I don’t think I’ve written more in my life than in the past few weeks. I had eight college deadlines on November 1st, and I decided to complete my work at the last minute. I just submitted half of my college applications, and I’m honestly done. I feel like the amount of work students do building up to applying to college is enough. Going through a tedious process of reviewing everything I’ve done with my life over the past eighteen years, with a word limit, feels impossible. I’m trying to manifest that I will get into lots of colleges, but I’m also not delusional. I missed one of the best weekends of the year, sick and doing college work, and I just hope that I get good karma from this. On top of all of this college work, I keep forgetting that I actually have school work, but that seems more like a tomorrow problem.
The other day, as I was scrolling on TikTok, I came across a girl’s page, and I watched her pinned videos. I instantly got blasted back to last year when I was doing the exact same thing, and her words changed my mindset. Last year was not the best for me mentally. I had a lot of stuff going on in my personal life, and it was interfering with my relationships and academics. I would drown myself in my school work so I wouldn’t have to think about my life. One of my ways of distracting myself would be to spend hours upon hours on TikTok. It was one of these hours that I saw that girl’s video.
The gist of it was to be your own coach. She said to imagine that you are a coach, that is your whole purpose in life, and the only reason you are put on Earth. As a coach, you are stuck with one human from their birth until their death. You get to put thoughts in their head, make them do stuff, etc. As a coach, you don’t want to insult your human and make them feel bad; you want them to fulfill their life the best way they want. You are the coach to yourself.
This completely changed the way I talked to myself. I was so used to comparing myself to others who I thought accomplished so much more than I did, I forgot my purpose in life. I went from putting tons of pressure on myself to letting myself relax. It took some time for this adjustment to be fully implemented in my life, but when it did, I was doing so much better. Why would I be mean to myself? It is my first time on Earth, just like everyone else. When times get rough, I try to be the best coach I can be. The TikToker might’ve thought her video was just some dumb TikTok, but it genuinely helped me get out of a hard time in my life. I am so thankful for her.
There is a saying in Spanish for the children of immigrants, “Ni de aqui, ni de allà “. It translates to: neither from here nor from there. As a mixed child of immigrants, it is hard to feel like you belong in either place.
Whenever I go to Mexico, I immediately feel like I don’t fit in. Most people in my mom’s hometown are 100% indigenous with a short stature, straight hair, and traditional clothing. Most of the American kids who visit have two indigenous parents, so they at least look similar to the townspeople. But I stick out. My dad is from a different region with very different features. Those features being curly hair and a taller stature.
Then I come back to school, and I am one of four students with Mexican heritage. Although, growing up in LA has made me feel like a part of a community. I cannot imagine how hard it would be for people growing up in predominantly white spaces. Sometimes I feel like I am too Mexican, and it is a hard balance.
I think the saying is ignorant. As more immigrants come to this country, there is a community for us to belong to. In cities with a lot of Latinos, a culture is forming. In LA, there is a stereotype of the average city Latino. As much as people want to exclude us from their spaces, we will make our own space and thrive. I am from both here and there.
I have already been overwhelmed. The amount of college supplementals and essays on top of my capstone, on top of all my difficult classes, and my busy week at work. I have been overwhelmed, but that’s just what comes with being a senior. Yet every time things start to look up, I’m pushed back down. Last week, my car started flashing lights at me. I called my dad, and after a long inspection, he told me he had to fix a belt on it (I don’t know what that means at all), so I would be unable to drive it. I was annoyed, but it was fine; I could borrow my mom’s car for a day or two. The next day, my dad had still not started on my car. He told me it would take less than an hour to fix, yet he hadn’t started. I was frustrated but moved on. As I pulled into my driveway in my mom’s van, I saw a 3-foot hole dug into my driveway. I was confused, but I walked inside. I was then told that a pipe burst connecting to my pool, so we had to turn the water off. I was again frustrated; I wouldn’t be able to shower, wash my face, or brush my teeth. I went to my friend’s house to do those things, and when I got back, I smelled a putrid smell coming from my dog. I ran inside and was told he had been sprayed by a skunk. The smell was too terrible, so I had to go back to my friend’s house. Since the water was off, my dog was unable to get a bath. This all went on, and I tried to stay positive throughout the week. Eventually, my car, the pipe, and the dog were all fixed. I don’t get why senior year has to be so hard.
Imagine going from the tranquil flows of crystal-clear water, lush towering mountains, and uncultivated lands to a place like Ojai. Look, don’t get me wrong—Ojai has its beauty, tons of it at that—but there is this feeling that the air in Hawai‘i gives me. I’m not just talking about the sticky humidity; I’m talking about the feeling of being so disconnected from the world. Miles and miles of deep blue depth surround you entirely, yet you are safe on a tiny island—and alive, more alive than anywhere else.
I have traveled to many places in the world and seen the serene beauty of each diverse landscape, but nothing will ever compare to my home. I know every pothole in the road and every path to the ocean. Store owners have watched me grow up from behind a register, and first-time introductions are a rare occurrence.
There is always this tugging feeling, like you are never quite comfortable anywhere else, when you are inescapably tethered to an island. It’s hard to explain such a strange feeling to someone who has never lived there, but I believe it’s a feeling that will never fully go away.
I wake up to the stinging sensation in my throat every time I swallow. Getting out of my bed seems so taxing. Even when I eventually manage to get myself up, my head feels as though it has grown twice as heavy overnight.
In my case, it is evident what caused my sickness: I spent the week stressed due to excessive amounts of homework and SAT studying, I had consumed unhealthy foods and drinks, and both the overworking and sugar consumption contributed to insufficient amounts of sleep.
No one likes feeling drained or hurt every time they take a step or swallow. And yet, I doubt that every day we are healthy, we think to ourselves, “I’m glad I am healthy today,” or “I’m glad my throat isn’t hurting.”
Our bodies are an entity of their own, systematically designed to communicate their needs to us. On the surface, it is telling me today that I haven’t been taking care of my body, exhausting it to its limit with poor nutrition and inadequate rest. But furthermore, it serves as a reminder to appreciate every day I wake up feeling healthy.
Halloween is one of the most fun and stressful moments of life. This year it’s terrible because I have to balance out celebrating Halloween and also finishing up college work. The most difficult part of Halloween is figuring out outfits. Whenever I open TikTok or Pinterest to find inspiration, they are either over worn outfits, ugly, or too much. All the excellent ones are always worn a million times, but I also don’t want to wear something that no one would understand. Another obstacle is wanting to wear the same costume as your friend. I always tell myself that I will have my outfits planned and bought before summer ends, but this never happens. I’ve already used one of my costumes, but I have three other ones that are ready. This is genuinely shocking because usually I just figure things out really last minute, but I had to stop worrying about it and get it done, just like I need to do with college work.
I have a love-hate relationship with my work. I love making money. But I absolutely hate dealing with customers. For example it was a busy Friday afternoon, I was doing my regular work routine. All of a sudden a old customer calls me over. Mid bite of her arugula salad she starts explaining how terrible the chicken is. She starts telling me its disgusting and dry. I apologize but she continues complaining. I Leave to get her a new side of chicken. I bring the new chicken to her and she makes me wait so that she can try it to see if it’s up to her standard. She tells me it’s terrible dry and not edible. I apologize again and explain we roast our chicken early in the morning and warm it up to be served so it must be a dry chicken or something. All of a sudden she screams at me and explains how terrible of a waitress I am and instead of explaining why its dry I should go give the kitchen the feedback. I assure her that I will and we will fix the problems. Apparently that’s not good enough so she continues to tell me how her family used to be in the restaurant buisness and so she knows everything. She tells me she’s never coming back. When I walked away me and my favorite coworker talked about how we would rather have customers never come back or just dont come in the first place rather than yell at us. My paycheck doesn’t get affected if we have one less customer comes it doesnt even change if 10 customers dont come back. I am sick of working.
It is often stated that we should capitalize on our childhood and adolescent days, cherishing our time young before the responsibilities of adulthood. But while the future is always uncertain, it is also strongly emphasized that our choices, habits, and achievements during our growth, particularly during high school, heavily dictate the course of our careers and future well-being.
It feels as though the happiest people among my generation are those who care less and thus worry less. They bury themselves in constant temporary pleasures to shield themselves from unwanted responsibility and discomfort.
These people tell me I worry too much.
Then, there are people who put every waking moment to good use. They bury themselves in constant work, sacrificing momentary pleasure in favor of ensuring that their future is abundant in possibilities and is as stable as it can be.
These people tell me I’m not worried enough.
Nothing is in black and white. I can’t tell if I’m wasting my time or not making the most of my youth. I am left in a state of paralysis, unsure whether to be happier now or to invest in future happiness.
I know the schedule is supposed to be random, but it is not. I have all of my hard classes on day twos and my day ones are so easy. My day twos are: AP Stats, AP Lit, AP Psych, and yearbook. I love yearbook, but it is so hard having to edit all of the pictures that go in the yearbook and having to make like twenty million pages at the same time. It is essentially another class with a bit more homework, but without any tests or studying. My other classes during day two are very reading-based and have to be studied intensely. It is even harder because volleyball has at least two games every week, so I have less time to do my homework, and I’m super tired from traveling all day, making it difficult to even think about homework. I have a severe disdain for day two.
Day One, on the other hand, is the most blessed ever. My classes are Gov, Journalism, AP Computer Science Principles, and Free block! I love gov, I wish I had gov every day because it is so fun, and it is what I want to pursue in the future. I also love the teacher, and she is always willing to discuss current events with me after class. Journalism is so chill, and the class is so good. AP Comp Sci Principles is so funny. I sit with my friends and we spend all of class laughing. I think the teacher thinks we are crazy. Finally free block, I sleep, do homework, and eat snacks. It is a nice break from dealing with people and allows me to relax before going back to school. The contrast between the two days cannot be any more different; one day I look forward to, the other makes me so sad and stressed.
OVS Journalism Blog 
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