The Absence of Certainty

StrawberryMushroomLeave a comment

Most aspects of life are not permanent or guaranteed, subject to spontaneous change.

Those who were once closest to you can drift apart due to physical distance or changes in character, leaving you feeling as though a piece of you was stripped away and left hollow. Artificial intelligence is increasing in its influence at an overwhelming rate, contributing to the perception that humans are obsolete in the face of technological advancements and posing a threat to human jobs. And with the current trajectory of United States politics, international students, such as myself, never know what new policies could be established that hinder or outright restrict our ability to continue my education in this country.

If these factors are out of our control, it makes us wonder why we try. If they are within our control, it makes us doubt whether we are trying hard enough. 

Now more than ever, the very act of trying or investing time into anything can feel so daunting, with there being no peace of mind that we will be reciprocated for our efforts. But as much as I find comfort in what is familiar, I realize that change is not inherently or always an adversary.

The act of continuing despite uncertainty forces us to adapt and grow in alignment with the contiously unraveling world, serving as a testament to our resiliance. So while I can not prevent the disruption of the familiar, I refuse to let it leave me behind.

Deciding in uncertainty - Thot Cursus

Picture Credit: Google

Trader Joes

brownbeansLeave a comment

I love Trader Joe’s. There should be a Trader Joe’s on every corner, and even then, that is not enough. It is so weird how they can make dupes for stuff and not get in trouble for it. I have the Brazil Nut Body Butter, and it smells almost exactly like that one Sol de Jainero lotion. Or the Rolled Tortilla Chips, Lime and Chile Flavored, and how they taste like mild Takis. But dupes aren’t the best thing about Trader Joe’s. The original snacks are so good.

Recently, I’ve been liking the Crispy Crunchy Mochi Rice Nuggets. I hate how long the names are. But the mochi nuggets are delectable. The salty, crunchy exterior is perfectly crisp every time.

Imagine this: you come back home or to your dorm after a long day at school, you had 3 tests today, two club meetings, and volleyball practice in 5 minutes, when you see the Crispy Crunchy Mochi Rice Nuggets. Suddenly, your world brightens. The once bleak reality is now filled with light. You reach for the bag to find out it is unopened! You reach your hand into the dark bag for a fried mochi cube, and you pull out the biggest, crunchiest one. You throw it into your mouth, and it is overwhelmed by the flavor. The salt bounces around as you crunch into a piece. So you slowly start throwing more and more into your mouth until you reach for the last one. You aren’t sad that you ate all of them; you are satisfied.

All this to say I love Trader Joe’s and I really want some mochi rice nuggets right now.

credit: Amazon

Waking up late

candystealer76Leave a comment

This past week, I have been sleeping through all of my alarms that I set in the morning for school. I don’t think I’ve woken up on time a single morning the past two weeks. I set two alarms just in case I don’t wake up from the first one. I’m not even fully sleeping through them. I wake up, turn the alarm off, and go back to bed. It could have something to do with motivation, not wanting to get up and get ready. The problem could also be that I’m going to bed later than usual to get all my homework done and study for exams, because of all my studying, I’m going to bed around 1-2 am and waking up at 6-7 am. In the mornings, I have to rush to get ready, and it impacts my day with a chaotic start. Staying up late and studying positively impacts my day because I feel confident in schoolwork and tests. Hopefully, I can get my sleep schedule back on track after these past stressful weeks and try and balance sleep and school.

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My Week

unicorn123Leave a comment

I had an extremely boring week. I did absolutely nothing exciting or interesting. One of the things I dont hate about school is that it gives me a better routine to follow but I also hate that it gives me no time to do things I actually enjoy.

Monday: I got to wake up late because I had two free periods first so that was nice. I still woke up too late and had to rush to get ready for school. It was a very normal day at school I got through my classes and then went to work. It was a bad day at work, it wasnt busy enough to stay interested so it felt like 10 hours. I went home did homework and went to bed.

Tuesday: I woke up late yet again, I got ready for school and left just in time. School was hard because it was my busy schedule, I went to all my classes, fell asleep during lunch finished the rest of the day and went home. I washed my sheets and cleaned my room and did my homework. I tried to fall asleep early but couldnt.

Wednesday: I woke up late, what a surprise. I hurried to school, went through my day as usual, and went home. I tried to go home early because my classes ended before lunch, but I didn’t. I went home and went to my workout class. I then went home and made dinner.

It is now thursday I expect today and tomorrow to be the exact same as this whole week. I hope that this rut is over soon and I can get back to doing things I actually enjoy.

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Stress

Soccer11Leave a comment

Stress for me comes from many things in my life. The main things are school, cross country, soccer, student council, and work. I don’t have a lot of time for homework since I have so much to do all week. On Mondays, I go to school, and then I go home for an hour and get ready to leave for soccer, and then when I go to soccer, I usually get home around 7-ish. On Tuesdays, I go to school, then cross country, and then I go home for an hour and go straight to work, and then I get home at 9:50, and I don’t have time to do a lot of my homework because I get so tired. Then on Wednesday, I have the same schedule as Monday, and then Thursday I have a very similar schedule to Tuesday, but I don’t always have work, and then on Friday I have the same schedule as Tuesday, but I don’t always have cross country, and sometimes I have soccer stuff. 


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A Bad Case of Senior Year

zombiegxrlLeave a comment

I’m still sick. I’ve been sick for three weeks now. I never get sick except for when I first come back from summer break. I think I might be having a bad case of senior year. I’ve been taking medicine everyday but nothing seems to quell this targeted attack on my lungs and throat. It feels like I’m swallowing barbed wire and coughing up gum that’s been melted to the side of my lungs. It’s always the worst when I wake up in the mornings. My eyes are swollen and the barbed wire in my throat has been stealthily attacking me all night. Senior year has really been throwing me for a loop. Every time I overcome one challenge, a new one arises. I finally got my Capstone outline figured out, five college essays completed, and I was feeling good. Then boom, I get sick. Considering this sickness has been battering me tirelessly for almost a month, I think it’s official, I am allergic to senior year.

Picture Credit- Google

This Week

Bl@ckBe@nsLeave a comment

Credit: Google

I think this week has been the worst week of my senior year so far.

Monday was fine; nothing really happened, it was a basic day. I went to my classes, went to sports, and hated that the weekend was so short and that I’m back at school. The homework was acceptably light, which made it better.

On Tuesday, I got up and got ready for the day. Unsurprisingly, an epidemic of sickness is currently occurring within the dorms. Everybody is either sick or getting sick, and not long, I know I’m going to be the next victim. But anyways, I didn’t have to go to all my classes since I had a volleyball gam.

Unfortunately, the volleyball game was in LA. We had to drive about two hours to get to the location, which was kind of annoying. We ended up getting there about thirty minutes early, which was kind of boring. Anyways, the. The team did really well. Although we lost pretty badly in the first and third sets, the second set was by far. The best set we’ve ever played, falling not far behind the rival team, losing only 22-25. I’m very proud of the team.

Wednesday is where it gets wobbly, not horrendous, but also not amazing. Honestly, I can remember most of it. Wait, yes, I do, it was actually pretty good because there was a town trip, which meant no sports. I actually did some work and got to relax. I did tutoring, which was easy because nobody showed up for English and History. I was really tired and was not able to focus on the task I was doing, so I watched a quick YouTube video. It kind of helped, but not really. I still felt really tired. After tutoring I went staright to bed.

Thursday was the worst. I woke up happy, because I was going to start my day with a free block, only to get it ruined by the notification” room check today.” It genuinely dampened my mood because, why out of all the days, is there a room check when I have my free block first? Anyway, I spent my free block in the bathroom because a teacher was checking the rooms ( turned out we could stay in the room while they did a room check). From there, my day spiraled. and progressively got worse.

Finally, Friday the one of the best days of the week. It is the final stretch of the week before the weekend. All my teachers didn’t assign weekend homework, which. I’m grateful for. So now I feel I can relax and fill out some more of my college requirements. Sadly, I know that once I shut my eyes, it will be Monday all over again.

College

myfatcats2Leave a comment

College is coming. I have realized that I waited a bit too long to start my extracurriculars. I did some things in my sophomore year, but the colleges that I want to get into need far more than what I have accomplished. Even though it’s a hard process, I think I can do it. My ability to get into the colleges I really want relies solely on my shoulders, and it’s up to me to make my dream come true. People aren’t lying when they say that you need to start doing stuff freshman year. Other people around me seem to not care as much, and I end up thinking that I might be stressing myself out. However, I know what I want to do, and I know what I need to do in order to get into good colleges, and that’s up to me. I need to stop worrying about what everyone else is doing.

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Winning The Ticketmaster War

Halos_击Leave a comment

Word goes around via news or fan mail that your favorite artist is going on tour. Dreading getting tickets due to pricing, you open Ticketmaster and see diabolical resale tickets priced at about a billion dollars for a single ticket. Not really caring in the present tense on how much your bank account is, you decide to buy the tickets..

And be put into a waiting line of 300 others.

You’d most likely groan in this unfortunate situation, coming to the realization (if you hadn’t before) that your favorite band isn’t that… underground anymore. That’s what happened to me this weekend.

My Chemical Romance announced the other leg of the Long Live The Black Parade tour last Friday, where they’re playing in a bunch of different countries, cities, and continents. Having already seen this tour whenever they announced just North America, I begged my parents to go, despite having seen them at Dodger Stadium and at the Las Vegas Festival Grounds.

Knowing that the other superfans were gonna scalp the tickets like men in their 30s buying Pokémon cards (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, look it up, it’s very.. interesting to say the least), and people buying the tickets for a (somewhat) reasonable price and then selling them for thrice the price, I was cooked via ticket prices, and seats were a whole other story.

A day story short later, after convincing my mom, I finally got the tickets for me, my mom, and my brother to see MCR. Maybe, this will end my now three-year hyperfixation? Maybe it won’t. All I know is that I’m gonna see them again in October…

Of 2026.

Image Credit – Pinterest

I Am Music

ackley4167Leave a comment

Music puts me in a flow state, revives my soul in times of distress, music embodies one’s self. Whenever I listen to music, it puts me in a trance. Especially if I find a song that I love so much and I listen to for 100 times on repeat. When I listen to a sad song, I’m sad, even if it’s for no reason. When I listen to happy music, I’m happy. It’s like music can control my feelings. I have no idea how music has the ability to give me literal goosebumps; it just does. I’ve never really understood the people that don’t constantly listen to music. In the shower, doing chores, lying down, there is always music. When I’m in an argument with a friend or family member, good music makes the situation better. It’s like the tension is released. The right music is like therapy, at least my therapy. It helps me tune everything out and go into my own world.

“Iphone Airpods” by Jess Watters/ CC0 1.0