I am the Wreckage Left Behind

There is no feeling in the world like finishing a good book.

It’s like a slap in the face, or getting a bucket of ice water poured on your head. It’s a jolt that causes me to realize that I haven’t been in my body for the past – a glance at the clock – seven hours.

Nothing mattered. I was running through the streets of Ketterdam, a thief fighting the odds alongside Kaz Brekker, I was battling he who must not be named with my fellow students and professors, I was Aelin Galathynius and no one could stop me.

But once my eyes greedily devour what’s left on that page, I’m back to being me.

Just a girl with cold feet, a stiff posture and the most marvelous one pound object in front of me.

I’ll spend the rest of the day in a blind daze. Wondering why I am no longer in Ketterdam, or at Hogwarts.

And it hurts. A physical ache in my chest. Why isn’t this me? Why aren’t I living this kind of life?

And its an awful realization that I’m not.

For the rest of the day I’m shaky, seconds away from crying for no good reason. I’m hyperaware of whatever I’m doing in the world around me, but lost, aimlessly drifting in a world that seems like it’s not quite real.

I’m lost, just wanting to be able to read the book for the first time again. To get lost all over again.

I wander through the house, wanting that life, wanting to just disappear into the books that I love, to live these incredible lives.

Despite the struggle, the scars, the damage, the truly horrendous pasts that give dimension to the people who I am closer to than anyone else in the world, I want to be these people.

And **** the writers who create these worlds and these people. I run from my emotions and yet I can’t run from reading, and emotions are all I get from reading. I can’t bring myself to run from these writers. I’m like a junkie who hates what they do to themselves but loves the ride too much.

All I want to do is read and never reach the end. But equally so, the end is the best part. I am constantly tempted to rip out the last page and toss it to hell but I can’t. I always walk through the fire for it.

Photo Credit: BBC

It’s not like finishing a movie or a show. That is me watching someone else doing something. When I finish a book, I have been put through the same ringer the characters have. I have lived the same life.

Part of my soul is fulfilled and yet a larger part of it is missing. Finishing a book is losing a part of myself. A part of myself that I have committed hours to, I have paced for, I have lived for.

When I finish a book, I finish a lifetime. I say goodbye to friends who never knew me but I knew them. I say goodbye to a family that I loved in that time more than I have ever loved. I say goodbye to a reincarnation of myself. I say goodbye to something that doesn’t even know I exist and yet has wrecked me.

There is no feeling in the world like finishing a good book.

It is a feeling akin to finding the one thing in all of life that you search for, and losing the one thing in all the universe that you cannot stand to lose.

Women of Our Future

Following Trump’s win in last night’s presidential election, about half of the country is in complete distress. Now, most women, people of color, LGBTQIA, people with disabilities, and other oppressed people are starting to fear for themselves and their futures with the reality of a completely Republican-controlled government. But, those minorities didn’t take a complete step back. Five strong, capable women were voted into various positions, all of whom are hopefully the first of many.

California Atty. Gen. Kamala Harris (Irfan Khan / Los Angeles Times)
Photo Credit:  www.latimes.com

Kamala Harris was elected as California’s Senate representative. Along with that, she has been Attorney General of her state since 2011. She is the second black woman to ever be in the US Senate and the first ever woman to be California’s Attorney General. This comes as a huge accomplishment, especially because both her parents were immigrants – originally from Jamaica and India.

Cortez Masto Reid.jpg
Photo Credit: latino.foxnews.com

Former Attorney General of Nevada, Catherine Cortez Masto became the United States’ first ever Latina Senator. She is representing Nevada in the Senate. This wasn’t a small feat: as the granddaughter of a Mexican immigrant, she had a tough battle defeating her opponent, Republican Joe Heck.

"Because I’m a mom, that makes me concerned for the future," Omar said. Photo by Conrad Zbikowski.
Photo Credit: http://www.tcdailyplanet.net

Ilhan Omar became the nation’s first Somali-American lawmaker, when she was elected as a State Representative for Minnesota. She is a fantastic role model for young East African girls, who she actively empowers, working as the director of Women Organizing Women Network. Her win is a bright sign for all her fellow refugees as she symbolizes hope for women who want to be in politics.

Photo Credit: http://www.glaad.org

Kate Brown made a wave of change as the United States’ first openly LGBT governor, when she became Oregon’s 38th Governor. She is an activist not only for LGBT rights, but she also wants to see reform in gun control, women’s rights, and clean energy. In a speech she made about a month ago, she opened up about why she was running. “If I can be a role model for one young person that decides that their life is worth living because there’s someone like them in the world, it’s worth it,” she said.

Tammy Duckworth, assistant secretary for the Department of Veterans Affairs, at the World War II Memorial in Washington in 2010. Duckworth, now an Illinois congressional candidate, became a double amputee when her helicopter was shot down in Iraq in 2004.
Photo Credit: http://www.military.com

Last, but certainly not least, Tammy Duckworth, a veteran of the Iraq war, became Illinois’s new Senator. Born in Bangkok, this former Hawaiian resident defeated Republican Mark Kirk. Her choice to join the army was probably influenced by her former marine father, Frank Duckworth. Her win marks almost the 12th year since she lost both her legs in a plane crash when fighting in the Iraq war.

So, no matter how you feel about the outcome of this election, I think these women deserve some recognition. Their successes show that even when women are put down, ridiculed, or deemed weak and undeserving, we still prevail. I’m glad that these women (and other women) will be representing who I could be, if I work hard and believe in my capabilities. These women are the future of our nation.

Inspiration from: https://www.good.is/articles/women-elected-across-america

My Reaction to the Election

(Written the morning after the election, 6:40 am, November 9th, 2016)

Confused. Worried. Scared.

Those were the emotions I felt when I woke up this morning, and the first thing I did was google which candidate won the election.

I went to bed early last night and did not keep up with the polls out of fear and worry. When I first woke up, I was hopeful, I did not see any messages screaming in all caps that Donald Trump won. I thought, maybe Hillary pulled through. When the google results came up, it felt as though everything shifted. I started crying, yes, heavy, non-stop tears. My view of this whole country came tumbling down.

I never thought it would come to this, I never thought Trump would actually win. I had some faith in the people of America. Well, most of that faith is gone now.

Protests Against Trump Winning — Photo Credit: LA Times

I’m scared. For my rights, for my body’s rights, for the rights of women everywhere.

I’m scared. For the racial minorities that Trump targets, for their freedom and rights in this country.

I’m scared. For the future immigrants coming into this country, seeking solace from their own, to be denied and rejected, because of our new, intolerant president.

I’m scared. For all the people Donald Trump has promised to deport and keep out.

I’m scared. For the LGBT community. Mike Pence is now Vice President, he supports gay conversion therapy, and it has been announced that Trump will be an anti-LGBT president.

I’m scared. For anyone who is considered a minority, for anyone who is considered less than a person to Trump, for anyone who is judged or generalized by the color of their skin, their religion, where they come from, their gender, their sexuality, or anything else Donald Trump may view as “wrong” or “bad”.

With Donald Trump as President, this is not the “Land of the Free”, but the land of the oppressed.

What does it take to be a lacrosse goalie?

Photo Credit: syracuse.com

Lacrosse. A sport that was played by the Native Americans. A sport that solves the problems of war. Instead of killing each other with swords and bows, many chose to play the game of lacrosse. (The solution of the problem would be decided by the winner of the game.) Since then, lacrosse has evolved into a modern sport, although it is not as popular as American football or basketball. Lacrosse industries have seen immense growth in the sport in the past ten years.

There is one specific position in lacrosse that requires the player to have a tough mentality, and good reaction: the goalie. If you think hockey goalies have it tough, imagine guarding a six-by-six foot goal with almost no body protection. Considering that the shots are usually taken five or ten yards out, an 80 mph condensed rubber ball no smaller than a baseball is flying towards you. Knowing that you only have a helmet, chest pad, gloves, and a stick with a net on it, would you stop it or would you get out of the way? The feeling of hot rubber scrapes your legs as you try to stop it, and it burns. Are you able to picture being in that position?

I started my lacrosse career in my 8th grade year at Ojai Valley School. Since then, I have fallen in love with the sport. At the beginning, I was introduced to the goalie position when some of my friends encouraged me to try it out and see if I liked it.

I had no idea that the position I was about to take was one that is high risk and requires a tough mentality. It was tough start to a new sport that I had never even heard of and had never even seen. My coach saw my potential in the position as well as my teammates and friends. With their encouragement, I continued and persevered. I played throughout middle school, and continued playing at the high school level.

There were not a lot of injuries during my 8th grade year, but playing at the high school level, I have suffered injuries to my knees, ears, and more. I have realized the sacrifices I have to make in order for my team to win and for me to be a successful goalie. Now I am a senior in high school and a team captain. After multiple losses and meltdowns in past seasons, I finally realize and understand what it takes for a person to be successful in a position as tough as lacrosse goalie.

So, are you tough enough to try the position out?

A Penny for Your Consent

BuzzFeed is known for its clickbait and quirky news updates. But, occasionally they use their large following for good use. A video titled “Would You Steal $5?” is a perfect example of that good-doing. A simple message is put across as it begins: “What is considered stealing?” The narrator lists different scenarios in which someone has $5, and each scenario shows another situation classified as stealing. But at the end, it’s revealed that the $5 is a symbol for consent. In simpler terms, without consent you are stealing from someone.

What is consent? Most claim to know the answer, but in reality, not many do. Consent is defined as permission for something to happen or agreement to do something. Mostly, consent refers to situations involving any romantic or sexual interactions. It seems simple enough, if one or both members aren’t up to doing something, then both have to accept that they shouldn’t be doing whatever that is. Yet somehow, rape and sexual violence is still all too common.

No one knows the severity of rape culture. On average, 288,820 people are raped annually in the U.S. alone. That is one person every 2 minutes. That number surely disgusts many, yet rape is still a taboo subject. Why is it that consent isn’t taught at all schools? Sex Ed is only mandatory in 24 states, and not all of those have to teach consent. No wonder the headlines are filled with reports of rape and violence against women and men.

Consent is honestly so simple. If you or your partner is uncomfortable, drunk, unready, or unwilling, don’t have sex! If someone says no to any activity, don’t do it! It’s simple, really.

Watch the BuzzFeed video below:

Queen Bey Stings Again

On November 2, the 2016 Country Music Awards were held. Usually filled with the many familiar faces of country music, this awards show’s 50th year was different. In a surprise performance, Beyoncé, accompanied by the Dixie Chicks, shocked fans with a performance of her song “Daddy Lessons.”

Photo Credit: http://www.billboard.com

This performance didn’t come without controversy, however. It surprised many that Beyoncé, usually an R&B artist, would even release a song like “Daddy Lessons.” The song itself has been hotly debated on whether or not it should even be considered as country. This debate intensified when the song wasn’t nominated for the CMA’s song of the year, causing an uproar from the Beyhive, Beyoncé’s fan base. Whatever your opinion may be on the song, one thing is certain: Beyoncé knows how to change things up.

Her career started when she was in Destiny’s Child. She left her Texan girl group behind and started her affluent solo career 20 years ago. Throughout her time in the music industry, her voice and style have changed immensely. She’s shifted between R&B, pop, and now, is dabbling in country. Her song “Daddy Lessons” is rich with new instruments and its lively tempo is something the Beyhive has never heard from their favorite artist. She continues to shake up Hollywood with her cryptic songs and surprise albums.

On Wednesday night, Beyoncé’s performance just reinforced her skills. She transgressed through genres, something that not many artists know how to do. Her first country song was performed at a country awards show. With many different options, the show’s curators chose her, as unlikely she may be for the position. She didn’t disappoint, as shown by the audience’s loud cheering at this unique performance. So, whether or not you like Beyoncé or her work, there is no denying she knows how to shift between genres of music.

Sunday Nights

What’s worse than Sunday?

The impending doom of Monday morning lurking around the corner, homework piling up by the minute.

How about waking up on Sunday and thinking it’s Saturday? The stomach drop when your phone blinks with “Sunday” is the equivalent of reading the saddest book ever, twice.

And, even though Sunday mornings are bad, nothing is worse than Sunday night.

Sweet Dreams Please!
Photo Credit: EduinReview.com

And don’t even get me started on Monday mornings.

Seeing Her

The first time he saw her was in an airport. A Petri dish of festering emotion and sickening crowds. He’d caught a wisp of her trailing at the corner of his vision, it was only a glimpse, but as he straightened himself back to forward, he knew she wasn’t just a figment of his travel addled mind. As he took a breath and grabbed his bag, a woman in a tight pencil skirt and a ponytail that seemed to pull at even her toes, came and rammed into him, sending him rocking back onto his heels, his brain rattling around like a drunk entering a dark apartment.

He continued toward his connection flight. Through the stifling heat and the crying couples, the chauffeurs with the fancy polysyllabic names spewed across expensive card stock, the pilots walking around with more purpose in their gaze than the entirety of the travelers bulging around them. The click of heels, the swish of slippers and everything fuzzy. He hated flying. He hated the people rushing around like plague bacteria happy to infect the next and the next. He wished he had a storm of anesthetic to clear away the sappy couples, the reuniting, the departing, the people too important to even breathe.

The people with screaming kids were especially bad this time. He flew all the time. He flew in winter. He flew in summer. He flew in spring and sometimes he even flew in autumn. He found his terminal, it was crowded, with lines already formed and spilling out into the walkways. Making irritable people even more irate.

“No Todd I told you it was 6:30. How long has my mom been stuck in JFK?” A pause. “No Todd it’s not okay, it’s not okay at all. She’s eighty! And she’s been stuck in JFK for five hours!”

Now there. There is a relationship that is moving fast, slipping down a slippery slope. It’ll be done in three months tops. He put an earbud in and turned his attention to another airport conversation. His own.

“No, mom, it was delayed. I’m still in Dallas.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yes I’ll make it back in time.” It was getting dark. His head was rattling with every breath he took. “Thanks, bye mom, I love you.” He was going to hang up before she said anything else. He did.

He could psychoanalyze himself, he was cynical, very much stuck, but he wasn’t going to do that. There was no fun in that.

Photo Credit: The Telegraph – Rex Features

There was a blip. It seemed as if someone had set the world back a half-minute or badly spliced an old movie together. He blinked. Pursed his lips to one side. That was definitely sleep deprivation and yet, there, there was that baby’s cry again. He inclined his head toward the sound but it was gone, lost in the cacophony of other airport noises. He turned back to forward, only to move six inches forward and hit another abrupt stop. He really hated airports. He ran a hand through his hair making a bad situation worse.

“Oh for God’s sake, how long can this take?” A stranger breathes out. He was a small wiry man with the barrel chest of a Doberman pincer. A contradiction in every sense of the word. The man was innately untrustworthy in his eyes, yet somehow he couldn’t help but agree with the man, a vaguely troubling notion. He shoved the other earbud in, content to cease in his airport judging.

By the time he reached the back of the plane he had exhausted all of his music, which wasn’t saying much. He had very little music, and even less photos. He didn’t have much of anything on his phone, in fact.

He was in the farthest row back, cramped by the window, stuck between life-preserving plastic and the man with the dog’s chest. He could feel it, this flight was going to be obscenely long.

Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease

Have you heard of hand, foot, and mouth disease? I’m from Japan, and there it’s called 手足口病, meaning exactly “hand, foot, and mouth disease.”  手=hand, 足=foot, 口=mouth, and 病=disease.

This disease was very famous in Japan, because we learned in history class that it was a dangerous disease that killed a lot of people in the past. My Chinese friend told me that it was famous in China too, and that it killed a lot of people there.

This virus is currently going around Ojai, but it’s mild and no one has died from it. In our school, since it’s a boarding school, it has spread very quickly. I googled this disease and found out that it’s more common among young children, not teenagers. It’s very odd that it is going around OVS and Ojai.

When it was spreading around the most, we had parents here for family weekend, meaning that parents came to our campus. Our school has students from all over the world, so parents from China, Japan, Germany, and many more places came. In the near future, if we hear that these countries are getting the disease, sadly it might have come from Ojai.

Photo Credit: http://www.zdnet.com

Vote!

This weekend, I voted as an American citizen for the first time in my life.

I was with my family in a restaurant when I was filling out the ballot. The waitress saw me voting, and came over to our table and started talking to us about her opinion. She told us she wasn’t voting because she didn’t like either one of the candidates. She said that a woman should not be a president because women are emotional, and that Trump is crazy.

Photo Credit: http://www.theodysseyonline.com

If I only had the information she had, I would probably choose not vote either. But we need to really do our own research and get the right information, so we can make intelligent and informed decisions about who to vote for. Every vote counts and our future is in our hands. We cannot let a single vote go to waste. So please everyone, if you are eligible, please VOTE!