Category: emotions

Hallmark Day

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Happy Hallmark Day.

Or more commonly known as Valentines Day, which is right around the corner. This Sunday, the world will come together to celebrate (or not) this holiday, falling victim to colors like red and pink, and hearts as far as the eye can see.

Photo Credit: http://www.clipartbest.com

Hallmark holidays earned their name from their sole purpose of existing for commercial reasons, as opposed to commemorating an important event or tradition. Go into any given department store, and flashing signs point to isles of mushy cards and pink, glittery decorations. Although said to celebrate love, some argue that Valentines Day is a money-maker for stores, marketing thousands of cards and mass amounts of chocolate.

Don’t get me wrong – I think celebrating love is great, and important to do. However, an emotion that should be constantly expressed shouldn’t be stressed on one specific day just because a holiday is devoted to it.

This annual holiday puts a large stress on love and relationships, with demands like flowers, candy, and expensive jewelry. For most, relationships aren’t about material goods. One’s love is not measured by the amount of money spent on a partner, or the number of material items given.

Love can be celebrated every day, and doesn’t need to be shown through cheesy cards and cheap (or very expensive) chocolate. It can be sweet, but it shouldn’t be a representation of love, or a relationship itself.

Whether Valentines Day is celebrated lavishly or strongly ridiculed, there’s only one thing that remains important. This Hallmark day, full of stuffed bears and chocolate hearts, should never be the basis of romance.

Junior Size Stress

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I officially feel like an upperclassman.

This past week was the busiest of my life. I don’t want to go into great detail about every assignment, but let’s just say that I had about a week’s worth each night. Seriously.

I had one paper or major project due every day, along with smaller daily assignments. On top of that, I had the ACT on Saturday which I had to study for.

I didn’t wear makeup one time – and while that’s not of great importance to me, I think it serves as a visual representation of my stress.

This weekend isn’t any better – with the combination of my test and homework for next week, it’s just as busy. Next week is already set up to be the equivalent of this past one. I can’t catch a break!

Everyone always says how junior year is the hardest – there’s the most work, it’s the most stressful and of course, the most important. I can now say, with complete assurance, that I finally understand.

Photo Credit: cliparts.co

It is finally here my friends

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Hello my fellow lactose intolerant friends,

If you haven’t heard, I am happy to announce that Ben & Jerry’s has created four new flavors… DAIRY FREE!

Yes I am talking about the same Ben & Jerry’s that makes the amazing Phish food ice cream, that melts in your mouth. Yes, the same Ben & Jerry’s that is always there for you no matter what; anything from a birthday to a breakup.

I cannot express to you how excited I am to sink my spoon into these four new flavors. Due to my extreme excitement I have already decided what order I will try them in.

  1. Coffee Caramel Fudge
  2. Fudge Brownie
  3. Chunky Monkey
  4. P.B. & Cookies

They are marketing these new flavors as “Vegan”. Typically I stray away from the whole vegan trend. However, I am willing to over look that so I can enjoy my new dairy free ice cream.

To me this is a huge step forward in accommodating those who simply cannot stomach all the real thing.

I am extremely hopeful that these new flavors will be just as good as the others. I am ready to be able to eat ice cream without a stomach ache… However if these flavors do disappoint, I am willing to suck it up and deal with the stomach ache.

Photo credit to: media.philly.com

 

Some Love for Rainy Days

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There’s a certain thing I love about rainy days. Being able to take the day off to snuggle under a mountain of blankets and pillows. Breaking into the food cabinet for hot chocolate and marshmallows. Making a batch of warm, gooey cookies. Watching an old play and eating popcorn.

Driving in rain is so peaceful. Watching the drops race each other down the window. The rhythmic swipe swipe of the window-wiper. The drops making little thuds on the car roof. The heater blasting hot air like an invisible blanket.

Playing in the rain is so fun. Getting soaked from the puddles brought on by an endless downpour. Earlier this year, a group of friends and I had a water fight. We filled up buckets or cups or whatever we could find and just threw them at each other. It would’ve gone on for hours if it wasn’t for dinner. We looked like sad little puppies when we came inside, and immediately dried off.

One thing I love doing in the rain is going in the hot tub. I know, that sounds quite odd. But when I’m at home, we’ll turn it on and it feels so cool. The cool drops on your head and shoulders contrasts so much to the hot water keeping you warm everywhere else.

Even though rain can be inconvenient, like when a wedding or party has to be moved inside, it still is something I look forward to. The memories I’ve made because I had to stay inside because of the rain, and the memories I’ve made because of getting soaked by it, are ones I truly cherish. Sadly, in California, it’s drier than a saltine cracker and it rarely rains.

photo credit to: cdn.tripwiremagazine.com

 

Happiness

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Happiness.

You are defined by what makes you happy

But what happens if you aren’t happy?

What happens when the things around you seem to become dark and grey?

What about when your life gets flipped upside down and all of a sudden the things that used to make you happy remind you of everything you have lost.

You look around and suddenly the people who used to be there for you everyday, the ones you couldn’t go a day without talking to, disappear without a trace.

Everything that made you, you is gone in a flash

The hikes that used to love to take now feel like every breath is a burden

The bike with a wicker basket that you used to ride around your block, which was once filled with amazing memories, sits in the back of your garage rusting away.

When everything that made you happy now makes you feel dejected and hurt

What happens then?

credit: deviantart.net

Chemical

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Chemicals.

You are wired  – it is how your brain functions. You are programmed – you are made in one specific way.

You have a chemical makeup, you are your own chemical makeup.

It epitomizes you, it controls you, it decides who you are.

It is set in stone, yet is easily altered. And when that happens, it is scary.

What once controlled you and monitored who you are, has now changed. You are no longer yourself – once made up from certain chemicals, you are now inhabited by imposters.

You are changed, you are different.

You are not yourself.

They say it’s good, they say it helps. It’s good for you, it will make things better.

It will make you better.

You are out of control. You are not yourself.

Are you better?

They say things will be easier, that you are struggling.

It will put you at ease.

You just need to be different, a changed version of yourself.

Then you will be better.

Photo Credit: http://www.healthyplace.com

 

Making Amends

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Photo Credit to: https://www.colourbox.com

Is it too late to make amends?

Is it too late to go back on something that has been 18 years in the making?

This past weekend I was given a painful reminder that things can change in an instant.

My dad had a heart-attack.

He had been on a two-week ski trip in British Columbia and it happened on the last day of his trip.  My mom told me Friday evening when I got home that he’d had a heart-attack and was being flown to Spokane, Washington for surgery the next morning.

That Saturday morning I woke up at 3am to drive my mom to the airport so she could be there waiting for him when he got out of surgery. After dropping my mom of at the airport I turned around and drove home, went back to sleep and woke up a few hours later to play in my soccer game.

Those 24 hours that followed my mom telling me that he’d had a heart-attack were a whirlwind. I don’t remember what followed after she said the words no one wants to hear, ” Dad had a heart-attack”. Everything blurred together. I remember thinking, don’t cry, because if you cry that means something is wrong and I wanted so badly to believe that nothing was wrong.

My dad came out of his surgery doing well, the doctors said that his good physical conditioning saved his life, that he was lucky it hadn’t been worse.

Despite the terrible circumstances, I felt lucky. Lucky to be reminded that things can change in and instant, lucky to be reminded that I shouldn’t take so much for granted and lucky to be reminded how much family means.

My dad and I have always had a rough relationship. My mom says it is because our personalities are so similar that’s why we butt heads. We disagree on almost everything and always find some way to annoy each other.

For so long we’ve been content with living like this. It broke my heart knowing that within the next 10 years any type of relationship with my dad would either be non-existent or intolerable. However, after this past weekend, I’ve decided to make amends. I’ve decided, even though I know it won’t be easy, to work towards the relationship I want with my dad.

 

 

 

growing up

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I used to fear the monster under my bed, now I fear the monster that lives within.

I used to think that a scratched knee would be the worst pain I ever felt, now I know that the pain that doesn’t bear a scar is far worse.

I believed that I would never grow up, but someday in between the AYSO soccer games and the playground, I did.

Life doesn’t wait for you.

It is constantly pushing to let change in and day-by-day, the world that our parents want us to believe in is gone.

We are taught to keep our innocence, don’t let the evil in the world ruin your pure soul, but day-by-day it does.

We see the boy in the news who is never going to come home.

We hear the whispers that adults exchange as the secrets get passed along to us.

As teenagers we are expected to act like grown up, and then they tell us that we are growing up to fast.

Maybe we are just trying to fill these impossible shoes that you have left us.

 

 

Senioritis

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Senioritis is real.

No matter how much I’ve tried to prevent it or convince myself that I haven’t been over taken by it, I am forced to accept that I have been.

The thought of getting out of high school, starting a new chapter in my life and moving off to college has me itching to get out of my small town.

The work seems so tedious. Every single assignment makes me feel like I want to set my textbooks on fire.

As I look around at my senior class I know that I am not alone in feeling this. As the acceptances roll in, our motivation rolls out.

We are all so distracted by the constant stream of questions that are running through our heads.

What colleges do I apply to?

Who’s been accepted where?

Who has committed?

It is almost like my brain has been taken over and I can’t control it.

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Endless Stream

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They race through my mind, keeping me up at night and clouding my mind during the day.

I can’t shut off my brain, no matter how hard I try to find the “off switch” I can’t. It’s like searching for a face in a crowded subway station or an insomniac trying to fall asleep.

I lay in bed at night, with a constant stream of thoughts flowing through my mind, understanding some, but confused by most. Sometimes it is a memory, thought or emotion; but often times I can’t identify it. My thoughts are all muddled together, keeping me from the things that I need to focus on.

I feel like I am being sucked into this dark tunnel with no way out. My mind is always alive and buzzing. It doesn’t matter how tired I am or how much I try to just not think, the constant and endless stream of thoughts never stop.