Category: happy

Prom Season

maydaygaskarthLeave a comment

It’s that time of year again where high schoolers across the country spend hundreds of dollars to prepare for one amazing night that defines their high school experience: prom.

Admittedly, I’ve been desensitized to the excitement of prom. This year is my sixth year attending prom, an occasion usually reserved as the most magical night for seniors, and some lucky juniors, across the country. For me, it’s always been just another, slightly more, glamorous dance.

But this year is my senior prom, so I’m putting more effort into it and I’ll admit, I’m also more excited for it than usual.

I bought my dress back in February. I love my dress, a long rose gold sequined dress that brushed the floor, two slits going to the middle of my leg. It fits the disco theme this year and I’m happy though it wasn’t at all what I was going for. I love my accessories just as much. Glittery silver heels, a matching clutch, rhinestone earrings, and bracelets.

Surprisingly, my dress and accessories were the least expensive and I still have much more money to spend just to prepare for this night.

Tomorrow, I’m getting my nails done. I already emailed the artist the nail art I want to do. I’m getting gel nails for the first time.  Then, I’m getting my eyebrows done, threaded and tinted, something I never tried before. Prom is giving me new opportunities to try new things. I’m also getting my eyelashes permed, something I’m horrified of trying, but I hope works out as well as all the reviews and blogs I’ve read about it online.

Photo Credit: tgsmediaevents.co.uk

Prom is only two weeks away and that’s it. I’m done. I won’t be going to another prom again, but I’ll have the memories from the photos to remember it by. But, once prom ends, I’ll get on spring break, then count down the days to May 1st when I have to choose where I’ll go next year, then May 31st: the day I graduate.

It’s so scary how high school is suddenly coming to an end. That, next year, all my friends from high school will be spread across the country, maybe even different continents. I don’t know what’ll happen then, but I’m finally, truly excited for prom. Excited to dress up glamorously with all my friends one last time and dance until the last minute for one more memory to make.

tender

underwaterismyflyzoneLeave a comment

i knew it then and i know it now

our hands shyly intertwined

beautiful.

you played with my hair

a classic!

i knew it then and i know it now

your words so perfectly crafted, a trap i can never seem to ignore

your arms around me made me feel i was a part of you, something i had never wanted with anyone more

hands on my back

tender, something i don’t know too well

you make me go crazy

but i know me and i know that’s how it needs to be

daydreaming for hours upon hours

“i could sit with him at lunch and we could talk about music and how he wants to be a graphic designer and how i want to make a change”

but i’m okay with it like this

tender is you

learning is me

 

photo credit: pinterest.com

The f-word

mycountrythoughtsLeave a comment

This one word scares me more than any other word in the English language, but also makes me more excited than any other word.  It makes me excited about what can happen, but also leaves me scared and like I am in a dark abyss.

The future is such a simple word, but it means so much more than anyone could ever explain.

Everything in my life right now is setting up my future.  I have applied to college and committed to the best school for me, yet I still feel like I have no clue what my future actually holds.  I know where I am going to be living and what I am going to be studying, but that’s all.

I do not know what friends I am going to have out there, where I am going to work, and the hardest one for me is that I do not know what I am going to do with my boyfriend.  I don’t want to hold him back,  but I also don’t want to let him go.  We both want to live in the same state once we graduate college so I don’t know if I say bye if it will actually be bye and not see you later.

I am so excited to meet everyone and make new friends.  I can’t wait to see how everyone will help me grow into the woman I am going to become.  I can’t wait to find myself and learn how to be an adult.  I am so excited to settle down, have my own family, live in my own house, and be in the only one in charge of my family.

Photo Credit: Pinterest.com

I have the big things planned for my future, but the little things are still unknown and those are the things I really want to know.  My future is such a blur and I am so scared to see what happens, but I am also so excited to watch it all unfold in front of my eyes.

The painted ladies

faithfulomnivoreLeave a comment

On my way home today, I stopped to say hello to the mountains.

Image credit: allposters.com

But while I originally had pulled over to say hello to the mountains, I also got to say hello to the painted ladies – the butterflies.

There are hundreds of thousands of them, all passing through and I’m lucky enough to live along their migration path.

No one knows exactly why they choose to come here, but I’m happy they do.

I heard they are headed west. Maybe they’re chasing the sun.

So, as I sat alone outside my car, I blew kisses to the mountains, to thank them for being so magnificent.

Image credit: travelandleisure.com

I blew kisses to the butterflies as they flew by, to wish them good luck on their journey.

It’s days like these when I know I wouldn’t be able to live in a place where the sun seldom shines.

There wouldn’t be nearly enough mountains that compare to Ojai mountains and there definitely wouldn’t be enough painted ladies.

I hope they all reach their destinations.

And if they really are chasing the sun, I hope they catch it.

Satisfied

maydaygaskarthLeave a comment

One of the most satisfying things for me as a horseback rider is when I make a breakthrough with the horse I’m riding.

Over the past four years, I’ve constantly ridden the same horse. Though I would never give up riding that horse until graduation comes, there wasn’t that much I could continue learning on him. One, he was too perfect of a horse and, two, I already knew every little aid, tick, and everything else there was to know about him, good and bad.

Photo Credit: wildopenpets.com

But, in November, 2018, I took up the opportunity to ride a second horse, one completely opposite from my slow and steady, older horse I’ve been riding all throughout high school.

And riding him has been a pain, but also I’ve become such a better rider in the process learning to ride a horse completely different.

There were days when I’d get off with sore muscles and complete frustration and dissatisfaction. Days when I had to fight with him just to get him to walk.

Last Saturday, however, I had a breakthrough. Though there were the moments when I had to fight him through the walk, there were only two of them versus ten or twenty. It was the best ride I ever had on him. I got him to easily canter from a halt, canter over ground poles, and do most of those things without any protest.

I hope I’m not jinxing my improvement with him by writing this, but I hope all the future rides are just as successful as this one or else I’ll just keep learning.

a sad kind of happy

mypetlobster1Leave a comment

it’s a sad kind of happy when i’m with you. i love being around you, you make me smile and laugh. you make me happy.

in all honesty, i think i love you. i really think i do.

we’re friends, we talk, we hang out sometimes. i like that.

photo credit: pinning.com

sometimes you confuse me, though. sometimes i’ll think you feel the same way about me, but then you’ll ignore me the next day.

in all honesty, you’re confusing, so confusing.

but, that’s part of who you are.

i try to understand you, because there’s so much to understand. you’re talented in so many things, but you doubt yourself. you are loved by so many people, but you deny it. you say no one likes you, but you know that i’m here.

i’m here sitting by you right now. you’re looking out the window. we’re listening to music on your phone. i have the left ear bud, you have the right.

i’m happy right now, i’m with you, but it’s a sad kind of happy

we’re listening to love songs. sometimes, i pretend that the songs are a message. i pretend the songs are you telling me you love me…. but we both know that’s not true.

we both know it will never will be true.

i love being around you because i love you.

but you never will.

that’s why it’s a sad kind of happy…

damn you, mercury!!!

underwaterismyflyzoneLeave a comment

you told me about your grandma and it made me sad for you and her.

wow my heart is beating quickly… get up!! quick!!

i put new posters up in my room and they’re supposed to be empowering, but now my room looks like a stranger’s room and that’s just not right.

the shirt with the strawberry on it makes my arms look weird.

photo credit: pinterest.com

what you think sounds like art, i think it sounds like garage punk which is art, but the type i wanted to think you liked.

champagne supernova?? what does that even mean Oasis? what does it mean?! is it a collection of two different words or is it a phrase or a something only someone at NASA would understand or none of those?? what does it mean good? god, what does it mean?

i have a lot to do that i put off until 9 pm, but if i do it all i won’t get enough sleep which means tomorrow at around 9 pm i will start feeling anxious, which just won’t do tomorrow.

“how many special people change? how many lives were lived estranged?”

i shouldn’t have done that and i knew i shouldn’t do it before i did it, but then, i did it and it wasn’t worth it, i shouldn’t have done it.

it’s 10:45 pm, so it’s inevitable that tomorrow no matter what, at around 9 pm, i will start feeling anxious; i’m pretty much screwed.

it’s ok that you’re not around very much anymore, but i miss you and that makes it feel like it’s not okay. but i would never want to make you feel bad, therefore, it’s all okay.

i slept for 30 minutes today in the middle of the day, which was weird because i don’t sleep during the day but i wished i could have slept for longer at the time, but i couldn’t because i had to practice speaking spanish that doesn’t even help because i forget how to say grass every single time no matter how many times i write it down.

at this point, i’ll just stay up all night because it’s inevitable that tomorrow, no matter what, at around 9 pm i will start feeling anxious.

is mercury in retrograde or is the world ending??

Him

mycountrythoughtsLeave a comment

I never would have been able to imagine someone making me this happy.  The little things he does makes me happier than anyone else’s little things has ever done.

Listening to the dumbest songs in his truck and watching him sing them and just act like a dork makes me smile so much my mouth hurts.  Just sitting next to him makes me happy.

photo credit: pinterest.com

He does sweet, small things which add up and make me feel so happy and he is actually happy to be with me.

He always opens doors for me, picks me up, and takes me out.  He treats me with respect and takes care of me.  I almost never pay for anything myself and he just makes me incredibly happy with the conversations we have.

On Saturday, he told me that after he washed his truck, he found something weird in the mud. I never would have imagined that someone writing out prom with mud would make me so happy.

Even when I just go to his house and watch TV with his family and him, I am happy.  I love spending time with him and I love the girl’s days I have with his mom and his younger sister.

I am so lucky to be with him.  He is so sweet to me and I feel like I don’t deserve him and the way he treats me.  I haven’t felt this love and appreciation since my dad died.  It sounds weird, but he was the only person in my life who showed how much he cared about me until I met him.

I know he was hurt in the past and I hope he knows I could never do that to him.  I, also, hope that I make him feel as special and happy as he makes me.

You

mypetlobster11 Comment

I’m generally a happy person, but we all have our baggage.

Photo Credit: etsystatic.com

No one is completely happy and the more you pretend to be, the more miserable you will become.

We all have ups and downs, rough patches and smooth ones.

Don’t feel like you need to cast out the bad, for it will never go away if you try and push it out.

Embrace hardships. Embrace your insecurities. Embrace what you’ve been through.

Accept the bad, because acceptance is how you overcome it.

Concentrate on the good. Embrace your successes. Embrace what you’re proud of. Embrace what makes you happy. Embrace who you are.

Focus on the good because thats how you create more.

Accept the bad and embrace the good for it makes who you are,

and you…

are beautiful.

Growing Up

mycountrythoughtsLeave a comment
Photo Credit: Pinterest.com

It’s something we all do, but it seems as though no one talks about it.  There’s no step-by-step books, no instructions. Nothing to guide you, nobody that tells you exactly what to do. Yet, everyone acts like they know everything.

No one admits that they mess up, that they don’t know what to do or that they are grasping at straws like the rest of us.  It’s scary to admit I don’t know what I am doing because I feel as though I’ll be standing alone.

I’m scared that in August I will be living on my own.  I’m scared of being on the other side of the country from my mom.  I’m scared of having to figure most things out on my own.

I’m also so excited to start my life.  I’m excited to be in control of what I do.  Most of all, I am excited to show the world who I am and see where it takes me.