
Stuff having to do with the world of journalism.

“At a certain season of our life we are accustomed to consider every spot as the possible site of a house.” (Thoreau) Write a description of your “home” or your many “homes.” You may write about the home you have or the home you dream of having in your future.

I’ve lived in one house for my entire life, nestled in between two mountain peaks that form the Ojai valley. There are only seven houses on my street, but it was an entire world to explore for my neighbors and me when we were five. We used to walk down to the end of the street and admire the sunset illuminating the overgrown grass and painted white fences. Home, to me, is the smell of the pepper trees that lined the end of the road, forming a green and red arch, as if to welcome me to the end of the cul-de-sac. Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days, when time passed so much slower, when it felt like summer all year long.
For as long as I can remember, the ocean is where I find peace. I can’t exactly describe why, but Solimar Beach is a magical place. Home, to me, is poking my toe in the center of a sea anemone, giggling as it squirts water back at me, as its turquoise and bright green tentacles stick to my skin. Home is my dad lifting me up onto his shoulders, then scouring the tidepools, searching for different creatures. As we wade further out into the shallow water, he teaches me about the tides, then we stop for a while to watch the sun sink below the horizon. Solimar is the place I will always want to return to for the rest of my life.
I like to think that, someday, I will make a home everywhere. I’ll sit on the balcony of my tiny apartment in Madrid or Barcelona, peering through my neighbors’ laundry, hung up to dry on clothes lines, down at the bustling city below. I’ll enjoy the morning sun as I sip coffee with condensed milk – a flavor that I despise now, but I think, someday, I’ll come to enjoy. I will smile, knowing that I’m there alone. I’m not sure how long I will be there for, probably not more than a year. After that, I’ll move on to somewhere new. I’ll live in a rainy forest along the Oregon coast, then I’ll go work at a school in Argentina or Chile. I’ll work on a ranch in Mexico, outside of a small fishing town. I don’t really care where I go; I just want to see the world.
It is true that home is where the heart is, but my heart is everywhere, I think. Growing up in a tiny town has made me appreciate the things that are routine. I love the fact that I could probably draw a map of my hometown purely from memory. It’s incredibly comforting to know a place so well that it becomes a part of you. But it has also instilled in me a desire to leave what is comfortable, to explore and to experience every place, culture, and way of life that is different from mine. A home is a place where you can come back to time and time again, and know that you belong, where you would go to without any hesitation. I’m lucky to have places like these.
skies have been dark hues recently along with my mood.
“this song’s for you if you hate yourself.”
i knew it was for us.
switch up when im feeling like i dont have a place,
drawing on my shoes ruining everything I own.
full of excuses.
i’m sorry-
we both know i would do it again though.
question marks on my hands
who am i?
it gets dark around 5 or 6 now.
me too.
damn you, time change!
someone called me self-righteous,
i doubt it.
you open me up.
mad at the world,
but more at the stupid bus ride here.
the penny we saw at the bottom of the fountain last week was low;
i’ve been feeling lower
i miss my friends as soon as they leave;
when i need you most, i don’t want you at all.
i lock myself in the car until i no longer look like
my own shit show!

I assumed things I shouldn’t have.
I thought it was a date.
But, I’m not sad it wasn’t.
I am just a little disappointed.
I thought about my outfit for days.
I planned everything out, down to the perfume I was going to wear.
But, I am not sad that I did that all for nothing.
I am just a little disappointed.

We were supposed to drive around and do stupid things in our cars.
Instead, we sat in your truck and watched the sunset, talking for hours.
I am not sad I spent that time with you.
I am just a little disappointed.
The way we talked was not how friends talk.
The things that were said were clearly more than friendly.
But, I am not sad it meant nothing.
I am just a little disappointed.
I blabbered about us hanging out and me having feelings for you.
Then I asked if it was a date and if you were into me and all I heard was you weren’t over your ex.
I am not sad.
I am just a little disappointed.
I know you need time and I understand that, but why did you let me believe that there was something between us?
I am sad that you flirted with me.
I am disappointed that she is still in your head, but I understand.
(I’m calling dibs when you’re ready)
This weekend, I went to a music festival called Camp Flog Gnaw, which was held by rapper Tyler, The Creator.
In the middle of his set, Tyler said, “I made this as a place for all you weird kids to have a place to feel safe and I think that’s really cool.”
During Jaden Smith’s set, he said “Tyler made this place for all you weirdo’s to feel normal and that’s tight as f***.”
Thank you Tyler for making a place like that. For maybe just a weekend, maybe just a minute, or maybe just an hour we all felt safe and loved. We could love or hate ourselves and whichever we chose would be okay.
No one tried to fix us; we just got to simply exist for a while and feel alright.
Thank you for giving us a place where we could be or do whatever we wanted and that was cool with everyone.
Somewhere we could wear whatever we wanted and not have to think twice about it, somewhere we could yell at the top of our lungs, somewhere we could cry if that song playing reminded you of something, somewhere we could jump and it was what you’re supposed to do, somewhere we could meet people like ourselves, somewhere where nothing was weird and everything and anything was ok.
One day, I’ll find that place in the people I surround myself with and where I live and where I work.
One day, but until I find my somewhere, I’ll stick to this. Thank you Tyler :’)

If you’ve ever wondered how it feels to see a person become someone else, it’s sort of like trying to hold water in your hands. You can keep your hands cupped together for a little while, but more and more of it begins to trickle through your fingers. You panic, try to hold back as much as you can, but, eventually, there’s so little left in your palms that you just let the rest fall to the floor.

That’s how it felt with you. It was like I was watching everything in slow motion. I tried to catch you, but now I know that you didn’t want me to.
I didn’t believe you when you told me you were leaving. I think in the back of my mind, I had been expecting it.
You’ve been my best friend, one of the most important people in my life, for as long as I can remember. But, now, I can’t remember the last time I saw you.
It still hurts. I’m still mad and I still don’t fully understand why you chose to go. You told me you needed to do it for yourself, that you needed to be selfish.
But I never thought you were being selfish. I just thought you were wrong.
You mean so, so much to me. I miss you more than you know.
I wish I could still see you everyday. I wish you were still the one who I went to before anyone else, the person I told everything to. But you’re not anymore. I know it could still be that way if we tried, but most days I just don’t feel like trying.
I think the reason I’m still mad is because it felt like you chose them over me. It still feels that way.
It hurts to see someone change, to see them become someone different.
But what hurts more is to leave them behind, to accept that your time together has come and gone. I’m not ready to do that yet.
I keep trying to help myself.
I think about future dates,
the person I’ll marry,
and the next person I’ll love.
But, no matter how many times I try, the only person I picture is you.
I want to not think about you,
I don’t want to remember you
Why did you tell me you wanted to marry me?

Why did you say you wanted three kids with me?
Why the fuck did you want to plan a future with me, if I ended up out of it?
Why did you tell people you loved me?
Why did you take me to meet your family?
Why did you cry when I told you I loved you on that cold December night?
Did the cold get to you? Did you need some warmth on that winter night?
If it was all real, how did it all disappear?
I think one of the reasons I’m always so fixated on others is because how much I hate myself.
I’m often called annoying, because I ask to many questions.
I’m often called nosy, because I get in other peoples business.
I’m often told I copy others, so I need to stop trying to be like everyone else.
I’m often called jealous, because I need to be happy for others.
I’m often called a liar, so I need to stop over exaggerating and be more honest.
I’m often called conceited, so I need to stop talking about what things I have done.
I’m often called self degrading, so I need to get out of my head.
But here’s the thing…
I ask a lot of questions because I rarely trust myself and need reassurance.
I get in other peoples business because hearing other peoples’ flaws distracts me of my own.
I copy others at times because I want to fit in, be accepted, and I simply don’t fully know who I am or how to be myself yet.
I lie at times because I am ashamed or embarrassed of something I have or haven’t done. I lie because I think I’m worthless and I don’t want others to think that too. I lie solely because I’m scared of the truth. In many aspects, I’m a failure to the too-fast, too-soon goals I have created to for myself.

I come off as conceited because when I do something I’m proud of, I want it to be known because it is rare that I am happy about something I’ve done. My accomplishments and my talents are the few things that I truly know are a part of my identity. A lot of times, I say the things I have done well just to remind myself I’m capable of actually doing good. I have a hard time being humble because I assume people view me as worthless, the same way I view myself. Sharing my accomplishments proves that I’m actually capable of achieving good.
I come of as self-degrading because I am. I refuse to accept the fact that I can’t be the best at everything. I set goals that are beyond my reach and set myself up for failure. I punish myself for every goal I don’t achieve, resulting in my belief that loosing is the end of the world.
I know that one of the reasons I’m always so fixated on others is because how much I hate myself.
I know the reasons behind my flaws don’t make up for them, but understanding is the first step to solving them.
February 14th, 2018, a day supposed to symbolize love, will now forever be a reminder to students, friends, and families of how seventeen students were murdered in the last place kids should have to worry about being killed – a school.
October 27th, 2018, was the day when eleven Jews were killed in a synagogue, a place of worship.
November 7th, 2018, was the day college students were enjoying a night out at a bar and 12 people were murdered.
All of these people died at shootings. All of theses deaths were at the hands of horribly evil people with easy access to guns.
When will enough be enough?
How many people have to die until change happens?

How many parents have to send their kids to school one day not knowing if they’ll ever get to see their child again?
How many kids have to walk into school every day and go through classes scared of the possibility of being put on lockdown, getting injured, or getting killed?
How many people have to say goodbye to their best friends, partners, and loved ones?
The answer is too many, because people would rather have their rights to guns than have children live.
The right for someone to live should override the right for someone to have a gun.
Yes, guns don’t kill people, people do, but people use guns to kill. People have such easy access to guns that the line blurs and guns themselves are just as much of a threat as the people who have the right to hold them.
We’re not asking to outlaw guns, but we’re asking for restrictions. We’re asking to make schools safe again. To enjoy time at concerts, restaurants, churches, mosques, and synagogues without having to be afraid of being shot at.
Because enough is enough and change needs to happen.
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