I found this a while ago, while looking through notes on my phone:
To many people, Christmas is a day to wake up early and run to all of the presents that await you. Many of my friend’s stories on Snapchat were pictures of things they got, like a Hydro Flask, new phone, drum set, AirPods, and more, with the caption “Merry Christmas.”
Unlike many of my friends, for me, today was not a day focused on gifts. I spent the day with my grandparents and parents. We did not exchange physical gifts, our gift was being together as a family.
Instead of being sad or mad that my family doesn’t celebrate Christmas, I took a different approach. Today reminded me of all I have and all I can do to give back. Christmas is about giving, so I did, but a little different that most people did today.
This evening, I spent over two hours signing petitions, calling senators, and sending letters to change the injustice happening today.
This evening, I sent, signed, and made over 105 petitions, letters, and calls.
No, today I did not wake up to an abundance of presents. No, today I did not celebrate Christmas like most people do.
But today, I used my power to make a difference, in my opinion, and learned my ability to express my beliefs is better than anything that could be under the Christmas tree.
I wanna talk to someone, but I’m scared. I have brought it up to a few people, but they’re not the ones I want to talk to. But, I don’t know how to talk to you. I don’t know how to tell you what I’m feeling; I don’t really know what I am even feeling. But, I know it’s dumb. I don’t care if you hang out with your friends, but yesterday was a bad day so it annoyed me more than it ever should have. I don’t care if I see you later on Saturday, I don’t know why it made me upset.
Photo Credit: Pinterest.com
Clearly, Saturday really isn’t the thing that is getting to me. But, I don’t really know what is getting to me. I honestly just miss you and hate how hard it is to see you. Also, I’m starting to develop real feelings, which I have been scared of, and have been trying to stay away from since last year. I don’t want to push you away, but I am scared I am going to subconsciously do that.
I have no clue how to bring this up and actually say this to you and I know my hints are too subtle, but I know you’ve read a couple of my blog posts, so hopefully, you’ll read this and understand it.
I don’t know if it would change anything, I don’t even know if I would want it to. But from time to time, I find myself wondering: what if you knew?
Would I be the one wearing your jackets? The one that you’re waiting for when class is over? The one that you’d sit down with at dinner and who you’d tell how your day went? The one that you’d miss whenever I wasn’t with you? The one that could make you as happy as you’ve always deserved to be?
The thing is, you are happy. She makes you happy and I’m happy for you guys, believe me. You’re good for each other and I’ll leave it at that. I’ll never do anything to interfere with what you guys have, that wouldn’t be right. I know that. But, deep down, I still find myself wondering, what if you knew?
Photo Credit: lotl.com
Would you chose me over her? Probably not, there’s no way. She’s a 10/10. I’m, well, not. She’s with you, I’m not. If you knew, you’d probably think I was insane with no morals. You’d probably avoid eye contact with me for the rest of the school year until I leave this place behind, hopefully forgetting about how terribly difficult it is to see you across the room, wanting to be there with you, but knowing that, with your arm around her, you’ll never even consider me to be more than an acquaintance.
I hope you don’t know that I’m talking about you. I hope you’ll never know. But from time to time, I find myself wondering: what if you did?
wow! we are lucky lucky to be alive. i know sometimes we get sad or angry or embarrassed or even feel all those silly human things at once, but have you ever thought about just how lucky we are to be alive at all?!
appreciate everything! soak in as much as you can as often as you can! talk to people you don’t usually and ask them about their day or about their dreams! confess your love to someone! get rejected and get over it, just to say you did it! get a shitty tattoo! make a change in the world! make your friend your valentine or your mom! stand up for someone! kiss your dog! love yourself the most! hug your friends or a stranger! tell your family you love them! make up with the people you got in a fight with! reach out to someone you miss! make the first move! tell your parents how much you appreciate them even if they make you angry! live in the moment! go out! surf! manifest positivity! go, go, go live. who cares? woohoo, we are so lucky!!
LIVE BY THIS: “To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.” -alfred tennyson
I’ve lived in the same place my whole life, but I’ve never realized how beautiful it is until recently.
Maybe I just didn’t notice it before or I wasn’t old enough to appreciate it, but lately I catch myself staring up at the mountains.
It has been raining a lot lately. On my drive home, I noticed that the north-facing slopes are so much greener than the south-facing ones.
But Dad says this isn’t supposed to happen. South and west-facing slopes are usually the greenest, at least where we are, because of sunlight and rainwater, he explained. The south-facing Topa Topas are just dry because of their rocky terrain.
I’m not sure why even still I think of the fire when I’m admiring the mountains. Maybe it made me appreciate them more.
The trees still seem like skeletons to me. They are black and withered and don’t really fit in with the bright grass that’s growing in. They used to be so much greener. But at least they are still standing. I’m thankful for that.
There isn’t really much to do in this sleepy town, especially after having been here for sixteen years. But despite that, I can’t think of a better place to have grown up.
She’s strong, she’s talented, she’s smart. My friend is headed towards great things.
Soon we’ll be in college, I know I won’t be going to the same school as her anymore, but I know I’ll never forget her.
You know someone is extraordinary when they have so many amazing goals that they don’t know what to pursue.
Sometimes I think, what will she be doing in four years?
Will she be a influential member in race and resistance studies, standing up to oppression and persecution?
Will she be a rising scholar in gender and feminism studies, striving to create a more equal world?
Will she be a social justice worker?
Will she be a photo journalist, not only using her power with words to inspire, but her talent with captured memories, also?
Will she be filmmaker and editor, creating barrier-breaking and revolutionary films?
Will she be a gender sexuality savant, fighting for the LGBTQ+ community?
Will she be a sociologist, endeavoring to generate social polyphony?
Will she be a lawyer fighting for human rights?
I don’t think she’s just going to chose one of these. I think she’s going to do all of them, because if she sets her mind to something, there’s no stopping her.
I know sometimes you get nervous. You wonder how you’ll accomplish everything you hope to. You occasionally struggle to understand your identity, what path to take. You get down some times. You make wrong decisions and question your worth.
I know you are strong, but I know we all have our doubts and struggles. But never forget, I’m here for you. I’m rooting for you. I love you.
You are an inspiration, an amazing friend, and you are going to make such a big difference in the world.
Never forget your goals, for I know, you can and you will achieve them all.
I make my own waves when
I don’t need to.
I make myself angry when I don’t need to be!
And it’s not good for me,
not good for my health.
I see you do the same thing to yourself.
I think it’s something you inherited,
like it’s genetic, maybe. And I’m sorry.
It has taken me my whole life,
fifty-some years to realize that
I am the only one who can control how I feel,
that it is me, and not other people, who changes
the way I feel.
I see you do this to yourself,
you expect people to think the same way,
and to care and to try the same way that you do.
It’s taken me my whole life
to realize that, and I still
don’t know how to fix it.
If you could learn this now,
so early on in your life,
you’ll be so much better for it.
You’ll be just fine.”
I make my own waves too, sometimes.
But the thing about waves, is that even though they can be destructive, they can also be spectacular.
So, I think that it’s okay to make waves in our lives, but we have to decide which kind they will be.
Theater is one of my favorite things in the world. And though I have the talent of a rock, and would never participate in any musicals ever, I love watching them and over the past couple years my obsession with Broadway has grown stronger. So, I decided to compose a list of my favorite Broadway shows and movie musicals and why.
10. Dear Evan Hansen: I haven’t seen this musical yet, but I am obsessed with the soundtrack, and I really hope I get to see it one day.
9. The Lion King: There’s no reason why this musical is low on my list, because I loved it with all my heart. I was in awe during the whole production with the costume design, music, and set, and would recommend it to anyone, but it’s not a show I would go see a second time unless I went with a friend who would really want to go.
8. The Greatest Showman: This is only a musical, but there are rumors that a Broadway production of it is in the making. This was my favorite movie during all of 2017. I loved everything about this musical movie. The music, the actors, the story, all of it. So much so that I saw it three times in the theater within three weeks, and several times after that on the plane.
7. Wicked: This one should definitely be higher on my list, but I have too many musicals to mention, so this had to be right here. I’ve seen Wicked at least three times because every time it goes to my city my family has tickets. It was the first musical I’ve ever watched and it’s been one of my favorites since.
Photo Credit: playbillstore.com
6. Kinky Boots: To describe this musical in one word, I’d say iconic. A Broadway show about drag queens? With a powerful, positive, feel-good story and catchy as heck tunes? I stan it. Plus, Brendon Urie was a part of it over the summer, which started my obsession with the musical, but isn’t the only reason I love the production. The show’s amazing with or without him and I saw it with David Cook and he was amazing in it. I’m gonna miss this show when it closes in April. #Revival
5. Mamma Mia: Anyone who knows me knows this musical is bound to be on my list whether they decide to read this or not. This is my favorite movie. I’ve never seen the live production of it, but I’ve watched the movie at least 100 times and if I could revive any Broadway show it’d be this one (or Newsies).
4. Hamilton: Do I need to explain why Hamilton’s so high up? I’ll probably have to say why it’s not my favorite, but this musical is amazing. There’s a reason why it’s so freaking popular. It’s a rap musical and all the dialogue is done rapping, there’s no simply talking except for maybe two times in the whole production. I was lucky to see this show with my aunt last year in Los Angeles with tenth row seats and it was the most magical three hours of my life. Additionally, history is one of my favorite subjects and this musical was a modern production on a story from almost three hundred years ago with a diverse cast and an incredible soundtrack.
3. The Book of Mormon: I dedicated a whole blog post to this show last year, but it didn’t do it 100% justice for how amazing it was. This show was hilarious and I went into it skeptical that I was gonna like it, but I loved every part of it. The second it comes to California again I’m buying tickets and I’m anticipating the moment I get to go watch it again.
2. Phantom of the Opera: I get to finally see this musical during summer time and I’ve been wanting to see it more than anything since I watched the movie on Netflix last summer. As of now, it’s still the longest running Broadway musical and I still haven’t seen it, but that will change… hopefully. But, it’s still reserved this spot on my list because I am obsessed with the story, despite how high-key toxic the relationship between the Phantom and Christine is. But, that’s what makes the story so interesting and addicting to watch.
Photo Credit: Amazon.com
1. Aladdin: This show is the most underrated popular show in Broadway right now. Aladdin is my favorite Disney movie, but watching the Broadway version was the most magical three hours of my life. I remember at one point I had to close my eyes because the costume and set design were so insane with bright lights and glitter that it was blinding. I never saw so many dancers in sync and so many perfect voices in harmony together in one song. I remember when the show ended, and my aunt, sister, and I were all leaving the theatre and I was in a daze for the rest of the night. Then the next day, I wanted to return.
This was a really long list, but if you’ve made it to the end, I 100% recommend you go to any of these shows and you’ll have the best experience ever.
I’ve been embarrassed of my height for a while. I wear platformed shoes, I sit up as straight as I can, and I do exercises that supposedly help me grow. But, no matter what I try, I’m not going to get any taller.
I’m short and I don’t like it, but I can’t do anything about it, so why not own it?
Photo Credit: whiskeyriff.com
I’m short, I have a lower risk of cancer.
I’m short, I can wear children’s sizes and save a bunch of money.
I’m short, I can wear heels without towering over my date.
I’m short, I don’t have to worry about hitting my head on doors.
I’m short, blankets will cover my body and my feet, so no cold toes for me.
I’m short, I can fit in small places.
I’m short, I can fit in my dog’s bed and cuddle with her.
I’m short, I can beat just about anyone in a limbo competition.
I’m short, I have a higher life expectancy than taller people.
I could go on and on about the pros of being vertically “challenged,”
wow! we are lucky lucky to be alive. i know sometimes we get sad or angry or embarrassed or even feel all those silly human things at once, but have you ever thought about just how lucky we are to be alive at all?!
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