Tag: fear

Jumping In My List

thericemuncher1 Comment

As an adrenaline junky and extreme sports enthusiast; I encourage activities that include lapses of free-falling. That’s why I felt so compelled to write about the 36th annual Bridge Day in Fayetteville, West Virginia.

This event attracted an estimated 400 jumpers and 10,000 spectators to the 800 foot drop of the New River Gorge bridge. One after one, the jumpers stepped off the edge of the bridge to commence their free fall.

Picture Credit: “www.xtremespots.com”

 

What is BASE jumping and why would anyone ever do it?

Well, let’s explain the easy part first.

B.A.S.E stands for buildings, antennas, spans, and earth. The latter of the two meaning bridges and cliffs. The basic idea is that the jumper climbs to the top of one of the four mentioned and jumps off of it with a parachute. Jumps are usually under 1600 ft and speeds can reach up to 120 mph – Dang!

When questioned whether BASE diving was worth dying for one anonymous jumper explained, “BASE Jumping isn’t worth dying for, but it is worth risking dying for.”

One jumper from New River Gorge explained that BASE jumping feels like “nothing else in the world is a thought that goes through your brain, it’s just pure serenity.” Another jumper said that she could “convince myself to do pretty much anything,” if she could convince herself “to do something like this (meaning BASE jumping).”

Most people probably won’t BASE jump in their lives, but I know I will.

 

SAT SCORES OH NO

mushuoo
Photo Credit:http://hyperionlearning.me/

After years of mentally preparing myself to endure the most mentally draining four-hours of my high school career, I have just completed taking a second SAT test.

I have so many thoughts about this tedious task that every high school student in the United States is required to do.

I think it is ridiculous that a standardized test score can determine a student’s future. A good student with a high GPA and a lot of extra curricular activities can get an average score solely because they might not be the best test taker, but that one test score has a large weight on which colleges accept them.

I do not fully understand why standardized tests have become a way of determining students academic careers for such a long time, or why they have become of such a high priority. Although most colleges look at students holistically, California State schools consider students purely on GPA and standardized test scores.

However, I understand the reasoning behind standardized testing; giving students a chance to show the general academic knowledge they have accumulated in high school.

But why does a test have to be the only thing that proves a student has gained knowledge? Why is it that the pressure to get a high-test score can consume a student’s conscience for months so that they focus all of their time studying for one generalized, tricky test?

I know, because it consumed me.

The death of trusting

frog32 Comments

ff4

A man who is trusted, has nothing to fear.

He can lie and betray all without threat of punishment.

This man’s friend belongs to a different tribe.

That tribe made sure of his brothers’ downfall.

The trusted man began a plot.

The trusting man was lured into the desert embrace.

Talking and speaking began between the trusted and trusting man.

Then it happened.

A shout, a bang, and one hit.

The trusting man was dead , the trusted left the gruesome scene.

The trusting had fallen.

A New Journey.

Yourcupatea1 Comment

I don’t know if it’s my personality or if it’s just the culture that I was brought up in but I always struggle to put myself out there and to meet new people. I’ve been forced to do it some many times, changing schools and immigrating to California, but still every time it’s a challenge.

It’s not that I struggle to talk. It’s just that I’m not outgoing or confident and this has really been highlighted in college situations. Although I’ll always put on the tough, brave act and get tasks done, underneath I am so fearful.

I want to meet and get to know new people but the inherent fear that they wont like often makes me restrain in many situations.

I have a common problem: I care too much about what other people think of me. Rather than putting all of me out there to get to know others I worry about all the things I will loose. In the past this has changed me, loosing myself behind: materialistic goods, clothing and friends, but now I want to go into college as me.

I guess it just takes time but from now on I am going to try and take braver, honest steps and see where these take me on my journey.

Friends

What Holds Me Together

yrreskrap4 Comments

High above, amongst the stars,

God checked his watch,

and realized it was time.

Time to make a story,

my story,

mine.

He wove together a string of trinkets,

some rusty,

some silver,

some gold,

and some of precious stones.

Of those trinkets,

there were many places.

Houses and apartments,

studios

and condominiums.

Restaurants, schools, corners and alleys.

There was a bit of Mexico.

Koreatown, too.

Some wormy grass,

and golf courses where the deer roamed at night.

And of course,

tied closely to these homes,

was my mother’s cooking,

my father’s laughter,

my sister’s pranks.

And there were my fears.

My anxieties,

all intertwined with my passions,

my soul,

and whatever else that stirs me and moves me and lifts me..

My friends and enemies,

my lovers and ex-boyfriends.

Teachers, mentors, coaches, neighbors.

Mailmen, taxi drivers, pilots, a Marine.

There was much joy.

But,

there were also tears and hardship,

loneliness and strife.

Yelling and screaming,

punching and throwing.

The threads mangled and fried.

But soon enough,

God, with his knowing hands,

his fingers so gentle,

created a piece.

And those loose threads,

they all straighten out to create

one magnificent picture.

One that is unique.

One that is me.

mine.

the endless circle the endless circle the endless…

yrreskrap1 Comment

It’s funny. I didn’t think that I’d find such depth and meaning in my summer reading.

 

A Confederacy of Dunces
Image via Wikipedia

 

I was assigned four books over this past summer, one of them being Toole’s The Confederacy of Dunces. In reading this book, it opened up my eyes of the vicious circle that has been plaguing our society since the birth of mankind and undoubtedly will do so for eternity (or, in my mind, the Rapture).

People want to be viewed by others a certain way. They portray themselves accordingly depending on who their audience is. As shown through the main character of Ignatius J. Reilly, one might strive for acknowledgment but receive nothing but judgement in return.

Prejudice is a instantaneous reaction, an almost inbred behavior. It may take your brain a few seconds to scan a stranger before you feel like you already have a grasp of the kind of a person he or she is.

People, whether conscious of the fact or no, put on a guise in order to recreate themselves. Most people describe going off to college as a time to “start with a clean slate.” This is essentially people putting on a new persona. You are given the opportunity to leave your past behind. So you used to be the girl who was too shy to approach anybody? Well now that same girl is the first to introduce herself at her new college. You are allowed to break the binding chains of the stereotypes that you had been associated with during these chance times. And in this vicious cycle, there are many opportunities to change.

We are afraid to be judged (on different levels of course) yet, we judge almost all we see. The circle feeds on insecurities, on fears, on secrets and it generates even more. Just as Van Gogh‘s potentials were never realized (at least not until after his death) and Ignatius’ motives were misinterpreted, humanity will always reject what is not the norm. And, in one way or the other, people will always strive to live up to the standards of their peers.

Fear. AH!

smackyjackjackLeave a comment

Ah! Spiders!  These are just one of the many things that scare the heck out of me.  The way they walk, with their slow intimidating prowl. Their black hairy bodies, and their small, freaky, eyes.   I hate to be scared of something so small, but come on, have you even seen a tarantula?  An elementary school in San Diego has just been infested with Black Widows. I pity those poor people.  Apparently, one third of all classrooms were infested.  If I went there, oh God, I wouldn’t just leave the school I would leave the city.

But apart from spiders, I have one other big fear: heights. Planes are the worst.  I know that I’m perfectly safe in a plane, and that I’m not going to crash. But come on, like a 700,000 lbs. metal tube should stay in the air.  The most scared I have ever been is when I’m in turbulence on a plane, and when I was on a gondola in Japan. Gondolas are the stupidest things. Who wants to be suspended way above the ground, hanging from a thin wire? I know that I don’t. My comfort zone ends at about 3 feet off the ground.