I Want to Believe

dear world, dear life, dear faith,

tell me your secrets,

fill me in on your knowledge,

and cast me away with your limitless being.

dear god,

whoever or whatever you may be,

listen to my problems, answer my prayers, make right all the wrong,

and give me hope.

oh please

give me hope that you can fix the evil in this dark world we live in.

oh god…

I want to belive in you,

I envy and pity those who do,

because, how great would it be to live

and believe that someone in the sky will make everything okay,

to believe that you are protected by one overarching being,

to blame your stupid mistakes on the ideology that

“everything happens for a reason, it’s god’s will,”

to not fear death because heaven awaits the good…

How great, how easy, how amazing would that be,

but how naive do you have to be to believe.

dear self, dear time, dear life

i’m afraid

my being is all in my hands.

Photo via Pinterest 

for her.

As I have grown older, I have danced around with my faith in God. My extended family is very Catholic. Like, so Catholic that my great grandparents had fifteen children. 

Both my mother and father grew up in the church. With families that wholeheartedly believe in God and Catholic values, there was little room to be different and your own person with different values and morals. My parents saw flaws in this system and didn’t raise my brother and me in the church. 

Now, as my relationship with God is pretty non-existent, I wonder about the strength in religion and the power of spirituality. Around the world, there are all these varying forms of praying to a higher power(s) in order to feel something like happiness, clarity, or reassurance. 

My aunt is currently sick.  And I am waiting for a miracle. 

My family has urged people to pray to keep her alive and healthy. But, is that legit and enough?

We have been praying for months. 

We have been watching the sickness take over her. 

We have watched the weight drop off her like the tears that run off our faces when thinking about her future.

We are putting our hopes and prayers on one person and what is He doing to save her? 

But, I pull myself back from this cycle of negativity and think about her, just her. I think about her needs, what she wants right now. 

She lived and lives a beautiful life. 

She is surrounded by people who love her and will be for eternity. 

She has made hundreds of people smile. 

My sentiments on prayer and putting all your hopes on one figure can be pushed out the window. For now, I will pray because I know that is what she believes in.

photo credit: pinterest.com

“The God who made the world and all things in it”

photo credit: jdboggs.blogspot.com

For quite some time now, I’ve been trying to find God.

It’s not that I feel I’m lacking something without being a member of a religion, I just find it fascinating how people feel so empowered by so many different faiths.

In some ways I’m jealous of those people, the ones who know whole-heartedly that there is some higher power out there to guide them.

I know a lot of people who are skeptical of religion and, in some ways, I am too.

But, I’ve come to the conclusion that good people don’t use the Bible or anything else to justify hate or harm. The people who make excuses in the name of God are hypocrites in the truest sense and are ignorant by thinking that just by adhering to a faith will guarantee a better life or afterlife.

I think there is so much we can learn from religious texts. Even if you don’t interpret them in a spiritual sense, I think that anyone of any faith or background can gain something from the lessons in them.

From my perspective, the main purpose of a religion is to give people a sense of purpose or fulfillment and to help them live the best life possible.

So if this is true, then I’ve found my god.

I find my religion in the wilderness. I find god in the trees and in rivers and mountains and the sunshine.

My god makes up everything that is natural and wild. It teaches me to live the best, most fulfilled, and positive life that I can.

And that’s all I could really ask for.


To Each His Own

Photo Credit: core0.staticworld.net

When it comes to believing in God, the range of emotions and opinions that people have on the subject is enormous. Although it technically depends on one’s religion, opinions tend to have similarities.

Personally, I don’t believe in a tangible God who lives up in the sky or on some mountain and watches everyone intently. At least according to science, it’s inconceivable for a man to live perched in the clouds. Even if he managed to survive up there, he would have to be pretty darn old and quite observant in order to listen to and respond to everyone’s prayers.

Some believe that God represents more of a presence, which is a more comprehensible notion. I am not religious at all, but if I were to affiliate myself with one theory, it would be this: rather than some all-knowing man, God could be everything, or just something that surrounds everyone. Although it may not answer to prayers, it is the prayer itself, as well as the response, and even the words spoken.

As far as the Big Bang Theory is concerned, the world was created naturally. On the other hand, many still believe that a man generated everything there is in the world today. People are entitled to their own beliefs, and should never be discriminated against – it’s simply fascinating to see the motives behind different ways of thinking.

Another War in the Name of God

Let’s say

That I belonged to a social club that met each week.

Let’s say

That the people in the club believed that it was founded by a guy named, I don’t know, Chuck.

Let’s say

Chuck was a homophobic, misogynistic, genocidal old man who lived in a cloud and had the power to make everything happen.

Lastly, let’s say

That because I belonged to this club, I inherited a hatred of all other social clubs in the area.

Okay, now of course no one would ever join this club. It’s ridiculous. However, if this was your religion, you’d be perfectly fine with it.

The Old Testament, for instance, a book held believed to be true by both Christians and Jews, is one of the most outrageous pieces of literature in Western Culture.

For most of it, God is killing people. He wipes out everyone but Noah and his family in one part, destroys two cities and its inhabitants in another, forces Lot to offer his own daughters to be raped, etc.

However, when the O.T. is lacking in violence, it makes up for it in sheer whimsicality and stupidity. This is the same with all religious texts. There really is no room for a reasonable person to believe in some of the “facts” of Juedo-Christain beliefs (I’m not leaving other religions like Islam out on purpose, its just that these strike a little closer to home).

Religous “Facts”:

1.   Sadly (spoiler alert), Noah of the O.T. died at the young age of 950. The good die young.

2.   Although also in the New Testament, it is possible (and actually turned out quite well) to be swallowed by a giant fish, live in there for a while, and be spat back out.

3.   The universe was created by…well God. There isn’t much else to say about that because books like the O.T. say about that much in regard to the beginning of time (cough-COP OUT-cough).

However, taking what some would call “cheap shots” like this at religion isn’t fair because these things aren’t meant to be taken literally. They’re simply meant to be ignored and the good bits should be cherry picked out when needed.

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Featured Song: Abraham’s Daughter – Featured Book: The Hunger Games

Abraham took Isaac‘s hand
And led him to the lonesome hill
While his daughter hid and watched
She dared not breathe; she was so still

Just as an angel cried for the slaughter
Abraham’s daughter raised her voice

Then the angel asked her what her name was
She said, “I have none.”
Then he asked, “How can this be?”
“My father never gave me one.”

And when he saw her raised for the slaughter
Abraham’s daughter raised her bow
“How darest you, child, defy your father?”
“You better let young Isaac go.”

-“Abraham’s Daughter,” by Arcade Fire

The story of Abraham and Isaac is one of the most important in the Old Testament.

God wants to test Abraham’s devotion to, and fear of him.  So he commands Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac, as a testament to his loyalty.  Abraham takes Isaac to a mountain and tells him to gather up wood for a sacrifice.  When Isaac asks where the lamb for slaughter is, Abraham replies, “God will provide the lamb,” and together they ascend.

Abraham then lays Isaac down and raises his knife.

Convinced that Abraham is sufficiently God-fearing, an angel descends and stays his hand, thus, saving Isaac.

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To The Best Man I Know.

This picture says it all.

I love my dad.
I don’t know any other immense, bottomless love.
During times of difficulty, he has been my rock and laid out the foundations for a secure home.

The only thing that scares me is how old my father is.
I mean, I am in no form ashamed of his age. My dad is 80 and he hasn’t failed to love me for a single day.

However, I do get worried.
Sometimes, when he does certain things, I feel a little tug on my heart.

For example, his once steady and strong hands tremble. His fingers move very slow and systematically.
He cannot stand for over 20 minutes at a time.
His sight is slowly slipping away; He can’t drive after the sun begins to set.
He gets sick more often. My father, man who hadn’t caught a cold in so many years, finally caught one this year and he is still trying to recover.

I know these are all natural, especially for someone so elderly. However, he is my father, and I can’t help but get a little sad to see him slowing down.

However, none of these symptoms of old age make me love him any less. Although I have been attending a boarding school 2 hours away from home for the past 5 years of my life and I don’t talk to him nearly as much as I should, he still remains number 1 in my heart, my blessing from God.

I hope that everybody gets to experience such a love. It is overwhelming and wonderful. It motivates you and places you on the right path. It lifts you up and betters you. It moves you without words. It is so powerful and definitely one of the greatest emotions God has given to his people.

My father allowed me to be the person I want to be. When I am older, I want to be able to give the same selfless, unconditional love to my children.

I love you dad, always. I will continue to try to be the best me I can. Hope your cold goes away soon!