Friday

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

All week, every week, I wait for Friday; well, that may be kind of a lie. Every morning when I struggle to wake up, I tell myself only a. a few days from Friday. This is a never-ending cycle that I go through every weekend. I can’t miss school anymore, so there is nothing to look forward to other than spring break and summer. Even though I can’t miss school I still come late. And leave early. I do this a lot. that my advisor had to talk to me about it and I’m not allowed to come late anymore. I’m writing this. Blog on Friday, and today is the first day I stayed the entire day. I personally think I don’t miss that much school, and I’m rarely late for work, so I don’t think it’s a huge issue. It’s not like I skip and don’t do my work.

PC:”School Books” by Krzysztof%20Puszczy%u0144ski/ CC0 1.0

Prom Dresses

uwucutiepatootieLeave a comment

I hate almost every prom dress that I see. The ones I like are always hundreds of dollars and why would I spend that much money just for one night? I searched for hours and hours trying to find something that I didn’t find ugly. I ordered two dresses to play it safe and it came a couple of days ago. I tried both on, and both are horrible. They fit weirdly and even if I got them hemmed, they would still look ugly. Prom is next week so I had to spend fifteen dollars on shipping to get a dress that would arrive on time. It is the most basic non-looking prom dress I have ever seen but I knew that there was no way that it was going to be ugly. I just don’t understand why so many ugly prom dresses are made. At least brands should make just good basic dresses that fit flattering. Whenever I see a prom dress that I think is cute, when I examine pictures of it more, I always find something awkward or horrific about it. Finding a prom dress for almost every girl is an annoying and frustrating task and I wonder why people can’t make pretty dresses that don’t cost so much.

“Gown Dress” by Anna Docking/ CC0 1.0

I am not a risk taker

leapingwaterLeave a comment

I am watching a documentary in AP Environmental Science right now about this group of climbers who went to Greenland to climb a never-climbed-before rock face that is 4,000 feet tall. It has literally NEVER been climbed. Also, to make it even scarier, they aren’t using ropes, but buckling themselves up the rock as they go by sticking stake-like things into the cracks of the rock. They are basically there to not only climb but to collect data about climate change for a scientist named Heidi. And guess what? She has never climbed before but she is doing it with them. There is also another man who never climbed before that is going with them. Oh also, before they climbed the 4,000 foot rock face, they had to climb a 1,000 foot rock face which was already terrifying enough. After that they went on skis with their packs dragged behind them over super windy, stormy, and powdery flat snow. All of this is done while being entirely isolated. There is nothing near them and all of these lands have never been explored. They even named the rock faces themselves. There is one specific climber named Alex Honold who is leading the expedition and is just so daring. He has no fears, and seeing these huge mountains just excite him instead of making him nervous. I have not yet finished the documentary so I am excited to see how the rest of it goes. Moral of the story, I will never understand how some humans have the mental and physical strength to do these types of expeditions, and I will most definitely not be doing this anytime soon, if you know what I mean.

pc:https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BOWYxMDg3ZTAtMjExNS00NTRlLWEzMTQtMjI0NGY2MWI4YmEzXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMzUwNDIxMjQ@._V1_.jpg

Memento Mori

purcyLeave a comment

People my age are frequently asked what we want to do when we grow up. Or even what we want to major in for college. When they ask this question, they’re looking for a generic answer such as I want to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or a teacher. It is so hard to pick just one thing to be for the rest of your life. I don’t ever want to think about what I want to do for the rest of my life, I like to think about who I see myself as and who I want to be as a person. I think life is more about our feelings and our memories than our income and our occupations.  Some people are passionate about their careers and have wanted to be the same thing since they were kids. But I have never thought about my work in that sense. I think about the time that I have around it. I think about who I want to be to other people and what I want my relationships to look like. I think about how I want to sing and to dance and to experience the world.  We only have so much time to do what we love and to explore ourselves and our boundaries. I wish that when adults ask us what we want to be when we grow up that they are looking for the answer that shows who we want to be as a person in the future. Because there should be so much more space in our lives to be aware and to learn about ourselves.

Pc: Zach Byars

My Obsession With Computer Games

godgoldngloryLeave a comment

This year, computer mini-games have had a chokehold on me like I could never imagine. When I get into a period of time where I am obsessed with a certain game, it completely takes over my life. Some of the phases I have had this year have been with Crossy Road, Watermelon Drop, Papa’s Freezeria, Snake, Slither.io, and most importantly, 2048. The 2048 phase was actually absurd. I played an unlimited version of 2048 Cupcake and literally had a score of a million-something. I am glad I have moved on because that literally took way too much time out of my life. It was fully consuming my existence. I also really like the games on the New York Times website. Almost every single day I remember, I play the Wordle, Mini Crossword, Connections, Tiles, and the new Strands game. When I play the NYT games, I feel a little bit more productive than the other ones because, in my mind, they require a little bit more brainpower. Lastly, on my phone, I have absolutely blasted through the game Wordscapes. In about 5 days, I have gotten to level 202, and I do not plan on stopping. It has gotten so bad to the point where I am literally playing the game in my head when I am just sitting there with made-up letters and boxes. We will see in the future what my newest obsessions hold, but I hope they take up a little less of my time than the previous ones. I might relapse, though.

Wordscapes Club – KidzNet

PC: https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fnet.kidzsearch.com%2Fwordscapes-club%2F&psig=AOvVaw2eOdwIwBR4TZNcPHVgCzuT&ust=1711733385493000&source=images&cd=vfe&opi=89978449&ved=0CBAQjRxqFwoTCKDa9fW9l4UDFQAAAAAdAAAAABAg

Silence

poofypuffyLeave a comment

You like silence. When you sit in silence, you feel something blossom in your stomach and prickle at the bottom of your feet. It’s the thrilling of waiting on a dark stage for the curtains to rise.

But this is another silence. There is noise all around you, and there is noise all in you, and you can’t bring your seething angers or teeming anxiety beyond your lips. You press them against the roof of your mouth with your tongue, and you swallow them, but they lodge in your throat like a stone.

Maybe you try and think of something pleasing to say, something comfortable and safe. Finding nothing, your face disfigures with the effort, and your eyebrows knit together. You’re wailing with mind and soul, but the body stays silent.

Why can’t you say anything? 

You’re afraid you won’t be heard.

You’re afraid the thoughts on the tip of your tongue will be turned to a black smear across your face.

You’re afraid the things you think, see, and touch are inexplicably illusions.

The irony humbles you. How often did you tell yourself you would speak?

Photo Credit: Jason Rosewell

Inflation

uwucutiepatootieLeave a comment

This weekend I went to Starbucks and Wendy’s. I feel like I have been spending too much money lately and need to be stopped. I had to go out for dinner because I was driving back to boarding school with my friend. our first stop was McDonalds. All I wanted was a shamrock shake. It should be like a dollar or two. It was almost five dollars. Like if I wanted to spend five dollars on a drink I would’ve gone to Starbucks. I was already triggered but by the time I pulled up to Wendy’s, I felt better. My friend and I had twenty-eight dollars in total. I ordered the Bacanator and my friend ordered a Chicken Sandwich. We thought the total would be thirteen dollars or something but no. It was twenty-eight dollars. Since when did fast food restaurants think it was okay to raise their prices so high? There was no good reasoning. Fast food restaurants already make so much money. They are getting too greedy. My Bacanator was immaculate but I was flabbergasted. 

“Money Currency” by Andrew Pons/ CC0 1.0

Nostalgia

leapingwaterLeave a comment

When I was younger, just a few years ago, I hated to remember things from when I was younger. If it were a song that I used to listen to, a movie I had watched, a picture of me from years before, or even just a memory – I hated it. I couldn’t stand the thought of it. It gave me this unexplainable icky feeling. Over the past couple of years I’ve grown to miss all of the times that I used to not like thinking about for some reason. I never thought I was a really sentimental person until I started missing all of these things. If you know me, you’d probably pick up on me often saying, “when I was younger…blahblahbla” and I understand that is probably really annoying, and I’m sorry LOL. Maybe it’s because there wasn’t too much I felt like I needed to worry about back then, but I think about what life used to be like every day. I am happy that I can look back on those memories as happy ones now, even though I still don’t understand why I had such negative feelings about what once was.

pc:https://media.cnn.com/api/v1/images/stellar/prod/220318173805-nostalgia-games.jpg?c=16×9&q=h_833,w_1480,c_fill

Things no one knows

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

My childhood memories vary. I have my core memories of smiling and laughter, and I have my traumatic memories I think about and feel sad for my parents. When I went to live with my grandparents, I smiled with happiness when I got to see one of my parents for the first time in months. I like to remember the happy moments with my parents like when my dad taught me how to ride a bike which by chance we got to capture on video. Or the times I got to spend the whole days and nights with my mom. At different times my parents addictions changed in severity. My dad was doing pretty well until he wasn’t. While my mom was fighting with the pain and resistance she had towards herself she always worked hard to battle her addictions for me in the end. At times my dad was doing bad my mom would be do good and vise versa. I moved in switching with both sets of grandparents at around the age of 5. Yes, I remember the times my mom and I would paint for hours out of the day but I also remember the consistent fighting and arguing of the two young parents trying to navigate through adulthood while trying to raise a child as children. When I catch myself obsessing or being upset about something so small I find myself in reflection to what I have witnessed and felt when I was younger. I normally don’t cry about something really important like death unless I am alone but I catch myself crying over homework loads which is impractical. I think when I moved in with my grandparents I faced a lot of unkept promises. Whether I was told I would get to see my mom and then I wasn’t able to or whether my dad didn’t show up for easter and I was too sad to tell anyone why without tearing up. From the piles of unkept promises and the missing of events important to me I eventually became numb to it and felt happy that other people showed up for me. I don’t by any means resent either of my parents I am mainly proud of my mom for the accomplishments and achievements she has fulfilled for herself and me. And as for my dad I am not very close to him and I feel like both him and I have a part in that. I don’t blame my parents for being young and nieve not knowing what was coming. I don’t hold them against their addictions and confusing lives. I am grateful for my grandparents and the efforts my parents put in for me. The love they have for me and the love I have for them. Whether or not the love is direct or unconditional the love is there. My situation is different from a lot of others I am grateful that through their struggles they kept peace between everyone for me and my well being. I usually hold back when I talk about the situation or write about it just because I don’t want either of them to feel sad or like they did something wrong because if none of that happened I wouldn’t have been shaped into who I am now.

Pc: me

quarter grades

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

This week, my quarter grades will be released, and I’m feeling scared. I’ve never received a C before, but now I have one in Chemistry and I don’t know how my parents will react. In the past, my brothers have had mediocre grades but I’ve only received one B in middle school and two B’s in my freshman year. This year my older brother has been doing well in school and it’s frustrating when my parents compare our grades. When I try to explain that high school is challenging they respond by saying that my brother is doing fine even though he takes much easier classes than I do. It may sound strange but math and chemistry are my hardest classes while English Honors and AP World are much easier for me. AP World is only challenging when I procrastinate doing my notes, but the material is pretty easy to comprehend and the tests aren’t bad. Anyway I hope my parents don’t overreact, but all I can do now is pray.

“School png sticker building illustration“/ CC0 1.0