I never would have been able to imagine someone making me this happy.  The little things he does makes me happier than anyone else’s little things has ever done.

Listening to the dumbest songs in his truck and watching him sing them and just act like a dork makes me smile so much my mouth hurts.  Just sitting next to him makes me happy.

photo credit: pinterest.com

He does sweet, small things which add up and make me feel so happy and he is actually happy to be with me.

He always opens doors for me, picks me up, and takes me out.  He treats me with respect and takes care of me.  I almost never pay for anything myself and he just makes me incredibly happy with the conversations we have.

On Saturday, he told me that after he washed his truck, he found something weird in the mud. I never would have imagined that someone writing out prom with mud would make me so happy.

Even when I just go to his house and watch TV with his family and him, I am happy.  I love spending time with him and I love the girl’s days I have with his mom and his younger sister.

I am so lucky to be with him.  He is so sweet to me and I feel like I don’t deserve him and the way he treats me.  I haven’t felt this love and appreciation since my dad died.  It sounds weird, but he was the only person in my life who showed how much he cared about me until I met him.

I know he was hurt in the past and I hope he knows I could never do that to him.  I, also, hope that I make him feel as special and happy as he makes me.


Love is confusing.

There are no constants.

There are no answers.

There is no proof.

I can’t hold it.

I can’t ask a question and have a straight answer.

The more I think, the less I truly know.

I thought I stopped loving you,

but did I ever even start?

Photo Credit: Pinterest.com

Of course, I did.

There’s no way I didn’t.

Why are some days so hard and some so easy?

Why can I look at you one day and not feel a thing?

Yet, the next day, I look at you and have butterflies bursting out of my stomach.

I know I don’t love you,

There’s no question about that.

I don’t love who you are, not anymore.

I look back and I still love the man you were.

I love the man who cared about people and wasn’t afraid to show it.

The one who gave hugs to people who looked down.

The one who cared about everyone.

The one who was a little shy and awkward.

I love him,

not you.

That’s not you anymore.

Was it ever even truly you

or was it some facade?

Why can’t I find him again?

He’s the one I want.

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder…

Everybody told me that long distance would be trouble. That it would hurt. That it wouldn’t be worth all the stress–especially during my senior year.

But I, being the stubborn love-struck puppy I was, didn’t listen. Nope. I didn’t want to believe what people said, so I didn’t. I told myself that it would be easy.

Now, here I am sitting in my room in Ojai, California. 2643.071 miles away from my boyfriend of two and a half years.

It’s funny. In the beginning, I had kind of wished Kai was a recluse that veered away from any female contact.

But again, the beginning was the hardest part. The time difference made it even worse. He was already at school when I would wake up most days and by the time study hall ended, it was around 12:30 in the morning where he was.

And boy, would we argue. Over the most minuscule things. I argued because we were so far. He argued because of the time difference. We argued because we missed each other. We argued. And. We argued.

I began to wonder if they were right. If long distance was too much for me to handle. It seemed, with all my college applications and school work, that they might be right.

But, as much as we fought and as much as I hated the distance, I did not want to give up.

And I didn’t. Things got better, and I honestly don’t think that long distance is all that horrible. Sure, it takes a while to get used to but if you love him (or her), all of those frustrations–those initial arguments, getting used to the time difference–was worth the greater moments when I would get to hear his voice on the phone or see his face on Skype.

I still miss him dearly and love him so much. And I don’t regret choosing to be in this long distance relationship with him. He makes me happy although I don’t get to be with him nearly as much as I did last year which turned out to be a good thing. I have more time for friends and more importantly, when I do get to see him, it makes it all the more special. It’s almost like we just started dating. There isn’t anybody I’d rather have than him.

So let me tell you from my experience that eventually, distance truly does make the heart grow fonder.