A list of animals and wether or not I think I could beat them in a fight.

Here is a list of animals and my opinion on if I can beat them in a fight.

I want to preface this by saying that I love animals and in no way want to actually fight any of these animals. I’m just bored and was running through hypotheticals.

These are not fights to the death. Imagine UFC with animals so it’s basically until the ref steps in because one party is losing so badly or until one party quits.

Sheep

Win 

80:20 w/l odds

  If the sheep doesn’t have horns I think I got it beat. While the hoove kicks would hurt and ramming would hurt, I am definitely mobile enough to juke the shit out of a sheep. Also, I feel like if I was wearing some nice boots I could deliver a swift face kick to the sheep. I have no clue how resilient sheep are, but if the boot doesn’t work I feel like I could choke it out Nate Diaz mode.

A crazy ass Iguana

PC: Fox 19 Cincinatti

Loss

25:75 w/l odds

I preface this with crazy ass to let everyone know that this is no regular iguana. I’m talking about a crazy, wily iguana that scurries all around like a freak. I do not have the speed to deal with an iguana. The boots wouldn’t help me, I bet it would scurry up my legs and bite me in the hamstring or the back of the knee or something crazy. Iguanas are like bigger scaly squirrels with teeth so I feel like I would get dissected. Their claws also scare me. 

A gang of Mini Chihuahuas

PC: Gawker

Toss up

50:50 w/l odds

The only dogs I dislike are chihuahuas, but only the mean ones with the big heads and beady eyes that just scurry around. I would be so chill with a nice chihuahua but the mean ones just have a flip switched. They go full bagel boss guy compensating for their size. If a pack of those guys are coming at me I don’t know what would happen. If I am wearing shorts and sandals I’m a goner. If I was wearing pants and boots I think I could win with some sort of Irish Jig maneuver to deal with them. Their plan of attack would be yap and nip until I am overwhelmed and just quit. 

Soft Shell Turtle

PC: Wikkipedia

Win but it would take me a long time.

75:25 w/l odds

Soft shell turtles really gross me out. Why do they have a shell if it’s all soft and gross? Also, why do their heads extend so much. Super gross all around. I think I could definitely beat the shit out of a soft shell turtle, but the question is, would I want to come close enough to one to be able to fight it? I think not. To put it bluntly, their head looks like a deformed penis, and the fact that it retracts and extends really grosses me out. Their claws couldn’t do any real damage but they still scare me. There’s no way one of these things could beat me up, but if there was one in my bathroom or something, I’d definitely freak the fuck out, cower in the corner for 30 mins, then maybe remove it or maybe make my mom do it for me. The thing about these guys is they’re either super cute or really gross.

100 Cockroaches

Loss

100% loss

I am terrified of cockroaches. They fly, make weird crackly sounds, and are gross. If I was in a room with 100, I feel like I could only stomp on so many until the twitching and fluttering panic of these bugs would scare me. I would shut down and they would crawl into my nose and ears and I would be screaming to stop the fight. End of story. 

On another note, here is a really cool video of a cockroach kicking a wasp in the face.

VC: NYT

capstone pt. 12

That all changed when she brought me to the ocean

In those rich minutes the light was warm gold,

viscous, she let it in

floating in the sodium and the waves.

Rocking back and forth

I fought the ocean,

that colossal blue,

as it pulled the warmth from my heavy limbs,

Suspended four inches from the plexiglass surface,

blowing fat bubbles that distorted your reflection.

Time changed that though,

and warm gold became cool to the touch

sad skin

No matter how warm

Rubs against mine

Like pruned fingers

on paper

capstone pt.7

This trip turned all that thought inward at times

It forced me to really think about what i was feeling,

and to sit inside my heart

so that my hard wired head could stop

and i became content to be in my own space

content to sit within myself as I moved. 

content to just watch as the world changed around me

merely maneuvering my truck from idea to idea

it forced me to process things by writing them

but it also gave me the space to think things through in conversations on the phone

but that depended entirely on cell service 

the oaks

wrinkles

white walls

metallic beige

flying roaring

cutting

white walls

warm animals 

in half motion

motioning

in motion

you latch on to these moments, these images, as they race in your head, as they take tight turns, as a force like gravity pulls and pulls you away. you find yourself empty save the quiet conversations and the warm silence. the moments that make you you. but how ‘bout I move them? 

how ‘bout i reorganize the pantry

pull the back towards the front

pour it all out

how ‘bout when you feel those candlewarm memories

in your stainless vaccum

you feel them.

you feel the road, the car

the pull

you feel the moment, the memory

fading

into the fog

capstone pt. 14

______

Then on friday

as the sun set I tore down highway 1

past cambria

by hearst castle

frantically searching for a place to get in the water

and even as the sun dipped under the saddles I sped through

I could feel I could find it

and I did

I changed quickly and jogged past multiple signs which thoughtfully informed that this area was the elephant seal’s area not the humans area, I wasn’t wearing my glasses and it was not very bright so I only saw them as I was leaving 

but I saw surfers in the water and the break looked nice enough so I ran through the grass towards the beach 100 yards off

where the grass stopped the seals started

some small but others enormous

big black bodies

pink mouths

and the screaming

but nothing could pierce the orange and purple sky 

I darted through a maze of them

(entirely honestly I don’t know where the courage to do this came from)

but

I sprinted the last 20 feet to the water, threw my board down and paddled hard past the break to arrive at the silent surfers

I was a mess of limbs and heavy breathing but their boards just made small sounds when they breached the swaying surface and i settled into the salt and the sea

it was a pitchy little close out but occasionally the ocean would toss in this fast pulling right that could pick you up at the rocky point and deposit you on the other side of the cove in just seconds, forcing you to take a deep breath while you paddle back past the seals and the sand

I told this guy that I had been looking to get in the water before sunset and I thanked him for sharing his spot with me

“I’ve come here every day for a couple weeks hoping this spot would be breaking”

“oh yeah?” I said, moving closer by kicking underneath my board

“It opens up only a couple times a year, it needs just the right swell direction, if the waves are too big it washes out, and if it’s too small it doesn’t break, oh and the wind blows it out almost every day on top of that.”

A wave came and he tore off down the line

I watched the sun set from the water 

splashed the cold water on my face.

And When i got back to the car I wrote

I wrote for him,

To her.

To her we are all just bodies

Blubbery and black

She pulls and pulls

The heat from our soles

But occasionally she opens up

And gives back

as he got in his truck I ripped out the page in my journal and handed it to him

Weakness

Humans are weak. We’re not born to be the fastest runners, the strongest lifters, nor the most adaptive creatures. An infection could kill us, or a virus, even a fall that happen to hit your head. It’s weak to be human. 

I had this toothache for three days last week. It was the infamous wisdom-teeth that everyone has. As soon as I mention it to someone, they gave me the deepest condolences. Everyone would likely have the wisdom-toothache at some point in their lives. Humans share the same weaknesses. 

Pain medicine kept me alive. In those three days, the toothache took away my nice sleep, my patience, and my pride to be human. Advil, Tylenol, Advil, Tylenol again… Every 4 to 6 hours, I had to sedate myself to keep the pain in an unreachable box somewhere in my head while it is ready to burst out of the box at any second. 

Fortunately, my surgery was moved up by the dentists as my teachers negotiated with them, begging for them to treat me earlier. The wait might take 5 or 6 days before the time change. Knowing that I couldn’t overcome a little toothache, that my survival depended on luck and sympathy, I felt so weak, and so rotten.

Three hours before the surgery, I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything. “Not even Advil?” The mere thought astounded me. The wait was painful. Without using the pain reliever, trying the hardest to distract myself, with a swollen face… 

On the way to the surgery, I wondered what people did to their wisdom-teeth before, you know, before all this technological madness. Did they just suffer? Did they die because of a toothache? 

Humans are weak.

Photo Credit: mystrengthsandweaknesses.com
Music Credit: Music written by Daniel Licht, from the show Dexter, Music played by Symbiose Piano
This song happened to be played while I was writing this blog, I thought it fit the mood

monday night’s epiphany

hello, currently it’s 10:22 PM on a monday night and, for some reason, a tear drop is running down my left cheek.

it’s so insane to me that once you enter relationship with someone, everything you do, whether they see it or not, belongs to them… and everything the other person does, whether you see it or not, belongs to you.

belongs may be the wrong word and likely is, but, like i said, it’s 10:22 PM. The same single tear is running down my face for no reason and i have a migraine, so, to say the least, i’m feeling frazzled. but, i know if i don’t write this now, i never will.

this isn’t my finest writing, not in the least, but… when you date someone, it seems to me that they could be right in front of your eyes playing soccer while you watch from the sidelines, they could be giving money to a homeless person you only know about because of their friend that told you about it, or they could be doing something small, but wonderful you’ll never know about like maybe just helping their family cook dinner. all of what they do you can say is yours. they belong to you, they belong to you.

photo credit: pinterest

that person is yours in all their beauty. this is what i mean when i say i think every single person is beautiful… because it doesn’t matter the gender, the color of their fucking skin, or how many pimples they have. what matters is how they act, not only when they’re with you, but when they’re by themselves and what they do for others.

i don’t think i’ll ever be worthy of someone fully, because that incapsulates what they do when they’re alone and i think that’s a whole lot of beauty, almost too much. i will never be able to reciprocate, nor will i be ever deserving of such a thing… because to be deserving of all that is a lot of responsibility.

and oh, oh i wish i was. how i wish i could belong to someone else fully and they could belong to me and i could not be so utterly fascinated by the fact that they just merely exist and i wish maybe i didn’t have to self-sabotage myself because i feel so utterly underserving.

this isn’t meant to be self-depreciation, no, not in the least. this is just me expressing how i don’t think i’m worthy for being in being in relation with another living human being, because, even the fact that they’re a living human being is much too incredible.

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say, Don’t Say Anything At All.

For the first time in a very long time, I was shocked and shaken to the very core. I was ashamed to know that I share the world with such narrow minded people and I was reminded of the ignorance and blind arrogance that plagues and clings to our society like a heavy, dirty rag.

A few days ago, my friend shared a YouTube video with me. It was a video of a blonde girl, Alexandra Wallace, from UCLA, singling out a group of people, stereotyping all Asians. Let me tell you, it was nothing short of disgusting. Click here to watch the video.

In her rant, she complained about the burdens of having Asians in the dorms on the weekend. Their family members come on the weekends to cook for them and she claimed that their parents were not letting them grow independent. Apparently, having parents who care for their children enough to come and cook homemade food for them is a huge nuisance for her. At this point, Alexandra left me thinking “Why does it matter to you?”

It only snowballed from that point.

Rolling her eyes, Alexandra continued to rant about Asians in the library. Apparently while poor Alex was studying her political science, Asians were always on the phone. She raised a mocking hand to her face and opened her flagrant mouth: “OHHH CHING CHONG BING BONG TING TONG.”She heartlessly disclaimed the severity of the earthquake in Japan and proudly mounted herself on a rocky pedestal of fool’s gold when she called herself “the polite, American girl.” She publicly and very ironically announced that Asians needed to learn “American manners.” Sadly, this queen bee, this high and mighty girl who studies political science has forgotten that America, a salad bowl of cultures, was founded on its immigrants. “American manners” is in part Asian manners as well as manners of Hispanics, Africans, Germans, Italians, and more.

What shocked me the most was the her complete dismissal of the disaster that has shocked Japan. In her few short words, she had repudiated the heartbreak and worry that the earthquake brought onto many. My friend, Minako Otake, could not sleep all night when she heard of the news because she was worried for her family at home. She was tense, waiting for the call to hear the comforting voice of her mom and dad telling her that they were okay and to know that they weren’t a part of the thousands that were reported to be injured or dead. My boyfriend’s family lives in Japan. As Alexandra called it, “the tsunami thing” is a very good excuse to answer a phone call in the library.

The motives for her video were racist, debasing, and facile. I am sure that Asian families aren’t the only “hoards” of people that come to visit on the weekends. I am sure that Asians aren’t the only ones in the library that are using their phones and I am sure that she has probably realized the magnitude of her words. In these 2 minutes and 52 seconds, Alexandra Wallace of UCLA proved her sheer ignorance.

I am Korean American and proud of it. I know that when I get into college, wherever that may be, my family will come visit me on the weekends too and bring me food and maybe do my laundry. It is not because I am Asian. It is because I know my family will try to make my first year of college as comfortable as it can be. I know that I will probably be one of the many people from different ethnicities that might use their phones in the library. I know that my language might sound like a harsh din of rushing vowels and clanging consonants to the foreign, prejudiced ear but it is most definitely not something to be mocked or ashamed of.

In a world where people strive to be different and find beauty in the rarity of things, it is remarkable and eye opening when I find someone so narrow minded and audacious as she. To label a group of people because of their roots is wrong. What kind of world would we live in if we were all one generic race, one generic language, and one generic look? Hopefully, Alexandra Wallace (and many others) will come to terms with the many cultures that constitute our diverse home that we call America. Until then, I hope, at the very least, the magnitude of her words and their ramifications has taught her that if she doesn’t have anything nice to say, she shouldn’t say anything at all.