Death

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The concept of death scares the life out of me to a deeper level. I want to be able to understand where we go after we completely lose consciousness. I don’t know why I am so interested in Death, but I think about it every night before bed. I’ll stare at my ceiling and think Who am I? Am I living in a simulation? Are we people around me even real? Or is it my world that everyone else is living in?

The concept of Heaven and Hell might be real, but for some reason, I don’t believe it. I believe that it is a concept created by humans over time. How do we know if there is a heaven or a hell if we have never died? There are so many questions I have, but I can’t answer until I experience it myself. Of course, I don’t want to die; I just want to know how the afterlife works. Do we immediately get reincarnated?

I’ve read articles online, I’ve talked to people, and somehow still can’t seem to understand. Obviously, humans were never meant to think about death. But are the concepts of Heaven and hell supposed to make us forget about the fact of death? Or keep us in a safe headspace, to where we think we know we are going in the afterlife.

“Free angel sculpture image“/ CC0 1.0

Losing Myself in Social Media

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I find procrastination to be my greatest weakness. I am easily susceptible to distractions that provide a sense of comfort and escape from my responsibilities. Thus, over the last couple of months, I have been actively working to diminish the effects of procrastination on my ability to be productive: I would listen to white noise, go to cafes, and distance myself from people who I thought would hinder my focus.

However, upon checking my screen time hours, I was dumbfounded to see that I spend 2-3 hours on social media applications daily. I initially didn’t know how this could be true, as I didn’t feel as though I had been spending so much time on social media. But that is how social media tricks you.

Short scrolls of videos feel so quick and condensed that it is hard to imagine they take up a significant amount of time. But the number of times I would pick up my phone for short scrolling sessions throughout the day would add up to the point where I would be spending more time on platforms with short scrolling videos, such as Instagram or TikTok, than on platforms with longer content, such as YouTube or Netflix.

In the 2-3 daily hours spent scrolling, I could watch a full movie or complete my homework. Yet, I find myself mindlessly consuming insignificant content that I end up quickly forgetting anyway.

Moving forward, I will aim to reduce my time on social media platforms significantly, as I fear that with this current trajectory, I will waste so much time I could be spending in the real world working towards my goals in hobbies or academics. Specifically, I will implement time limits or remove social media applications from my devices entirely. Because a platform designed to bring people together shouldn’t be keeping me isolated from the rest of the world.

Adolescents must confront the challenges of social media dependency – King Street Chronicle

Picture Credit: Google

Christmas

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Photo Credit: Google

It’s almost that time of the year. When the air begins to get a chill and the days get shorter. The smell of all things jolly and bright begins to fill the air, from glistening red, green, and blue lights to green wreaths with big red bows hung from door to door.  It’s that time of year, Christmas.

The holiday some people begin celebrating at midnight on November 30th. Some people forget Thanksgiving as a whole and celebrate only the abundant food prepared. As it nears December, I can’t help but feel a slight melancholy amongst the sheer amount of joy, as this will mark my last Christmas as a child. Through the melancholy, I remember that since it’s my last, I have to make it count.  I can not be shy about asking for the things I really want, because it may be my last before I’m encouraged to give myself gifts. Even so, I can’t stop the jolly feeling of the approaching holiday.

Live In Denver

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This past weekend, Panic! At The Disco played at the When We Were Young Festival in Las Vegas, the same one I had gone to the year before to see My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy. The reason why I didn’t go this year was that it was my friend’s birthday, and I had already seen the main headliners (P!atD and Blink-182), and because tickets were a bajillion dollars, like how they are every year. It was fine to me until I saw videos of the concert.

Now, I had never been a Panic! At The Disco superfan, but you kinda have to whenever you’re into the prominent 2000s emo music bands that influenced each other (examples – MCR, Fall Out Boy, AFI, New Found Glory, Jimmy Eat World, and The Used), especially ones that are intertwined with songs about each other. So, of course, I know some history of the band, such as Ryan Ross (guitarist) falling off the face of the earth along with Spencer Smith (drummer), the downfall of Brendon Urie (singer and pianist), and other random drama that had happened with the band that made them very 50/50 hated and loved among the emo community.

But what about the set of the WWWWYF show? The same one as Live in Denver in 2006. The massive glowing sign that was behind them, the extra performers, it’s almost like the same thing, except for some of the original members being gone, except for Brendon, and later to be shown, Spencer.

Along with performing all of ‘A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out’ and a few other songs, they released an HD performance of Live in Denver on their YouTube channel, with a new tour.

It’s funny because I had seen them before they broke up for the fifteenth billionth time. Time to blow a crap ton of money on tickets. Anything for A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out.

I.C. – Biri182 (Youtube)

SpudFest Catch-play

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Lunch had just finished, and Jay and I were prepared to walk down to the field early and play catch. That’s when we were stopped by Rumi, Stirling, and Chloe, and the trio were all wearing safety vests, and they were the first aid team for SpudFest. Obviously, they weren’t that good because a kid still broke his elbow, but that’s beside the point.

Jay and I jogged down to the field, hit a little quick stretch, and started throwing the baseball around. We quickly went to 40 and then 60 yards, just letting the big dog EAT. And then tragedy struck. Team comp games started. Dang!

After the gruesome 30 minutes of Team Comp, we picked up the gloves again, and our arms were still hot, then we were launching the ball 70 and then 80 yards. Clearly, every girl was impressed by my ability to throw the ball nearly 100 yards. Right?! I knew they were even if they didn’t show it, the ladies loved watching us.

PC: Ojai Valley School Instagram

From here and from there

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There is a saying in Spanish for the children of immigrants, “Ni de aqui, ni de allà “. It translates to: neither from here nor from there. As a mixed child of immigrants, it is hard to feel like you belong in either place.

Whenever I go to Mexico, I immediately feel like I don’t fit in. Most people in my mom’s hometown are 100% indigenous with a short stature, straight hair, and traditional clothing. Most of the American kids who visit have two indigenous parents, so they at least look similar to the townspeople. But I stick out. My dad is from a different region with very different features. Those features being curly hair and a taller stature.

Then I come back to school, and I am one of four students with Mexican heritage. Although, growing up in LA has made me feel like a part of a community. I cannot imagine how hard it would be for people growing up in predominantly white spaces. Sometimes I feel like I am too Mexican, and it is a hard balance.

I think the saying is ignorant. As more immigrants come to this country, there is a community for us to belong to. In cities with a lot of Latinos, a culture is forming. In LA, there is a stereotype of the average city Latino. As much as people want to exclude us from their spaces, we will make our own space and thrive. I am from both here and there.

credit: Pinterest

Birthday

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This week I had my birthday for the first time away from home. My birthday is always a fun day, and that remains true even when I’m not with my family. My friend brought his speaker to school and we listened to only the best music, Aubrey Graham.

My birthday was still made special to me, thanks to multiple teachers making efforts for me. On my door was a special message from Lebron James regarding my birthday. When I walked to breakfast, “Happy Birthday” was written in chalk at the bottom of the stairs. Lastly, a large sign was hanging on the art building wishing me a happy birthday.

At the end of the day, I was able to call my family and talk all about my day. It was nice to still hear from friends and family, even if I could not see them.

I have never “felt” older on my birthday, and that trend stays true this year. I wonder when I will feel older. Hopefully never.

Drake Birthday cake! Chocolate cake with a chocolate fudgy filling topped with a whipped cream cheese frosting. #CAKED #birthdaycake #heartcake #chocolatecake #womanownedbusiness #smallbusiness

P.C. Google

My Week

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I have already been overwhelmed. The amount of college supplementals and essays on top of my capstone, on top of all my difficult classes, and my busy week at work. I have been overwhelmed, but that’s just what comes with being a senior. Yet every time things start to look up, I’m pushed back down. Last week, my car started flashing lights at me. I called my dad, and after a long inspection, he told me he had to fix a belt on it (I don’t know what that means at all), so I would be unable to drive it. I was annoyed, but it was fine; I could borrow my mom’s car for a day or two. The next day, my dad had still not started on my car. He told me it would take less than an hour to fix, yet he hadn’t started. I was frustrated but moved on. As I pulled into my driveway in my mom’s van, I saw a 3-foot hole dug into my driveway. I was confused, but I walked inside. I was then told that a pipe burst connecting to my pool, so we had to turn the water off. I was again frustrated; I wouldn’t be able to shower, wash my face, or brush my teeth. I went to my friend’s house to do those things, and when I got back, I smelled a putrid smell coming from my dog. I ran inside and was told he had been sprayed by a skunk. The smell was too terrible, so I had to go back to my friend’s house. Since the water was off, my dog was unable to get a bath. This all went on, and I tried to stay positive throughout the week. Eventually, my car, the pipe, and the dog were all fixed. I don’t get why senior year has to be so hard.

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Barcelona game

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About 2 summers ago, I went to a Barcelona FC game with my dad and my brother. That was arguably my favorite summer for many reasons, the first being, obviously, the Barca game, but also because I got to attend several LA Galaxy games. The LA Galaxy is my favorite MLS team, and the primary reason I watch them is because of Riqui Puig. Another reason why that was one of my favorite summers was that I got to go to Mexico with my cousins, who aren’t really my cousins anymore, but we still call each other cousins. But most importantly, I got to watch the Barca game, and even though they lost, it was still really cool to watch. Most of the players who start at Barcelona now were just bench players. It was really cool to watch the players whom I look up to. I also go to see some players who I look up to that are old, who have just recently retired.

This may contain: a stadium filled with lots of people sitting on top of a soccer field at night


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Volleyball

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The end of an era. I played volleyball for all four years of high school so knowing that it is over is like foreshadowing for the end that is near. This one season is one of the many things that will end this year. I am going to continue to play volleyball, but I will never get to play with this team again. I love playing volleyball, even if I am not that good at it. Freshman and sophomore years, I was so uncoordinated and unbalanced, but I still tried my best. It wasn’t until junior and senior years that I was on varsity and was able to play with the more experienced players. I improved so much from last year and I am still improving each day, I wish I had one more season to play. But, being a super senior isn’t that cool. Senior night was so bittersweet, it was such a fun time while I was playing, but the menacing prescence of it being the last game was always looming over my head. I almost cried so hard but I didn’t want to ruin my make up so I held it in. I am sad that I won’t ever play high school volleyball but I am excited to see where I play next!

credit: Pinterest