Day: September 16, 2012

Tales from Dr. Horatio Goldberg, Doctor at large: Phillips gets a check-up

smackyjackjack3 Comments

I always figured I’d be a lousy Doctor. I’d be pretty bad with hanging around sick people, and even worse with giving them the bad news in a comforting way. With that said, I like to think I’d be better than Dr. Goldberg here. So, here’s my newest story: Tales from Dr. Horatio Goldberg, Doctor at large: Phillips gets a check up.

Classin' it up.“Hey hey! Phillips! How ya doin’ buddy?” Dr. Goldberg said as he came tumbling into the room where his patient was waiting.

“I’m great doc! I’ve never felt better!” Phillips said with a gleam in his eye.

“Haha, that’s odd.” Dr. Goldberg laughed, as he took off a pair of latex gloves.

“Really? Haha, how come?” Phillips said, losing his gleam.

“Because you won’t make it through the week.” The Doctor said as he checked his clipboard. “So…Phillips, is that a Persian name?”

“Wait, I what??”

“No no, I was asking you.” Dr. Goldberg said, putting his stethoscope into his ears. “Persian name?”

“Dutch-Irish.” Phillips said. “What did you say about me not making it through the week?”

“Well its no big deal. Your test results came back; you’re probably not going to make it to next Tuesday. Its all good, plenty of my patients have died.”

Phillips didn’t know what to say.

“So, you’re scheduled for a prostate exam, right?” Dr. Goldberg said..

“I hardly think that matters right now!!”

“Look, Philly–you mind if I call you Philly?”

“Uh, no, go ahead.”

“Philly, dying is not a big deal. It happens to everyone. I personally believe that after death, we will all be sent to a spirit world, where we will be resurrected and then judged by our superior spirit overlords and then granted life on a far off planet with varying degrees of servitude.” Dr. Goldberg said. “I believe that I’ll be a king of my planet.”

“So you’re a Mormon?”

“We prefer the term Latter Day Saints.” Dr. Goldberg said.

“Well…sir…how am I going to die?” Phillips asked.

“How should I know?” The Doctor asked.

“Well I would think because you’re a-”

“I gotta run, I’m playing golf with Gonzalez from cardiology.” Dr. Goldberg said, running out the door. “We’ll make a rain check on that prostate exam.”

“HEY! Wait a second!”

“See you next time.” The doctor stopped himself at the door. “Actually, haha, no I won’t.”

With that, Horatio Goldberg ran out the door, and Phillips was left alone in the cold, grey doctor’s office.Read More »

Breaking Through

displacedlocal3 Comments


Breaking through was the hardest part. They said that on the other side we would find happiness, answers, something. There must have been a reason the universe inexplicably stopped expanding.

The crew of our small expedition consisted of five of us. The “best” people for the job. Best. I would describe us as inexperienced. Too young. Lost.

The greatest minds of our time wanted answers and we were the crew assigned to the job. The journey to the edge was instantaneous.

To break through we had to bend the laws of what we thought was possible. We [Process Classified].

When we breached the edge of the universe there was nothing but darkness. Then it started infecting us.

[Name removed] was the first infected by the bug.

The parasite’s symptoms were unlike any others any of us had ever seen.

It was not a physical disease. It starts with projecting an image of unbelievable beauty. It captivates you. Seeing it absorbs your every thought. Nothing else matters.

Then, like a candle burning out for the last time, it disappears and never returns.

It fills you with a need for it. It becomes an addiction. You beg for it to return.

After days of waiting. It returns, but it isn’t the same. Something is wrong. The happiness is replaced by fear. It consumes you. It hurts to live. [Names removed] ended their lives at this point. I locked the last survivor other than myself in a cell at his request.

He lives through the fear and walks up to the window and explains to me what he feels. “I have seen all. We should never have tested these limits. Life isn’t meant to be tested like this. GO LEAVE.” The rest of his words were muddled and unrecognizable.

Looking outside the window of my quarters I have to wonder why I haven’t been infected, but my mind has been fixated on a thought. A thought I can’t quite place, but It is beautiful.

Just beautiful.