Is it too late to make amends?
Is it too late to go back on something that has been 18 years in the making?
This past weekend I was given a painful reminder that things can change in an instant.
My dad had a heart-attack.
He had been on a two-week ski trip in British Columbia and it happened on the last day of his trip. My mom told me Friday evening when I got home that he’d had a heart-attack and was being flown to Spokane, Washington for surgery the next morning.
That Saturday morning I woke up at 3am to drive my mom to the airport so she could be there waiting for him when he got out of surgery. After dropping my mom of at the airport I turned around and drove home, went back to sleep and woke up a few hours later to play in my soccer game.
Those 24 hours that followed my mom telling me that he’d had a heart-attack were a whirlwind. I don’t remember what followed after she said the words no one wants to hear, ” Dad had a heart-attack”. Everything blurred together. I remember thinking, don’t cry, because if you cry that means something is wrong and I wanted so badly to believe that nothing was wrong.
My dad came out of his surgery doing well, the doctors said that his good physical conditioning saved his life, that he was lucky it hadn’t been worse.
Despite the terrible circumstances, I felt lucky. Lucky to be reminded that things can change in and instant, lucky to be reminded that I shouldn’t take so much for granted and lucky to be reminded how much family means.
My dad and I have always had a rough relationship. My mom says it is because our personalities are so similar that’s why we butt heads. We disagree on almost everything and always find some way to annoy each other.
For so long we’ve been content with living like this. It broke my heart knowing that within the next 10 years any type of relationship with my dad would either be non-existent or intolerable. However, after this past weekend, I’ve decided to make amends. I’ve decided, even though I know it won’t be easy, to work towards the relationship I want with my dad.