom’s closet and steal her shiny, nude heels and scurry back to my room. There I’d fit my tiny feet into those stolen shoes, put on a pink tutu, and place my heart-jeweled, plastic crown on my unbrushed hair. I proceeded to strut my stuff back and forth on my bedroom’s hardwood floor, until my mom would hear the clanking of her shoes and come running to get them back.

Although dress-up was a favorite pastime of mine, that’s not the reason I did this. I made my room my training ground for being a princess. My ultimate goal in life was to be a princess. Beautiful and graceful, just like Cinderella. Now I’m ten years wiser, however, some of my childhood dream hasn’t changed.

My mother never believed in CD’s, so my entire Disney princess collection was on VHS. I would pop in the cassette, 9 out of 10 times it would be that of Cinderella, and rewind it to the beginning. I’d press play and watch and watch until I needed to eat or get a drink of water then I’d pause it. Whenever there was a scary part of the movie, remember I was only four, I would hide behind my black leather couch while my mom fast forwarded the movie to the next scene. I would also have my mom rewind the ballroom dance scene, as it was my favorite.

I wish I could live the life of my VHS Disney princesses. I wish I could wake up wanting nothing but to dance around in big, bellowing ball gowns. The only pain I feel is the night after wearing those unbearably slick glass slippers. To have heartbreak only last half an hour. To fast forward on the tough times. To rewind my greatest memories. To take a minute to pause my life.

Unfortunately, I can’t live in that world. In fact, no one can. If it were possible, then I’d say there would be a severe shortage in pumpkins.

Even the lives of real-life royalty are far from perfect. I mean, they have a kingdom full of people to run. Plus, most are seen constantly by the public eye. I would have people look up to me and have a society who sees me as perfect when I’m far from it.

Now, when I’m asked what I want to be when I grow up, I’ll say something completely different than I would’ve thought a decade ago. However, little me would see the magic in pretty ball gowns and tiaras and say, through the cracks of her crooked teeth, “A princess!”

About 80 years ago, America introduced a brand-new thing: The Motion Picture Production Code (otherwise known as movie ratings). Fast forward to 2016, and many movie goers know these rules by heart. You can go to G movies with your 1-year-old cousin. You can see PG-13 movies by yourself as soon as you get into high school, and sometimes you get turned away at the booth for the latest R-rated movie.

The Motion Picture Association of America has had these rating rules for almost as long as movies have been popular. Throughout time, the code has been changed as new discussions are brought up. Concerned parents created the PG-13 category after movies like Indiana Jones and Gremlins exposed young children to violence and gore.  The ratings we have today are nothing like those of the 30’s.

As society evolves, aspects, such as this code, need to shift as well. In the past few years, there has been leaps and bounds made with mental health awareness in America. With these new and exciting developments, there needs to be a new case to bring to the Motion Picture Association of America: trigger warnings.

For those who don’t know what a trigger warning is, it is when something unexpected happens and a person with anxiety or PTSD is triggered into a panic attack. Common triggers in movies are scenes with gun fights, rape, or gory murder, however there are many more triggers out there.

Movie production companies, such as the MPAA, should petition to make the trigger warning section in ratings possible. Why? Those with any kind of mental illness may have trouble with going out to see a movie to begin with. Whether it be depression or social anxiety, going out in a public place can be stressful for some. That stress can already make a person feel on edge and a trigger can make them tip over the edge. One of the main appeals of movies is the escape from reality, but if a person is in a state of extreme panic after being triggered, then that escape isn’t enjoyable for anyone.

With all this said, there NEEDS to be change. Simply including common triggers in the caption of a rating could immensely increase the lives of so many individuals. Movies can have a severe impact on people. A lot can be said about a person based on their favorite movie, and with a trigger warning system implemented, it will make it so much easier for people to find their movie.

When I was nine, my mom died. The battle with cancer was a short one, as doctors discover the terminal illness infecting her brain when it was already too late. Stage 4 when they found that wretched disease.

At the time, I didn’t know a lot about cancer. I knew it killed you and I knew my mom had it. After moving in with my aunt and uncle, I almost forgot about the situation.

Soon after she died, all these memories of our time together started flowing in my brain like a tsunami. Times of happiness and sadness, and some still pop up when I think of her.

One example is her favorite Disney character: Tinkerbell. When I was little, my mom would drive me to Disneyland every Friday. It was our tradition. I would always talk about how much I loved Cinderella, as she was my favorite princess, and she would tell me about Tinkerbell. How she was sassy and sometimes grumpy. “Just like me,” she’d say. I would always burst out in laughter when she said that.

After she died, I didn’t go to Disneyland until this year. Four years later and it virtually hasn’t changed. No new rides, the same atmosphere.

It was hard going back there, especially with my friends. All I wanted was to have fun and not miss her too much. The day went alright, I missed her and it put a damper on my mood, but I decided to honor her.

I went to the Disney store, originally to get a present for my friend, and then I saw it. A Tinkerbell key chain. Almost seconds after I saw it, I bought it.

When I got back to school, I put it on my backpack so she’d be with me all the time. Whenever I see it, I smile. It reminds me of my mom and how much I loved her. Since Disneyland, one of the wings broke.

But I like it.

To me, it shows that my mother was flawed. She wasn’t some goddess, she made mistakes and sometimes it’s hard to realize that when you miss someone. You glorify the memory of them, and not see the true person.

So, as much as I miss my mom, I know she’s somewhere watching over me, with a broken wing.