Category: humor

A short story about waiting for the bus

poofypuffyLeave a comment

Once upon a time, there was a man named Bill. He sat at the bus stop, and it was raining. He held of bouquet. It was a bouquet of roses. They were very pretty at one point, but he had been sitting and waiting at the bus stop for a while, and they were wilting. It was wet and cold outside, but he knew that it would be better when he got on the bus. He wore a dress shirt and pants that were not warm enough to shield him from the cold, wet, weather. Bill shivered. 

He stared out at the supermarket across the street. It would be dry and warm in the supermarket, but he was waiting for the bus. 

Bill looked out at the damp scenery, doing and thinking nothing. He was simply waiting in a cold, trance-like stupor. 

A woman walked along the sidewalk, holding an umbrella. She was walking her dog, and the dog was wearing a little raincoat. As she approached the bus stop, she could see a man sitting on the bench. She wondered if he was waiting for the bus, and she wondered if he knew that the bus had been decommissioned earlier that month. The woman hesitated. Should she tell him that the bus would not come? He looked quite still and content, waiting, and she did not want to intrude. And perhaps the bus was back in order. She was afraid to interrupt his day and afraid to be wrong, so she walked past the bus stop and said nothing.

Bill waited for the bus, but the bus never came. It continued to rain for years, and for years, the bus never came. Bill sat a the bus stop, waiting for the bus. Every year that passed watered the seedling of despair that Bill nurtured in him. His bouquet of roses died, and his clothes faded. With this despair, Bill clung to the hope that the bus was almost here and that when the bus came, it would restore the delicate life in his bouquet and the robust color of his clothes, and everything would be right again. Sometimes he thought he heard the hiss of an engine or the grumble of the wheels, but it was an illusion brought on by the rain.

Eventually, Bill grew old and died at the bus stop, waiting in the rain. 

Photo by Jana Shnipelson

Working at Bliss

progstenLeave a comment

Working at the best ice cream shop in town is a pretty good thing most of the time. It’s all pretty easy work but there are also some stressful times while working there. but I think the pros outweigh the cons by quite a lot.

Pros: 1) Free ice cream once a day and while I’m working there I can kinda just eat as much as I want since we have tasters that are free for other people to have so it’s also free for me since I work there. 2) I’m getting probably (on a bad day) an OVS teacher’s salary in tips alone since they aren’t taxed and it’s in Ojai so people can afford to tip most of the time. Also, the normal wage that I get but the tips are more fun. 3) is that I get to meet more people and have a lot of interactions with people whom I have never met which has helped me with talking and meeting new people and I have learned to have better social interactions because of it. 4) it’s a pretty chill job I don’t have to work that hard (well some moments are rough) 5) I get to listen to music while working

Cons: 1) as I said some moments can be stressful like when a bunch of people comes in at once and something in the back breaks or a topping runs out or an old man/child drops his ice cream and stuff like that. 2) the freaking machines are the most annoying part of the job like in some ways it is easier but if it breaks then everything goes sooo wrong and it’s just very stressful. 3) when someone asks for an ice cream cone instead of just being able to scoop it like a normal place I have to make a tower that if I do it wrong it falls over and 90% of it’s at an angle that is on the verge of falling over 4) closing is pretty rough as well it takes a while to do and is hard on my back.

It’s a fun job though and I need money

Typing…….

graypenguinLeave a comment

There are many things I would like to write about in this journal, but the reality is that not all of it is the kind of content that I would honestly show to the public. Every Friday comes around and I spend all day trying to wrap my head around what to write about, and the name of the blog. I can honestly say that I feel like I have already written most of it down.

Today I want to write about something I’ve been into lately. Before I came to this school, I had barely touched a computer. The computer I am using now is the first one I got in my life. To be honest, I feel like it is about to reach the end of its useful life, so I would like to get a new computer this winter break. Something that my roommate and I have been into lately is playing typing games. You get points for typing for 5 minutes. Before I came to this school, my highest score on that test was 32. But the other day, after a long time, I got 78 points. I think it is a big improvement for me. This skill will help me in many things in my life, both in my work and in my studies. I am now looking forward to my score going up a little bit at a time. My goal is to be able to do blind touching perfectly by the time I graduate.

ps;https://images.ctfassets.net/p0qf7j048i0q/Ye7XLtAQbu92riigoreTz/300f1f0104786bc5eda435cf8bf4e3e1/G1352603244.png?w=3840&q=75&h=3840&fm=webp

yes officer i got my licenses 4 days ago

progstenLeave a comment

This story talks about how I managed to get pulled over after having my license for four days.

On a tranquil night, I departed from my house at about 11 p.m. on the 15th of September. It was another typical night, and I was going to the gym because one of my friends pressured me even though I was already sleepy and wanted to sleep so I decided to go. Now it was normal at the gym that night, some goofing around since we had the whole place to ourselves. Once we were done my friend who had biked to the gym was about to bike back but I decided to offer him a ride back since it was dark and at 2 a.m. So we decided that it would be a good idea if I drove him back. so we put his bike into the back of my Prius, which was harder than expected. Eventually, we departed into the night expecting this ride to be uneventful and quick, god had other plans. As we took a right onto the main road we drove for about 30 seconds where we passed a cop. we passed him with no issues, and I was so confident to even say, “Nothing suspicious to see the officer ” while driving by the cop. Well, Apparently, he must have heard me say that because about three seconds later while looking in my rearview mirror to make sure he doesn’t follow us he whips THE FASTEST U-Turn I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. He pulls up right behind me getting very close to my car, and just tailgates me and my friend for what feels like 10 minutes but in reality was 1-minute max, regardless that was still a while and I don’t know if he was trying to scare me into doing something illegal but I eventually take a turn towards my friend’s house and the cop follows, it’s at this point I knew I was getting pulled over. Right on cue, he turns on those lights, and I pull over. Eventually, after waiting for about a minute the cop walked up to my window (which was already down since I didn’t want to anger him by asking to roll it down). He leaned in and said, “Hey just wanted to let you know that your headlight was out nothing else was wrong but you should know and get that fixed” This was definitely one of the better things you can get pulled over for and was quite the refile knowing that I wasn’t smuggling drugs or weaving in and out of the road or something along those lines. The cop noticed that my friend in the car was a little nervous so he popped the question,” can I have your license and regressions please” Now this is a normal question; however, the DMV hasn’t sent me a license yet so I had to hand him this rinky dinky piece of paper and he looks at it and says “is this your license?” and I say “yes officer sorry I recently got my license so they haven’t sent me the card yet” he gives a shrug and says he’s going to run it through his system and heads back to the car. so he comes back and say ” So it says that you got your license 4 days ago so here’s what I could do, I could give you two tickets one for driving someone in your car and one for driving at 2 am but sense your still a new driver I don’t want to screw you over and ruin your driving career.” to cut the story a bit short he eventually lets me go after a few more embarrassing questions like ” it says you got your license on 9/11 is that correct” and I didn’t know so I just said yes and hoped it was correct. but we eventually got home say and on my way back from dropping off my friend, I passed by another cop who turned in my direction but didn’t pull me over maybe the other cop told them I already gotten got. 

please note all these quotes are from the author’s memory so they just give a rough idea not an exact

https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=578888506&rlz=1C5CHFA_enUS974US975&q=cops&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiP9NfG-KWCAxVzIkQIHZZyD2EQ0pQJegQIDBAB&biw=1600&bih=884&dpr=1.8#imgrc=LcV7_6FemRNvdM

Just My Luck

lizlovelaughLeave a comment

So I rolled my ankle the day before the league final track meet- an event I’d been looking forward to all season. All my life, there’s been a pattern. I will have roughly 4 days where everything is just fabulous and going my way, life is terrifically smooth and easy but it abruptly comes to an end, followed by an equally long period of just comically terrible rotten awful luck! And this eternal pendulum swings between luck and misery, creating balance in my polarized life.

It’s gotten to the point that I will recognize whatever “phase” I’m in and alter my behavior because of it. If I realize I’m in a bad luck week I will be more cautious and weary of what I’m doing. It’s like a legitimate phenomenon, really, if there are any scientists out there totally out of things to study, this could be it.

Right now, I am definitely in that bad luck phase. My computer just died while I was getting the charger for it WHILE typing this, I am getting bug bites too, and I accidentally spilled a drink on my piano earlier this evening. I realize these are serious first-world problems and it could be so much worse, but dealing with all these little annoyances really makes me mad enough to write a whole blog post about it. You’re not going to believe this- but my first draft of this wouldn’t even save so I had to start over!

To be honest I don’t know if I actually believe in luck or not, but what I do know is I either have it all or not even a smidge.

pc: https://i.pinimg.com/564x/7e/f3/9f/7ef39fd806562b1b3ce029a46cb68a18.jpg

If I Could Have a Superpower

graceovs1 Comment

If I could have any superpower it would be the ability to press pause. I’d watch as vehicles stopped in their tracks, raindrops hung suspended from the sky and people froze like statues in a museum. I can picture it clearly. My world of chaos would dissipate, and calmness would take its place.

“statues in a museum” PC: The MET

Amidst this setting, I could finally organize the mess that is my life. I’d be able to complete all my homework, chores, and responsibilities, with time to spare. I’d spend hours devouring books, articles, and literature in all its shapes and forms, acquiring knowledge far beyond my years. I’d learn Calculus and how to paint; I’d try a new sport and play piano. I would live lavishly; taking bubble baths and treating myself to spa days. I’d finish all seasons of Gilmore Girls and binge Friends for the millionth time. I would cook myself incredible meals or waltz into a Michelin Star restaurant and help myself to the dishes balancing upon waiters’ hands. I would sit with my thoughts – something which I rarely have the time and space to do – and reflect on my past and my future; who I am as a person, and who I want to be.

Everything would be totally under control. I forgot my computer charger? Pause, and I’ll go pick it up. I’m almost dozing off in class? Pause, and I’ll take a long nap. I would do all this and so much more with all the time in the world. And when I got lonely, I would only have to press play, and my day would resume its natural course.

The Best Story

lizlovelaughLeave a comment

The best reality documentary on youtube is a Vice series titled “North Korean Labor Camps” where they sent a Canadian Journalist, Shane Smith, to investigate the hermit kingdom and bring back cultural learnings with him.

It has everything: politics, humor, wit, fear, camaraderie with absolutely random people, realities of everyday life of common people, getting banned and kicked out, and going into the endless unknown (Siberian Tiga) like a spaceship.

It’s in a blog, video diary format with a pretty bad camera (it was 10 years ago), and it’s just so cool. All seven parts of the series are just insane. He gets in trouble with the FSB, there’s a car chase in the wilds of Siberia, and he befriends the local mob. My favorite part though is all the random people that just helped and tagged along: a cop, ex-chief of police, freelance journalist, and some crazy Russian guy who saved the journalist from angry authorities.

It all started in North Korea, with a video titled “We Tried Sneaking Journalists into North Korea.” In it, you see how unsettling and just off North Korea feels, at least 10 years ago. Anyway, soon he finds out that Koreans are being sent to logging camps for like several years at a time in Eastern Russia and so begins the aforementioned series. I want to do something like this one day.

Besides what he manages to uncover, what’s most shocking is how calm the journalist was despite the tense circumstances. From intimidating drunk guys on trains to North Korean camp leaders telling him no, he just kept his cool and kept asking questions. That’s a Journalist!

PC https://static01.nyt.com/images/2010/12/06/arts/SUBVICE/SUBVICE-articleLarge.jpg?quality=75&auto=webp&disable=upscale

School Bus Blues

Pete Webb1 Comment

I’ve always hated the school bus, my lack of power and choice of where it goes and when it arrives, it’s never the right temperature in a school bus. You sit there with a sweaty back sticking to the faux leather seats (why do they try so poorly to imitate leather, nobody expects a bus to be a Chariot of luxury) which somehow are always a little too upright. The smell of a bus can never be replicated, like a quiet locker room with some freeway pollution. Your knees press against the seat in front of you desperately trying to get comfortable, that’s an uphill battle— nobody has ever left the school bus feeling refreshed and ready to go. The moment I could finally get my license arrived after freshman year, never again would I be tainted by the horrendous thing they called a vehicle. Never again would I wait hours for it to arrive at the upper campus, and never again would I be forced into that place that’s never big enough, warm enough, or cold enough. Or so I thought since I’m writing this as I make the arduous journey to LA in such a school bus, it’s one of the last times I’ll ride one and there is something so reminiscent of a time I’d long forgotten. This is the new bus though, I never rode it freshman year, still, I’m sitting in the very back and every bump seems to fly us into the air. Still, I’m sweating more than I will in the cross-country race I’m about to run. And still, I think we likely will be late as we travel a whopping fifty-five miles per hour through Woodland Hills. There is something beautiful about a school bus though. The way it groans and struggles to move. Each mile, each foot it travels another desperate journey that it somehow completes without complaint. I like the sounds the bus makes. Every jolt leads to a new one, a hiss of air releasing from the suspension, the squeak of the seats jumping up and down, the sounds of students talking, and the ambiguous notes of music from someone’s AirPods turned up too loud. I like that I have no control over where I’m going or when I’ll be there, perhaps the most relaxing thing I’ll ever do is ride a school bus. The school bus doesn’t care about who you are or what you want, it doesn’t care if you’re working hard enough or if you need to take some time for yourself, it just keeps on struggling one more foot, one more mile, one more groan, hiss, and squeak. 

IMG_1169
pc: Me

obsolete tv shows

lizlovelaugh1 Comment

Besides Spongebob, I grew up on practically extinct shows my fossil of a Dad made me watch instead of like Disney Channel or something.

My favorite one was MacGyver, (NOT the new one with Lucas Till) which is an action series about a guy who can ‘improvise’ his way out of any situation. Instead of combating danger with weapons like you’d expect, he uses his ability to make gadgets to save himself. To this day I still think the premise is really unique and overall it’s a creative show.

Another much more popular show I watched was the A-team. Again, not the newer movies but the 80’s tv series. It’s also an action about a group of ex-military guys who help people in need and try to clear their name from a crime they didn’t even commit. I remember loving one of the members of the group, Murdoc, who was just this really crazy, goofy guy.

Then there are all the detective shows: Columbo, Magnum PI, Monk, Psych -even Perry Mason- you name it, I’ve seen it. My Dad and I are detective show connoisseurs. He tried to get me to watch cop shows, but they were never my thing (Adam-12, CHiPS).

There was a lot of Sci-fi too, I think Star Trek was my first of these old shows (or Rocky and Bullwinkle). I’ve seen both the Kirk and Picard series, but the former is more memorable/nostalgic for me. There was also Time Tunnel, Twilight Zone, My Favorite Martian, The Munsters, etc.

There is more, this is just the tip of my ancient-shows iceberg. There are some really obscure shows I’ve seen. I bet I’m the only person under 50 who knows what the Petticoat Junction even is. Or the Beverly Hillbillies.

Anyway, I’m actually happy my Dad introduced me to these shows from a young age. They really were charming and shaped much of my early childhood.

pc: https://decider.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/macgyver.png?w=646&h=431&crop=1

Tik Tok Roundup: Tweak Season

navraj22Leave a comment

Tweak of the Week. Tweak Playoffs. Free the Commish. A mysterious New Yorker patrols the sidewalks, parks, elevators, and doorways of the city, a vigilante not too dissimilar from Batman. Except instead of protecting the people and stopping criminals, he is heckling normal individuals and acting as “commissioner” of New York City.

Here he is heckling a woman who is trying to spot Mayor Eric Adams (who the commish HATES) from the top of a car.

@tweakseason

#FreeThecomish #tweakseason #tweakoftheweek

♬ original sound – The Comish
VC:Tweak Season

He asserts his masterful advice, stating that the woman shouldn’t care that much about the mayor, a belief close to the commish’s heart.

He also inserts his masterful skills in his many passions: here is an example of the Tweak Referee’s architecture masterclass.

@tweakseason

#FreeThecomish #tweakseason #tweakoftheweek #LIKEABOMBSHELL

♬ original sound – The Comish
VC: Tweak Season

He never fails to update the citizens of NYC of the happenings: relaying celebrity lookalike sightings.

@tweakseason

#newyork #tweakseason

♬ original sound – The Comish
VC: Tweak Season

Shockingly, there are also social justice causes close to the commish’s heart: when he sees an injustice, he doesn’t hold back his feelings about it.

@tweakseason

#FreeThecomish #FreeThecomish #tweakseason #tweakoftheweek

♬ original sound – The Comish
VC: Tweak Season

Overall, The Commish’s lack of care for what others think about him and undying desire to share the stories of the city, and his opinions, make his content must watch. #FREETHECOMMISH

Here are some other great ones for your enjoyment.

Here he just heckles a family gathering.

@tweakseason

#tweakseason #newyork #onlyinnyc

♬ original sound – The Comish
VC: Tweak Season

Here he just closes someones car door for them without asking.

@tweakseason

#tweakseason #newyork

♬ original sound – The Comish
VC: Tweak Season

This is surely the best one, he recommends a free pile of garbage with good books, dropping the location for citizens to pick up the books.

@tweakseason

#tweakseason #tweakoftheweek #newyork #onlyinnyc #bronx #manhattan

♬ original sound – The Comish
VC: Tweak Season