Tag: friends

A Continuous Cycle

olivemartinisforeverLeave a comment

I hate that feeling of being alone, but for some reason I’ve grown to expect it. I don’t expect people to say yes if I asked to hang out or wanted to be my partner for a project. I don’t ever get mad at my friends for much, whether ignoring me, being rude, or anything, as I don’t want to lose them. I came to never hold grudges and forgive people easily, not only because what is the point of a grudge, but also out of fear that I’ll lose them. I’ve spent my years growing up scared that I wasn’t going to fit in in every new chapter. That people wouldn’t like me or accept me because I was bullied. I didn’t have many friends growing up and dealt with the same bully for 6 years. And once that girl left, a new one came; it always seems to happen this way. I can never escape this cycle. I don’t understand why people feel the need to bully. I understand we all have our own issues, but that is never an excuse to push it onto others. I feel like I’m always chasing that feeling of the end, waiting for that next chapter to escape the reality of the current moment.

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Seen But Not Known

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I feel like I notice so much about the people around me, but do they ever notice anything that way about me? I can always tell when someone gets a haircut or is feeling a little down or maybe bought a new shirt, but I never really feel like other people notice those things about me. Is it all in my head, and I just don’t notice it because it’s me, or do the people around me really just not care to ask or comment about it? I think that’s a reason why psychology was always such an interest of mine: why are people the way they are? Why have I always been the one who gets picked last in groups or the last one to get invited to things, if at all? I always felt like the short end of the stick, but is that just me being selfish? Do other people also feel the same way? Do they feel like I do that to them? I’ve always wondered these things since I started getting bullied in 1st grade, and it really stuck with me. I try to be nice to everyone, a universal friend. I do this because I understand that feeling of being alone and having no one to go to. Being the floater friend who isn’t anyone’s best friend or first choice, but I’m always there. Even after I took psychology, I realized you never truly know what’s going on in someone’s head because we are all our own person. Instead of trying to please everyone or being sad that maybe you weren’t the first pick, that’s ok; it’s normal. There is always going to be other options in life, and most of the time you aren’t going to be picked. So maybe I need to look at this differently. Rather than seeing it as me always being chosen last, maybe instead I’ll be better prepared for the future. I understand that feeling of not getting chosen, so I won’t have those high expectations when it comes to things like that later in life. I have built these experiences to help shape me for the world that is filled with challenges and barriers that need to be broken down, and instead of being scared or halted at the first hurdle, I’ll continue on just like I always have.

An Ode to Friendship. Why friends form a core part of our… | by Sally Clarke | Medium
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The Start to an End

glittersparkleprincess67Leave a comment

It is the third week of my senior year and I already have learned so much about myself and those around me. I moved in this year alone which was honestly really sad and depressing, I felt alone and like I had been pushed out of nest without any warning and before I was ready. However when I got to California I felt this odd sense of peace and support that I had never really felt before. Not only from my family here in California but especially from my friends. Within 24 hours of me being here I already had a hangout planned and was beyond excited to see my friends who I haven’t seen in 3 months. My first couple days on campus were filled with long hugs and constant “I missed you so much!” Hearing this and seeing it for myself made em feel so loved and wanted. I know it is only the third week of my senior year but I already am getting this vibe that this year is going to be amazing or at least I hope it is. I am excited to experience my final high school moments and memories with the people who have given me a family here. I truly can’t express into words how grateful I am for my friends here, I especially can’t express my gratitude for being able to finish high school with them.

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Changes

brownbeansLeave a comment

Do you ever look back at old memories and actually see how much you’ve changed? While we are living in the moment, we don’t notice the changes happening. Slowly, our hair grows out, our friends come and go, and we are completely different people.

As I was making my (very beautiful) senior page, I was going through memories I had forgotten about. I saw old friends, some I wish were still in my life, others I wish I had dropped sooner. But they were all learning experiences that helped me grow into who I am now.

I found pictures of my middle school friend and me. We moved to different high schools but were still close in our freshman year. At one point, she was my whole world. But the distance grew between us, and we slowly drifted apart. I think I blocked her on social media.

Some things never change, though. My best friend, my weird hair, my love for cute water bottles, and my fondness for my friends. I can’t wait to go to college and change up my environment again. I’ll miss this boring, predictable school.

credit: Pinterest

Best Roommate 4Ever!

brownbeansLeave a comment

My roommate told me to write a blog post about her and our friendship. I love my roommate so much; we’ve been friends since sophomore year and roommates since junior year. I like how we have similar tastes in food and humor. The nights we don’t spend sleeping for 12 hours straight, we sing karaoke, gossip, and eat chocolate. She’s so funny even when shes not trying. Every time I talk to her, I feel myself light up and enjoy the world around me.

I enjoy our after-dinner chats. We enjoy sitting in front of the music room after dinner, listening to anyone playing music while discussing life. We bounce around from college to weekend plans to our ideal types. Those chats are things I’ll remember for a long time.

I hope we stay friends for a long, long time. She says she’s the nicest, cutiest, baddiest goddess in the whole world.

Credit: Pinterest

Things That Make Me Happy

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In a time full of uncertainty, I think it is important to remember all the things that make me happy!

  1. Oaxacan Food, specifically Tlayudas
  2. My friends!!! I love them so much
  3. My sister. She’s kind of weird, but so am I.
  4. My limited edition “Western” Hydroflask, I like to think the bronze flowers are Aztec Marigolds, and that the water bottle is a limited edition Day of the Dead water bottle.
  5. WATER! I love ice-cold water even if it is bad for me.
  6. Lip gloss. I don’t think I could live with perpetually chapped lips
  7. Music. It feeds my soul and helps me feel connected to my culture from thousands of miles away.
  8. AirPods! They help me get immersed in the scene of my music.
  9. Day 1 Curls. Having freshly washed hair with the perfect curls is the best feeling ever.
  10. Tortilla House! Whenever I am having a bad week, I make sure to go to Tortilla House and get the most loaded burrito bowl.

I am just happy to be alive with a full belly and a roof over my head.

credit: Pinterest

Drivers License

spinakopitaLeave a comment

I’ve been waiting to get my license since before I can even remember. As soon as I turned 15 and a half, I immediately got my permit. When I failed the first time, it was really discouraging. But a week later, I retook the test and passed. As soon as I got my permit, I wanted to drive right away. I wasn’t aware that you were supposed to have lessons first to legally be able to drive. As soon as I got my lessons I begged my mom to drive everywhere.

My permit had been stolen from my mom’s car, and I had to do driver’s ed twice. So it hasn’t been the most positive journey, but I have gotten through all of the tough parts. The part that I am most stressed about is taking my actual license test and failing. Though more than half of people fail their first time I’m eager to drive and be on my own. I don’t know what it is about driving that I love so much, I just love doing it. The feeling of being free and being able to drive yourself to and from school feels so nice.

As soon as I get my license, I’m never going to stop driving. At least until I get sick of it, but I know that won’t happen for a while. I just believe that whatever happens is meant to happen and I’m grateful for that. I just want to be able to go see my friends and go places without worrying about rides. Ever since I was little, I have always been friends with older people. But my freshmen year is when I got friends who could drive. Which influenced me way more. Luckily my birthday is in 3 days so the time is coming closer. I couldn’t be more nervous or excited.

“Drive Car” by Humphrey Muleba/ CC0 1.0

November 1st

Bl@ckBe@nsLeave a comment

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It’s getting closer every day. The more time passes, the closer it looms, like someone watching over your shoulder.  Although you can’t see them,  you can constantly feel their presence. It makes it somewhat challenging to focus on the present when the future keeps moving forward.  Once November 1st arrives, people will be applying and waiting to hear back from colleges, marking the beginning of our future.

After that happens, the floodgates will open. People will be either delighted or disappointed with their response from their colleges. It makes me think of all previous seniors, were they this stressed, yet excited?  Were some of them sure of their likelihood of getting in, only to be rejected, or were they correct? 

The more I think about it,  the thought that almost constantly remains the same is that after November 1st, what will happen to my friends? Where will they go? Will we be as close as we are now after departing?  Or will we slowly begin to fade from each other’s lives? As these thoughts sometimes consume me, it is those exact friends that pull me back in and remind me to enjoy now.

dang

leapingwaterLeave a comment

The end is nearing to junior year and I could not be more stressed. I’m honestly staying afloat because thinking about summer makes me want to keep pushing through. I’m going to be a senior which is wild. This school year has been so eventful. I’m really hoping that next year will be much easier because I don’t know if I can handle another year of stress lol. I’m trying to not have as many things on my plate, for example: I am not doing student council next year, I’ve chose easier classes, and I’m praying that my new math teacher can actually help me despite my slow brain. Although its been tough during some parts of high school, I am so happy that this past year has taught me so many personal lessons. I love my friends and I couldn’t get through it without them. Just one more AP exam to go though! 🙏

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I love my advisory

leapingwaterLeave a comment

This week I went to dinner with my advisory, which has been long anticipated. We have been trying to have an advisory dinner since the beginning of the school year, but someone is always somewhere so it doesn’t work out. We went out to eat and had boba, then to the supermarket. There, my teacher told me that he wanted help cutting up his flowers he bought for his daughter, so we were finally able to visit his house. He has two cats which are so cute and I am so jealous of where he lives. There is so much land and the sun was almost going down so it was such beautiful lighting. I really had a great time and hopefully we will get to do some more dinners soon. We are lying to ourselves, though, that we can squeeze in three more in one month but who knows!

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