Every breath I take sitting and watching the teardrop water fall to the ground.
I am calm, grounded, grey.
I can’t describe the smell of rain in scents, only in feelings;
calm: an encompassing blanket wrapped around my shoulders and a companion sitting by my side. We are together, we are in love, we are safe, or at least we think we are in the moment.
brave: walking alone on an empty road. Only thoughts to accompany me. I am strong, I am powerful, I am one with the nature that surrounds me. Fuck the world, society, my responsibilities; I will walk until my legs give out. And when I collapse, my time has come. Like a wild rabbit in the jaws of a wolf.
sad: the sky is crying, so am I. But the sky’s tears feed the earth, maybe mine will too.
solitude: lonely, but lonely is not always bad. Today it’s peaceful, but yesterday it was harrowing . But today it’s peaceful
The smell of rain
One second it drizzles, the next it pours.
Thunder follows lighting.
A bolt hits a tree, a fire starts
It is only natural.
Some days the rain makes me feel gloomy, somedays it makes me feel safe.
Today I feel thankful.
Thankful for the sun, thankful for the rain, thankful for the world, thankful to feel something.
I love fall. The sheer aesthetic of sitting by a window with warm glowing string lights, drinking some sort of hot tea, surrounded with the smell of books. The fact that it is finally cold enough to be wearing wool socks and sweatshirts. The feeling of cold air filling your chest from the inside, making your home feel so much warmer.
I have to admit, I miss the cold winters back home in Germany. Right now, it is almost freezing there, the leaves that are turning red-orange, some almost pink-purple, are covering the roads like a warm-colored blanket. The lakes are topped with a paper thin layer of ice in the morning, and windows and cars are frosted the way they would be in movies. Horses’ coats are becoming thick and soft, and cows are being brought from their pastures back into their winter barns.
I remember how much I hated the feeling of biking up the hill to my house after school, watching the clouds turn to a darker grey as the sun set behind them, and feeling the warm air in my lungs being replaced by the cold, making my throat hurt by the time I got back home. But I always loved the moment I walked through the door, embraced by my jumping dog and the heated floor, maybe even a fire in the chimney. The best days were the rainy ones. Your house just feels so much cozier when you don’t want to go outside.
I miss that weather. I miss the grey skies and the rain-soaked lawns. I miss the muddy roads and paths going through the forest by my house. I miss collecting chestnuts with my friends and cooking them with their whole family. I miss being freezing cold with numb fingers and an icy nose. I miss how later in the winter the trees would look like they had been covered in powdered sugar, reflecting the grey-purple of the afternoon sky.
I miss my home.
And no matter where I’ll live throughout my life, no matter how many times I’ll move and find new homes, that will always be my first home. My family’s home. My real home.
There’s a certain thing I love about rainy days. Being able to take the day off to snuggle under a mountain of blankets and pillows. Breaking into the food cabinet for hot chocolate and marshmallows. Making a batch of warm, gooey cookies. Watching an old play and eating popcorn.
Driving in rain is so peaceful. Watching the drops race each other down the window. The rhythmic swipe swipe of the window-wiper. The drops making little thuds on the car roof. The heater blasting hot air like an invisible blanket.
Playing in the rain is so fun. Getting soaked from the puddles brought on by an endless downpour. Earlier this year, a group of friends and I had a water fight. We filled up buckets or cups or whatever we could find and just threw them at each other. It would’ve gone on for hours if it wasn’t for dinner. We looked like sad little puppies when we came inside, and immediately dried off.
One thing I love doing in the rain is going in the hot tub. I know, that sounds quite odd. But when I’m at home, we’ll turn it on and it feels so cool. The cool drops on your head and shoulders contrasts so much to the hot water keeping you warm everywhere else.
Even though rain can be inconvenient, like when a wedding or party has to be moved inside, it still is something I look forward to. The memories I’ve made because I had to stay inside because of the rain, and the memories I’ve made because of getting soaked by it, are ones I truly cherish. Sadly, in California, it’s drier than a saltine cracker and it rarely rains.