I am hypocritical, ironic, and incomplete. Thus, I speak humbly. How much of God should influence our lives?

My family is devoted to extreme buddhist practices. However, I attended Catholic elementary school for five years. When I moved to America in fifth grade and Rome in tenth grade, I was also strongly recommended to attend a Christian church.

Blaming on my youthful ignorance, I found no need to clarify my beliefs in these religions, until now.

Every summer, I visit my family in South Korea. I always looked forward to spend time with my nanny, a devoted buddhist, at a temple. From this beautifully situated place in the midst of graceful nature, I learned about appreciating “nothingness.”

Along with my interest for Buddhism, my fascination for Catholicism and Christianity drastically grew. While giving biblical lessons to pre-Kindergareten and Elementary students, I loved the feeling of guiding people to the “right” light.

Nothing had interrupted my passion for indulging in all these beautiful religions, until Christianity started to accuse me of my “false” behavior.

I understand the significance of God in people’s lives. Truly speaking, I found religion to be particularly strong among people with thirst for satisfaction.

Jean-Paul Sartre spoke, “That God does not exist, I cannot deny. That my whole being cries out for God I cannot forget.”

When we falter in our light, we desperately look for the guidance, God. And speaking with my fury for the religious pressure, I agree with Jean-Paul Sartre once more.

“God is absence. God is the solitude of man.”

Even during our grief, depression, and struggles, we hold “our” lives, not the ambiguous certainty residing upon ourselves. To a certain degree and for some moments, this graceful existence and spiritual sense shall dwell in our soul, but not consume it.