Tag: conflict

things i wish i could ask/tell you

mariethearistocatLeave a comment

was i ever enough?

your inattentiveness fuels my inadequacy.

what did i do wrong?

it’s like you can’t tell i’m hurt.

can i ever do something to fix this?

photo credit: pinterest.com

it’s happening all over again, you just don’t see it.

why can’t you see how it hurts?

she orbits around you like a moon around a planet.

why do you feel more distant, but still so close?

i’m always second place.

why are her feelings more urgent than mine?

when my world collapses on itself, it’s not even a thought.

is it even worth it?

sometimes thinking about how to fix this makes me feel stupid.

do you even like me?

it’s like you’re trying to tug at my heart; i’m too sensitive for this.

when will you realize how i feel?

oh how i wish i could tell you that this is about you.

but, would you even care?

Chocolate or Vanilla?

lanative1Leave a comment

“There comes a time in life when you have to make a choice. Of course, these times are not rare; however, some are far more difficult than others. Deciding what ice cream flavor to get becomes easier with time- it was a lot harder to decide when you were 6 than it probably is now. All choices become easier with time and a bit of perspective.”

That’s the last thing I wrote in my journal (if you call it a diary, I will find you, and I will typewriter you), and I’ve decided that instead of finishing it there, I’ll continue here. I’m trying to achieve a sort of trust between myself, my work, and you, the reader. Whoever you may be.

Writing about your own personal feelings is a gamble, especially at this school. Lately, I’ve felt like everything I say, not just around school officials, but also around friends, is judged and is unsafe. A lot of trust is being breached, and before almost everything I say, I have to make a choice, and sometimes it becomes extremely hard. The choice is whether or not I will share information with the friend, and how it will affect our relationship, and how it might hurt me if he/she told someone else.

Why do I have to be faced with this choice every single time I talk to someone? Is that the ideal community that was pitched to me when I applied here? I guess every big family comes with problems, but I never knew that I would have to feel so regulated. Everything said seems to have to go along with the rules, even in private conversation, and that’s honestly terrifying. Even writing this is a risk- will I get in trouble for expressing my feelings? I guess that’s a gamble I’m willing to take.

Now, I am faced with a really big choice. I’m not going to articulate what it is, because I know teachers read this, and I really don’t think they want to know about my personal life (assuming they’ve figured out who I am). But what I can say about it is that it will make or break me, if I let it. I’m stuck in a mind-set that it will break me, and I know that I need to get past that and find the strength inside of myself to say I’ll make it through no matter what I choose. But I guess that wouldn’t make it the hardest choice.

I’m trying to get some perspective on this choice, but every angle, every new piece of information just makes it harder. Maybe I have to stop over complicating it and just choose. Wish me luck, I guess. May the odds be ever in my favor?

Ignore that. One Hunger Games reference is too much.

Photo Credit: http://www.sodahead.com

I was Wrong!!!

backinphillyLeave a comment

I am an incredibly superstitious person. I freak out whenever I see a black cat, I refuse to walk under ladders, I don’t break mirrors and I hold salt shakers hostage during dinner so that no one spills it.

Therefore, I also believe in certain “signs” if you will, meaning that since one thing occurred, it must mean that I need to do something.

In this instance, I got sick this morning because I was meant to watch the Pro Bowl, even after swearing I wouldn’t.

So here I am, laying in my bed, meds taken, tissue box in hand, watching the Pro Bowl on NBC.com. I’m probably in for a garbage, throw away game full of blown tackles and crappy effort.

Um, what is this I’m watching? Is this…a good game?!

I have actually enjoyed watching the Pro Bowl this year. Watching some of my favorite players in the league just explode for yardage play after player. Yes, the defense is still a little bit lax but I am enjoying myself right now.

Of course, a game including the best in the business usually has a few highlights.

For starters, Russell Wilson looks like the second coming of Jesus.

For the religious nuts out there, get over it. I’m not insulting religion. I’m a proud Roman Catholic, but I’m not about to get insulted by this nonsense. Jesus was a perfect being, so say the teachings. Today, Wilson was quite perfect indeed.

He threw some great passes, ran a few times, commanded an offense and made me wish he was the QB for the Eagles. I’ve said it countless times. I believe in the mobile quarterback. I don’t mean the running back that can throw like Mike Vick. I mean the quarterback that can run, like RG3 and Wilson.

Another highlight was seeing Jeff Saturday, the center for the NFC, come over to the AFC side and snap the ball to Peyton Manning. For those that live under a rock, Manning and Saturday were teammates in Indianapolis a few years back for a long time. They built a chemistry that was unmatched in the modern day NFL. Jeff has decided to retire following the now concluded Pro Bowl game.

There were a ton of highlights, and I encourage any of you guys to check out some clips. However, my personal favorite highlight from the day was when Ed Hochuli, the referee for the game, dished out the first flag of the day. The game had gone almost a full half before a penalty was called. So, he took that fact and decided to make some comedy out of it. He turned on his mic and said the following to the crowd,

“Yes, there are still penalties in the Pro Bowl.”

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Mother’s Day

yrreskrap1 Comment

Today is the second Sunday of May.
We all know what that means.
It’s a day filled with flowers and cards and breakfasts in bed and hugs and kisses and long-distance phone calls.


I don’t know what to say except that I love my mom very much.

Of course, like any other teenager, I have had my ups and downs with her, and I still go through phases of conflict with her today.
But it is in these moments of conflict, where I have learned to put down my pride and learn humility and obedience. She teaches me even when I am at my worst.

My mother is a beautiful woman. Without her, I wouldn’t be here on this Earth. She has given me a gift that no other person could have given to me. Her distinct set of chromosomes combined to make a unique me.
Thank you mom.

And I can’t forget the effort and care she put behind raising me. The nine months of carrying me and the 18 years of nurturing me. The schooling and teaching and feeding and holding. The bandaids on the scraps, the porridge when I was ill.

Maybe there weren’t times when she wasn’t at her best, but I know that if we could do it all over again, we would do it perfectly..but then again, you can’t rewrite your past.

I appreciate my mother so much. But I know I won’t be able to appreciate her fully until I become a mother myself.

To all the mothers out there, thank you. There is no other job like being a mother out there.

The Palistinian Debate

therightliberal2 Comments

One of my best friend is Jewish, and in his opinion, Palestine should never be a country.

This sentiment is a common one, especially in the Jewish community. But the real question from my point of view is whether creating a separate nation will solve the problems between Israel and the Palestinian nations and whether the US needs to get involved.

“The Obama policy of moral equivalency, which gives equal standing to the grievances of Israelis and Palestinians, including the orchestrators of terrorism, is a dangerous insult. There is no middle ground between our allies and those who seek their destruction,” said Rick Perry.

This is the utter ignorance that is being said at the moment. Perry seems to almost suggest that Palestinians are lesser people than Israelis.

I think that creating a new Palestinian state may in fact be a solution to the ongoing problem, or at least a short-term solution.

I highly doubt that as long as Israelis border Arabic nations, peace can be attained. There was not the foresight required when Israel was created.

According to the Obama administration, the best thing that can be done would be to continue negotiations to achieve peace. I doubt that any long-term peace can be achieved at this point but the worry is that if the US leans to far one way or the other, they will face the wrath of one of the sides.

We don’t need another war or another “conflict”. What we need is to focus on world peace and world hunger and our own economy. This may sound like an answer from a Miss Universe contestant but at this point, I feel that we do not need to be involved.

We can encourage negotiations and discourage violence, but now is the time where we step back and let them work. They have politicians and negotiators just like us, they also do posses common sense.

Hopefully both sides can overcome their historical debates and realize that, for humanity’s sake, the violence and arguments need to end.