Dreams Fulfilled

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The OVS Cross Country Team (left to right): Coach Apple Alvarez, Tracy Zeng, Ally Feiss, Gilim Bae, Sunny Chang, Winnie Chang and coach Fred Alvarez — Photo by Momoe Takamatsu

When I was in high school, a time so long ago my students will assure you dinosaurs roamed the earth, I was a pretty fast runner.

I ran cross country and track all four years, and eventually got IMG_2656fast enough that I was able to run Division I cross country in college. But for as fast as I was in my high school years, I was never the fastest on my team, not to mention my league.

I was a middle-of-the-pack runner, good enough to earn a varsity letter three out of my four years, but not good enough on my own to earn a post-season CIF berth, the holy grail of high school sports in California. And my high school team, filled with runners faster than me, was never fast enough either to qualify collectively for CIF.

That was the dream for every member of my cross country team, and one that for me had obviously gone unfulfilled for decades.12208743_747617005343947_8825205504728621762_n

Until this past weekend.

On Saturday, for the first time in Ojai Valley School history, our girls’ cross country team competed in the CIF Southern Section preliminaries, a race that drew more than 3,000 high school runners from across Southern California.

Decked out in their new OVS jerseys (thanks Mr. Floyd!), my five girls toed the line against 148 other runners from 22 schools, nearly every one with a larger student population than ours. My runners were nervous. I told them there was no need to be.

IMG_4572 (1)Because as far as I was concerned, we had already won. Our victory was just getting to CIF, for being a team that sweated and bled and cried together to accomplish a goal that at the start of the season seemed unattainable.

I told them not to worry about how they placed, or how the team finished. I told them before they started to have fun, and to remember to look up at some point during the race and remind themselves where they were, and what they had accomplished together.

And I told them this: I have never been prouder of any team I have coached, and no team I have coached has ever displayed more heart.

These girls this season gave me a great gift. Yes, I finally got to go to CIF, only three decades later than planned. But there was more to it than that. I got to see these athletes develop a power they never knew they had, the power to come face-to-face with adversity and keep moving forward.

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Junior Gilim Bae was the top runner for OVS, running a personal best at the Riverside course — Photo by Momoe Takamatsu

I got to see a group of girls – three from China, one from Korea and one from Ojai – make the always mysterious transformation of going from strangers to friends to sisters. They will have this bond the rest of their lives.

Through a flurry of fortunate circumstances, I got to coach the team this year alongside my eldest daughter, a talented young woman as smart as she is dedicated to the teaching profession. Her star is rising, and I beam with pride. My heart nearly bursts when I think of the role model she provided these high school runners this season.

And I got to forge deep friendships, the kind that will last forever. In a world where so much goes wrong on a daily basis, a world where the spotlight shines too often on misery and the prospects of doom, what these girls achieved this season was commendable, and should be celebrated.

What greater gift could there be? Thank you girls for a phenomenal season. Go Spuds!

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Freshman Tracy Zeng (left) and junior Winnie Chang gut it out on the Riverside Cross Country course — Photo by Momoe Takamatsu

 

 

 

Happy

What I fail to do in my day-to-day life is take things less seriously.

I always think about the future and whether the guy I have a crush on will ever reciprocate my feelings or whether I’ll ever amount to anything.

These things—these vague dreams and thoughts of mine cause my stomach to churn and my eyes to fill with tears.

I want to live life for now, not waste my thoughts on the future. For who knows whether I’ll even be alive for the moments I dream about.

When I was younger I would see people in commercials, with their perfect BMI and perfectly white teeth, and I couldn’t help but think, why not me?

Why am I not happy or perfect everyday of the year? Why am I not constantly dressed in designer knock offs from Macy’s?

The truth is, these people are just actors who are paid to be happy, and they’re probably not paid too much either. I mean it’s a JC Penney commercial. 

If you were happy everyday of your life you wouldn’t be a person, you’d be a game show host. 

I try to live my life with as much hope as possible.

While on the outside I seem like this moody teenager who thrives off sarcasm and the misfortune of others, I really do care.

 I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh.  I love sunshine and 80’s power ballads. I love animals and strong coffee. I love my family and friends. 

I want to live my life happy.   I don’t care if I’m never rich or famous or the star of a TJ Maxx commercial, I just want to be the happiest person I can be. 

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credit to tumblr

Talking to you

I want to talk to you at three in the morning, when I’m laying in bed, with waves of emotion rushing over me. I want to talk to you when I wake up from a bad dream – drowning in my thoughts, suffocated by my imagination.

When I can barely talk, overrun by emotion – I want you to be there, welcoming my grievances. Listening to my rants, my aches and pains, and my worries.

When all I see is blackness, and all I feel is pressure, I want to talk to you. My support – a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to – you are who I turn to.

I have a lot of thoughts. Good and bad, light and heavy, they consume me. And when I wake up in the middle of the night and every inch of me is devoured by these emotions, it is you who I want beside me.

Photo Credit: thumbs.dreamstime.com

Time Limit

When you really stop and think about it there is a time limit on everything. Homework assignments, projects, childhood, innocence, love, and even life. Most people don’t stop and think about having a limit on things that seem so long-term until they are forced to.

My godfather Leon was diagnosed with squamous cell cancer back in 2010. When I first heard he was sick I was shocked and over come with a million different emotions. I never thought that someone so kind-hearted and eternally generous would be punished with such a terrible curse.

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I was in a state of denial when my parents told me he was sick. The first time I saw him after he had started treatment was heart breaking. He was so thin, so tired and so weak.

Eventually the cancer spread and he had to get surgery. The surgery that he had been on his thyroid.

All of the memories I had with him, Leon always had a beard. The first time I ever saw him without one was after his surgery. In place of his beard was a scar reaching from the left side of his throat to the right side. While that surgery scarred Leon on the outside, it seemed as if his personality and courage  weren’t scarred at all.

After undergoing numerous rounds of radiation and chemo and going to doctors appointments after doctors appointments we had to accept that there is no cure.

Most people would just give up after this, saying that they have nothing else to live for, but not Leon. Throughout this terrible experience he has been the so optimistic. I have never heard him complain about his time limit.

If I could sum my godfather, Leon Azis, up into one word it would be: inspiration. To see someone who is so close to your heart go through that and not give up hope and to be so strong is unbelievably inspiring and amazing.

All I can do now is cherish the time that I have left with him and not focus on the limited amount of time, and just appreciate the time I’ve been lucky enough to have with him.

Reunited at Last

There once was a little Korean girl living in an orphanage and an American soldier who was stationed in South Korea.

This soldier fell in love with this little girl and decided that she was meant to be a part of his family back home.

The little girl excited to start a new life didn’t understand that she would be leaving her home and her three older siblings for a new life.

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The little girl returned back to the United States with the solider, ready to meet her new family. She became the fifth member of this new family, leaving her past behind.

She wasn’t necessarily welcomed with open arms to her new family. Her new mother was unsure about the adoption and her new brother and sister also adopted, acted as if she was the only adopted one due to her ethnicity.

As she got older, her childhood memorize faded and she made new ones. Over the years she became incredibly close with her new father. When she was nine he passed away, leaving her alone with her mother and two siblings.

The girl, not so little anymore, grew up into an amazing young woman. She graduated college, danced professionally, got a good job, married and eventually had two daughters of her own.

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Years had passed since her second daughter had been born when she received a letter in the mail from Holt Adoption Agency. This letter was from the agency that was responsible for her adoption, saying that her Korean family was looking for her.

A month later she flew to Korea to meet her family.

It is now 2015 and her family is visiting her in America for the second time.

Just Some Strange Feeling

Explaining how love feels is like trying to describe the taste of water.

It’s like trying to describe a blooming field of poppies to a blind man.

Love is something universally cherished yet doled out so sparingly by most.

This feeling – this fire burning inside of you ignites a burning passion that can be matched by no other.

Maybe we’re afraid of that ferocious flame being extinguished much too soon.

Ultimately, we all want to be loved. We all want to be wrapped up in mutual certainty.

How should I explain to you the warmth of a thousand suns? I can’t do just that, but I sure can love you and that feeling is almost the same.

Love is the most universal thing in the entire world.

You are here, now, reading this, because two people loved each other.

If I could make everyone feel the same way few have made me feel, I would. But that’s your journey to experience.

I’m only 17 years into my journey and I have yet to see some of the best days of my life.

And sometimes you’re going to be someone’s “something” while they are your “everything” – and that is going to be really tough.

But you know what? Life is tough. And so are you.

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Photo Credit to: http://4.bp.blogspot.com

What Ojai Valley School Has Taught Me

It’s no secret that I hated OVS in the beginning of the year.  I carried an air of superiority with me, and I looked down on everyone else, thinking they were all kids with “messed up lives”  from “messed up families”.

On the second day of school, I had a very serious discussion with my advisor during which I explained to her my new theory:  OVS was actually a therapeutic school in hiding.

Looking back, I can barely control my laughter at how ridiculous I was.  My year at OVS has been one of the best experiences of my life.

Before I came to OVS, I wasn’t very mature, although I thought I was.  I didn’t have a grasp on what’s important in life, and I was too involved with materialistic thoughts.

After being at OVS for a year, I can confidently say that has changed.  OVS has taught me what true friendship is, how to stay motivated, and how to be honest.

It has also taught me a lot about myself and how I operate and work.  These are skills that I will always carry with me wherever I go.

It didn’t really hit me how much I would miss it here until a few days ago when I was driving on Wilshire.

Don’t ask me why that’s when it hit me- I have no idea.  But it hit me hard- as I watched someone make an extremely illegal u-turn, I realized something- I would really miss Jeff Lin.

This shocked me a little bit, but it makes sense.  Although one of the biggest things I learned about myself is that I like to be on my own, I made a lot of friends here that I didn’t even realize I cared about this much.

I’m not the best at goodbyes, so I’ll probably end up leaving without telling anyone.

I really just want to thank OVS for helping me find myself.

I was off course when I got here, and I had been for a long time before that.  I’m now finally beginning to get back to who I once was- the little blonde girl who wanted glasses to make her look smarter, who read the Harry Potter books over and over, who got made fun of for being the teacher’s pet.

I lost my motivation these past few years, and I think I secretly always wanted to be that person again.

OVS allowed me to be that person, and even embraced that person, and for that, I am forever grateful.

Things Change (again?)

At what point do you realize that you don’t enjoy the things you used to enjoy? And why is it that you stop enjoying them?

Not enjoying the things that you used to enjoy is a symptom of depression and burnout. Or maybe it’s a symptom of growing up and realizing that there are more important things than knitting, reading, or playing video games.

Photo cred; iliketowastemytime.com

People change. Times change. Situations change. One sees many a romance novel/book with the main protagonist crying “but why do things have to change?” or “we could have it just the way it was before.”

Why do things change. Why do some things become more important than others? Sure, hobbies come and go, but you’ve got a problem when you realize that you can’t enjoy anything anymore.

Loving Your Life

What is life, anyway?  I have struggled far too long with realizing why we are here on this planet. But recently, I have finally understood what I believe to be the purpose of life.

We are all here for different reasons, with different talents and different things to do. Not everyone will be able to do what they want- there will always be obstacles standing in the way, but the fun is in the journey. There are many things we can do- make lots of money, travel, go on adventures.  But the most important part of life, to me, is loving those we are surrounded by.

It took me a long time to realize this, but now I understand. There is no point to living a life where you don’t love those who love you. It doesn’t get you anywhere, it only sets you back and fills you with negative feelings. Why should I do this to myself? I am so happy that I have finally learned one of life’s greatest lessons- loving others infinitely. This love for people is the one thing that can never be bought or stolen, and it is the most basic necessity and reason for living.

I love you, Mom.

Fifty Shades of Grey Review

While certain critics may claim the series is “sugar-coated” domestic violence, that has not stopped crowds of people from overwhelming the box office this Valentine’s Day weekend.

The film is based on the highly successful novel written by E.L. James.

The film tells the story of a young, and devilishly handsome billionaire Christian, played by Jamie Dornan. The young woman he desires is named Anastasia Steele, played by Dakota Johnson.

This movie has audiences in uproars. And people are not staying quiet about it.

“Fifty Shades of Grey is not the lame, hot-and-bothered fantasy romance many, including myself, thought it would be. It’s got wit and humor and a modest intelligence about human behavior that, say, the Twilight movies never had,” said a writer for Vanity Fair.

Personally, I thought the two stars were excellently casted – the chemistry they had together was almost palpable.

I’m not going to sugar coat this either – some parts of the film were horribly cheesy. But those parts gave the audience a break from all of the romantic endeavors of Grey and Steele.

I would not recommend this movie to be seen as any sort of “family film”. This film will make you blush, I can assure you.

For a girl’s (or boy’s) night out, this is the perfect movie.

While this may not please the harsh critics eye with its plot or casting, it’s hard to argue with its great cinematography. I thought it was excellently filmed, and produced with a high budget.

I would say it’s worth the hype. While this may not be the most valuable movie to your life, seeing it in theaters is not a regret of mine.

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