Category: emotions

The Faults of Living (at school)

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When I was younger, I thought that teachers lived at school.   I imagined them sleeping in the classrooms, pulling out the mats we used for nap time and creating comfortable beds.  I thought it sounded really fun and cool to live at school.  Now that I actually do live at my school, I have a better understanding of what it means and what you give up.
At OVS, there is a clear divide between the day students and the resident students. This is because the day students have time to see each other outside of school every day without the resident students.  Similarly, the resident students have a lot of time every day without the day students.  This has created a noticeable rift between the student body.  When you live at school, it’s harder to put aside free time for your friends.  With a schedule that maps out almost every minute of the day, it is a lot more difficult for residents than day students.
There are a lot of day students that I really like and want to get to know better.  However, as much as I wish I could change it, watching them drive away as I am confined up on the hill is pretty much standard procedure.

Summer Lovin’

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As the school year comes to a close, anticipation for summer is high. Seniors have decided which college they plan to attend, and others are simply excited for the year to end and summer to begin.

Photo Credit: school.familyeducation.com

For boarders, this can come with mixed emotions. Of course we are excited for the year to end and what the summer will bring. However, as much as we love home, a part of our life is at school.

Day students live in the area, so while they can see friends at school, they also live right by them. Boarders, on the other hand, do not.

I have friends at home that I am excited to see, but I have close friends at school too, and the fact that I won’t get to see any of them for three months is sad!

Basically, I’m excited for the school year to be over since it means school will be done and I get to go home, but leaving my friends is going to be difficult.

Double-Edged

indigoshell

Does the coming of a break bring the mindset of exhaustion, or does exhaustion signal the need for a break?

Two weeks before break, I feel my body shutting down and the traditional sick feeling beginning in the lower ridges of my throat. An ache in my head begins and my body feels heavier each morning, as if stones line my blankets.

Do schools, through years and years of grueling torture and experimentation, know the limits of the teenage body and place school breaks appropriately? Or, do our bodies and minds know that a break is coming and anticipate it by prepping us for hibernation?

The strong hold it out until break and return rested and energized. The weak hold it out until break then proceed to get sick for 10 days. And return not so rested but strong enough for the next break.

My questions are; which of the theories is correct? Is this the right way to hold school? Is there even a right way?

Piano Keys

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The soft pangs of the notes filled the air, swirling up from the grand piano all the way around the curving stairs and straight to the top of the high ceiling of the hallway. The girl sitting on the black leather bench had wispy blonde hair, her feet dangling far above the pedals.

She shared the small seat with her mother, a woman appearing to be in her forties. She had short dark brown hair, and her makeup was applied deliberately, giving her face a slight orange tint. As she pointed to certain keys and moved her child’s small wrists up higher, her brow creased and defined the onset wrinkles there.

They were an offsetting pair – the small girl’s fragility was evident next to the woman’s full frame. It was almost as though their appearance conveyed the unsung words of their relationship; the dominance of the woman over the powerless child. And as the small blonde girl clinked away at the keys, her small fingers were barely able to reach the far black rectangles, and so the woman pulled her hands further apart, stretching the little pads of her pointer fingers further than they could go, mounting a tremendous tension of tingling sparks in the girl’s tiny fingernails, ready and itching to explode.

Loving Your Life

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What is life, anyway?  I have struggled far too long with realizing why we are here on this planet. But recently, I have finally understood what I believe to be the purpose of life.

We are all here for different reasons, with different talents and different things to do. Not everyone will be able to do what they want- there will always be obstacles standing in the way, but the fun is in the journey. There are many things we can do- make lots of money, travel, go on adventures.  But the most important part of life, to me, is loving those we are surrounded by.

It took me a long time to realize this, but now I understand. There is no point to living a life where you don’t love those who love you. It doesn’t get you anywhere, it only sets you back and fills you with negative feelings. Why should I do this to myself? I am so happy that I have finally learned one of life’s greatest lessons- loving others infinitely. This love for people is the one thing that can never be bought or stolen, and it is the most basic necessity and reason for living.

I love you, Mom.

To sleep or not to sleep…

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“You can’t wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.” ~Navajo Proverb

This quote literally means that if someone is pretending to sleep, it would be impossible to wake them up, for they aren’t really sleeping.

However, it also explains in a more figurative manner how if one pretends to try, he or she will never succeed. One cannot be pushed to be successful, or reach success on their own without a true effort.

If a runner pretends to be running their fastest, when, in fact, they can go almost double their speed, there is no way they can push themselves and show their true strength.

It is a form of lying, really, for if one pretends to sleep, they can never be awoken, for they are tricking others into thinking that they truly asleep.

Photo Credit: images.clipartpanda.com

One cannot fake their true colors, for if they do so, they will never reach their full potential. Be it academically, athletically or professionally, dishonesty does not lead to success.

“Like”

indigoshell

Where on earth did this term come from? I’m not talking about Facebook likes or Instagram likes.

I’m talking about how one will be talking to a new person, a potential new friend, and everything is going great until they say it. Or rather, they say it half a dozen times in one sentence. And all of a sudden you feel like stabbing someone, but not the person because you want to be friends with them.

Img cred; sodahead.com

I’m pretty darn guilty of this myself, but I’m definitely noticing it and am trying to fix this habit. But when I try, I find it difficult to find words to replace “like.” Sometimes I feel like if I use any other word or phrase other than “like,” I’ll sound too formal and/or weird.

I wonder if any “likers” don’t notice this habit of theirs. I also wonder how many are aware and just don’t care. And I also wonder how many other people feel the irresistible urge to lash out in fury after the sixth “like.”

Respect our Speakers

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When a certain well-educated, poised, and cultured Emmy award-winning investigative journalist said that Putin censors the media in Russia, he was probably not expecting a Russian freshman to get up and forcefully contradict him. I guess OVS is full of surprises.

When we invite a speaker to our school, it is expected that we will be polite and kind. However, when Terry McCarthy visited, a few students were upset by what he said and did not hesitate to speak their minds. McCarthy stated that Putin regulates the media in Russia, and then defended this statement by pointing out that stories told one way in the US are told a different way in Russia, and you can see this by watching their news. A Russian kid sitting behind me immediately became upset and started saying things, quite loudly, to his friends. Eventually he grew so angry that he raised his hand and asked our guest how “he could say this” about Russia.

I understood that he was upset, but I thought what he said to our speaker was incredibly rude. Not only was I embarrassed for McCarthy, who was shocked, but I was also embarrassed for our school. In the future, we should be more respectful towards our visitors and appreciate the time they take to share their stories with us, instead of trying to argue with them.


Photo credit: Telegraph.co.uk

The Split Mind

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As the day goes on, exhaustion starts to grow. Not that I’ve done anything besides sit around all day, but nonetheless, I feel exhausted.

It all happens unconsciously. I sit down next to two friends and then immediately memorize who’s sitting in the room with us. One, two, three, four, and then five adults. The boys take over the couches, and the girls weave around the snack tables.

The big game is showing on the TV, and I repeatedly flicker my eyes to the screen, keeping track of the score and any big plays that might have happened. There are also people outside playing ping-pong, and I try to mentally mark the people who are outside.

And while I’m so absorbed in the room, I’m also talking to the person to my left. The one that is so demanding of my attention, and I’m thinking about my inability to give it to him.

Photo cred; healthyplace.com

Because my mind and my senses are completely split, there is no way in bloody heck that I can ever pay attention to one thing and one thing only. My ears strain to hear the conversations on the couches and my eyes try to watch and make sure everyone is alright and okay. God knows why my mind just can’t settle down.

So now it’s the end of the day, but I don’t feel like I’m allowed to say “I’m exhausted” because I have literally done nothing but sit around all day.

Orcas vs. Horses?

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Orcas, or killer whales, have been kept in captivity since 1961, and there have been books and movies made about them and how cruel it is to use them for our entertainment. As I read Death at SeaWorld (and watched Blackfish), I started to think about the similarities between horses and orcas in “captivity.”

Both are large, potentially dangerous, and used for entertainment and sport. Both have caused injury, both have caused death, and both are highly intelligent and (seem to) experience emotions and moods.

The only difference I see is that horses have been domesticated for 5500 years, which is far more than the 50 or so years that orcas have been kept captive. Somehow, I feel like the domestication, and perhaps usefulness, is what’s saving horses from being “liberated.”

Our horses, like the orcas, are kept cooped up in small stalls, while feral horses can travel 65-80 km daily for food, water, and shelter. To rid their energy before riding, we make our horses run in circles around us in a little pen.

Horses can get “moody” and “off.” Sometimes they’ll refuse jumps, buck for no reason, or refuse to slow down while trotting or cantering. So we blame the rider, trainer, or the weather. Orcas can be like that too, refusing trainer orders or protesting in their guttural language.

After I was flung off my pony and broke my clavicle rather terribly, I couldn’t do much of anything but sit in my room all day. I still can’t ride, but I can lunge and groom as long as I’m careful. The pony that bucked me off didn’t seem crazy, guilty, or dangerous whatsoever, and I felt no fear or trauma while looking at him. I was injured so severely that my bone was in danger of impaling through my shoulder and I required a two-hour surgery, and something like that sticks in your mind.

Huge controversies came up and multiple rules were put into place when the first orca injured its trainer, yet when I was injured by my pony my friend was instructed to keep riding him because he “shouldn’t be allowed off that easy.”

I don’t think my pony’s intentions were to hurt me, just like I think that killer whales don’t really want to kill us. But if I were stuck in a cubicle, working for hours with little to no rewards, I would probably go a little nutty and stir-crazy.

Just sayin’.