The best thing in life is sharing a love with people that doesn’t go away no matter the time or distance. I don’t like to text or facetime people. In general, I really don’t like having full conversations on a phone at all when I would much rather see them in person. Being able to go periods of time without talking yet knowing that the connection is still there waiting for you is a feeling of safety. The hard part with these connections is that when you are able to finally see them again you remember the full extent of how much you miss them and how much they really mean to you. Caring about someone and being away from them is hard. You live separate lives that don’t revolve around each other and the little details about your day that they would’ve experienced with you are now lost to the distance. It hurts a little to realize that the most recent additions to your vocabulary and the jokes in reference to niche lived moments don’t 100% align anymore. It’s just a little bit off. While this is sometimes saddening, I know that only a week spent together means being fully in sync again – like no one had ever been apart in the first place. Due to distance, these feelings of love and closeness cycle but I’m confident in this cycle and the people in my life I cycle with.

I miss last school year so much when I had much more freedom. This school year, rules are much more enforced, which makes sense, but I feel like boarding school this year is a much sadder environment because of this. Last year, people were always in each other’s rooms, and we would stay up late watching movies, cooking, and dancing. My homework load was much lighter last year, but I’m determined that I would be able to still do the things we did last year even with more homework now. Currently, all I do at night is procrastinate completing my homework. I feel so much more drained and less energized now, although I would get just as much or even less sleep last year. Before, having some sense of freedom was what kept me going, but now the rules have gotten so strict that I can’t even brush my teeth past ten at night.

The conflict between Palestine and Israel is extremely complex, so I am approaching it from a position of humility. 

I want to talk about the “savagery” vs “civilization” narrative I have seen in countless social media posts

Many have conveniently adopted the “savagery” vs “civilization” narrative. “Savagery” is when fanatics shoot people on cameras and drive half-naked, beaten women on the streets. “Civilization” is when a rocket launched by a drone levels a residential building. In the first case, the camera is going to be stained by blood, in the second one, the camera lens is far enough to not see the crushing of the heads and tearing of the limbs. The violence done by “savages” is real, evoking, close; the violence done by “civilization” is unreal, distanced, and easy to ignore. The first one is called terrorism, the second one is a long-range precision strike weapon. Terrorists cause deaths, civilization causes collateral damage. Terrorism is abominable, the strategic operations carried out by the civilization are easy to ignore. Gaza is an experiment of locking 2 million people on a tiny patch of land and forcing them into poverty, lack of basic human needs, and inability to flee. The generations raised in this chaos and destruction become an excellent recruiting base for extremist organizations like HAMAS. Searching for the right or wrong amid this war seems pointless to me. We as humanity are collectively guilty of terror like this occurring, and we as humanity are collectively responsible for creating a better future.

PC: https://static.euronews.com/articles/stories/07/96/45/84/320x180_cmsv2_9ae07b19-cd5a-5d4b-a74d-468ab31ce2c7-7964584.jpg

I wish I had a soul tie. I wish I had a person who was just there for me, and I could be there for. I wish there was someone who understood how I felt when I was alone. I want to know someone better than they know themselves. I know everyone has one, but when do I find mine? I think I’m looking for this feeling of connection that doesn’t actually exist. I really don’t know what it feels like to have that, or maybe I do. Maybe I am romanticizing the idea but it doesn’t actually exist. I keep trying to look at these things on a deeper level, but what if it just isn’t that deep? I don’t ever want to convince myself of something that isn’t real, even though I want so bad for it to be real. Or maybe I should just keep being delulu. 

My favorite color is and always has been yellow, but pink is the prettiest and navy blue is my favorite to wear as of now. My favorite show for all of middle school, into high school and even to this day is Dance Moms. My other two favorite shows are Keeping Up with the Kardashians and Gossip Girl. Currently I’m watching the Real Housewives of NYC. When I was little I loved Dora and my favorite Disney princess was The Little Mermaid/Ariel.  My favorite sport is volleyball but I don’t really like playing anymore because it’s just upsetting. Up through my freshman year I played competitively my whole life and high school softball that one year. I used to play catcher when I was younger but my knees couldn’t handle it anymore so I became a third baseman. I was diagnosed with diabetes at the end of 6th grade. I repeated Kindergarten because I had a hard time reading and it was “highly suggested that I repeat”. In first grade I was in an afternoon reading program called “Reading with the Dogs” to help me try to catch up and get some extra practice in. I’ve never broken a bone. I’m a middle child. I have a sister who is 17 months older and a brother who is 17 months younger than me. I’m closer with my brother than with my sister. My family puts scratcher lottery tickets in easter eggs for easter egg hunts. I got bit by a dog in Ohio the summer going into Junior Year and had to get stitches through my lip. If I could meet one person alive or dead I would want to meet my mom when she was my age. I love heights and have always wanted to go skydiving. I bought an inflatable cow costume for an AP European History class presentation about pasteurization in my Sophomore Year. I like having late night conversations. My favorite ice cream flavor is coffee. I love pickles.

Since school began this fall, I have been so sleep-deprived and I don’t know how to give myself enough time to sleep and get everything else done. I find myself taking short naps in the middle of the day because of my exhaustion. My issue with my lack of sleep is that I stay up late doing homework but because of how late I stay up and how tired I am, I don’t process anything as I’m doing it. When I’m in class the next day, I’m always too tired to focus. It feels like a never-ending cycle that I’m hoping will end soon. I try drinking energy drinks at night and during the day, but it just makes me feel even worse and grosser. I need to find a way to stop procrastinating and get work done as soon as possible because I won’t be able to live like this much longer.